Stiles being one of Gerard's omega wards, one of many but all of them precious and rare. One day ppl find out he's pregnant, and it's a scandal bc omega’s womb was supposed to belong to Gerard in the end and it's supposed to be clean and untouched and all your usual purity bullshit. Gerard thinks of the way to punish him and get rid of him but also keep him close: he can't allow Stiles to stay with other omegas cause they might catch wrong ideas. Until someone suggests to marry Stiles off and make some profit that way.
Gerard starts thinking, and then someone (Peter) whispers in his ear that the proper punishment for the unclean omega would be to give him to the most wretched, disgusting mongrel, to show that now he's only good for being a dog's bitch. And who is more suited than Gerard's own army General Derek Hale, the most fearsome, heavily scarred, cold, and feral werewolf?
They tell Stiles that they will marry him off. That his husband may just fuck the fetus out of him and spare him the trouble. Stiles is inconsolable. There is no ceremony bc beasts don't deserve one. They tie a cloth over Stiles' eyes and drag him kicking, sobbing, and screaming to seal the marriage, and everyone is watching the taming of the unruly omega as an added humiliation ritual.
Gerard watches as Hale leans over the trashing, crying, tied-up omega and says something low in his ear. The omega stills and sags, as if in defeat. Perhaps he knows he won't get away from the General - no one ever did. Everyone watches as Derek spreads omega’s legs and fucks into him. The omega allows it to happen, though he's still crying.
It's at that moment when Gerard knows he made the right decision. The beast has tamed the brat, his omegas are scared of the same fate, and Stiles will be humiliated forever. He awards Peter for the idea.
Stiles' belly grows. People catch him walking with his husband, his head low and his hand weaved around the General's arm. It doesn't look like Hale harms him, but the beast rarely lets him out of their manor. They say that the beast has fucked his own pup into the omega. Some say that the wolf shares his omega with his army and Stiles is the communal breeding bitch.
Stiles knows all this, he knows how they talk and think about him. His reputation is ruined and his husband would have to guard him forever but he has Derek as his husband, which would have never happened if people were to know the truth.
The child was Derek's from the beginning.
Stiles has nightmares about their wedding night despite them loving each other for years. He remembers those days before the wedding, when he cried, not knowing whom he was being wed to. He didn’t want to lose the baby and he didn't want to cheat on Derek. Imagine his shock when the voice that told him to calm down and pretend was Derek's.
He played his part. Derek played his. They got to keep their pup and have many down the future, and Stiles never has to lie under Gerard.
He's viewed as broken and dirty and a wolf's bitch but he carries Derek's pups under his heart and wears his ring. He knows that as soon as Gerard dies, Derek is going to take them far, far away to raise their family in peace.
thinkin about soft married sterek again. they’re cuddled up together on the couch and stiles is on his back and derek is laying on his chest with his arms wrapped around stiles’ torso. his head is resting beneath stiles’ chin. derek’s wearing his maroon thumbhole sweater. they’re both breathing slowly and deeply and contentedly. they’re watching some documentary on tv while stiles rakes his fingers through derek’s hair.
derek’s eyes start to drift shut and stiles leans down to kiss his forehead. he pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and drapes it over them both, and derek snuggles even closer, tucking his head against stiles’ neck and burrowing in. stiles’ arms wrap tight around derek’s back and skull and he clutches his husband close.
the night is quiet and the loft is silent except for the low sound of the tv and their soft breathing. stiles leans into derek, pulling him closer still and treasures the man in his arms and the comforting, warm weight on top of him. he doesn’t watch the tv anymore; his eyes are trained solely on the wolf and he can’t stop thinking about how perfect the night feels and how safe and content they are, how they’ve earned this, how he can give this to derek.
he brushes derek’s cheek reverently with his thumb, stroking across his skin and his nose and his eyebrow and his lips and feels derek’s mouth spread into a small smile in his sleep, feeling and recognizing stiles’ touch against him, warm and familiar. he hugs stiles to him like a teddy bear and looks so peaceful and innocent as he lies there safe in stiles’ arms.
stiles doesn’t close his eyes for fear of missing this, and just lays there, watching derek fondly, savoring the moment, utterly in love and so very grateful for the safety and security and peace they’ve finally been allowed.
at long last he drifts off to sleep, completely content and happy with the love of his life resting in his arms.
papa!kuna who will tolerate a lot from his kid but disrespecting you isn’t one of them.
dinner should have been quiet, but the tension sitting around the table made the air feel heavy.
your phone had rung an hour ago, the number from the school flashing across the screen like a warning you already knew the meaning of. another fight. another call from the office explaining that your son had gotten into a physical altercation again. by the time sukuna got home, the frustration had already settled deep in your chest.
now the three of you sat around the table, plates half-eaten, the quiet stretching longer with every second.
your son sat across from you, slouched low in his chair with one elbow on the table, lazily pushing his food around his plate with his fork like the entire situation bored him. his shoulders were tense, jaw tight in that stubborn way he had whenever he knew he was in trouble.
you sighed softly, setting your chopsticks down.
“do you want to explain what happened?” you asked, trying to keep your voice steady. “the school said you were fighting again.”
he didn’t answer.
the only sound was the scrape of metal against ceramic as he dragged his fork through his rice.
you tried again, a little firmer this time. “this is the third time this semester. you can’t just keep getting into fights every time someone says something you don’t like.”
still nothing.
across the table, sukuna sat quietly with his drink in one hand, leaning slightly back in his chair. he hadn’t said a single word since dinner started. his posture looked relaxed at first glance, but his eyes were fixed on your son the entire time, sharp and observant.
watching.
you leaned forward slightly. “what happened this time?” you asked. “did someone start it, or did you?”
your son scoffed under his breath. the sound was small, but it scraped against your nerves.
“don’t do that,” you said immediately. “i’m asking you a question.”
he rolled his eyes and leaned back further in his chair. “it wasn’t a big deal,” he muttered.
your brows furrowed. “if the school had to call me, it was a big deal.”
another quiet scoff.
“seriously,” you said, the frustration creeping into your voice now. “you need to stop reacting to everything with your fists.”
your son suddenly dropped his fork onto the plate with a loud clatter.
“why do you care so much?” he snapped.
the sharpness of his voice made you pause.
“because you’re getting into fights,” you said slowly. “because i’m your parent and it is my business.”
he laughed under his breath, shaking his head.
“yeah. sure.”
you stared at him, disbelief creeping into your expression.
“what’s that supposed to mean?”
your son finally looked up, irritation written all over his face now. “it means you should mind your fucking business sometimes,” he snapped. the words landed hard across the table. for a moment the room went completely still. “watch your language,” you said, stunned.
but he wasn’t done.
“or what?” he shot back, voice rising. “you’re just gonna keep nagging me about it?”
your voice hardened. “don’t talk to me like that.”
your son pushed his chair back slightly with a harsh scrape. “then stop acting like everything i do is the end of the world,” he snapped. “maybe you should just shut the fuck up for once.”
the sentence barely finished leaving his mouth before the atmosphere in the room changed. sukuna’s glass touched the table with a quiet, controlled clink. it was the first sound he had made all dinner.
your son didn’t notice immediately, still breathing hard from the argument.
but then sukuna spoke.
“get up.”
the voice was calm.
low.
your son froze. slowly, his eyes shifted toward his father. sukuna was still sitting in his chair, elbows resting on the table now, fingers loosely clasped together as he looked at him.
“you heard me,” he said evenly. “stand up.”
there was no room for argument in the tone. your son hesitated for half a second before slowly pushing himself out of the chair. sukuna leaned back slightly, looking him up and down.
“now,” he said, gesturing lazily toward himself, “say that shit to me.”
confusion flickered across your son’s face.
“…what?”
sukuna’s gaze sharpened.
“you were loud enough when you said it to your mother,” he said calmly. “so go on.”
he tapped a finger lightly against the table.
“say it again. same way you did before.” your son didn’t move.
sukuna tilted his head slightly.
“…what’s wrong?” he asked quietly. “voice disappear all of a sudden?”
the silence stretched.
“that’s what i thought,” sukuna muttered.
he leaned forward slightly now, resting his forearms on the table, eyes locked onto his son’s.
“listen carefully,” he said, his voice still calm but carrying a weight that made the entire room feel smaller. “you wanna run your mouth like that, you do it to someone who can answer back.” his gaze darkened slightly.
“not your mother.”
your son swallowed. sukuna continued, tone steady but cutting. “yelling at her like that doesn’t make you tough,” he said. “doesn’t make you a man.” he scoffed quietly.
“makes you weak.”
the word landed heavy. your son’s shoulders stiffened. sukuna stood up slowly then, his chair sliding back against the floor. even standing across the table, the difference in presence was overwhelming.
he stepped closer, towering slightly.
“you ever raise your voice at her like that again,” he said calmly, “i’ll knock you out before you finish the sentence.”
the threat wasn’t loud. it didn’t need to be. your son stared straight ahead, jaw tight. sukuna studied him for another second before speaking again, his voice lowering slightly. “you’re better than whatever shit you just pulled right there.”
the words were firm.
final.
his gaze flicked briefly toward you before returning to his son. “so start acting like it.”
the kitchen fell silent again. and this time, your son didn’t say another word.
There is no greater goal than being a fine woman who is intelligent, kind, and elegant. As much as we all want to be described with these adjectives, it takes a great amount of discipline to get there. It is very doable only if you are ready to put in the work.
Here are steps you can add to your routine in the next 4 weeks that will make you 1% more intelligent than you were before. This is a process that should become a habit not a goal. It is long term, however, I want you to devote just 4 weeks into doing these steps first and recognize the changes that follow.
Watch documentaries: This is the easiest step, we all have access to Youtube. Youtube has a great number of content on art, history, technology, food, science etc that will increase your knowledge and pique your curiosity. I really did not know much about world history especially from the perspective of World war 1 & 2, the roaring 20s, Age of Enlightenment, Jazz era, monarchies etc but with several channels dedicated to breaking down history into easily digestible forms. I have in the last 4 weeks immersed myself into these documentaries. Here are a few I watched:
The fall of monarchies
The Entire History of United Kingdom
The Eight Ages of Greece
World War 1
World War 2
The Roaring '20s
The Cuisine of the Enlightenment
2. Read Classics: I recommend starting with short classics so that you do not get easily discouraged. Try to make reading easy and interesting especially if you struggle with finishing a book. Why classics? You see, if you never went to an exclusive private school in Europe or America with well crafted syllabus that emphasized philosophy, history, art, and literary classics, you might want to know what is felt like and for me this was a strong reason. Asides that, there is so much wisdom and knowledge available in these books. In these books, you gain insights to the authors mind, the historical context of the era, the ingenuity of the author, the hidden messages, and the cultural impact of these books. Most importantly, you develop your personal philosophy from the stories and lessons you have accumulated from the lives of the characters in the books you read. Here are classics to get you started:
Animal Farm by George Orwell
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald
Candide by Voltaire
Paradise lost by John Milton
3. Study the lives of people who inspire you: I dedicate one month to each person that fascinates me. I read their biography (date of birth, background, death, influences, work, style, education, personal life) For this month, I decided to study Frank Lloyd Wright because I was fascinated by the Guggenheim Museum in New York. I began to read about his influence in American Architecture (Organic architecture, Prairie School, Usonian style), his tumultuous personal life, his difficult relationship with his mentor (Louis Sullivan), his most iconic works etc. By the end of the year I would have learned the ins and outs of people I am inspired by through books and documentaries. Here are other people I plan to learn more about:
Winston Churchill
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
Ada Lovelace
Benjamin Franklin
Helen Keller
John Nash
Isabella Stewart Gardner
Caroline Herrera
Ernest Hemingway
Catherine the Great
Ann Lowe
My dears, I hope you enjoyed this read. I cannot wait to write more on my journey to becoming a fine woman. I urge you to do this for four weeks and see what changes you notice. Make sure to write as well, it is important to document your progress.
I do NOT have to get my wisdom teeth out cause they are perfect where they are hehe, so that’s a check on number 1 and I have my doctors appointment this week so woop woop 🙌, and after I have my appointment I’ll turn in my papers and booths 3 resolutions done in a month bro!
Reminder that your grades don't care that you're tired. Your grades don't care that you would rather be slacking off. Your grades don't care that you're feeling lazy.
I want to buy my parents a house and a car. They’ve given me and provided me with too much for me to not give them anything back. I’m very grateful for them, way beyond the price of a house or a car. They deserve the world and peace of mind. Rest. They’ve both worked so hard and are still working hard. I don’t want them to work hard anymore. Like Joshua from Seventeen said to his mom, “I’ll work hard so that you don’t have too.”
I recently learned that you can become a Software engineer without a degree. I found a free Introduction to software engineering course on YouTube. It was created by a computer science professor and he goes over everything that a beginner needs to know and what is learned in a full semester. I also found these free Harvard courses and after you complete them you can purchase a verified certificate. The certificate will look so good an a resume and it will show that you know the material.
💌 Being a Software Engineer isn’t the only option for a high paying job without a degree. This is just the one I am choosing.
There are so many resources online but after this I will most likely enroll into a software engineering boot camp since this is what most people do. I found that there are a lot of software engineers who do not have a degree but are still making a ton of money because the work is so valuable. I learned that you can get almost any 6 figure high paying job without a degree except in the medical field. This job will not be replaced by AI which is a relief.
The starting salary for an entry level position is around 70-80k in the United States as of June 2023. Even 60k would be great but there are people making 100-250k a year as a software engineer. The people who work at the big companies make even more than that.
This is a great way to set up your financial future. Imagine being able to save $1000-$2000 a month. Imagine where you’ll be at in 10 years. You can even use this as a starting base to set your life up financially. You’ll be able to afford to live anywhere in the world especially if you get a remote job. Places like San Diego, New York, London or Hawaii. You can afford the cost of living. You can afford to live in any of the major cities and have a really comfortable life. You will have lots of money that you’ll be able to multiply. You’ll actually be able to save up for a house and have actual money to invest. So many opportunities will be available to you. You can live below your means in the best way possible.
Personally I’ve always wanted to live by the beach in a city. By this time next year I’ll be living in a new city with a great high paying job. My current job will look amazing on my resume because I work side by side with engineers and technicians on a daily basis at a reputable company so I can totally jazz up my resume to sound really good. Which totally counts as ✨experience✨. I’ve been working here for a couple of years now which will look even better because it shows longevity.
I definitely plan on moving to San Diego or Hawaii next year when my lease is up. I will update y’all in a week on my progress.
🔆 Tech Early Career & Apprenticeship Opportunities 🔆
Here's a list of early career and apprenticeship opportunities to give those with non-traditional backgrounds an opportunity to get their foot in the door in the tech industry and begin or continue their technical career
How to Get Into Engineering & Survive - Real-Ass Tips From an Aggressively Anticapitalist Queer Chick
I thought I'd share some of my engineering / tech job tips - especially since a few of my nerd posts blew up and it looks like so many of y'all in my notes are trying to get into the field.
As a queer woman, it can be a lot to navigate. Plus having parents with blue collar jobs? A whole nother level of having to figure shit out.
Honestly after writing this, I think this applies to more than just engineering. If you're the first one in your family to get a white collar job, I think this stuff applies too!
LOOKING FOR A FIRST JOB:
Don't worry if you don't get a dream job right outta college, it's OK to get something to just pay the bills while you interview look for something better. Don't worry about "company loyalty" - these companies will have no loyalty to you either.
Join mentorship organizations in college, it's a lifesaver to be able to get advice from experienced people. I totally recommend the Society of Women Engineers / Women In CS for us girls.
Go to career fairs and some internships in college. Getting a job is just as much about who you know as what you know. Sure, get the diploma, try and get good grades, but the connections you make interning will help you more than any personal project or 4.0 GPA. Especially if you're a first gen college student.
Don't take unpaid internships, they're such a scam and the companies offering them are not ones you want to touch with a 10-ft pole. But do interview for them, they're great mock-interviews and its fun to decline their offers.
LOOKING FOR A JOB IN GENERAL:
Apply for any job that looks interesting, even if you don't think you qualify. You realize after some time in the industry that these job postings are basically like "We're looking for a unicorn, with the budget for a donkey" I don't think I've ever gotten a job where I met more than half of the "requirements" on the job description when I was hired.
The best time to look for a new job is when you already have a job. (Real fuckin helpful, I know) So if you can help it, don't quit a job without lining another up.
Applying for a job through one of those online application forms? It's a pain in the ass and your resume is likely to get ignored. Instead, if you can, get a personal referral from an employee. But that's hard to do especially if you're trying to break into the industry.
So another approach is to look up the company on LinkedIn, look through their employees until you find someone with the job title "recruiter", and send them your resume with a polite note expressing interest in their company. Their whole job is to find people to hire and they use LinkedIn to do that. You'll basically cut the line.
Don't work with recruiters from external recruiting agencies. Agency recruiters take a commission, and most companies will reduce your salary offer to compensate for that commission. If you got a message from an external recruiter, and it's a job you want, see the above bullet point.
Make a LinkedIn and keep your status as open to work, constantly. Recruiters will come to you, especially after you've gotten a couple years of experience. And it's always nice to have an inbox full of choices even if you're not actively looking. This will also help you get an idea if you're underpaid at work, if you're being recruited for much higher paid positions.
If you can go into interviews with the mindset of needing to be convinced to work for a company rather than eager to start, you'll be shocked what they can find in the budget to convince you with. I like to take interviews occasionally, even if I like my job, just to see what companies will come up with to convince someone who loves their job to come work for them.
HOW TO DODGE A BULLET
I'm going to be blunt - a lot of engineering companies suck ass to work for. And not just regular ass, I'm talking hairy swamp ass. Especially if you're a woman, queer, or not white. It's like some of these companies mixed up the "protected classes" list and the "fun people to haze" list. Learning how to background check a company is important part of this career.
I like to try talk to ex-employees off the record before I have my first interview with a company. Ask around your professional mentorship groups, work friends, or even DM people on LinkedIn who have the company as a past job.
When you have these chats, don't do it in writing. That way you can ask the hard questions about harassment, bigotry, racism, pay and pay equity, etc that you won't get a straight answer about in a job interview. Try not to only talk to straight white guys, they're often blind to the issues that other people in the industry face.
Also, if you want to avoid doing military contract work, know that many employers with military contracts are not at all transparent about it, even in the job posting or during the interview process. You can end up at a job that was pitched as something else to you, and be told to do military work once you're there. Ask your interviewer how much of the company's revenue is coming from the commercial space versus the defense space, or learn how to read between the lines in job postings.
(Continued beyond the readmore since I don't want to create the ~do you love the colors of the sky~ of text posts
JOB INTERVIEW PREP
Of course you have to be technically qualified to land a job, but I'm not about to try and give a whole engineering degree in a tumblr.com post. So I'm going to assume you've got the degree and maybe some job experience, and focus on the rest.
Even though I said you don't need to meet every part of the job description, you do need to understand it. Take the job description and annotate each bullet point, with either how you are qualified, or if you're not qualified, what similar experience you have that you believe is transferable. That way you can argue you can do the job even if you don't meet every requirement.
Prepare! If you dig into a company like a damn investigative journalist beforehand, it's a lot easier to impress them. You shouldn't come to an interview pitching what you see as your top skills, you should get an idea what skills that the company needs, and focus your pitch around how you have those skills.
When you doing that digging, make a note of any questions. It will impress interviewers if you're asking them just as much as they're asking you - It shows your experienced, and in a position to choose who you want to work for. Don't shy away from hard or critical questions, just phrase them politely. Also, sometimes, after you ask some questions, you'll realize you don't want the job anymore.
If you're interviewing with execs or management types who are less technical, they love a story. Look on the company's website and find their mission statement. It's usually some corporate speak BS, that describes their values. Prepare a couple stories from your life that demonstrate these values.
JOB OFFER
Okay so you aced the interview, and they've given you an offer. You might think you're done - but no - that's just the first step.
Always try to speak to ex employees about salary, or even current employees, if you know anyone personally that you trust to be discreet. Also look up the salary on Glassdoor. If it looks like they're trying to underpay you, which is something I've run into plenty, negotiate based on those known comps, and don't accept an offer until it's equitable. (If you want salary negotiation tips that's probably a whole separate longpost lol)
Salary isn't the only thing that you can negotiate on, remote work, PTO, and benefits, are also on the table.
Any legitimate job will give you an employment contract as a part of your offer package. Never ever accept a job without going over it with a fine tooth comb, and if there's anything you don't understand, hire an attorney to do that for you. (Don't tell the job you're speaking with an attorney) Whatever you spend on the attorney will pay off 100-fold, I promise.
Make sure your employment contract includes any verbal agreements that you made, including benefits, start date, salary, job title, etc. If you don't, it's just words, and the company will probably conveniently forget what they promised you.
Know that you can negotiate anything in the contract, not just salary. Anytime that you don't like or think is unfair, you can mark it up and tell the company "I'm super excited to start but a few terms give me pause would you consider striking out (these)?"
Never ever sign an arbitration agreement! It takes away your ability to take your employer to court. Jobs that try to make you sign them are exactly the jobs that ought to be taken to court, and you'll end up in a sketchy job with less recourse or legal protection - as you have signed that away.
Never sign a non-complete clause, unless you have the savings to be out of work for that length of time, plus several more months. I've seen multiple engineers be forced into extended unemployment due to litigious companies preventing them from getting a new job after they were fired or quit.
Never take a job that makes you put money down to get the job, do the job, travel for the job, etc. That's not a job - that's a scam. Legitimate engineering companies will pay for the tools and training that you need. It's a really bad sign about a company's finances or ethics, if they rely on their employees to front them money.
If you're asked to sign a NDA, figure out why. Some are legit, like they don't want you sharing expensive research around. But if they don't have a good justification? Red flag.
Make sure the contract is clear on where professional liability falls. Is it on the company or the engineer? Get this in writing and understand the liability that you are taking on.
When signing the employment contract, talk to the company's HR representative with any questions you have. If they don't have HR, or they're HR doesn't understand labor law, that's the biggest and the reddest of red flags. Run.
LEAVING A JOB
Never tell your job you're leaving, until you've gotten a signed offer letter, signed by both yourself and the new employer. Stuff falls through sometimes.
Your old job might ask you if you consider a retention offer. Always say yes, to see the offer, but never accept the offer. You can use this offer to negotiate additional perks at your new job, But I would caution against accepting it since companies will often keep you for a few months to close out your work and then lay you off afterwards, since they do not want to continue paying the new higher salary.
Try to leave on good terms, even if you're fed up. It's a small world, especially if you're in a niche field, and not starting drama will pay off in the long run. I've been glad I didn't start shit even when I was mad, because my last two jobs keep begging to hire me back, and that's good to have for emergencies. The exception is if you're leaving because you were harassed, assaulted, or asked to do something unsafe or unethical. Then, fuck em and stay the fuck away from em.
Try and take a vacation between jobs, in the US at least, time off policies fuckin suck.
YOUR CURRENT JOB
When you start a job, try and grab drinks outside of the office and away from the bosses with the other women, queer people, people of color, etc. And get their mental list of harassers, bigots, etc. Out of the jobs I've had, my current one is sadly the only one where nobody had a long list to give me.
When you get older, try to mentor people when you can. It really pays off, and I think it's the biggest way we can change a pretty shitty industry. It's not like women don't get into engineering, it's mostly that we leave because once we get here it fuckin sucks. Being able to change that even in small ways is really fulfilling.
It's a little secret that I've heard executives laugh about, that how hard you work has fuckall to do with what you get paid. You got paid more if you provide more value to the company. Learn what the non-promotable tasks that often get pushed onto women are, And don't fucking do them.
Learn about labor rights, and the history of them. The culture around work in the US is honestly pretty exploitative, Even to people with a "good job" like engineering - and to be able to recognize early on when you and your peers are being treated inequitably will save you a lot of trouble.
Your job will do a yearly performance review. When they ask you to set goals, set ones you know you can achieve. And when you're going into one, prep all the things you have to brag about. It might feel like an exercise in box checking, but its what determines your salary. So check them boxes good.
If your job offers you a promotion, sometimes it's a real promotion, and sometimes they want you to do double the work for the same pay. Don't ever take a management role or promotion without fully understanding the additional responsibility, time commitment, and pay involved. If they try to push you to take on management responsibilities without having negotiated a new salary, withhold your labor. They will not pay you more if you show them that you will do the same work for free.
Talk about salary, and work collectively with your peers whenever you can. I've had several coworkers go to the bosses to argue for raises not just for themselves but also for the women on the team who were being paid less then the guys. This stuff doesn't happen if you don't talk about salary.
Working collectively with your peers is also important if there are safety concerns at your job. You might get brushed off if you bring a safety issue to management alone, especially as a younger employee. But when the whole team comes together and refuses to work on something until the safety issues are addressed? They get fixed fast.
Treat each job like a free education, try learn the skills you'd like to gain on company time. If you find yourself doing repetitive stuff at work without learning anything new, talk to your manager about it. I've been doing this for a few years, and that's how I landed a job where all peers have masters and doctorates, and I'm keeping up with just a bachelor's. Learning on the job is a lot cheaper than college tuition, and once you have a bachelor's, can usually get you the same jobs.
Take notes on shit. It's great for retaining knowledge, covering your ass, or bringing up at performance reviews or interviews. If a job ask you to turn in your notes when you quit, keep a personal copy. Unless you signed an NDA lol.
Figure out who the smartest people at your company are, and if they all start quitting you ought to quit like a rat off a sinking ship too.
Just like your job does a performance review of you each year, do a performance review of them. Maybe don't show them that, but do set goals for the work life balance, education, etc you want out of them. If they're not meeting them, it might be a sign to move on.
WORK BOUNDARIES / SAFETY TIPS
Don't use your personal phone for work, ever. Your company will try to dodge liability if anyone harasses you. But having a company provided line? You can much more easily force them to be responsible for anything inappropriate sent to it. Plus it's a little funny seeing the look on someone's face when they realize they sent their dick pic to the company phone.
If you're a woman, or a person of color, you'll notice real quick that the company loves to put you on the front of every piece of PR material to prove that they employ someone other than white dudes. It's super uncomfortable. Becoming "passionate about cyber security and privacy" is a good excuse to refuse having your photo taken.
You'll also probably get asked to do way more public facing / PR events than the guys. Ask your employer (in writing) why you're being assigned this work. If they say anything about wanting your "unique experience as a woman" or w/e remind them that assigning extra gender-based work is a violation of employment law, and request that the public facing work gets shared equally between the whole engineering team.
If you get harassed at work, or by coworkers outside of work, document it as thoroughly as possible. Start quietly recording on your phone immediately, (using 0.5 zoom lets you record someone without looking like you're pointing your phone at them) or if you can't do that, write up a detailed account and email it to yourself so it's timestamped. It's hard for a company to claim "he said she said" if you send them a video. Also back that stuff up off of your work accounts and computers, in case "it goes missing".
If you have to you go to HR about harassment or discrimination, study employment law, or consult with an attorney first. HR works for the company, not you, but if you bring something to them that demonstrates company liability, and legal knowledge, you can get them to work for you. The EEOC and ACLU are great resources.
Also if you have to go to HR, they like to have off the record spoken conversations to dodge liability. Take notes in the meeting. After the meeting, immediately write an email summarizing the meeting, attach your notes, and send it to HR.
If your employer asks you to commit fraud, like falsifying timesheets, financial paperwork, signing off on things that you don't have the knowledge or authority to, signing off on things that you did not read, etc. Don't. You are more likely to be held personally legally liable than your employer if that fraud is discovered. Businesses that commit fraud have their low level employees do it deliberately, to direct liability away from the corporation as a whole.
Don't stay at a company that expects you to put yourself or others in danger. OSHA is a great resource for workplace safety issues.
If you're an engineer in the US, and your employer is pushing you to create something that you don't find safe, unfortunately there isn't always someone to report it to. Outside of specific industries with specific regulatory bodies, (like aviation) the legal system is our main recourse. So your best bet is to document it so thoroughly and leave such a paper trail (including making sure that the hazard is put in the HTS) so that your employer would be screwed in court if they hurt or kill someone. That will incentivize them to fix it. Then leave because you don't want to be there.
Remember your job is just your job. Don't tie your own self worth into the success or failure of any one company - there will always be another.
So I've taken a risk, and I've enrolled with Masterschool for Software Engineering. It begins in January and I have to pay tuition fees once I get a job, which is definitely something I can do.
I certainly couldn't afford it straight up, so I'm happy that I can pay once I get a job.
Unfortunately it does revolve around Python, however I think I should be able to transfer what I learn to other object-orientated programming.
Wish me luck!!
Until then, I'll continue my learning with SheCodes and Udemy...
random thoughts about being in a relationship with woozi.
- has a new pet name for you every couple of weeks. it changes depending on what has now caught his attention. like when he thought that yellow thing you wore made you look like a lemon, so he just called you lemon for 3 weeks straight.
- thinks he’s such a non-clichéd guy when in a relationship but ends up doing every clichéd thing out there. long walks on the beach, matching clothes, giving you bouquets of red roses, etc. you name it, he’s done it.
- laughs at every joke you make. like knee-slapping laughs. honestly just thinks you’re the funniest person ever.
- after he realized you’re locked into this relationship and can’t go anywhere he hasn’t stopped talking about anime. great if you’re into anime as well but if you’re not, it doesn’t matter. you now know all the lore thanks to your weeb boyfriend.
- driest texter but will send you 10838329 selfies/pictures a day. he’ll take the same picture of his face from 3 separate angles. ‘my face today from three angles’ okay????
- remembers EVERYTHING you’ve mentioned you like. it’s honestly scary until you see him writing it down one day. keeps a little note on his phone of all of it so he never forgets. it’s got random things like your favourite ice cream flavour, lyrics you like, what tv show you’re loving, even your favourite time of the day - all of it.
- keeps trying to fix your posture. he’ll see you slouching and pull back your shoulders. ‘if you sit like that you’ll get back pain and die’
- i’m sorry but also keeps trying to fight you. he’ll just randomly put you in a headlock and challenge you to try to get out of it.
- somehow finds a way to insert you into every conversation. and somehow always finds a way to make it relevant to the topic.
- gets into these very clingy moods where he’ll rub himself all over you like a cat. loves to just be next to you, silently laying down on your lap.
- obsessed with your body. knows it better than you do. knows how to touch, where to kiss, and what to do to make you come undone in seconds. also, his dick game is godly.
im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.
you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.
please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.
could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.
i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.
i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.
but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.
you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.
here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.
for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.
i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.
happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.
it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.
these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.
there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam
recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.
but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.
and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.
