It Seems Sort of Not @itseemssortofnot - Tumblr Blog

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #20

BC: UGH.

Me: ...

BC: *poke poke*

Me: ...

BC: I just thought that you’d pop out a couple of croissants. Oh well.

Me: I’M MORE THAN JUST MY BAKING, BRYAN.

#BCSleeptalker #croissants #sleep talking

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #19

We’re dog sitting one of our favorite little pups, Kingston, who’s a very docile dog. Some would even say he’s cat-like. He sleeps at the end of our bed when he stays at our house, and last night, there was an incident.

BC: *sits up in bed, violently, as he so often does*

*reaches hand forward, palm out, in Kingston’s direction*

Me: ...what in the world is he doing?

BC: *suddenly yelling* WOAH WOAH WOAH!!!!

Kingston: *thinking he’s getting yelled at in the middle of the night for no reason* WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!!

BC: *waking up for real because Kingston is barking and getting mad that he’s barking in the middle of the night for no reason* WOAH WOAH WOAH!!!!

Me: OKAY EVERYONE GO THE HELL BACK TO SLEEP.

BC & Kingston: *go back to sleep*

Me: *still very much awake* I’m such a martyr.

#BCSleeptalker #woah #woof

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #18

Two nights ago, I had to sleep in our guest bedroom because we were dog sitting and I was afraid I was having an allergic reaction to said dog. Why didn’t we just make the dog sleep somewhere other than on our bed? No one really knows.

The next morning, Bryan discovered he was sleeping next to a cookie sheet. He quietly put the cookie sheet back where it belongs and did not disclose this discovery to me for a full day. He then sheepishly admitted that he vaguely remembers getting the cookie sheet in the middle of the night and placing it where my pillow usually is. And that it made a lot of sense at the time (which was, presumably, 3AM).

I feel like there is a deeper meaning behind him replacing me with a cookie sheet, but I’m still laughing too hard to figure that out.

#BCSleeptalker #cookiesheet #sleepwalking

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #17

Me: *wakes up to BC poking and massaging my face*

BC: *looks over shoulder*

You guys got this? Do y’all have this?

Me: ?????????????????

#BCSleeptalker #why

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #16

BC: YIKES!

*rips back all of the blankets and sheets, looking around frantically*

BC: It’s that THING!

Me: Did you get bitten by something?

BC: *IS ACTUALLY FULLY AWAKE ALL OF A SUDDEN*

No...I don’t know what I’m doing.

*continues to search for imaginary bug*

#BCSleeptalker #imaginary bug

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #15

For once, I was able to groggily roll over and write down what I had just heard Bryan sleep talk.

#BCSleeptalker #early morning

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #14

BC: Oh dear...

Oh dear...

Hodor...

#BCSleeptalker #hodor #GOT

And now, a brief break from the sleep talker so that we can bring you the most classic of classic mom texts ever seen.

#marm #momtexts #tiffblitz

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #13

Me: *wakes up to BC sitting up in bed seeming exacerbated*

BC: Ugh. Ok here we go!

Is my wife even here yet?

...

Or is she off being lazy somewhere?

Me: UHHH EXCUSE ME.

Rude.

#BCSleeptalker #rude #rude husband

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #12

BC: Hahahaha

It’s like literally a trail.

...

A blood trail.

Me: *moves to edge of bed*

#BCSleeptalker #blood trail

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #11

Me: *wakes up around 3AM to BC getting out of bed*

Me: What are you doing?

BC: Putting shorts on.

Me: Why??

BC: To go check on the...

...

Me: Go back to sleep.

BC: Ok.

#BCSleeptalker #compliant #shorts

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #10

BC: hahaha

BC: Freakazoid hahah

#BCSleeptalker #freakazoid

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #9

BC: “WATCH OUT!!!!”

*starts trying to put glasses on face*

*sets them back on table*

*goes back into deep sleep*

Me: *wonders if there may ever come a time when Bryan isn’t sleep talking and is trying to warn me of something, only for me to tell him to be quiet and go back to sleep*

#BCSleeptalker #watch out

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #8

BC: “...a lot of blue pills in here today.”

Probably a reference to this and not this.

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #7

BC: “...HUGE daughter.”

BC: *seemingly responding to himself* “Well, THAT’S not a good conversation starter...”

#BCSleeptalker #conversationstarter

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #6

BC: *leans forward* ...BUSTED! *lays back down*

#BCSleeptalker #busted

BC SLEEPTALKER // ENTRY #5