Caffeine and Cigarettes - Chapter 8
~~~ Alright Aran, here goes nothing ~~~~
It was my day off personal training, and as we had to fire the new girl the café needed a barista. Rose was off being Grimmy’s personal assistant for the day, and here I was stuck in cold then very hot café. Order after order, and I stopped looking at the faces. I didn’t begrudge Rose for working really hard at the Radio station and Tom was the new voice at 1am – 4am in the morning everyone’s schedules was hecktic and all I saw was Simon sometimes. We started taking different clients to expand and bring in more people.
While I worked I thought of my clients. I loved helping people. It was healing for myself and for them. The more I brought them back to their true selves, the more I felt myself getting better, feeling stronger. I woke up daily feeling bits of myself I’d thought I’d lost coming back together. My humor, it used to be just hallow, but now I actually felt laughter bubbling up within myself. I used to skip by comedy shows now I loved watching them. I could listen to happy music and actually feel happy, not just the show I put on for Rose. I could listen to sad music and watch traumatic shows and not feel triggered. I was healing. I had five clients. They were all a little crazy but they had big hearts and a lot of determination, which I loved. Their hard work made me want to work hard. Their struggles became my struggles and I wanted to help them as much as they helped me.
“Hullo Em,” I knew that voice by instinct. It seemed I’d never really forgot, the happy lilt to his voice, and the way it was slightly muffled because of his beard.
“Aidan,” looking up into his face I feel flutters in my stomach toward him like I’d never had for Jasper. I realized the difference between admiration and crushing now. I was crushing hard on Aidan and that little modeling tattooed punk didn’t even know. “What can I get for you today?”
“An coffee please, with a shot in the dark.” Aidan smiled and rambled on about how New York didn’t make their espresso’s quite like a blue eyed barista he knew in London. My back was turned and he didn’t see me smiling. Turning my smile faded, I wanted to gage if he really wanted to see me, or if he was just being friendly.
“Here you are, so you liked New York then?” I said handing him his coffee.
“Yes, but I missed a couple things from London,” Aidan replied slower than his usual fast pace.
“Like what?” Turning and cleaning the espresso machine I couldn’t stop my heart beating faster. Dammit. My body giving me away.
“The voices, the politeness, or the dry humor, and, well, this girl.”
Looking over my shoulder I saw him rubbing at his beard nervously. Grinning I faced him. He saw my grin and slowly under the beard started grinning at me, “tell me about this girl then,” I said ducking my head to hide my blush.
“She’s just a little thing, quite small, with the bluest eyes I’ve seen, but maybe they’re not that blue, it’s just when she looks at me I feel very alive. Very human. And we never officially went on a date, but I’d really like to ask her out for dinner if that’s alright?” Fuck his stupid eyes. Fuck his stupid beautiful smile. And especially fuck that beard.
“Depends what this girls name is,” I mumbled looking at the counter top.
Tattooed hands enveloped mine. “She happens to be looking at the counter and I can’t see her pretty eyes right now.”
Looking up, at first slowly, uncertain, then more confidently. I felt my fears behind me waiting to envelope me, but I didn’t want to go back there. I couldn’t. I’d come so far. “Pretty eyes says yes.” Gulping I couldn’t believe I’d had the balls to just say that.
“Wonderful, I will get you tonight at 8?”
Not being able to say anything I just nodded.
Aidan walked away turning to grin at me. After he left I turned to the chef Joe in the back, “Joe could you watch the café for a minute?”
“Sure lass, what’s wrong?” Joe walked forward his big hands fluttering. Joe was the kindest, humblest man I knew, Christina was right to hire him.
“Nothing Joe need a wee!” I ran to the bathroom and silently screamed for a little. Then collecting myself I finished out my shift.
When Rose came home that evening, I was in a state of panic. I had nothing to wear, and my hair wouldn’t curl, and my make up wouldn’t be even. It was a disaster.
“Home!” Rose called throwing her keys on the table and hanging her purse on a hook.
“ROSE!” I yelled lying on the bed in a state of giving up.
“What? What’s wrong? What? What? Oh goodness! I shouldn’t work so hard, I should be here for you. Oh please tell me everything is okay. Please just tell me – oh.” Rose had ran into the room seeing me sprawled on the bed. “Everything alright?”
“NO! I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT. Aidan asked me out. Really asked me out! I’m so scared, and happy, and have nothing to wear, everything looks silly.” Removing the arm that was covering my face, I said, “Rose I need your skills immediately.”
Rose breathed deeply. Then she pointed at a chair. “Sit.” I sat. She rummaged through our shared wardrobe and dug through everything. She threw a lace brown crop top at me then, a pair of black skinny jeans, and cute black heels. It was perfect that we had the same size feet. Then taking off her black leather jacket she loved, she handed it to me. “You need it more than I do right now.”
Having putting on the items as she threw them too me I hugged her and a few happy tears leaked out.
“We have to fix that. You’re beautiful without all this crap.” Rose sat me down again, and getting out a make up wipe-off cloth she wiped away all my hard work, leaving my eyebrows and black lids with mascara. “Just add a touch of red and you’re good to go babe!” She smiled at me over the mirror. I cheesily grinned back. I couldn’t help myself. I could feel myself becoming happier the more I thought of Aidan and let him into my life.
Walking downstairs to meet him I felt so nervous I could pee my pants. Aidan was leaning against a small car when I stepped outside looking around thinking maybe he hadn’t come. I saw him before he saw me. Black pants, with a white shirt and suspenders, with a jean jacket it was dorky enough to look hot. He wore the boots he always wore, worn, torn, and loved. His tattooed hands held the cigarette shakily, and drawing it to his lips the red lit up his face for a second. It was stern, thoughtful, and sexy. His brown eyes made contact with mine, and I forgot how to breathe.
Standing here in the dark, my wards seemed to have dropped away, and I felt like he could see me. All of me. Ruined, beaten, and mending. A mess that maybe wasn’t so ugly after all.
I smiled because I didn’t know what else to do.
Aidan chuckled deep in his throat, and then began to laugh. “Emily you look stunning. I’ve never lost my breath before, but now I have.”
His words winded me. Me, stunning. I made a mental note to thank Rose, but I don’t think that was his point. “You don’t look terrible I guess,” I laughed trying to find my breath. It didn’t work. My heart was beating like it should be in cardiac arrest and my eyes hadn’t left his. “Are we going somewhere?” Pointing to the car, so small I wondered how he fit in there.
“Yes,” Aidan said opening up my door for me, and closing it as I sat down. “We’re going to have the best pancakes around.”
“Isn’t it a little late for pancakes?” I asked laughing.
“It’s never late for pancakes,” Aidan chuckled again. He grabbed my hand and our intertwined fingers sat there in the middle of the car. I think he held my hand just out of instinct but whatever the reason, the fear, the guilt, and regret I felt seemed a little bit further behind me. With every step I took with Aidan, I saw my past being nailed down just as that, the past. Alright to look at, explain to those who needed to hear, but never controlling me ever again.
When we got to the restaurant it seemed closed. The open sign wasn’t on, and there were only a couple older cars but parked way down the street.
“Aidan what if they’re closed?” I asked nervous for him.
“They aren’t closed, they just aren’t open to anyone but us.” Aidan answered parking. It took a second to register his answer. I felt overwhelmed, and cared for all at once. I focused on getting out of the car, instead of my racing heart.
When walking inside I felt as though I’d walked into a fifties diner back at home. The familiar smell of fries, and the red leather booths greeted us. Light up pictures of Elvis and Marylin and license plates from the states were on the walls. A women was standing at the hostess podium was wearing a poodle skirt and knee high socks with a cardigan and the rimmed glasses and red RED lipstick. “Aidan love, you sweetheart you took your time love, I was about to tell Charlie pack up, he’s been outta luck, but look here she is.” The woman pulled her glasses down her nose and surveyed me. “She’s so small Aidan, you should have brought her here earlier.”
“Patty I’ve only been here for a day!” Aidan protested.
“Aidan!” A gruff voice said from the back, “Lad you’ve come back to us, your mother and I thought we’d lost you to those cameras.”
“I’m a model da it’s what I do” Aidan embarrassedly scratched the back of his neck. Looking at him looking at the floor I couldn’t help but put my hand in his, to reassure him.
“Well, I’m sure glad you’re back lad, you’re brother could use all the help he can get in the machanics down the road if you have the time.” Charlie I’m assuming gruffly said to me, “Lass sit down, where’s Patty’s manners. The missus gets worried when it comes to Aidan’s life. You see he’s never brought any girls here.”
“Really?” I said, picking up a menu from the podium, and seeing the way Patty was lecturing Aidan I picked up two and followed Charlie to a booth. “Can I ask you something Charlie?” I said, feeling at home with these two bickering figures, and in this out of place diner.
“Of course lass!” Charlie said, his brown eyes wide.
“Do you have milkshakes here or only pancakes?”
Charlie threw back his head and laughed and laughed. Aidan seeing this walked over and sat down across from me. Patty followed with our silverware and glasses of water.
“She’s a great one Aidan I’m glad you brought her.” Charlie said clapping his son on the back, and walking back into the kitchen. “Let me know when you’re ready I’ll be in the back with your da,” Patty said kindly, following Charlie threw the double doors to the kitchen.
“You’ve never brought another girl here?” I asked Aidan in disbelief. With his beautiful beard, tattoos, eyes, and unbelievable wit I was surprised it wasn’t a weekly accourance.
“You’re the only one.” Aidan looked at his colorful hands. “I know the menu by heart you didn’t need to grab me a menu.”
“I was being nice,” I said rolling my eyes and picking his up. “Alright I will quiz you then!”
Aidan dropped me off later that evening, wanting to take it slow and let my heart learn to love again, I leaned across the car and placed a kiss right above his beard. It scratched my chin though, and I couldn’t stop touching the pink on my cheek and smiling like a child all the way up to the flat.
Rose was sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine in front of her, turning when she heard me open the door. “Well?” She demanded, her eyes a little pink and bloodshot from the empty bottle of wine in the recycling. The one in front of her was her second.
“Mare I really like him. Like really like him.” My face hurt but I couldn’t stop smiling. Rose sighed and grinned. “I’m living through right now, so you know.” She hiccupped.
Concerned I helped her get up and directed her to bed with a cup of water. I laid in bed for hours going over every perfect detail of his face, the way his eyes crinkled in surprise when I kissed him on the cheek and the pink on my chin.
Training was going well, and the girl I was working with today Kelsey was doing better than she had all week. Panting she stopped to tell me about the boy she was crushing on, while she was talking Simon came in and pulled me away (quite rudely too!). “Do a couple squats and drink some water Kelsey!” I called over my shoulder.
“What the fuck Si?” I quietly asked him “Kelsey was really bonding with me just now.”
“Toms proposed and I said yes,” Simon said quickly.
Then I jumped up and down.
Bursting into tears I choked, “I’m so happy for you! Si! Come here you twat,” Pulling him into a hug I felt tears on my neck, I smiled, glad to know I wasn’t the only one crying. “Have you told Rose?” I asked.
“Toms asking her to help plan it,” Simon told me, setting me down.
Wiping away tears I called over my shoulder as I walked back to my client. “Celebration tonight yea?” “Yea!” Simon called back grinning.
That night I dressed up a little bit. Wearing heels, and a little black dress that Rose called my 90’s dress. I grabbed a jean jacket and put on a little red lipstick. Rose looked like a goddess with blonde curled hair, gold around her eyes, making the green pop, a AC/DC ripped shirt with tiny shorts you could see every curve of her curvy legs. She finished off the look with knee high black socks and her combat boots.
“Rose looking hot girl!” I said grabbing my phone and taking a picture tweeting it immediately. Going out with this bombshell!
“No you look beautiful,” Rose grinned. “To be honest Em, I’m still hungover from that wine, Wuthering Heights cannot be watched sober, so I think I’m not going to drink that much.” She admitted to me laughing.
“You always say that then get pissed.”
“You’re right” Rose groaned. “Okay, I’m going to get pissed.”
“There it is!” I laughed. “Lets go!” We ran downstairs and caught a cab to the bar Tom and Simon told us to meet at.
“Ladies!” Tom trilled, “glad you could make it, what with all our busy schedules.” He coughed, “mainly mine, but I don’t brag.”
Simon punched him in the shoulder as Rose and I laughed, the Ace team (what we jokingly called ourselves it seemed ages ago) was back on track. “What can I get you to drink?” Simon asked kindly. A little to kindly, looking up into his puppy dog idiot face I realize the boys were trashed already.
“Double scotch please,” I asked.
“Double whiskey!” Rose yelled.
“Neat!” We both clarified. Looking at eachother we began to laugh.
A couple more of these in, and everyone was smiling and laughing as though we’d never been apart. A large tattooed hand fell on my shoulder, “Em!” His quick happy voice cascaded over me, and I was on a seventh heaven. If there was such a place.
“Aidan?” Turning and grinning I saw his beared face peering down at me.
“Lets dance!” Rose yelled to Tom and Simon who got up and left us with wiggly eyebrows and cheeky laughs.
“That’s me, love.” He said sitting down next to me. “What are you drinking?”
“Double whiskey, neat,” I slurred. Maybe I should have had this fourth one, too late now.
“That’s a lot of alcohol, you alright?” He reached up and cupped my face looking into my eyes. His brown chocolate eyes seemed to clarify something in my mind. Taking it slow snapped, and shattered around my ears. I grabbed his hand and clung to it. “Never better” I answered smiling into his face as I intertwined our fingers together. “Perfect actually.” I corrected. “Well not completely.” I amended.
Aidan laughed at my indecision.
“No Aidan there are things you should know about me.” I said earnestly. “Because I’m in, I’m all in, and I think you should know how messed up I was when you met me, and how much better I am now, okay?” I said it all really fast and wasn’t sure how much he caught. Aidan’s other hand came up to cup my face again stroking my cheek and smiling, looking down he said, “I don’t care.”
“I don’t care if you’re an alien or satan, I don’t care if you have three legs, I don’t care what your past held. Em, since I met you and looked into those fucking blue eyes, I didn’t much care about anything but you.” Aidan said, still looking down.
It was my turn to lift his chin up so that he was looking at me.
“You don’t care I’m fagile and could break at any moment but have the complex of a proud feminist who doesn’t think to ask for help?” I asked my heart in my mouth, fluttering, not breathing.
“You’re the stongest, most beautiful soul I’ve ever met.” Aidan said his brown eyes burning into mine, “So fuck no.”
“What?” He seemed confused.
Taking to long I leaned toward him and kissed him slowly, carefully on his lips, his beard scratching my face. I felt him breathe in sharply. Then his hands came behind my back and pulled me into him so fast I didn’t breathe, the careful kiss deepened and I couldn’t hear anything, but the beating of my own heart, racing. Minutes later we got up and left. I didn’t say goodbye to anyone, I felt they knew where we were off to.
On the curb waiting for the cab to come, Aidan turned to me and said, “this is it Blue, this is the moment.”
“What moment?” breathless, and fighting the feeling that I was on top of the world.
“The moment before infinity. If I go down this path with you it’s going to fuck me over with anyone else.” Aidan turned to stare at the sky, muttering, “wish I had a cig”
“Why would there be anyone else?”
“You might leave London,”
“Yes, but you may have to go home.”
“That’s not home anymore. This is my new home.”
“Will you come home with me?” Aidan said still not looking at me. It was infuriating I decided, and the breathless left me for annoyed, cold and cross that he didn’t realize how ‘all in’ I was.
“Aidan I was all in when you kissed me on that street corner ages ago. I was all in when you left for New York. I just admitted I was minutes ago and you’re doubting me? Unacceptable.” I walked around him and lightly tugged on his beard making him look down at me. “Yes I’m coming back to your place you silly tattooed idiot.”
A grin split across his face and my heart melted. Aidan laughed. I grinned cheesily back. “Then what are we waiting for? My cars in the back.”
“You mean – “ I spluttered, “It’s so cold – are you – you tattooed, bearded, tall,” with that Aidan swooped me up into his very strong arms and carried me to his car. I berried my head in the crook of his neck for the entire journey. (maybe a minute?)
Aidan opened the car door, “here to infinity, love” I jumped in without looking back.
~~~Hope you liked it Aran!~~~
gamechangershow
areudirty
tangentwithtanner
stormborns
prguitarman
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
