So I thought it was love.
When you are young and in “Love” you are so blind. You do not see what others see. They tell you, but you deny it. You put up with the heartache and put on a smile for all to see. You deal with the pain for years because you are so scared of living alone. You start to see the signs, you start to see that all those people who told you that it was bad were actually right. You try to walk away several times but he has a hold over you. He knows how to keep you quiet. He knows how to keep you happy for a minute. When he sees that you are somewhat ok for the moment and he goes back to what he was doing to you before. He shuts you out. He makes you feel like shit. He makes you feel like you are only there for one thing. It makes you go into a severe depression where all you do is sleep, work, and drink alone. You go to bed next to him but you feel so numb. Wondering if this is all your life is going to be like. You wake up the next day and he is smoking weed with his friends in the garage. You ignore the line of coke that was snorted in the room next to yours. You put your life in danger because this is what he wants. You have to hide his shit because you are so scared that if its found, you will both go down for it. One day you say enough is enough and you lie and say you are going out with your girl friends. (You have never been one to lie) But you meet up with a man who has been there for you through all the shit. You meet that guy and he makes you forget all the shit going on at home. He makes you realize that you have a worth. He tells you that you are capable of doing what ever it is that is needed to make you happy. He is that fore that helps you make a change. You realize that you have to make that change. You cant keep doing this because if you do you are going to end up somewhere that isn’t on this earth. You go home and you say all you needed to say. You say that you are worth more than what he has been giving you. You tell him that you are done. He tries so hard to keep you and manipulate you but you stay strong and you keep your head up. The end is here and you run, you run faster then you have ever run in your life. He’s not there to hurt you anymore. Hes not there to drag you into his bullshit. He has no hold on you anymore. You are free to be who you have always been. You have never been on your own but for once in your life you are okay with that. You grow, You learn and you finally become who you always NEEDED to be. You get your life straightened up and you for once are living a life that you are so excited to live. You no longer wake up with the dread of another day. You wake up feeling like today is a new day full of new discoveries for you to find. Baby you are free. This life is yours for the taking. You can now make your own decisions and live for no one but yourself.
This story was mine. I was that young manipulated girl. I put up with too much shit for too long. I stayed because I was afraid to be lonely. I was scared to face this life by myself. Little did I know that I wasn’t alone, I have all my family and my friends beside me. I would not be who I am if I did not go through this though. It taught me what I need in this life and what I want to do. Never again will I go along with something so miserable because I’m afraid of change. I will no longer let someone make all my choices for me. I am in the drivers seat and I am making all the right choices for me. I have wanted to share this story for so long because I see so many girls and even guys on my timeline going through the same thing. I see them suffering in silence. I see them with the fake smile, telling everyone that their life is perfect but in reality they are miserable and don’t know how they are going to make it another day. I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to put up with it. Make that change today. Do it. You only have one life and now is the chance to make it your own.Â