It's Okay, Poop Cat

I try to comfort Poop Cat as she struggles with the reality of our world.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  I probably shouldn't have listened to that piece about eating invasive fish on NPR with you, but I'll give you some chicken tonight?  Deal?

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  Everyone knows of your prowess as a pro fisher-cat, so it is understandable to feel disdain for dumb humans who aren't as great at hunting as you are.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat. Zombie movies scare me too, so when I saw about the undead zombie chicken, I got the willies as well.  I'll close the windows and lock the doors.  That should keep out their clucky, clucky plague.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  The Onion is still just satire.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop cat.  I was just as dismayed as you were to see that scientists are learning how to make mice quit eating.  I know you love your mice on the plump side.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It’s okay, Poop Cat. I am aware that there is a great divide between us when it comes to reasoning, but trust me, those pills the vet prescribed are for your own good.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  I don't understand how Dribbler the Cat made it to the UK from Spain either.  At least he made it home safe.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  You are old and tired, and you don't want to roam like you did as a young cat?  No problem, those young cats are too energetic anyways.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  We all know you feel strongly that all cats should have a porch to sleep on.  That's why we donated to help build a cat cabin for feral kitties in North Chicago.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  The dog days of summer are here, and even though you like the heat, I know you hate that there aren't any cat days in summertime.  Someday, I'll be an important astronomer and I will name a cat constellation just for you.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  I know that rug really ties the room together, and I will never let anyone pee on it.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  Sad you missed the tons of fish?  Don't worry.  I heard they were anchovies, and you only like leftover tuna water.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  They say that anything can be art if you have a good enough artist's statement.  That would be why those poorly-drawn cats with horrific all-seeing eyes managed to get themselves published in a book.  Don't worry, the art world will get wise in a year or two.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's Okay, Poop Cat.  Humans are dumb.  You know this.  So please don't be bewildered that they do not understand the complexities of young whippersnappers as they learn to be lean, mean, killing machines.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  You always wanted to be the Cheshire cat, all vanishing and whatnot, but couldn't ever get that whole dissolving thing down.  Melted-looking?  No problem.  Slow fade to invisible?  Now you can work on it with some super-duper fancy quantum science behind you.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  I know that you want to be remembered from the beyond when you are gone as well, so just let me know and I'll take the dictation just for you.

[itsokaypoopcat]

It's okay, Poop Cat.  We all know that yours is the most original and best death-defying tale of hitching a ride in a truck.  Never-mind that young upstart, I mean seriously, youth these days.