what i lived for.

[ivywaldegrave]

IVY WALDEGRAVE, the ice queen.

biography / pinterest / playlist / brother

full name: ivy florence waldegrave 

pronouns: she, her, hers

birthday: february 14th, 1991 

birthplace: branscombe, england 

current home: downtown carroll 

occupation: flight attendant 

religion: episcopalian

orientation: anger

status: single

AESTHETIC

wind rustling tree branches, catching on loose leaves

the depths of winter, the sky pitch black

the last pour of beer in a keg, the flavor gone flat

a polite smile, never reaching the eyes 

NOTABLE FEATURES

face claim: willa fitzgerald

height: 5’4”

dominant hand: right

tattoos: none

outfit clothing style: ivy is business casual, with a penchant for dark blue jeans and high necks. she often times will add a small silk scarf to her outfit as well to cover a scar on her collarbone.

PERSONALITY

independent, practical, composed | mercurial, insensitive, discontented

ADDITIONAL

spoken languages: english, latin, conversational swedish, danish, recently some japanese 

driver’s license: yes 

high school: a small private school in connecticut

university: yale, cambridge, cornell

pets: house plants

THE BIOGRAPHY

ivy florence waldegrave is the youngest child of the prestigious drs. waldegrave, who raised three delicate children among the stone buildings and high marshes of devon england. the children were nurtured by the kind of care and dedication that only the most enraptured parents can give. their talents glowing under the dining room table light, being applauded at faculty dinner parties.

upon moving to connecticut, each child uprooted, ivy found little mooring in the new town life. at first a young girl from england is a novelty, but she was quickly moved to the side in favor of the usual social ranks. she was not as kind as her siblings, she was not as sociable as her parents. she did fine. which might as well have been a death sentence when her accent softened. 

then came the accident. it was an accident. everyone said so, a tragic set of circumstances between brother and sister. who could have predicted that allowing children to play in the woods would result in something so tragic. a hunting accident, roughhousing. her red raw face, scrubbed with tears. her trembling hands as she told the police again and again she didn’t know. 

she couldn’t help the blame. she couldn’t feel any differently, no matter how many times her father tried to sit her down, how many cups of tea her mother made for her. silas’s grave sat waiting in the afternoons, the chair sat empty at the dinner table. ezra leaving for college, her defeated inadequacies the only thing left in the house. it wasn’t for a lack of her parents trying to keep her engaged with life, her eroding personality through the years a result of her own self-punishment. 

she made it through yale, a sensible decision when paired with her familial expectations. it would have to do, given she hadn’t considered any other possibilities than ezra’s. if her grades were stand out, if she could be given awards for her work, ivy didn’t know until she was attending cambridge for their mphil in sociology. 

she would continue to a sociology phd, she’d been accepted into a handful of blue chip programs. the family needed its doctors, her father cajoled, trying his best to keep the youngest child on some type path. she ended up at cornell, pushing herself as far away from her family as she could. the drive up and down the coast was difficult on holidays, pulling every connection taught as she considered what to do with herself. 

degree in hand, she pivoted, she didn’t walk the stage. she accepted a job as a flight attendant out of LAX. she hated the city, the busyness, the fake smile adorning each face. she had all the degrees she needed for a successful career and she could not bring herself to do it. this was her punishment, it had to be. she certainly hadn’t come so far in life to succeed. the old voice brayed, the grave stone remained perfectly maintained on the other side of the country.   

and then ezra moved, sweaty with some truth he’d discovered about himself. about her, about the whole waldegrave line, who knew. she couldn’t tell, and she didn’t want to ask. they’d stopped sharing secrets the moment three became two. even now, the closest the siblings have been in years, she can do nothing but bristle with the thought of closeness. she can only continue to make her anger at herself a family problem.

NOTES

ivy has a large scar on her collarbone from where she fell down a set of stairs as a young adult. she keeps it covered at all times and will not answer questions about it.

cannot recall many childhood memories, and has not seen a therapist for these recurring blackouts. she assumes it is trauma and does not have the introspection to deal with why it is happening. 

wears a fake engagement ring out of travel habit, she found it made professional interactions much easier and also just really likes the piece. 

she wouldn’t consider herself a serial cheater, but she’s never been able to commit to just one person. the moment they start talking about exclusivity something dark finds coils around her, refuses to let her have it. there’s no point in allowing herself a future when she’s taken it from others. 

as a flight attendant she is CPR and crisis trained. although she was always best at deescalation, she’s got a host of skills that the residents of carroll have yet to see come out. 

[ezra-waldegrave]

Ezra tried not to flinch, but the years away from his sister had softened him. He’d always been too sensitive, too gentle. And Ivy, well, she was still the same with her stony exterior and the tone she used as a weapon.

Sighing, Ezra rubbed a hand at the back of his neck absently. Had expected some kind of emotional reunion? He should’ve known better. Hope was a wild, burning thing he couldn’t snuff out, no matter how hard he tried.  “I live here," he offered simply. “What are you doing here?” He wasn’t sure if he meant the wedding reception or Carroll, or what.

[ivywaldegrave]

"no." she corrected his statement, "i live here." she’s gone to the other side of the continent for that exact reason. the waldegraves could describe their educated children with degrees and accolades. and she need never hear about any of it from the runways of los angeles. there would be no if onlys across the table any more for her to feel.

carroll was hers, by the loosest of associations— but it was hers. “you didn’t move to to carroll.” she said it as a statement, though the pallor of her face betrayed any confidence she might have had. “did you officiate this wedding?” she took a guess, waiting for the other shoe to drop on her long-running self imposed isolation. “why are you here?”

[ezra-waldegrave]

Ezra’s face hurt. It was the kind of pain that came with smiling too much. He'd met so many people, shaking hand after hand after hand. The clerical collar had been a mistake after all. He'd been a spectacle: a new face in Carroll was his first strike and his second was the collar delineating his otherness. He needed a break from the prying questions and pressing small-talk. He needed–a flash of blond caught his eye. Whipping his head around, he nearly collided with another guest. That couldn’t be … But she had those green eyes, like their mother's, like a forest floor in spring.

“Ivy!” Her name was a desperate call, a synonym for please. He had so many questions, instead, he opened his mouth and murmured, “you grew your hair out.”

[ivywaldegrave]

if she wasn’t sure, hoped to have had a twin, a doppelgänger, a one in a million chance— it was all shattered at the recognition ezra showered upon her. the last she’d heard of her brother he was married on the opposite coast. two roads diverged in the wood, she left him there.

unfortunately, it was her brother. he didn’t keep to the boundaries of the past, he stood at the party residents of carroll were invite to. her tone, always sharp, cut through any of the pretense, “why are you here?”

[ivywaldegrave]

@ezra-waldegrave. the hawkins' estate, port carrol.

she had a one hour time limit for this party, half an hour if she was lucky and everyone decided to call it off early. until then, she hoped to find a table, to sit, finish a drink, and call the night accomplished. the quota on small talk had been just about reached, when she saw a specter. a ghost, a vision of the past that had no place in this house, this time, this place. in her fondest memories, he was younger. in her wildest dreams, she had run far enough away that it never need be considered.

instead, she stared a moment longer, the words slipping out of her mouth, betraying a speedy exit. "you're fucking kidding me."

[ivywaldegrave]

ivy waldegrave's fashionably late wedding attire.

[burdockeverdeen]

WILLA FITZGERALD as DANIELLE in PULSE (2025).

[stuckinapril]

I don’t care about it at all (I have carried its weight around like a rock on my chest since the very day it happened)

[rubyrobshaw]

ophelia james  + screenshots of despair