MEN ARE FULL OF IT
Most men are full of excuses - and I was full of my own until two years ago. We're afraid of women, afraid of life and afraid of the work it takes to truly become men of vision and purpose. It takes something monumental to move us past that fear.
Two summers ago I attended a men's group. I heard myself, along with 60 other men, making excuses for why we hadn't claimed and actually begun living what we knew was our purpose.
We began by speaking of the vision we each had for ourselves. For some it was a business they hadn't begun, for others it was an organization they wanted to build, for some it was a life choice they wanted to make, a relationship they wanted to pursue or a toxic one they knew they should end.
Every one of us would begin by describing this awesome vision. Pride, charisma and magnificence would pour out and we would cheer each other on.
Then man by man...we followed up by listing our excuses for why we hadn't manifest it yet and we would soothe each other, saying we understood how hard it all was.
For over an hour I listened as one after the next we spoke of limitations of finances, education, credibility, courage, or support from our partner or family. When my turn came I think I included every one of those excuses.
I'd lost my business, the recession had destroyed the millions of equity that had become my proof of worth, I was going through a messy divorce, and was recovering from a broken back. Valid as they may have been, I was full of excuses.
I had gone there hoping to meet some great men, men who had fearlessly stepped into their purpose and had wisdom to share about how they moved through the fear of standing up and claiming responsibility.
Instead I found myself in a group looking to escape the reality of life and the desire to have their fears soothed and their efforts cheered.
My visceral response was to scream, "WE NEED TO STEP UP, STOP WITH THE EXCUSES AND JUST F'ING DO IT!!!" Instead we were standing around telling each other it was OK, that we all knew how hard it was and that it's ok to be stuck.
Instead of finding wise mentors and motivating coaches I found soothing counselors and placating cheerleaders.
I want to be soothed and cheered by a *woman* - AFTER I've gone out and laid it all on the line. I want the strength of *men* to push me past my limitations.
What men have done is avoid the real fight to achieve their potential, but they still desire to be soothed and cheered. Women will do this for a while, but they tire when a man never truly steps up and is only full of excuses.
What changed everything for me was a woman I had formed a deep connection with rejecting me because I was living life with insecurity and excuses rather than the confidence and audacity of purpose.
That was a catalyzing moment for me and pushed me through my own fear and compelled me to do whatever it would take, even face the potential social suicide that I believed would happen if I boldly claimed and began living my purpose.
10 years ago I interviewed a man who I now recognize had made that same decision. He chose to step through fear and own his purpose after his 5 year old son drowned on their property while he was away.
This man was married with 6 children and the boy was the one who he was closest too. He chose to move through the pain and past grief so deep he truly desired to die and instead step into a new level of consciousness.
He was already a successful businessman, but making his way through life using his innate gifts rather than his purpose. The result of the shift when he stepped into living his life with purpose was an energy that was charismatic and irresistible. (His story:http://bit.ly/XiB06w)
I have since met many women who have made their own choices to move through pain and evolved into a deeper and more profound version of themselves. They have lived through rape, death, disease, disfigurement, abandonment, financial devastation, and often been left in near impossible situations to become the sole care-giver and provider for their family.
These are the women I am referring to when I speak of "Evolved". It's not that they are spiritually focused, it's that they own a consciousness born from overcoming challenges that felt so impossible that they faced death or came to a point where they debated their own desire to live and still found the will to fight for life and the lives of those they were responsible for.
I believe that stepping into purpose is something that every man has the potential to do. I believe that the audacity required for a man to actually do it requires a catalyzing life event to push him past the fear of people saying, "Who the hell do you think YOU are to claim magnificence?"
Today's society has few mechanisms powerful enough to push men through. I see many standing on the precipice, looking into the reflection of the man they know they have the potential to be but lacking the courage to step off that edge. I know how terrifying it is to risk it all and step off that cliff. No one can remove that fear, a man must find his own reason to step through it.
I know that the loss of an extraordinary woman is one of the things that can be more powerful than fear and compel a man to step through.
Until a man steps through his fear we have an underlying fear of both women and purpose. Tragically, even men's support groups only create an insulated experience that cheerleads men to ignore or deny that fear, but it's artificial and doesn't result in an irresistible man, just a man with a clever façade of false bravado.
Pick Up Artists teach men how to mimic another version of genuine masculine energy, but it's revealed to be one of veiled or obvious arrogance instead of true confidence that comes only by overcoming a profound life event.
The challenge for men coming out of either Men's Groups or Pick Up Artists classes is that when the stress of life or their relationships push them to the edge their true insecurities are revealed. Fear, anger, jealousy, denial, excuses and disappearing from the relationship are the results.
There are only two men who I personally have the ability to compel: my father and my son. There are millions of evolved women who have the ability to compel men to step into responsibility and claim their purpose by the act of refusing to accept a version of them that is anything less than magnificent.
I don't have the ability to compel other men to step into purpose, but I have taken on the responsibility of my relationships with the two men I can affect and have chosen to be a supporter of evolved women to do the same with the men in theirs.
As an Evolved woman you possess the ability to compel a man to greatness. We will gladly step through our fear of death in pursuit of a connection with the magnificence of conscious feminine energy. The source of that energy is one we can't live without and we desire it more than air to breathe.
The irony is: the only thing you have to do in order to inspire us to greatness is - Nothing.
Don't make your energy available to us - not in any form - until we step through fear and claim the magnificence of our purpose.
The Nice Guy you chat with, maybe even date - he's the one closest to making this decision, but as long as he's nursing on the energy you allow him he will lack the motivation to claim it all.
It's the withdrawal and refusal to give that Nice Guy your energy that can compel him to make the choice to live audaciously. This is what causes a man to choose to be a bold conqueror, compassionate leader and magnificent lover.
Graham R White
