egg slut

my name is briallyn. she/her pronouns. i am 22 and i am hardcore //this is my personal blog // https://archiveofourown.org/works/21404833

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

a pop up just randomly came up but I couldn’t see it and it just yelled ARE YOU A GIRL OR A BOY I was so scared

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

I read American Girl books as a child, so whenever I hear “raise the roof” I think of a barn-raising party where a  bunch of people build a barn and then have a disco

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

“hi princess u got kik?”

how about i give you a swift kik to your balls

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

my friend texted me “my mom got me one of those egg-shaped lip balms for easter but it just feels like i’m rubbing a fruity lube-y dick on my lips”

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

there are two girls at my school who have gay sex because they don’t want to have sex with their boyfriends because that’s against the bible

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

saturday night a guy literally said “I promise I’m not sexist”

like oh, you promise i’m sorry

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

I can’t believe YOLO was 2012. Yolo was two years ago.

[edwardsshinyvulva]

the fact Edward has a recurring inner dialogue about how he can’t tell if Bella is scared or horny when she’s around him

imagine one day he desperately asks Jasper whether Bella is horny and Jasper’s just like I beg your fucking pardon

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

I MADE A NEW FANDOM BLOG TO START OVER

hardly anyone I follow posts shit I care about anymore so I decided to start from scratch, my new blog is @appletaterss

I’ll be posting a bunch of forgotten ships that aren’t relevant anymore like sterek, merthur, and destiel, as well as buzzfeed unsolved and random funny shit so

follow me if you want to relive the tumblr of 2012 lmao

[lesbianshepard]

sometimes i remember that the CIA sent a woman to kill castro and instead she changed her mind and slept with him instead. imagine the CIA to fund your trip to cuba so you could fuck castro. legend.

[lesbianshepard]

She was given two botulism-toxin pills to drop in Castro’s drink, so her story goes. Just one would kill him in 30 seconds, but she got cold feet.

“I knew the minute I saw the outline of Havana I couldn’t do it,” she told Vanity Fair, describing her emotions on landing in the Cuban capital.

“He leaned over, pulled out his .45, and handed it to me,” she recounted. “He didn’t even flinch. And he said, ‘You can’t kill me. Nobody can kill me.’ And he kind of smiled and chewed on his cigar … I felt deflated. He was so sure of me. He just grabbed me. We made love.”

[dellrey]

Lana Del Rey for Flaunt Magazine Photographed by David LaChapelle 

[sangled]

vibe check! (bursts into tears)

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

I JUST PUBLISHED MY FIRST EVER FANFIC PLEASE GO READ IT

Title: 

I Can See the Stars All the Way From Here

Summary:

The opening notes of Beyonce's “Love On Top” began to play over Stiles’ words, and the teenager began dancing sarcastically in his chair. Derek felt as though he was watching the beginnings of a horrific train crash in slow motion, but he felt frozen in place, unable to bring himself to close the video. And then Stiles started singing, and Derek felt glued to his chair for an entirely different reason.

(In which Stiles has a secret YouTube account and Derek accidentally finds it; hijinks ensue)

[prokopetz]

The Oliviabot has been sent from the future to warn us of a terrible calamity, but we’ll never understand her message because she can only communicate one word at a time.

[olivia1863fde]

america

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

[rohgoreihgiorefdhgirehgreihg-de]

*goes up to a lesbian couple* so which of u is the cheetah (built for speed in open areas) and which of u is the jaguar (built for strength and stealth in wooded foresty areas)

[horreurscopes]

there is literally no logical, emotional, aesthetic, philosophical, moral, or sexy reason for the sun to be gone at 4.30 pm 

[another-exclus]

Vampires can come out earlier

[daddys-blunt-little-instrument]

One sexy reason

[itscalledvoluntaryapnea]

I don’t know if anyone still likes Teen Wolf lmao but

I just wrote a Sterek fanfiction based on this video of Leroy Sanchez singing Love On Top. I don’t even write fanfiction but as soon as I saw it I couldn’t get it out of my head that Stiles is secretly a great singer and Derek accidentally finding a video on youtube of Stiles singing and anyway if anyone wants to read it lmk lol