M e l l a r k

indie peeta mellark || thg rp || private & selective || established 11/15 || NSFW and adult themes will occur || loved by barb || formerly imxaxpainter

[iwanttostillbcme]

i love my son so much

[iwanttostillbcme]

the basics 

* not a super popular guy but he’s well liked. 

* doesn’t come from a lot of money. West Ham isn’t home. and peeta desperately wants to get home to it because his family is the most important thing in his life. 

* he’s a painter & a baker (duh). he works in the cafeteria a lot and helps with planning meals and rationing. 

* when things start to get chaotic and shit goes to hell, peeta doesn’t handle it well. being stuck in the town, trying to survive makes him a bit stir crazy. the further they get into the reality of their situation and the more dangerous it becomes, the worse he becomes. dare i say he even becomes volatile at times when it looks like they truly are stuck there. 

[iwanttostillbcme]

wow i miss writing this precious bean

[iwanttostillbcme]

She almost hits him back with something more scathing than she intends. Something along the lines of how she doubts he noticed much. And why would he? When he’s supposed to be in love with the girl on fire herself. The entire Capitol’s darling. Their champion. Though she supposes that a part of her should be grateful to Katniss. It is because of her that he’s even alive in the first place. He would have died in the arena if it weren’t for her. And he would have let himself die in the arena for her.

Not that she’s angry she’s just…it’s complicated. This whole thing is complicated. Within their district, there are only a few that really believe the love story. But even the ones that don’t still look at her as if she’s done something criminal. As if her very existence, and her continued presence in his life, put them all at risk. And she can’t blame them either, because they’re not wrong. She is putting them at risk. Without her, he could probably pull off the whole romance angle without a hitch.

Her eyes cast down, watching the slowly growing pile of grass that he discards on the ground. ❝ I know. ❞ And that’s the worst part about it. She does know. She understands. She has to, or she’ll just be the jealous girl back home. Clingy. Bitchy. Selfish. It’s this, or they die. And she knows well enough to know that Snow probably already has a target on his back. ❝ It’s just not…it’s not easy. ❞

He hates that he’s asking this of her. To play along with this rouse. Even if it ensures their survival. He can’t imagine what it had been like to watch his faux romance play out on TV. Maybe a part of her thought he’d meant it. But it had been strategic. Haymitch’s idea. And it had been a damn good one. It had got him home. Alive. 

“It’s not real...” Peeta whispers out, finally turning his head so he can seek out her gaze. His own are filled with pain and regret and he slowly slides his hand forward for hers. He doesn’t push though. He wants her to come to him. “The things I said in the games. They weren’t true.” His eyes plead with her to understand. Surely she knows that he loves only her. That he’d fought so he could return to her. “I love you.” 

His palm stays open to her as he glances out over the forest in front of them. Katniss frequently brings him game from it even though neither of them struggle to eat anymore. It’s a habit she can’t seem to shake. Or perhaps it’s her own secret act of deviance. Like Caroline is for Peeta. “Snow would have you killed if he knew. Or worse...” His voice trails off and he doesn’t need to elaborate. She knows that there are things worse than death when it came to their world. “When I’m on this tour I’m going to do and say things that you won’t like. Maybe even make you hate me. But there won’t be a second that goes by that I won’t be wishing I was with you.”

[iwanttostillbcme]

caroline should’ve known trying to balance a containued of flour in her head was a TERRIBLE idea. but it was barely after six am and she was just trying to be funny. during the first ten seconds, she thought she was pretty good at it. her mouth even opened and she got ready to get peeta’s attention so that she could show him. but then the container fell forward and left DESTRUCTION in its wake. the destruction being caroline herself. completely covered in flour, with her mouth open in a perfect ‘o’ and eyes like saucers. ❝ i’m afraid it’s a little too late for that. ❞ she replies, picking the container up from the floor and taking a quick look inside to see if there was any flour left in there. luckily, there was. but was it enough? that’s something she didn’t know. ❝ haha, you’re so funny, peeta. ❞ she says in a unamused tone, ❝ you should be a comedian instead of a baker, you’d make a lot of money. ❞ she teases back, handing him the container once he’s standing in front of her. caroline pats herself to get rid of some of the fluor but doesn’t even try to fix her hair; she knows the only way she’ll get all the white powder out is by taking a long shower. ❝ anyways, what will we be making today? ❞     

He bites back his laughter a bit more when he sees what’s left of the flour that she’d dropped. At least his mother wasn’t here to witness it. She wouldn’t have found it so amusing. “We are making croissants and cheese buns. Two of our best sellers.” Their eyes meet and he can’t help but reach up to brush a bit of floor out of her hair for her with a wink before he sets the container down. “For now, I just want you to take this and stir the chocolate. Don’t stop or it’ll burn.” Peeta leaves her with a spatula and the chocolate on the stove, still chuckling softly to himself as he grabs more flour from the pantry. When he returns he gets to work making the dough, eyes flickering to Caroline’s every so often as he does so.

[iwanttostillbcme]

The switch happens so fast. It always does. One minute they’ll be fine, it’ll be like he’s back to his old self — and the next, all the light will go out of his eyes. He’ll become someone else. He’ll grow colder and more callous and turn into the killing machine that the Capitol made him into. They’re still not clear on what happened back there. Katniss tries to explain to her, it’s one of the few times that she actually finds herself liking the brunette. Joanna is no help, she’ll brush everything off with a scathing remark and a brush off. But even then, there’s so much they don’t know. So much about what could trigger him that they never flesh out.

It’s easier during the day. When Katniss is around with Gale, when Haymitch is slinking around, half drunk but still somehow alert and ready to interject when he needs to. At night though, it’s just them. And she’s never sure when or what will flip the switch. They hardly touch anymore, she’s scared to kiss him, to push him any further. But it’s been months since she felt close to him in any way, and she’s alone. Terrified. He’s all she has. And sometimes, sometimes she’s weak.

The second he goes still against her, she knows. But his hands are still gripping her tightly, holding her in place, and her pulse spikes significantly. Terror flooding through her. He nearly killed Katniss when they first got him back. And she doesn’t have half of the fighting skill that the victor does. And Peeta, he’s strong. She can’t fight him off if she tried. His grip turns bruising and she flinches, but a moment later, he flips them, pinning her to the  mattress beneath him, his hands holding her arms above her head 

❝ Peeta, ❞ Her voice is panicked, but she tries to keep it soft. Soothing. The same way that they all coach her to. Trying to break through whatever phantom version of her voice is still floating around in his head. ❝ You’re hurting me. ❞ Not accusing, just…soft. Calm. But she’s shaking, tears filling her eyes as she looks up at him, trying in vain not to  let it all get to her. But it does. This whole thing does. She loses her best friends. Her mom. Her life. And now she’s almost losing him. God she can’t lose him.

He can feel her tensing up, feel the way she goes rigid beneath him. But one moment he’s looking down at her face, full or fear and in the next she’s smiling up at him. It’s sticky sweet and full of malice and the way her body arches against him makes him shudder. He can’t help but react to it. “Did you think of me when they touched you? Did you imagine that it was me?” Peeta squeezes his eyes shut, trying to drown out the voice, to push her face out of his mind. Somewhere inside of him he knows it’s not real. That the things she’s saying aren’t true. Caroline loves him and he loves her. 

Slowly he drops his gaze back to hers and her expression is softer this time. But he can see the way her hair glows as she looks up at him, how every inch of her creamy skin seems to glisten. It’s how he knows it’s still not HIS Caroline. “How could I ever love someone who would do that to me?” Her lips twist into a smug grin, eyes darkening. “You disgust me. You’re a monster. I wish you had died in that arena.” 

That’s all it takes for him to scramble away from her. He’s panting as he presses himself into the corner of the room, shaking as he covers his face. He can’t look at her right now. He can’t until it’s over. “It’s not real...not real...not real.” Peeta whispers it to himself over and over as he slides to the floor, pressing his knees into his chest. “It’s not real.”

[tamayokny]

To this day, I can never shake the connection between this boy, Peeta Mellark, and the bread that gave me hope, and the dandelion that reminded me that I was not doomed.

The Hunger Games, Chapter 2 (via dyingsledge)

[iwanttostillbcme]

She wakes just as she feels the bed shift with his movements. He’s gone before her eyes open and she turns toward the now empty spot in the bed. She hates waking up alone. There’s a brief moment of panic when she does, when she thinks that she’s imagined his presence and that he’s dead. Sometimes, when he’s still there, she breathes in his scent and it soothes her. But on mornings like this one, she has to settle for his pillow. It’s not quite the same. It doesn’t touch her the way that he does, doesn’t press a kiss to her hair, doesn’t tell her that she’s alive and safe.

She considers going to the kitchen and starting the tea. But she doesn’t want tea, or breakfast. She wants him back in bed with her. The sun isn’t fully up. They could probably fall asleep for a couple more hours. Or just lie there until their hunger forces them out of bed.

Katniss presses her face into his pillow. She wants to call for him, to tell him to come back to bed. She’s not clueless about where he could be — or what he could be doing — but she tries not to think of it. Instead, she presses his pillow to her chest and sits up. “Peeta?” She calls out, glad for the sleepy tone in her voice.

He works himself to completion, groaning in relief before he tucks himself back into his shorts, washes his hands and slowly opens the door to find Katniss calling out from the bed. Had she heard him? The embarrassment of that thought it enough to make his stomach flop. “I’m here.” His cheeks are tinted pink as he crawls back to her, brushing her hair back from her face. She looks exhausted and he urges her to lay back, arm instantly looping around her waist as he tucks his nose into the curve of her neck. “Did I wake you?’ Peeta whispers softly, tracing his fingers along the palm of her hand as he relaxes beside her. 

[winchesterendgame]

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day You can’t choose what stays and what fades away

[iwanttostillbcme]

psa; i am very slow

[ilarina]

Repeat to yourself “I won’t leave you, I won’t leave you” until you fall asleep and dream of the place where nothing is red.

[loversofpanem]

So what happens when we get back? I don’t know. I guess we try to forget.

[brightlighttm]

a peek inside caroline forbes’ instagram

featuring peeta mellark — @iwanttostillbcme

[stylesthebestest]

Always.

[mockingjaykatniss2]

“No one really needs me,” he says, and there’s no self-pity in his voice. It’s true his family doesn’t need him. They will mourn him, as will a handful of friends. But they will get on. Even Haymitch with the help of a lot of white liquor, will get on. I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me. “I do,” I say. “I need you.”

[iwanttostillbcme]

It had started out like it always did, a lingering kiss along the corner of his mouth, her fingers tracing along the palm of his hand, that look in her eyes that he loved so much. Peeta could see the desire coursing through her, cheeks flushed in embarrassment or in need he wasn’t sure but he didn’t give himself time to find out. Instead he’d closed the distance between them, capturing her lips in a soft kiss, hands falling to grip her waist as he pulled her into his lap with a needy groan. 

When he had first returned to district 12 he barely let her touch him; always afraid that the softest brush of her hand or her body pressed against him might set him off. He could see the flash of hurt in her eyes when he denied her but Peeta reminded himself that it was to protect her. He still had a long way to go before he could even think about being that way with her again. And slowly but surely they grew back together. It started off small, his hand reaching for hers when he felt the need; fingers brushing back her blonde hair as he let his touch linger along her shoulder and collarbone. Every muscle in him ached for more. 

The first time they kissed he’d had an episode. He doesn’t really remember much but he does know that it was the soft sound of her voice that pulled him back to reality. From then on out they’d been hesitant in their embraces, slowly building up to heated kisses. And for the first time in a long time it felt like he’d gotten a semblance of his life back. Her back. And even though he craved more, he was content with the way things were. 

As she shifts into his lap he can’t help the way his hips buck up to meet hers, another groan being pulled from him as his fingers worked their way into her hair. The weight of her on top of him feels so good that he nearly can’t help himself. Peeta gives her curls a small tug, pulling her head back to give himself access to her throat and he drags his lips along her smooth skin, nipping at her pulse point. The action causes Caroline to release a breathy moan and that’s when he happens. 

His entire body goes rigid, fingers curling tighter into her hair and suddenly he’s not here wrapped up with her on his couch, he’s back in the capital. Maniacal laughter fills his ears and he squeezes his eyes shut, trembling at Caroline’s words wash over him. I never loved you. How could I love someone like you? You’re a joke. He can feel his grip on her tightening but he can’t seem to loosen his hold, fighting desperately against the war in his head as she laughs again. Deep down he knows it’s not real. He knows that these aren’t real memories. But he can see it so clearly in his mind, the look on her face as she laughs at him, the way her lips curl into a malicious smirk. How could anyone love someone as fucked up as you. His hands are around her arms before he can stop himself, shifting them until she’s pinned beneath him, arms above her head as he presses them into the cushions. “Stop!”

// @seesgood gets smut? or angst 

[bonniebenntt-deactivated2020090]

If the forest has a day of fire & the heat of the flames does not consume a tree, it will still be changed; charred, but still standing .