When I can feel myself going back to an even more intense depressed state of mind and remembered when I got lectured by my parents because I was on social media sharing my struggles more than I was to them. And now I canāt do both. When I shared that I was told by my therapist to be admitted for the safety of my life I was lowkey feeling fear from what my parents were telling me about being admitted. Out of fear I said no to going. The conversation basically went āthey schedule times of pills and communication but if you want to go thats fine...but Iām telling you that theyāll leave you in a room and feed you pills. But itās totally okay if you want to go..Iām just sayingā And to this day I still think of that discussion with them. To this very day, Iām still trapped. Physically, mentally, and emotionally trapped. Iām suffocating. Iāve hidden this side of myself completely now more than I ever have in the past. Iām told by my parents that no one in the world will help me aside from my own family, which may be true, but why do I feel even more alone when speaking to them. Why am I so alone. Why do I feel so alone. Iām reaching that point where I canāt listen to anything anymore, Iām told by my therapist itās dangerous for me to start viewing things that way because itās a sign youāre starting to give up. Iāve stopped replying to friends. Iāve stopped trying to connect. I thought Iād given up before as far as thinking about ending my life, but Iāve reached a whole new level. I quit and I donāt even care. Itās that kind of numbing feeling. Itās so...welcoming.
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