public symptom log

i had to start keeping tabs on my situation.. we'll see how it goes.. also i need inspiration to keep going.. help.

[italsohurtswhenilaugh]

idk if that ~keep reading~ thing works as a trigger warning for the piece of my styloid process they cut off and i'm sorry if it doesn't i will be editing this i just wanted to post some pictures while i have them. i almost lost a bunch of images i have and i think i did lost some. this is gonna be used as context, anyway. dw.

[italsohurtswhenilaugh]

tumor?

today i went to physiotherapy for the first time in so long bc i couldn’t get out of bed for weeks.. and she felt the little hard ball on the hard feeling muscle in the lower part of the right side of my neck i’ve been feeling for the last year or so and just casually said “could it be a tiny tumor, maybe?” and that’s the first mention of tumors.. till today i thought i was feeling the calcification of my stylohyoid ligament or whatever.. i got the top part sawed off a couple of years ago cause it was pressing into my jugular and honestly i thought it was the bottom part of all that situation but i’ve never even considered a tumor.. i’m actually scared, now.. i really don’t wanna have another surgery.. and not bc of the thing they’re gonna do inside.. but the going under.. and managing the wounds.. and the nerve damage to the wound itself.. that’s something i’d never considered but it’s one of the biggest things i have against having my body cut open, now.. i can’t feel the top layer of my right cheek and i hate it.. and i had another non related surgery on my knee and half my calf is fkd up bc of the damage in the incision.. and the tought of another stpot on my body not feeling like it “should” kills me.. but the thought of having a darn tumor on my neck?? i think it would be worst.. also i have to go get it checked, now?? with what money?? wtf i hate this