I’ve been up all night, and I’m currently fueled by Totino’s Party Pizza nd caffiene. And it’s gotten me thinking a lot.
As a 16-year old transgender expellee that has been recognized by already well over a dozen colleges, I barely know what the fuck to do sometimes.
If variety is the spice of life, uncertainty is the mystery Airhead bar. Some people, (Myself included), don’t particularally hate any flavor of Airhead. We enjoy the mystery, the choiceof not knowing and finding out as you taste it.
Other people prefer to stick with Grape, or whatever their preferred flavor is.
You see, at the age of 16 I feel more confident in the fact that I am beyond intelligent enough to be sustainably “adult”, as in living on my own or with roommates, sustaining a job, paying bills, maintaining a social life, and generally being a good adult. And I think this stems from my innate curiousity and lust for knowledge.
I remember the first time I thought about what being the opposite gender would be like. I don’t remember my age, or anything about it, but I remember the feeling. And it’s a feeling that’s stuck with me and why I eventually came out.
I don’t know where the fuck I’m going with this.
Throughout my brief time on this earth I’ve done things that most people may not do in a lifetime. I’ve had varied (and not always legal) experiences that have shaped who I am today.
And honestly, the most difficult part of my life for me, isn’t myself, as it seems to stereotypically be for most people my age, but more everyone around me telling me what I am when I feel more confident in myself than I ever have.
I’d always wanted to be a Marine Biologist.
From a very young age, even though I’ve lived my life in Colorado, I always visited family and friends in costal areas a lot. I paid visits to all kinds of marine life centers, most notably the Loggerhead Marinelife Center, which really kickstarted my aquatic interests. And it’s a feeling that’s stuck with me as time has gone on, but I find myself branching more and more. I really want to study Music theory, and physics, and astrophysics, and astronomy, and I want to be a high school science teacher, and all these different things.
And it’s hard. There’s so much I want to do. And lately, I’ve found myself selecting options from this preverbial bowl, and laying them out in different orders, and it’s unhealthy in a way. It makes me think too much.I do a lot of thinking, ai spend a lot of time alone, usually listening to music, and just heavily thing about exestential issues.
And I feel like tonight, I’ve reached a personal conclusion with the help of two men that don’t even know my name.
John and Hank Green, the Vlogbrothers. The two of them have accomplished so much in a very brief period of time, seemingly by throwing up ideas and chasing them, and I admire it wholeheartedly.
And it’s led me to a conclusion, and one which I have been pondering and solidifying, even as I type this.
It’s a very simple conclusion, and one that I really want to abide by.
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