we could burn out

kailani lea stiehl, twenty one "they are the hunters, we are the foxes & we run."

[tyler-wilkerson-deactivated2017]

Benji was making his way through the school when he collided with Kailani. He narrowed his eyes as she spoke and then quickly pressed his lips against hers to get her to stop talking so fast “Baby, shut up” he teased playfully, kissing her again “Where are you off to in such a hurry huh?” he asked with a small smile.

[itskailanilea-blog]

Relief washed over her as she realised who it was she had bumped into - lips curving into a smile when she felt his lips press to hers “Shh” she laughed when he told her to shut up, pressing her lips back against his “I didn’t even know i was rushing” She admitted “I was going to head back to the dorms but my brain is just..” she shook her head “This second shooter thing? It scares the hell out of me” 

[itskailanilea-blog]

i’m only me, when i’m with you.

@broken-benji

[thereal-love]

“He’ll probably fine. I mean, we can hope.”

[itskailanilea-blog]

“I would hope so” kailani admitted “thanks for the burst of confidence though” she joked

[okayxtay-blog]

Christian nodded in agreement. “Tell me about it. I just don’t get why you’d waste all that time trying to fake who you really are.”

[itskailanilea-blog]

“It would be completely exhausting..” Kailani shook her head “And you’d have to remember to keep up an act all the time” 

[vanessaustin]

[tyler-wilkerson-deactivated2017]

Benji shook his head “It’s okay, baby. My eye will heal– it’s my head that’s the bigger concern..” he told her softly. Mentally, he was a mess. He wished he could just spend one night without his thoughts getting the better of him– or a nightmare waking him up. “It’s good you came back, because I wouldn’t have survived if you moved back home– I know that sounds selfish. You’d probably be safer being home, but you would have taken my heart with you, and that’s the only thing keeping me sane right now” he kissed the side of her head and held her tighter– more securely “I want you to come spend the night with me– I think I’d sleep better if I had you in my arms…” he told her softly. 

[itskailanilea-blog]

Kailani brushed her hand gently through his hair as she looked at up him “We’ll get through this Benji.. i promise.. I promise i will help you get through this..” she whispered “I don’t care how long it takes.. i’m going to be here to help you baby” she placed a gentle kiss to his forehead “Moving just wasn’t an option.. i knew i couldn’t” She admitted, holding a little tighter as he held her “Of course baby..” she whispered, kissing the side of his head “How could i ever say no to being with you..” 

[thereal-love]

“Nope.” She lied. “Besides, losers don’t like me. If there’s another list, I’m probably on it.”

[itskailanilea-blog]

“I’m terrified” Kailani admitted “I was on the first list and.. so was my boyfriend..” she shook her head “I don’t know.. i couldn’t stand it if anything were to happen to him” 

[itskailanilea-blog]

Kailani was walking through the hallways, her mind was somewhere else. So much so that she hadn’t noticed she was walking right into someone else, her body colliding with theres. A small squeak left her lips “Oh gosh i’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking i didn’t mean to” 

[jakewilliamsss-deactivated20160]

Jacob had started the day out with the motivaton to attend all his classes in order to force himself to return to a somehwat more normal routine. To move on, at least a little. He didn’t make it far, feeling too claustrophobic in his first music session of the day, already itching to crawl back into bed. Instead of returning to class after asking for a bathroom break, he made his way out of the building, already back in the safety of his room in his mind. But his way was suddenly cut off by someone standing way to close for his liking. Looking up from the ground in surprise he only barked out a rough “What?”

[itskailanilea-blog]

Kailani looked down at Jacob in shock. “Oh gosh.. I’m so sorry” she held out her hand to help him up “I mustn't have been looking or just lost concentration or something.. are you okay?” 

[thereal-love]

“So I was like, a second shooter?  Big deal. Exams are the real killer.” Love joked as she walked down the hall. She could let people know that she was actually upset that her friends were dead.

[itskailanilea-blog]

“You’re not even a little bit scared?” Kailani asked curiously. She on the other hand.. was terrified. Even though she knew it was Jack who had shot her it still scared her that there was someone else out there willing to do it 

[okayxtay-blog]

“So I mean why do people say their favourite hobby is eating when it’s essential to human life, I don’t get that. And I also don’t get how everyone is like ‘I’m not my true self when I’m drunk’ like why? Are you just hiding your actual self to everyone and it only comes out when you’re drunk?”

[itskailanilea-blog]

“I don’t think i could ever hide any part of my actual self.. it’s just not in my nature” Kailani admitted “I don’t understand how people do it.. doesn’t it take like lots of effort?” She asked

[tyler-wilkerson-deactivated2017]

Benji nodded his head as she spoke. He truly felt like things would eventually get better, and hearing her say it only convinced him further. So far, having Kailani back in his life had been the best thing to happen to him within the last four weeks. He often wondered how she put up with him and his shit, how she had forgiven him for pushing her away. There was no way in hell he deserved her, but he was damn grateful to have her in his life. “Good, because I wouldn’t want to live a life without you..” he mumbled softly.

The gentle kiss she pressed to his forehead snapped him out of the current zoned out phase he was in. He just kept thinking back to the moments that led up to her getting shot. Maybe if he’d just told Jack how he felt about Kailani before Jack had spoken about asking her out, he wouldn’t have had the need to take his revenge out on her. There was always going to be something he’d blame himself for when it came to Kailani being hurt on that day. He looked back at his girlfriend, eyes locking onto her “It’s hard though, seeing you in pain and not knowing what to do. My heart broke– it shattered when that gun shot went off…and I couldn’t even hold myself together for your sake. I was weak, and I broke down, and I shouldn’t have done that. You were hurting, and despite the pain I know you were suffering through, you still tried to comfort me – it should have been the other way around…” he admitted “And I’m so sorry, baby–” Benji brought his hands up to Kailani’s face and pressed his lips to hers, so delicately at first. He brushed his thumb lightly over her skin and then kissed her harder, more passionately– more desperately.

[itskailanilea-blog]

Kailani nodded in agreement “I know the feeling baby, trust me i know the feeling..” she whispered and she did. She could never have lived happily if she didn’t have Benji. He was such a big part of her now she honestly couldn’t imagine a life without him in it. 

As he looked down at her, she listened as he spoke - her heart ached with each word that left her mouth - purely because she knew the feeling. Kailani couldn’t help the small tears that watered in her eyes as she listened to him, arms wrapping around him tightly she had to break eye contact for a few moments. “I remember.. i remember hearing the shot go off and just.. it happened so quick” she whispered “I remember seeing you and i remember feeling like.. like that was it.. that there was no coming back from that..” she swallowed the lump in her throat. “I remember talking to you and i remember what i said..” she whispered “But i think what i remember the most.. is the fear..” she frowned swatting at her cheeks as she did “I wasn’t scared of the pain.. i wasn’t scared of death..” she whispered “I.. I was just scared of being without you..” she whispered as she looked up at him “I think.. that i owe a lot of my fight to you Benji” she nodded “Maybe you didn’t comfort me in the way you somehow think you should have.. but.. you gave me a reason to survive..” she gave a small shrug “You gave me a reason to fight..” she whispered. When she felt him press his lips to hers she was quick to return the kiss, arms moving up to snake around his neck. Looking up at him as he pulled away for those brief seconds before their lips crashed together once more, her hand moving to the back of his hair as she pressed closer 

[tyler-wilkerson-deactivated2017]

Benji looked down as she cupped his face in her hands, biting his lip in the process “I got into a fight with someone, it doesn’t matter anyway– I just gotta learn to control my anger in future” he shrugged, lifting one of his hands to rest over her own “Baby, I’m fine– it doesn’t hurt” he reassured, leaning into her touch until her hand slowly retracted from his face. He could see the tears in Kailani’s eyes and after she’d spoken, he couldn’t help but pull her into his embrace again “You’re my whole life Kailani. If I ever lost you, I’d lose myself as well, and I think pushing you away– I did lose myself. I just felt like I was missing a huge part of me. Don’t feel bad for not being there for me– that was my fault. I put the distance between us. I just thought being alone was the only way I’d stop hurting the people I love, but in that time away from you, I realized it was a stupid decision to make. And I want you to know that if you ever need me, day or night one call and I’ll be there. I’d drop everything for you because nothing, and I mean nothing is more important to me than you. Not work, or school, or soccer…” he trailed off, kissing the side of her head.

[itskailanilea-blog]

As he pulled her into his arms, Kailani held onto him tight - almost as if her life depended on it “I don’t like seeing you hurt baby..” she whispered “I don’t like knowing that somebody has hurt you..” she frowned, looking up at him “You’re my whole life too..” she nodded “I could have tried harder - i could’ve not let you push me away..” she shook her head “But i didn’t.. and i’m not making that mistake again..” she whispered “I tried you know.. i tried so hard to just.. do what my mama wanted to try and adjust to life back there.. consider moving back.. starting over..” she let out a soft sight “But.. i just.. i couldn’t stop thinking about you.. and how much i needed you.. and how i just.. i couldn’t” she admitted “I can’t.. be without you..” she looked up at him “Even if i wasn’t with you like this... i just couldn’t live a life.. that you weren’t a part of.. it just.. it wouldn’t be a life at all... you’re everything to me Benji” she admitted placing a kiss against his chest, through his shirt.

[tyler-wilkerson-deactivated2017]

Benji stopped as soon as he felt Kailani tug his hand, keeping his back facing her for a few more seconds before he finally decided to turn around and look at her properly. He knew he needed to probably explain the bruise on his eye before he explained anything else, so he did. “I got hurt on the soccer field when I was training” he told her, motioning his hand to the bruise on his eye. Technically he wasn’t lying about that. He’d been training when he got into a fight with some other student but he didn’t need to go into detail. He didn’t want her knowing he had anger issues that had only gotten worse over the last four weeks. “..and I have trouble sleeping at night. Which is effecting my head, and I’m loosing focus in all my classes, and even when I play soccer. I had sleeping pills at first, but I refuse to take them now. I don’t like sleeping because when I do, I just have nightmares of loosing you” he mumbled “..and I can’t walk down that hallway without memories flashing back into mind…” he trailed off, keeping his eyes fixed onto her “I smoke a lot, I drink a lot, I’ll probably fail all my classes and I’m probably going to get suspended from soccer soon enough as well. I’m breaking, Kailani, and right now, you’re the only thing that’s holding me together..” he told her softly, looking down at their intertwined fingers.

[itskailanilea-blog]

When Benji turned to face her, the biggest automatic concern she had? Was the large bruise around his eye. She dropped his hand, moving her hands up to cup his cheeks as she looked at the bruise “How did you get hurt?” she asked “Is it sore?” she asked “Do you need ice? or something? anything?” she frowned before looking back up at him, slowly dropping her hand  as he continued to speak. This time she just kept quiet and listened to him - she wouldn’t speak until he was finished. As he spoke she felt her eyes watering with tears, purely because she couldn’t believe she hadn’t been there.. been there to help him through it all. “I’m so sorry” she whispered, squeezing his hand gently “I shouldn’t have accepted the distance between us.. i should’ve been there and maybe i could have helped..” she whispered “Baby.. I know.. i know it’s hard to believe after everything.. but you are never going to lose me..” she shook her head “If i have to stay by your side for every second just to prove it.. i will” she kissed his temple gently “As for the smoking and the drinking..” she whispered “I can help you with that if you want to be helped..” she nodded “You won’t get suspended from soccer.. i won’t let that happen.. I’ll help you okay? I’ll help you with everything.. I won’t let you fall apart baby..” 

[bradley-rivers]

Bradley shrugged “I’d be a little concerned too. I often got called alternative names to Bradley when I was growing up. My uncle called me scumbag when I was younger. Now he calls me dumb ass. I don’t remember a time when he’s actually called me by my real name” he rolled his eyes and spoke like he wasn’t even remotely concerned about the names his family called him. He was used to it anyway, so it didn’t matter. “I like names with meaning behind them. Your name’s unique. I’ve never met a Kailani before” he smiled and then nodded his head “Homeschooling was fun. Didn’t have to worry about other kids bullying me” he laughed lightly. Maybe if his uncle and aunt put in a little more effort when it came to teaching him things his grades now would look a little better. Writing was his forte– all the other classes he took weren’t exactly going anything good for him. “Sorry about your father. I know what it’s like to lose parents. I lost my mom and dad when I was younger..” he sighed softly. He’d probably be a completely different person now if his parents were still alive. “My uncle and aunt moved here with me a few years ago. Sold there farm and traded it in for a city life. My uncle had a job offer up here so he took without hesitation…New York is great..”

[itskailanilea-blog]

“Oh wow.. that’s awful Bradley” she sighed “I’m so sorry” she shook her head “Family should never treat family like that..” she frowned “I hope you know you don’t deserve it..” she nodded “oh wow.. thankyou thats very kind of you..” she smiled at him, giving a small shrug “That would definitely be a plus..” she pointed out “Kids can be so cruel” she shook her head as they arrived at the library, she pushed the door open, heading inside before holding it open for him. “I’m sorry to hear that.. Losing one parent was hard enough.. losing two parents sounds unbearable” she admitted “And how about you?” she asked “how did you feel about moving out here? Is it something you wanted?” 

[tyler-wilkerson-deactivated2017]

Benji smiled as he felt Kailani’s lips press against his head. He’d honestly give anything to just stay here with her, like this, for the rest of his life. Or even just skip town with her to get away from all of this. The last few minutes he’d spent with her had been the most relaxed he’d felt in weeks. Her touches, her voice– everything about her made him feel better. His head was free from stress, which had been rare. He looked back up at her and pressed his lips to her shoulder gently, finally deciding to tuck away his lighter and just spend some time with her “I know it sounds impossible, to ever go back to the way you were a month ago. I feel the same way…but baby, we’ll get better eventually and we’ll do it together” he told her softly “I almost lost you once. I’m not going to let that happen ever again. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe”.

When Kailani set quick kisses to Benji’s lips, he closed his eyes and returned every single one of them. He couldn’t help himself from sighing out a shaky breath of air as she lowered her shirt. Part of him had wondered why he wasn’t dealing with this as well as others. He hadn’t lost Kailani, he hadn’t been hurt physically, but the damage this whole event had on his head was crazy. The initial shock of seeing her healing wound had him instantly cast his eyes down on the ground. He tried to keep his emotions under control, but he’d been very bad at doing that lately. He tried his best not to blame himself for what had happened, but Jack was one of his best friends and Benji still couldn’t believe he’d actually turned a gun on someone he knew meant the world to him. He knew Jack was suffering, he knew Jack was going to eventually break one day and do something unthinkable, but Benji had chosen to brush it off and not think too much into it– that was a mistake in itself. His eyes fixed back onto her wound again and he reached for her hand “Does it hurt?” he asked softly, looking back up at Kailani as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

[itskailanilea-blog]

Kailani smiled gently when she noticed him smile. It made her happy to see him smile even if it was just for a moment. Right now she’d never felt more comfortable - she’d needed him so bad the last month and it hadn’t fully been made aware to her until she’d seen him again. “It’s getting better baby.. and it will keep getting better..” she nodded “We’re gonna be okay - i promise” she kissed his temple gently “You’re never going to have to worry about losing me again” she whispered

Kailani could tell, straight away just by looking at him that he was in emotional pain.. and it made her heart ache beyond words. She hated that he beat himself up, that he blamed himself - for something that wasn’t even his fault to begin with. She leant foreward and kissed his forehead gently “I love you..” she whispered, pulling her shirt back up after he took her hand “Only if i do something stupid - if i strain my body” she nodded “Please don’t beat yourself up..” she whispered 

[tyler-wilkerson-deactivated2017]

It took a few seconds for Benji to process Kailani standing in front of him. After all, he’d just had a flashback to the day she was shot. He gently pulled her into his arms, holding her close. Something in his mind was clearly stopping him from believing that she was actually still alive so right now, he was holding onto the brunette like he had just been reunited with her after a long, long time. His lips brushed against the side of her head “Hey baby” he whispered, continuing to speak from this position “Sorry, I was just thinking about something. Totally zoned out” he smiled and loosened his grasp from around her body, his hand brushing into his own hair as he tilted his head to a side in an attempt at hiding the bruise under his left eye “Were you studying?” he asked, taking her hand in his own and carrying on down the hallway, in the opposite direction of where he had been staring just moments ago.

[itskailanilea-blog]

Kailani smiled softly at him when he looked down at her, she couldn’t help but be worried. There was something about the way he was acting.. he seemed a little distant. When he pulled her in? She wrapped her arms tightly around him “I’m here okay?” she whispered, closing her eyes for a moment as she felt his lips brush the side of her head. She pulled back when he did, looking up at him as he spoke. She could read him well. Well enough to know that something was wrong, that he was hiding things from her. She had let it go the first time when they had first reunited and though she didn’t want to push him? She didn’t want him to bottle it up either. She stopped as he began walking, tugging his hand gently “Hey.. Baby..” she looked up at him “Stop.. Talk to me..” she whispered