A fun thing that happens to you when you get Old is that you get really emotionally invested in the workplace dynamics of the ridiculous tv shows you watch. Like, the first time I watched Bleach, I was like, yeah, kick some ass you crazy teens. And then I watched it again when I was in my 30s and a software team lead and I was like, God, I wish my boss was a super-powerful sword bro who trusted me to hold off some super powerful monster with my zanpakutou while he chanted out a level 90 kidou seal. This is probably also why I write so much fanfiction that revolves around paperwork. All this is to say, in addition to OTPs and BroTPs, I want to talk about my Captain - Vice Captain TPs (I am open to better acronyms). Here are my top 3.
3. MY BEAUTIFUL BOYS OF SQUAD 6
Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji
First things first, these dudes are monsters. If I’m some third-string Arrancar rolling up to the fight and I hear Abarai bellowing “You’re a million years too early for me!”, I am *leaving*. Just immediately.
Their relationship started off kinda rocky, what with Byakuya trying to fire Renji, and then throwing him in jail, and then almost killing him, and then dropping a scarf on him, but now, I honestly think Renji is the closest thing Byakuya has to a friend. There are just so many omake about Renji buying sunglasses for Byakuya or Renji helping Byakuya workshop his stand-up or Renji going to calligraphy club because Byakuya makes him.
What, exactly, does Renji get out of all this? The thing Renji really needs in his life is validation. He works super hard and he’s among the more powerful lieutenants, but he still goes around with this huge inferiority complex. He could be the lieutenant for some normal captain like Komamura or Ukitake, and they would love him and it would be great, but what Renji really needs is to work for the most judgey, critical bitch in all of Soul Society, and once a decade, get an extremely grudging, half-assed compliment. I feel this, Renji. I understand.
Also, the episode during the zanpakutou spirits arc where Senbonzakura and Zabimaru get trapped in Squad 12 is a goddamn masterpiece.
2. Hell Yeah, Squad 10
Hitsugaya Toushirou and Matsumoto Rangiku
I will start out by saying that I love Matsumoto very, very much. She is a not-young woman who loves looking good and she’s very smart and powerful and she takes a lot of naps and drinks heavily. I am maybe one of those things, but I admire her Whole Deal. She is living her best afterlife. There’s a fight in one of the filler arcs where she has to fight Kira, and she tricks him into hitting a pipe a bunch of times with Wabisuke and then she drops it on his sword so he’s stuck, and I think about that all the time.
Hitsugaya is a prodigy and very serious and very neurotic. I feel like he’s constantly getting assigned shit jobs because he’s the youngest and also he’s bad at saying no. It seems like Matsumoto is going to be the one who finally makes that vein in his forehead explode, but I think we all know that she’s the only thing keeping from vibrating his way into the Anxiety Dimension. Ugh, I could really use a chill boozer pal to keep me from vibrating my way into the Anxiety Dimension.
Hitsugaya and Matsumoto get so much screentime of bickering and picking on each other, and the minute they start fighting, they just go to work, they are RIDE or DIE for each other, and it’s great. It’s perfect.
They even have a special combo attack that is basically Pykrete, I will never, ever stop howling about this.
1. Therapy Pals, Squad 5
Hirako Shinji and Hinamori Momo
I never would have come up with this in a million years, and yet, when I heard about it, I thought, yes, YES. Here they are, two people who don’t really even belong in the same anime, and they are both in this really weird headspace where they are trying to rebuild their lifes after getting done dirty by Aizen, and I love the idea that they are just…there for each other. Like, Momo goes around haranguing all the Squad 5 seated officers into attending Shinji’s John Waters film series, and Shinj makes four accounts so he can like Momo’s Rupi Kaur-esque Instagram poetry. Some day I am going to write that fanfiction where they hold an extremely awkward dinner party that’s like Nadia’s birthday party in Russian Doll.