Our IVF Baby Fund ++

Hello everyone, I never thought I would be making a blog like this because I am usually a very private person... especially with things like this... but I have no choice. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 years with no success. I have a tubal disease that keeps my eggs from reaching my uterus and the only hope for us is IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization, where they fertilize the egg outside the body then implant the embryo directly into the uterus). We don't own a house, I'm a self employed cake decorator and my husband is our only constant income. We cannot afford to take out another loan so we're trying to save/raise money any way we can. I'll be posting things to this blog like portraits, cake supplies, tutorials etc that hopefully people will like and want to donate. It will cost us around 20 Thousand dollars for all the tests and procedures over the next 5 months. I currently have $300 in my bank account. I'll do whatever I can to have a family and I wont give up. If you don't want to donate or can't, its ok. I understand. No pressure. Just please share this page and hopefully together we'll gather all our pennies and a baby will be ours someday. Thank you everyone for your love and support through this incredibly hard and emotional time. We try to keep hope alive.

[ivfbabyfund]

One year ago today I started this blog in a desperate moment to have a secret place to vent my feelings and fears about trying to afford IVF and the possibility of never having a family. A stranger messaged me and said that maybe I should start a gofundme.com to help raise money by selling tutorials. 

Today I am 16 weeks and some change. The event was marked by the most snow Portland has seen in 20 years and some scary spotting that made me consider braving the storm to be assured by my OB. Thankfully she was able to calm me by phone and I was but on rest for the the weekend.

I wish I could have told my past self how happy I would be in one year. I'm still terrified of all the things that could go wrong. I bought a doppler to listen to the babies heart beat (even though everyone says they are a waste) so that whenever I feel scared the baby is hurt, I can listen to that little wub wub and feel at ease. Plus it's kind of awesome knowing exactly where the baby is in this fat belly (just below the belly button, to the right). 

[ivfbabyfund]

6 weeks! We got to see and hear our baby's heart beat and confirm that only one embryo survived. I admit I was disappointed that it was not twins but also a bit relieved. I am so happy that we have technology now that allows us to see our babies so early. 

[ivfbabyfund]

5 weeks

On Thanksgiving day I hit the 5 week mark. I keep searching for symptoms that scream "YOU'RE STILL PREGNANT". Maybe I do have them and don't realize? I really like drinking OJ (which isn't that abnormal really) and I have some fun cramping and back ache (which only makes me worry and think something is wrong)

I check for blood EVERY time I go pee

Other than that I feel the same. Is it weird I want symptoms? I'd even take full on nausea right now (and I hate being nauseas!) 

Come on little marshmallow... GROW

[artisancakecompany]

I got my 3rd and final blood test today and I am still pregnant yay! HCG levels are at 1050 which is great! The nurse said the baby (or babies, we’ll find out for sure at our 6.5 week ultrasound) is growing at a great rate :) I let myself be a little happier and excited today. I know there is a risk something could still go wrong but I am trying to just be thankful for THIS moment. This moment where I can say I am for SURE pregnant. According to the weird way they keep track of the pregnancy timeline, I am 5 weeks today. My first ultrasound will be on December 6th to see if there is one embryo or two. Today I also let myself buy my very first baby related thing ever. A baby Journal <3

[ivfbabyfund]

My friends made this video about infertility awareness <3. Yep, I cried.

[ivfbabyfund]

Second Blood Test Results

*phone rings*

Me: THIS IS LIZ (trying not to scream)

Nurse: Hello this is megan from Oregon Reproductive Medicine with your blood results

Me: YES?? (again, trying not to yell)

Nurse: Your levels are at 175, which means they have tripled. That is very good :) 

Me: *sobs uncontrollably, manages a small thank you*

I'm Still pregnant! yay!!!! Next blood test on Monday to make TRIPLE sure <3 

[ivfbabyfund]

Blood test was a positive today, HCG Levels where at 50... doc says that is on the "low end" of normal. Transfer was 10 days ago. I am 27 Days from LMP... not sure why doc said that was "low end" :/ great now I freaking nervous as hell for the next blood test Thursday. 

Why can't docs ever say "EVERYTHING LOOKS GREAT NOW BE HAPPY"... 

[ivfbabyfund]

I see a plus, I had exactly this kinda faint line when I tested! I'm now at 8 weeks pregnant :)

wooo hooo optimism!!! <3 Congrats to you btw :) 

[ivfbabyfund]

I couldn't wait for the blood test on Tuesday... the anticipation is driving me mad. Please don't judge me. Am I crazy?? Or is that a very faint line... it's sooo early who knows. 

[ivfbabyfund]

A photo of our newest gumdrops that where implanted yesterday. They look a little funky because they are in the process of de-thawing. The docs assure me that they are just "compressed" and are plumping back up nicely. I hope this time they stick around <3 I love them so much <3 

[ivfbabyfund]

FET in 3 days

Sunday is our frozen embryo transfer (FET). I'm so nervous. I'm excited. Probably like 70% nervous and 30% excited. Is that normal? I feel like I should be more optimistic but I feel scared. This is basically our last chance. We are beyond broke. What if this one doesn't take? 

If one more person tells me it will happen if GOD wants it to happen I will slap them. 

[ivfbabyfund]

Working on a baby topper tutorial to help raise funds for our second round of IVF. 

Quote from our doc: "Your required Natural FET deposit is $ 3,481.00"

This time around we are doing a "Natural FET" or "natural frozen embryo transfer" so I wont have to be on as many hormones this time (aka not as much expense). They will do the embryo transfer when my body naturally ovulates. They are going to put in two of the three frozen embryos we have left. I am praying they stick this time.

[ivfbabyfund]

This is a pic of my two little gumdrops that where chosen to be implanted on Sunday, July 21st. Their grades where 4AA and 5AA so pretty dang good :) I was put on bed rest for two days where I had to lay down on my back without getting up except to go to the bathroom. Not as fun as it sounds. Your lower back gets sore fast from laying in the same position. Hopefully the little guys where able to implant well though. 

I find out on July 30th whether or not the transfer worked and I am pregnant :) I feel anxious of course waiting but I’m trying to just keep busy <3

[ivfbabyfund]

It's crazy how this photo used to make me soooo happy and now that they are gone... I just cry when I see this :( My little babies that almost where... 

[ivfbabyfund]

How are you....

How are you 

How are you

How are you

Just checking in...

How are you feeling

How are you doing?

I'm here if you need me

I hope you're ok

I'm ok...

How are you 

How are you

How are you...

Let me know if you need anything

Do you need to talk?

You're in my prayers...

Are you there? 

How are you 

How are you

How are you

I'm not ok. 

[ivfbabyfund]

Our test results came back... our two embryos have died :'( We are just devastated and in shock right now... I can't believe this happened :'( We wanted them so bad </3

[ivfbabyfund]

Why can't things just be easy for once :(

My first beta (to test my HCG hormones) where positive at a whopping 128 meaning I am pregnant (yay) but then two days later, I go in for my second beta and they are only at 198 (boo) they are supposed to double every two days.... what does this mean?

Possible miscarriage according to the docs. They are "concerned" my levels are so low... I have read that some women do have low levels in early pregnancy and go on to have normal and healthy babies...

I am really really really praying this is the case for me....

Another beta tomorrow... hopefully numbers have greatly improved :(

[ivfbabyfund]

CONGRATULATIONS! I love nothing more then to hear and see people who have gone through fertility treatments get positive results! Wishing you a stress free first 12 weeks and a happy, healthy 9 months!! There is nothing more magical then a miracle baby. You will take nothing for granted! Take my word for it! :) -Amber

Thank yoU!! everything feels sooo surreal still.... feel like I cant believe its real!! I know its still not 100% and things could still go wrong so I'm a little nervous still but obviously very optimistic <3 Thank you for taking the time to write <3