I think this would be the hardest decision im gonna make. Please do know that ive gathered up so much courage before having to come up with this.
Im finally letting you go.
You can now be free with your burden and guilt towards me. You can now stop caring about what would happen to me or if im still hurting because of you. You can now be free with whom you want to be with. You can now not choose me. Ive finally realized that youre only holding me back because i am holding you back. You can now not pretend to be choosing me. Now, im letting you go.
I am now choosing myself. Ive finally realized that if youve really chosen me, you wouldve done so - without calculations, without ifs and buts or shouldves. You wouldve chosen me right then and there when youve thought youve chosen me, just like how you did when you chose her.
Im somewhat and slowly being awaken by the fact that i am not your first choice. I may once be, but it's twice already that im not - you chose her first when youve both been caught, and now i still am an option since you two are still together. And it hurts. God, it fcking hurts. You are my constant choice. You and you alone is my only choice. I'll choose you over anyone, over and over, but not a moment youve consider me as priority since she came. I became second. And you know how i hate not being given much attention, but for the past months ive endured and held myself back because I thought you'd come back and ask forgiveness and beg for me to take you back and stay. I was wrong.
Maybe it's time for me to finally let go of my greed for that hopeless romance im holding on to. Right now i can finally say, tho not too confidently, that if you really want to come back, youll do so. Youll find ways to get back together without assurance from me. I believe that's how it should be. Taking chances. Because if you really want us back, youll know what to do. Ive been blinded by so much love for you that i didnt see you not making any effort to win me back. Now im finally seeing that it's me who's winning you back. And that shouldnt be the case.
Im sorry for realizing too late. Im sorry for making you cheat on that girl. Im sorry if i made it hard for you. But im okay now. You can finally go. Move forward. Do what you have to do without looking back. I'll be fine. I'll be fine on my own now.
Pero sana maintindihan mo naman na gusto ko rin na gustuhin mo ko kasi hindi ko na gusto kung anong nangyayari sa sarili ko. Unti unti na kong nauubos sa pagmamahal ko sayo. Natatakot lang ako na baka pag ready ka nang iwan siya at bumalik sakin, wala na kong maibigay. Baka iwan mo lang ako ulit kasi sobrang ubos na ko. Ayokong mangyari yon. Kaya sana maintindihan mo ko.
I might regret my decision til the last of my breath, but if this would shaken me up that you really are not coming back, then i think im making the right choice.
