G.I.R.L.S

UK | 21 | 🌈 29/07/2018

[itsuniqueminds]

Things that make me happy in life,

My girlfriend, who adore more than the universe itself ❤️

And feeling my self 😉😏 aka doing my makeup and feeling great! 🥰

[itsuniqueminds]

Anybody ever (who may have a history with eating disorder issues)

Just sit and think, I just need to look at skinny people just for a quick boost, but then you think, I’m not going to get anywhere if I don’t go all out and starve etc, and then you’re just stuck between, I can’t go back there, and I NEED to do something, and you’re stuck with a mind arguing with it’s self for the rest of the night 😩🙄

[fairie-skeleton]

[fashionarmys]

[deletedacc1234-blog]

Dont have to fashion out my girl she has her own cashhhh 😍🤪

[marmurowerany]

[stegal]

A bagós korszakomban a többi 21 meg felirat nélküli volt..

[hall--o--ween]

[delicateana]

🌟🌟

[itsuniqueminds]

Now vs November 2017.

Not 100% sure if there’s that much difference but what I can say is that I’m proud of my self! I’ve picked my self up every time I’ve gotten my self down to where I thought I couldn’t return. But here I am today, not hating what I see in the mirror. Yes I still have struggles but for once in my life I’ve been able to see progress, yes physically but mentally as well. Going to the gym and changing my lifestyle to a much healthier one is the best decision I could’ve made and in 5 days since starting the gym again I feel 100x better already! 💃🏻 I’m so great full for everyone in my life right now and I’m sending out all the positive vibes! 2019... bring it on 💪🏻🤛🏻

[itsuniqueminds]

How to tell someone you love with literally all of your heart the thoughts that go on In Your head when they make no sense to your self! Thoughts that literally consume your mind 24/7 and you’ve got to try and concentrate on things or do simple tasks, but your mind makes it so close to impossible it’s unreal! Having eating issues feels like it’s literally eating away at your life! How ironic is that👌🏻 lovely.

Absolutely frustrated and angry all the time and all I wanna do is rip the skin of my own body because it’s just not enough! It’s not good enough...not for anyone else...but worst of all not for me. How I wish I was good enough for my self..then no one else’s opinions would matter. They shouldn’t matter anyway. But they do. My anxiety cripples me so bad to the point when I don’t even want to be my self...so I put up this cocky front which..yes is me. I’m not pretending to me someone I’m not. But it’s not who I’d like to be all the time...I’d just like to be happy. Every single morning the first thing I’m thinking about is “if I lay flat on my back, are my hip bones and ribs sticking out more than yesterday” wtf! Why would I want that...it doesn’t look good...but here I am, knowing that it doesn’t look that great but anything thinner is better than what I am now! And I know...I’m not the worst I could be. I so wish I was happy just the way I am now! But unfortunately no. Depression, anxiety and the rest of it have other plans for me unfortunately. Don’t eat because it’s not worth it and you don’t care, but you can’t starve because what if you die, and you have to starve even if you die because your fat. Contradicting my own thoughts constantly. Fighting against my own mind. Tiring. Exhausting, fed up. Done. But not done. I wanna die, but I don’t wanna die. Stuck in an in between like I’m at a crossing, and there’s so many cars coming and I can’t make the decision to cross because I don’t know the outcome. Will I get to the other side or will I get hit by a car on my way. This doesn’t even make any sense to my self but I completely understand what I’m talking about in my head. I’m just getting so sick and tired of no one knowing how bad it is...meaning I’m not getting the right help. Meaning it drives me to doing stupid things like cutting and starving because yes...control. And distraction. And pain that isn’t just mental. But attention. Attention where it’s needed most but I don’t want to beg. So I hurt my self hoping someone will notice, someone will ask if I’m okay and help me as much as I need it. But I don’t even let other people close enough to see. How is that right in any way. Just tell someone how much your hurting...just tell everyone that you’re so done with feeling like this and you don’t want to die but sometimes it feels like an option because it’s one way not to feel the way I do.

It’s getting to the point now where I feel like I’m trying to force my self to get up and make food. Literally just sat here and told my self “make some cereal” about 4 times and I’m still sat here writing this because I’m getting so frustrated! Why can’t I just eat without it messing with my head. Why can’t I just do it!

I’m so scared of gaining weight it’s unreal! Exercise has started aswell...I’ll try and get there healthy but if that doesn’t work I have no option I suppose. Well....I know I shouldn’t think like that but that’s what goes through my head. I can’t help it. I don’t want to eat. Feeling proud of my self for saying no to food is another thing I’ve been feeling lately! Counting calories and feeling like 212 calories in a can of soup is too much and hating my self for having that one slice of bread with it. Constantly thinking about purging when I haven’t even done any binging. I’ve just eaten like a normal human being. “Normal” what is normal. I’m far from. I don’t want to be normal. Normals boring, but atm id rather be boring that feel the way I’m feeling. Wanting to scream and cry when it comes to having to choose something to eat. Especially when other people are there with me. But I just can’t physically let out my feelings like I want to. Body checks are getting worse. Driving me mad. I’m so angry at my self for putting my self through this! I don’t want to be like this...but then I suppose if I wasn’t as fat as I am. If I was actually good enough I wouldn’t hate my self and want to change as much as I do.

The road to recovery isn’t really successful atm as the more I try to get up and make some food, I’m once again getting used to feeling hungry all the time, feeling shakey and light headed. Feeling tired and run down. Wanting to cry every time I open the fridge to make my self something to eat. Literally feel like I want to beat my self up for how stupid I feel but I can’t physically do it. Like I just can’t. I’m gunna break down if I carry on like this. Getting shakey and so anxious when I had to eat something...urgh I need help man. I just can’t do it and it’s so frustrating. When I tell people I have an eating disorder or “eating issues” they tend to think that I just don’t eat and all food grosses me out. Wrong. I love food...actually I’m obsessed with food. It’s all I think about 24/7. My food intake and my body appearance and how I feel. Am I getting bigger..I feel like I am. I feel like my stomach is bigger. I’ve got more rolls. I haven’t weighed my self in weeks and weeks. Probably about a month and I can’t bare the thought of weighing my self and seeing a higher number to what was there before hand. Even 1lb. It makes me feel so sick I hate it! Urgh fgs why can’t I just be okay. Why can’t I just think normally, eat normally, be thin or at least thinner and look like an average, not over weight girl who generally loves life and doesn’t let this get in the way of her life. I want to get my life together. I want a decent job, I want to work my self up to the career I want! I want to be happy...truly happy with my self. I want to love my self so bad but I just can’t. As much as I think “it would be so easy to just wear this skirt and not care what my self or other people think. Just be free and careless” but it doesn’t work like that. My mind is too messed up and weird to think like that. It’s like my body just hates me! Why am I like this 😭

- (inmyfeelings)

[beautifugly]

idk if those “spells” work but………. somehow it’s working, is it a placebo? anyways 10 lbs weight loss spell!

like to charge

reblog to release

[daintydarlingg]

I’ve lost almost 10lbs in 2 weeks so something is working 😂 PLEASE DON’T STOP WORKING

[itsuniqueminds]

Just wondering if there’s a noticeable difference in these pictures??? (Obviously weight wise I mean, like have I lost weight?? Honest opinions please)

[proedmemes]

[posted by u/hollyy__]

[its-across-the-sea]

I don’t care if it hurts, I wanna have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.

please

[omysaveme]

WEIGHT LOSS SPELL

reblog to lose 10+ lbs before 2019

[jahmyaa]

Blame this guy named tony for this ok😭

[kennyy-b-deactivated20210321]

Y’all need to chill

[phatmamaa]

no fr

[kimreesesdaughter]

2018 been kicking my ass. I can’t take no chances.

[ambs-witdalocs]

Final tonight, had to double back.

Not playing

[itsuniqueminds]

Can someone please tell me how on earth you explain to your partner who you’re so in love with and don’t want to burden in any way; how do I explain my eating disorder? How do I tell her I completely hate my self and I have no clue why she loves me in any way? 😩😭

[itsuniqueminds]

Why on earth has one of my posts been flagged? 🤔🙄