Spartak (Moscow), also known as The Meat
Mikhail (Misha) Kovalsky, captain. Used to be Ilya's cap in Junior World Cups. Trolls for fun. Manipulates the environment, people, whatever. Creepy laughter. Likes to create chaos just for lulz. Everybody knows that if Misha invites you to his cottage for bbq, he's actually looking for slaves to dig up potatoes at his grandpa's dacha. But there actually will be bbq.
Vasily "Skipper", alternate captain. People think that he's the actual boss at Spartak because he is serious and responsible. If you rough up someone on the ice, Skipper will come for you. Except for Shane, Karlssen and Dany, has the best English on the team because his wife Tanya bullies him.
--Tanya, always-laughing big plushy woman, translates for a living, bullies Skipper. Shane's favourite WaG.
Tikhon "Maestro" Savitzky, goalie. Plays guitar as a hobby, attends all the team parties. Launched the "Shane wasn't hungover at that game, he's just pregnant" joke on VK.
Matvei (Motya) Filonenko, Shane's wing. Pretty as fuck and abuses it. Married, has a kid, serial cheater. Shane's roommate at the away games. Dramatic to a fault. Considers Shane his current bestie (unrequitted).
Karlssen, tough guy from Brooklyn Scouts. Seems pretty calm, but that's a grave mistake to make. Keeps closer to Skipper and Dany for translation purposes.
Daniel (Danyyy) Matthews, Skipper's little booboo. Decent Russian comprehension skills, it's his 3th year in Spartak.
Jacek, if there's a crime looking for partners, he's in. But he's mostly partnering Shane's indecent fucked up Russian with his own indecent fucked up Russian. They both abuse the fuck out of the verb "хуярить". Why learn the words for go, run, work hard, fix and beat up, when you can just learn хуярить and its prefixes.
Viktor Andreyevich, the head coach. "If you want to earn big money, get the fuck out of here. Or get fucked up the ass". Calls Shane "super-good-boy", when games are going well.
Yulia, the go-to girl when you need something done. The victim-aura at max. By the gentlemen pact, nobody on the roaster hits on Yulia. Junior team is not aware of the pact.
Dynamo (Moscow), also known as The Bastard Cops
Leonid (Kuzya) Kuznetsov, captain. Wrangles the psycho idiots on the team (well, he tries). Ginger, beard, 2m+ tall, bends horseshoes with his hands. The Daddy. Paid Twiggy's bills when she got disowned.
--Alexandra "Twiggy" Kuznetsova, Kuzya's little sister. Tiny, dresses like a Disney pixie princess, has a temper of Satan. Art student/Tattoo artist. Does odd jobs for the opposition office. [eventually Ilya's beard]
--Ksusha, Twiggy's girlfriend. Sings in the subways for a living. Twiggy's first tattoo guinea pig. Perceptive as fuck. Doesn't like to pee alone. Got herself and Shane thrown out of a club for public indecency (see the previous point). A Pussy Riot case suspect. [eventually Shane's beard]
Nikita Isachkov, goalie. Pretty active with his stick. Roasts the players from rival teams. Motya hates him with a passion.
Ramazan, The Siren. Dagestani, balding, broken nose, glorious beard. Can seem shy and quiet in terms of small talk. A total show-off on the ice. Has angelic singing voice. Unknowingly gives both Dynamo and Spartak gay panic.
Yuri Semyonovish Romannikov aka Boss aka Semyonych, the head coach. Scary as fuck. When he yells, the rival players jump too. At away games Ilya makes the clubs go silent to take his "go to bed, brat" calls.
Zinaida Vasilyevna, Ilya's neighbour. An old lady with connections in different communal structures. The dragon Ilya tempted with cakes and Abrau, so that she would defend his honor in front of other elderly neighbours. Hair: pale violet.
---Foonteek (diminutive for "pound" in rus), Zinaida's Yorkshire terrier. Ilya walks him when Zinaida Vasilyevna has migranes. Previous dog was named Buckseek (diminutive for "dollar").
Artur, a Bolshoi ballet dancer. Shane's meet-cute experience. Not a snob per se, but sophisticated a fuck. Shakespeare sex jokes and all that jazz.
Kolya Andropov (technically not totally OC, there was a name but no characteristics), Shane's Montreal teammate, currently playing for Magnitka. Used to play with Ilya in Junior league. Upset with Shane and Ilya a bit: he wanted to attend their rave-parties too. KHL gossip collector.
Magomayev, Tsoy and Yesenin haunt the narrative.
