Dear Future Fiancé,
I don't even know how to even start anymore. I have been having a crush on you for the past seven years for which my peers have called me insane. I don't care if people call me insane or a psycho. I really did like you and may be I've already been in love with you.
There were times when I used to think that we'd get along really well. And I was right,we did get along well. But the thing is that we never really did make an effort to let each other know how we really feel.
I still remember the first time i laid my eyes on you. You were so damn beautiful,boys were suppose to be attractive but you were beautiful. Who would've thought that some old picture could turn my life like this?
I still keep that picture safe and sound with me,until now. You might not even recall all those chats and messages we shared and the missed calls that went unnoticed.
I still miss the way you would text ,"hello (with a smiley emoticon) and I'd reply,"How are you?" Right away. We were so young and immature that we'd spend at least 10 minutes to reply each others text because someone once said that,"Let them wait for you.And they'll grow fond of you." I still kept all those text with me.
I remembered how I cried when I heard that you've flirt with someone I know. I hesitated to even go to school because I would see her there and she would talk me down in every single way she knows.
I don't regret one single bit when I pulled her hair with all my strength just because she was three timing you with her boyfriend,one lesbian and you. I would accept it if you were the one who talked to her first but it was her who used you for her own benefit. I don't regret one single bit. I don't think I ever will. In fact, i feel so proud of myself for pulling some of her hair out.
I bet sometimes you'd wonder why I stopped talking to you. It's not that I lost interest in you. Don't ever think that I'll lose interest on You. You were the first and Last person I'd feel anything for in my heart. Even if I were to get married and fall in love,it can never be the same with what I felt for you. You were different and I'd love to keep it that way. No matter what happens in life,you'll always be the only one that can make my heart race rapidly within three seconds flat.
I wanted to see you and talk to you so badly. But there's something that pulls me inside to stop thinking about you and never meet you again. I saw you last December. You still look as handsome as ever and that very smile I fell for never changed. We shared a brief eye contact and then I walked away.
The text you send that night still haunts me.
"I saw you."
I should've replied but I was too stupid to think that you even remembered me. I was so hung up on the fact that we weren't meant to be together. So I delete that message only to get another text the next day saying,
"I guess I was wrong.I must've mistaken you with someone else.How's college?"
I should've replied with a simple sentence but I never did. Instead,I deleted that message. I was afraid that things would turn out worst than before. Like when we almost made it and then we drifted apart.
I know we were too young and naive to even figured out what we really did feel for each other. But there's one thing that I'm certain about,the fact that It would always be you who I want.
Even if they asked me a hundred times who I wanted. I'd still choose you. You were someone that light up my world. Even though we were never a thing,I could still feel the hurt that you carry through your status in SNS.
I'm sorry for not replying and talking to you. I'm sorry for being a stupid girl who only goes with her own stupid intuition.
I never wanted to lose contact with you.But somehow it's hard to even start a conversation without being awkward. I know that I still care about you like before, may be more than before but I'm scared that you'd distanced yourself because of my stupidness.
I would never hurt you even If I wanted to.
Lastly,I wanted to thank you for being my inspiration and being my role model. If not for you, i wouldn't be able to get good inspiration.
I believe we will meet again someday. When that day comes, I would stand in front of you proudly with something to be proud of.
I am nothing now to even face you.I am not pretty and do not even have the sweetest voice like other girls. I tend to make stupid mistakes and gets nervous easily. But one day when I'm mature enough and perfect for you ,I'd come to you and tell you how I really feel.
You might have forgotten about me when that time comes but I would still want to tell you that I love you.
I don't know why the fact that I cared for you wasn't enough when we were in the 10th grade. And why you don't trust me when we were in the 12th grade.
Now,I know.
It was my insecurities that you don't like.
I was an insecure person and that made you run away from me.
You were the prodigy son and model student for everyone and It just doesn't makes sense that you'd want to have something to do with me.
But there's one thing I know for sure.
You do care about me and I'm a little bit taken a back when I heard it from your sister.
Thank You anyway.
That made me go on whenever i feel so low and feel dejected by the world.
I'm sure that when I'm ready to face you,I will.
But for now I can't show my face to you because of the insecurities that I have buried deep inside of me. The very reason that you ran away from me.
But I wanted to thank you for making me Brave and making me want to become a great person. I hope I'll be able to meet the standards of your taste as a women at least.
I failed to meet your standards as a student but I will not fail as a WOMEN.
From,
Your Future Fiancée
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