Is It Gonna Be Okay?

We're gonna find out together - nonbinary emo mommy - 23 - shitpostaholic

[isitgonnabeokay]

I feel conflicted about the idea of my ex possibly getting out of jail earlier than I expected

I still mourn our relationship everyday, wonder why things had to happen this way, wish that I could still hug and kiss him

but once he decided to put his hands on me I realized he was no longer than man I fell in love with. the person I want to hug, kiss, talk to, love til the end of time has been gone for a while. I don't know this person anymore because the person I called my boyfriend, my fiancé, never would've hurt me

the person that will be getting out of jail won't be the one I met. he'll be the one who strangled me, used me, left me covered in bruises, the one who could do it again if I let him in. it scares me that that kind of man could be getting out of jail and basically be getting a slap on the wrist

I wish that I could have the man I love back, but the vessel that used to be him now holds a man that probably hates that I tried to hold him accountable for his actions. he probably doesn't feel a single ounce of love for me anymore but every time I see him I still see the person I first fell in love with

I wish things were different so bad. I wish that I didn't feel scared for my safety when talking about the person I planned to marry. I wish that the justice system gave me more time to grieve losing the person I considered my whole world before setting free the man that could've killed me. the man that tried to kill me because I grew tired of being stomped on emotionally

[isitgonnabeokay]

it probably sounds horrible of me but idgaf about other people's kids. mine is the spotlight, the universe, the most important thing ever to me, yours is just there

[isitgonnabeokay]

There's so much about what leads up to Rue's death that can be interpreted differently depending on your own experiences with addiction

One of the biggest fears of an addict in recovery is failure

Sometimes the feeling of failure is enough for you to think the only peace you'll ever have is once you're gone. No more constant battles with yourself, no more denying parts of life others take for granted, no more struggles with the disease that is addiction

Rue was an addict. A hardcore addict to the point she knew when she was overdosing and how to counter it. She had overdosed multiple times before, almost died because of it before, and had even instructed her friends on how to save her before. She had already knocked on that door, and this time it finally opened

Before her 7 minutes, she knew that she was gonna die. And thinking about her experience as an addict, the mindset you have when you realize that your sobriety had been compromised, you wonder to yourself if this is finally the moment it all truly ends and you're finally free

She knew she was gonna die, and she was okay with dying. It meant that she could finally be saved from the battle she fought for so long

Recovery is hard. The battle with yourself is not always won. Rue's story is like many real addicts, but it doesn't have to end like that for everyone

[isitgonnabeokay]

A lot of people upset about Rue's ending are experiencing her story from the side of people who see addiction and it's consequences but haven't lived it

The ending to it all feels unresolved. It feels like it ended for no reason when the chance of sobriety was right there

That's reality for a lot of the friends of family of addicts. When someone you know is an addict and they die suddenly, it feels so empty

It feels like nothing about their story ever made sense. It's "bad writing", terrible, unrealistic in their eyes. That's what it's like when someone you love dies suddenly because of their addiction

You can argue that it's like that for any sudden death, but there's a different feeling when you can see that someone really wants to change their life but they couldn't

When you are losing someone to addiction you don't always see that every choice they were making was still pointing them in the direction of their demise, even when they were trying to be better

[isitgonnabeokay]

There's so much about what leads up to Rue's death that can be interpreted differently depending on your own experiences with addiction

One of the biggest fears of an addict in recovery is failure

Sometimes the feeling of failure is enough for you to think the only peace you'll ever have is once you're gone. No more constant battles with yourself, no more denying parts of life others take for granted, no more struggles with the disease that is addiction

Rue was an addict. A hardcore addict to the point she knew when she was overdosing and how to counter it. She had overdosed multiple times before, almost died because of it before, and had even instructed her friends on how to save her before. She had already knocked on that door, and this time it finally opened

Before her 7 minutes, she knew that she was gonna die. And thinking about her experience as an addict, the mindset you have when you realize that your sobriety had been compromised, you wonder to yourself if this is finally the moment it all truly ends and you're finally free

She knew she was gonna die, and she was okay with dying. It meant that she could finally be saved from the battle she fought for so long

Recovery is hard. The battle with yourself is not always won. Rue's story is like many real addicts, but it doesn't have to end like that for everyone

[isitgonnabeokay]

People's reaction to Rue dying in Euphoria really shows that people can't even begin to understand what addiction is like unless they've lived through it either as a bystander or as an addict yourself

Rue dying as she did was realistic. She was an addict. Her addiction is what ruled her life and was how the events of season 3 even ended up happening. If her addiction hadn't taken her to Laurie, none of what happened would have happened. Her addiction cost her her life from the beginning. It's a lesson to learn from that addiction completely takes over your life

She had the ability to change her fate. Alamo gave her one last shot to be someone different, but she couldn't. The show started with her as an addict, and it ended with the same way it does for a lot of addicts, especially when it becomes such a vital part of your existence

It's sad. It's heartbreaking. You always hope for the troubled character who went through a lot to come out on top. You want to be able to show those struggling with addiction that's it's possible to change, but that's not what reality is like for addicts, and the ending of Euphoria should serve as a message to those who think abusing drugs is "fun" or "cool" or those showing early signs of substance abuse problems

People will be harmed by your addiction. People will continue to give you chance after chance until you burn those bridges to the ground. It may not be as dramatic like Euphoria, but you can take the exaggerations as real life examples. You will constantly be faced with the choices that will put your sobriety on the line. People will try and trust you and believe that you've changed, but unless you take yourself out of the life that your addiction formed around you it'll be difficult for you to not be tested

Alamo gave Rue one last chance to prove herself. It was one last test to see it she would continue her self destruction and hurt others, or if she finally had enough with the damage her addiction had caused and was ready to turn her life around. She failed. And she knew it. She was high when she got her hand stitched up, she was high on the couch talking to Ali, she knew that her story was finally ending when she put on those headphones and tried to redeem herself one last time

It's a battle that ends in loss for most people. Could Rue have turned her life around and become someone who recovered? Yes, she could have, and a lot of people wish that was the case, but what were the steps she had taken to actually change? Her addiction sucked her in further and further. She had an opportunity right at the beginning, and opportunity that she kept looking forward to but never actually made steps towards

People should take Rue's story and use it as motivation to be better. You don't want your story to end like hers. If you see those chances to change your life, take them. Don't let addiction overtake everything that you have, don't let it drag others down with you, don't give up when you still have a chance

[isitgonnabeokay]

sometimes I feel like I'm getting better. I'm able to enjoy my days, enjoy being myself again, enjoy the little things i haven't been able to

and sometimes I feel like I'm always gonna be lost. forever mourning what we had and what we could've built together

I find myself angry at all the things you did to me, but still wishing that someday all the dreams i had will come true

my hope for better days is both realistic and delusional, because sometimes those better days are healing and being the best version of myself and other times it's hope that we could go back to the good days we used to have

[isitgonnabeokay]

why do I still hope for the days you promised us together when i know we'll never work

[my-dailydreams]

[my-dailydreams]

[my-dailydreams]

[isitgonnabeokay]

it's so interesting that an abuser doesn't see their actions as abusive to you, but if you respond to their actions suddenly you're the abuser

[isitgonnabeokay]

abuse is crazy bc why do I feel bad that you're in jail when you literally could've killed me that night

[goth-queen]

[thememedaddy]

[isitgonnabeokay]

you've never known rage until you've dealt with a teething baby

oh i meant his rage, not mine

[themanwhooncedweltinavault]

[isitgonnabeokay]

the night I ended up being abused, we had our young son in the room

the same son he promised to be sober for

the same son he said he always wanted and was worried he wouldn't be around for

i was taking care of our son while he was getting drunk

i was taking care of our son while i was begging him to go to rehab

i was trying to do what was best for all of us, our family

in turn, i got yelled at, screamed at, told that i was worthless, that i was never good enough, that i was ugly and desperate

i got choked, i got pushed, i got scratched and dragged across the floor, i got slammed onto the stairs

all while the son he swore he loved was crying and screaming in the room

i begged him not to kill me, to let me take care of our baby, to not take me away from our son

he continued yelling at me, choking me, playing with my life as he made me apologize for everything and told me it was my fault

it was my fault he hated me then

it was my fault that he was hurting me

it was my fault our son might lose his mother

that night plays over in my mind all the time

and i constantly ask myself if i could've done anything different