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9 Beautiful Things That Happen When You No Longer Seek Other People’s Approval to Justify Your Worth

9 Beautiful Things That Happen When You No Longer Seek Other People’s Approval To Justify Your Worth

Christine Chen

Updated October 23, 2018

1. You are not afraid of taking a break. You’ll take breaks from the incessant and demanding go-go-go lifestyle in order to clear your mind from chaotic hustling and reflect on your current path with radical honesty, critical self-examination, and a holistic perspective of yourself in relation to your place in the world.

2. You no longer measure your self-worth based on high arbitrary numbers which include number of followers on social media, your salary, or how many things you can get done in the least amount of time possible. You eliminate distractions and say no to things that only drain your energy and leave you no room to breathe or do anything essential in accordance to your life purpose.

3. You pursue what you genuinely love to do without feeling guilty or selfish. You begin to focus more on what gives your life meaning, and you ensure that you have enough time in a given day to do something entirely for yourself without forcing yourself to give up your own endeavors just to meet external demands for the sake of alleviating guilt.

4. You don’t beat yourself up for not being productive enough. Whenever you meditate, write freely flowing thoughts in your journal, sit alone on a park bench, clean your room while listening to your favorite song album, read a book you enjoy, or just take a nice warm bath, you don’t categorize these activities as a huge waste of time because you understand that self-care is essential for your mental health and productivity. Needlessly draining yourself non-stop won’t help you create good work.

5. You recognize that your worth isn’t defined by how much others have in contrast with how much you lack or failed to measure up. You know that other people’s status, measures of success, and end result of their pursuits are irrelevant to your self-worth.

6. You define your own standards because you know that you can never be like someone else, you don’t want to be like someone else, and you understand the futility of trying to win people over based on how well someone else does it. You know that freedom comes from relieving yourself from other people’s assessment and instead pursuing a lifestyle that feels in-tune with your deepest longings, instead of one that just looks good on the surface.

7. Other people’s condescending remarks of your personal deficiencies and failures matter to you less. They do not scar you as much as they used to because you recognize that their judgments of you do not diminish your value as a human being, and that trying to prove that you aren’t what they say you are is only a crutch that holds you back from the future that you wholeheartedly desire to create for yourself, free from anyone’s conditional measures of acceptance.

8. You pursue a life of simplicity and realize that you want to spend more time to spend falling in love with the simple beauty around you and capturing the moments that you often took for granted in the past. You’re beginning to understand that overworking yourself, consuming too much of whatever your peers are having, and trying to make others happy at the expense of your own happiness and wellbeing are all vain and purposeless forms of enslavement that only lead to emptiness, dread, misery, and self-doubt. You have the courage to put an end to things that only drain you of your energy and vitality, even when it makes you look foolish because you ultimately know that your own life isn’t worth giving up.

9. You have a clearer idea of what you’re meant to live for, what your top three values are, what you excel at, what motivates you the most, and what you want for yourself in the future. Because you have a vision that’s rooted in radical honesty and holistic self-awareness, you experience the fullness of joy that encompasses every aspect of your life and leaves you feeling balanced and more loving towards the authentic self that all external voices conditioned you to hate.

onlinecounsellingcollege

Self-worth is so vital to your happiness. If you don’t feel good about you, it’s hard to feel good about anything else.

Mandy Hale (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

onlinecounsellingcollege

I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days and thunderstorms. And quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.

EXTRAMADNESS.COM (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

“you probably don’t want to hear this but i’m almost done outlining iris”

um. OKAY! 🙄 you probably don’t want to hear this but i’m almost done being your friend. idk why it would bother me that you’re almost done outlining for a class or lecture. you do you and i’ll do me. it’s not like we study together anymore anyways because i’m always ahead of you. and usually by the time you’re ready to talk things through, it’s like literally the morning of the exam. so the one time you’re ahead of me because i’ve been trying not to die this past month, you think you’re better or that i’d be mad? it’s not a competition. i wait til the weekend before to start studying for pharm and i still do better than you. who cares? get over yourself.

it’s funny that you think i think about you more than i do.

i defriended you on fb because you made it to BSK? i don’t care if you get 4.0 i don’t care if you get 2.0. I don’t care if you continue in the program or if you leave. I DON’T CARE MUCH ABOUT YOU. the only time you bother me is when you jab me with your under your breath comments towards me. THAT was when i defriended you. BECAUSE unlike you, instead of airing out drama to our classmate or putting you on blast on snapchat that i was so close to doing. i defriended you on fb bc i’m cutting you out of my life. BYE BOY, BYE!

stars-benn

get it out & get over it

this has been draining. let’s get what needs to get out. let it go. and move on. ready?

1. you’ve been bitching about this class since day one. yes, you’re in a class of weenies. you’re just gonna have to get over it. going to class with headphones on and avoiding everyone is one way to go about it. yes it’s not enough but you need to develop a tougher skin and just drown everyone out. you are of the older crowd, so your opinions will differ. you have 7 years of experience under your belt, some of these kids never worked a day in their life. they don’t understand. let. it go.

2. you are not part a class of cheaters. it’s not the best situation. but it is what it is. you keep doing you. but like dr. freddo is trying to make clear, when one person goes down, everyone goes down. it’s the real world. unfortunately these trophy babies don’t understand that. i’m sorry. i’m sure there’s a life lesson to this and this make actually strengthen the class once they stop their mother fucken whining. who knows? but you believe everything happens for a reason. you’ll find the silver lining, just not on your own timeline. wait for the universe.

3. depression. WOW, where to start. you haven’t hated life this much since like middle school? idk what to tell you. you’re gonna need to find an outlet. start going back to the gym, i know exam season picked up and thats why you stopped but maybe you still need to go. find a happy place. go to it. you need to do this on your own. that was the whole point of moving across country.

4. you’re gonna keep losing all your friends if you keep pushing everyone away. there’s not much more to say than that. you’ll end up with no friends and you think thats what you want. but everyone needs a friend.

5. he’s pissed bc he fucken liked you and you basically rejected him. let him hurt. let him act like a bitch. and just ignore all of it. be the bigger person. be the better person and just ignore it. he’s like a 2 year old acting out to get attention. don’t let him get under your skin. don’t let him get under your skin. don’t let him get under your skin. STOP. LETTING HIM GET UNDER YOUR SKIN. let him act like a child. he has to live with it not you.

6. SHAPE.THE.FUCK.UP! get your act together. find that ounce in you to care. because THIS. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO FUCKEN DO! you put your life on hold for four years. you’re done, okay? there’s no self discovery. there’s no break. there’s no pause. as much as you want to take a leave of absence, what is that gonna do? POWER. FUCKEN. THROUGH. KEEP FUCKEN GOING! you can do this. before you know it, it’ll be year 4 and you’ll be graduating. keep your head high. you can do this. believe in yourself. have confidence. stop second guessing your motion and your technique. JUST. DO IT!

that’s it. second round of midterms are coming. shape up now. and pull your grades up. you didn’t come here to fail out. you came here to succeed.

now stop being a bitch and get back to work.

don’t expect me to have your back if you don’t have mine. this is a two way friendship. i don’t believe in one ways

you put negative energy out there

and it fucken comes back.

depression is real when you aren’t sure if what you thought happened was a dream or if it was during the trance state from waking up and then falling back asleep. but this week was tough. especially after receiving that barely passing ant seg exam score. dreamt of my suicide or was planning it, i couldn’t tell you. but regardless, the thought was there and it was very real. i knew i shook out of it when it occurred to me what an utter waste of 80k+ i just flushed down the toilet had i taken my life.

it’s so funny to hear ppl say that depressed ppl just do it for the attention and for the show. lol if you only knew that messed up shit that goes in our heads.

this whole week was just trying to shake it off. which couldn’t have come at a better time because everyones at academy which meant no class, with the exception of clinic. so i was able to mope in bed until i forced myself to go to lincoln to study or was able to return to bed after clinic to mope until it was real time to get some studying done. three exams next week. shouldn’t have been slacking but sometimes mental health takes priority. especially when ophthalmic optics is pretty much based off my 7+ years optician experience and my prof doesn’t seem to question anything i say or do. pathophysio ive actually been able to stay awake in and i think i absorbed a good amount of info so just a refresh for that and theory. well. our theory prof is a complete joke this year so thats really up in the air. so as far as exam schedule goes, these were the best to have during my mental health week.

getting back on track. on my way home from taylors&my fall adventure. i get pulled over. didn’t get a ticket but had to call home to cry to mum and dad about my awful experience. ONLY THE JOKE WAS ON ME! after i told them that i didn’t get a ticket and all is fine, dad decided to drop the ball on me that he got laid off. now he’s been talking about getting laid off a few times or whatever but sometimes he’s just all talk, or at least that’s what i like to believe. i honestly didnt believe him until laura walked into the background and nodded her head yes that this was for reals. he doesnt seem to be worried. mum told him to take the entire year off so she’s clearly not worried. called deeds after my freak out and he doesn’t seem worried either. so okay .. putting it out here. hopefully letting this go. and we’ll just continue taking life one day at a time.

dead week

or should i say, the calm before the storm?

shaken slightly. just passed ant seg exam last week. i didn’t look up many pictures because i was told that she wouldn’t be using many nor would they be very helpful if she did decide to add pictures. but as a visual learner i should have realized that i needed to at least look at pictures for reference and recognition. for at least a baseline so that when i’m taking a test i have a clue to what i’m looking for as for as diagnosis. bummed. but then i realized, shit. tech life is over. all the entrance testing and all that jazz, that’s easy. you can teach anyone that. the hard part is everything now. and i’m . struggling. i’ve lost my confidence. i don’t know if i’ll be able to do this.

at screenings yesterday i kept second guessing myself.

back to blogging?

currently on the greyhound from New York back to Worcester. i suppose i have some time.

i used to blog as a way to let my thoughts run free and also as a way to acknowledge and process my thoughts. tumblr was also a distraction from studying during uni days. but i’m contemplating getting back into it.

i’ve come to the realization after these past fews years that i really need to work on my mental health (well, if i’m being honest, my overall health in general. but mental health is important too). especially now bc i’ve stopped communicating and relying on outside help and have done some damage keeping things pent up inside. so perhaps this may be my release without imposing myself on anyone.

so on with that. i was dreading this NY trip since returning from my last trip. trip in may was totally spontaneous. had an extra day off of school due to holiday, and decided to take advantage of that time off to meet up with craig. not saying i didn’t have fun, i did. but it was just tolling due to how crowded it was. i remember i wasn’t able to make it thru time square because i was so overwhelmed by the lights, the noise, and THE SHIT TON OF PEOPLE. going anywhere and everywhere was just taxing. i didn’t want to do it again.

this time i allowed myself to not let my senses get too overwhelmed. first day, i checked into my airbnb and allowed myself to get ready at my own pace and then out i went on foot. first stop bibble and sip for the cute glass jar souvenoir with an order of panna cotta. how does one say no to panna cotta, unfortunately they were out of glass jars but i still enjoyed my panna cotta and cream puff. next time, dare i say? time square! moseyed on over, one block at a time towards time square. time square on a monday around 5pm, not too busy so i was able to safely take pictures and enjoy the lights and sound. stopped by the line store to score a picture of the giant bear. then made my way to lower manhattan on foot. just taking NY in one step at a time. definitely a fan of walking versus taking the subway. which i suppose makes sense. claustrophobe and germaphobe going underground to take a subway on a potentially crowded or empty, but always dirty, subway? i dont think so. walking allowed me to see and stop in any cute shops or what not. i was able to go on my own pace and didn’t have to worry about time schedules. was excited and a little nervous to meet up with jen. wasn’t quite sure what/or if anything was said about me so i was just really cautious. but it all turned out great! met up with her for dinner and met her mate cha. spent then next day and a quarter? with them and just had such a lovely time. i really liked cha! her personality is one i get along with real well and her outburst pretty much matched mine. it was so fun to see.

second day, we were able to do all the tourist things that i purposely avoided the first time. took a ferry and saw the statue of liberty, went to the 9/11 museum. so for a tuesday, and an unexpected rainiy one at that, the crowds was pretty much little to none. i was able to enjoy the 9/11 museum and memorial. did some shopping at the westfield (did not buy anything, but watched as they shopped). then got my bubble tea and onigri fix before heading to dinner then heading back home to rest. long walking day. my legs are pretty much dead.

brekkie with aussies at an aussie cafe my last morning in town. perfect way to end my trip, i’m actually a bit bummed to be heading back home. there were so many cute little shops that i wanted to poke into but couldn’t bc we were on a time crunch for me to catch my greyhound.

made it back just in the knick of time. through my experiences, greyhounds almost always tend to run late, we never board or leave on time but the neurotic person i am, i always want to be there when i’m told to (gotta follow them rules) so i was getting nervous when my lyft picked up another person and delayed my trip 10 minutes. made my concern known to my driver and he (and the other passenger) accommodated my needs to the best of their ability. after all that trouble my greyhound was indeed late and we didnt even board til well after the time we were suppose to leave. which brings me to here. i really need to work on this crazy neurotic need to be early. if i’m on time i feel late and when i’m early i’m on time. but i guess that’s better than always being late. work in progress.

</ OD YEAR 1 >

First year done. How did that even happen?

Currently at the airport waiting for my flight back home to Cali. It almost feels so unreal. I just completed my first year, working towards that Doctorate of Optometry. Can you believe it?

It’s been a grueling three semester. Had to adjust and adjust often. Had to make compromises and continue to make sacrifices to be here. Let me health tank, recovered, and you just learn. I’ve complained quite a bit this past year. I’ve doubted myself. I questioned myself, what I’m doing, if it’s all worth it; and I just need to remind myself of the light at the end of the tunnel. THIS. Is what I want to do. There is nothing else I want to do, as much as I would like to imagine or think there is, this is my passion.This. This is my life. And I try not to take that for granted or take advantage of it.

I’ve made some great friends, there’s been drama, there’s been boy drama (when is there not), I’ve “lost friends.” It’s all been a learning and shaping experience. Trying to appreciate what I have and appreciate the time here. I know the next four years will fly by, so trying to enjoy it as much as I hate it. Finding people with the same mindset is hard. A lot of the kids here are participation trophy babies and feel entitled. They cry when they don’t get an A and expect the profs to treat us like adults when they act like children, then throw a bitch fit for being treated as a child.

Courses have been a rollercoaster. Am I passing, am I failing? Dr. Mum always ask if I’m learning. Dr K asks me the same thing. Yes I’m learning. Yes when we talk one on one I can tell you everything I learned in class. What I understand and what I don’t understand. I’m not afraid to ask questions when I don’t understand something and I don’t have a problem reinforcing concepts that I initially didn’t understand to make sure I am in fact getting it and not just memorizing. Education is what you make of it at this level and you know I did it all wrong in undergrad. I took a few years off and now I’m here and I know the mistakes I made and I’m definitely not about repeating them. It took so much to get to this point in my life. But when you get back an exam that you walked out confidently knowing you ACED it only to see a BIG FAT D on blackboard, you question it all. It’s frustrating that I still continue to struggle to put what I know in my brain down on paper. I know part of it is reading, I struggle with reading, I struggle at interpreting and these are important concepts not just for school but for life and I get that. I’ve come a long way from fall semester to summer. I bubble every answer, I choose the appropriate number of choices when given multiple answer questions. I’ve come a long way but I still have a long ways to go. I just hope that i didn’t jeopardized myself this semester because of silly mistakes.

7 exams, 5 days. 4 exams went well. Neuro shook me and now I’m just questioning physio. Theory was today. Waiting game to see if I make it next semseter or nah at this point. I don’t know how to mentally prepare myself if I don’t make it ..

This Is The Change You Need To Make To Finally Find Love, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Leo(July 23rd to August 22nd)

You will find love once you realize that you can’t plan it out the way you plan out everything else in your life. You’re a go-getter and an enthusiastic individual, and you’re used to going after what you want. But the problem with love is that you can’t control it or manipulate it the way you’ve been able to manipulate other things in your life. As soon as you stop trying to manage every aspect of your love life and instead just start learning to enjoy the unpredictability of it, you’ll have a much easier time finding the right person.

Thought I was over this but apparently not bc every time I hear your name or get your text it sets me off. Yea, I have an attitude. I have a lot of sass. And I don't hide it. What you see if what you get. If I don't like you, well I'm not gonna try and be your best friend. So I stopped studying with you. And yea you're part of the reason why I stopped studying on campus. I'm not here to meet my future husband or to find a bf. I am here for me. I am here bc I wanna be a doc. If I have headphones on it clearly means I don't want to talk to anyone. If you don't get that, that's not my problem it's yours. You can continue to make a fool of yourself but I'm not gonna humor you. The world does NOT revolve around you and I honestly don't even think twice about you. You've called me out not once but three times for 'ignoring you' and not studying with you anymore. During one study sesh that you pressured me into, you sat there and listed all of my actions that you've overanalyzed since day 1. To say that made me uncomfortable is the understatement of the year. Soooo, for some reason you thought bad mouthing me around my peers would make me go running back to you!? GTFO of here. Who do you think their loyalty lies to? Did you not think it would come back to me? And then you wanna pretend to be nice to my face?! IF I HAVE SUCH A BAD ATTITUDE WHY ARE YOU BEGGING TO STUDY WITH ME. JESUS CHRIST JUST LEAVE ME GODDAMN ALONE !!

1. i will not have a conversation with you if your face is buried in your phone. so don’t start anything with me, because i will not amuse you. i’m tired of having to repeat myself bc you weren’t paying attention to something YOU FUCKEN ASKED ME! omfg. i have no problem sitting at my desk not talking to anyone.

2. yea, two week was pretty short. but two weeks was better than one. and it was a lot better than nothing at all. shut up. quit your whining. if you don’t want to focus on school and you want to stay on vaca mode, you do you. but do NOT try to drag me with you. 12 weeks. 19 units + 3 additional for online public health. i have shit to do. my head has been in the game since wednesday before class actually started. ordered my books, organized my school shit. no funny business. if its gonna take you 5 weeks to get organized, that’s not my shit, it’s yours.

2016

- lost my best friend

+ touched a penguin, life goal ✔️

+ got accepted into optometry school, 2016 goal ✔️

+ traveled (on my own). japan. straya. philly. boston

+ moved somewhere new, lived on my own, learned how to cook

- career over love

i wanna say 2016 was a shit year. but i got into school and i touched a penguin. i don’t think i’m really allowed to ask anymore from life.

You’ll Never Make Something Of Yourself Unless You Do These 21 Things

1. Save the inspirational quotes you see. Words can heal. Words can encourage. Words can motivate. So, whenever you see a quote you like, jot it down in your phone and look at it whenever you have a rough day.

2. Surround yourself with positive people. If all of your friends are unemployed and mooching off their parents, it sets the bar pretty low. Find new friends, friends that will push you toward success.

3. Act like you’re happy when you’re working. When you’re in the office, you shouldn’t complain. Your boss isn’t going to give a promotion to the grumpy girl that’s always whining about how hard her life is. Suck it up and smile.

4. Get dressed every morning. Even if it’s a weekend or you work from home, get dressed as soon as you wake up. It’s harder to be productive when you’re wearing pajamas.

5. Save up your money. You won’t get your dream job unless you work a few shit jobs first. While you’re working those shit jobs, it helps to have some money saved up to help you pay the rent.

6. Take advantage of social media. Nowadays, it’s important to have a social media presence. Start gaining followers so you can promote your work. Just don’t post anything sketchy that could get you fired.

7. Stop procrastinating. Do you want to live your dream life in five years or in ten? The more you put things off, the longer it’ll be until you reach success.

8. Set goals for yourself. If you don’t know where you’re going, how are you going to get there? You need to figure out what you want out of life and then work towards acquiring it all.

9. Organize your email. Don’t wait a week to answer the email you were sent last night. And, if you’re still using the same account you had in middle school, create a new account with a professional sounding name.

10. Socialize more. You never know who’s working in the same field as you are. Be nice to everyone you meet, because they might be able to help you advance your career.

11. Put your career before your love life. It takes years to reach your dreams, but it only takes a second to form a love connection. That’s why your work should come first.

12. Read up on your career choice. Find someone you admire in your field and then read their autobiography to see how they reached success. Or, if you’re lucky enough to know them personally, ask if you can shadow them for a day.

13. Learn how to deal with failure. You’re not going to become an overnight success. It takes time to reach your goals, so don’t let your little failures slow you down. Let them motivate you to try harder next time.

14. Actually put in effort. A job offer isn’t going to fall into your lap. You need to send out applications and build your resume. Otherwise, you’re never going to get anywhere.

15. Wake up early. Go to bed at a reasonable time so you can get your eight hours of sleep, wake up with the sun, and then start working on your to-do list. The more hours in your day, the more productive you’ll be.

16. Put your past in the past. It doesn’t matter if you grew up poor or got horrible grades. You can still end up successful. With enough hard work, anyone can be.

17. Give yourself time to relax and recharge. If you never give yourself a break, then you’re going to end up low on energy and will do a half-ass job.

18. Find a way to de-stress. You can’t carry around your worries with you. Get a massage, go for a walk, or binge watch Netflix. Find a way to kick all that stress out of your body.

19. Work for free. Getting paid with exposure instead of money doesn’t sound like any fun, but it could kickstart your career. So if you want to follow your dreams, you’re probably going to need a day job to pay the rent.

20. Don’t focus on the end goal. Stop thinking about all of the money you’re going to make once you hit it big. Focus on enjoying the work you’re doing right now. Live in the moment.

21. Never give up. If you’re passionate about something, you can’t stop when the going gets tough. Keep at it. Don’t let anyone stop you from achieving your dreams.

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