love as an offering

writer, worrier, a little obsessive. AO3: mallstars

[mallstars]

Speaking Up

After months of consideration, I’ve decided to speak up about a deeply distressing experience I had in the Drarry community. 

A little over half a year ago, I was abruptly banned from a community of Drarry writers after a vague statement accusing a member of harassment. I was never told specifically what I was accused of; nobody ever spoke to me or provided any explanation for their actions. When I tried to reach out, I was blocked. 

In a slow trickle of information provided by other people over the following weeks and months, I learned that I’d been blamed for anonymous hate comments left on a fellow writer’s AO3, based on “credible evidence”, which wasn’t shared. 

I want to be very clear: 

I did not leave these hate comments, nor would I ever leave hate comments to anyone. The person who received these comments, as well as everyone supporting their accusations, were people whose work I enjoyed privately and publicly. 

I have no idea what “evidence” anyone could have come up with to support the claim that I left those anonymous comments. Other than knowing that I'm innocent, I've also learned that you cannot determine the identity of a guest commenter on AO3. 

There’s something uniquely jarring and isolating about being falsely accused of having done something bad, without being told what it is and without being given the chance to defend myself, as well as this accusation coming from people I considered friends, in a community that prides itself on being kind and mature. 

Being branded a harasser by people I trusted has had a devastating effect on my experience in fandom, my fandom relationships, and on my mental health. It has made navigating fandom spaces challenging, and had a noticeable impact even on my real, everyday life. I’m still dealing with the fallout of what happened, half a year later. 

For months, I’ve been thinking about how to address this matter. Ultimately, I’ve decided against a more detailed recount of what happened and how it continues to affect me, as I don’t want to invite any further negativity, towards me or the people who targeted me. 

Instead, I want to be clear about who I am and how I engage with the Drarry community. I care deeply about my stories, as well as other creators and the fandom spaces we share. I’ve always strived to uplift others and to be a kind, authentic, and fun participant. As a passionate reader, I will continue doing what I enjoy: reading stories and being vocal in my support of the creators of this fandom. 

Creating and being an active part of the fandom space always went hand in hand for me, and this has been difficult for the majority of this year. As of now, I’m not sure I’ll keep writing in this community, but I’ll take every day as it comes. In the end, I'm a writer with all my heart, and if I end up wanting to stick around, I'll be happy for it. 

In speaking up about this now, I’m giving myself permission to move on. It has seemed imperative to me to understand not only the What of the situation but also the Why. However, in the end, none of my guesses hold much weight. I’ve not been able to find a sensible link between myself and the person I was made out to be. I’ve exhausted myself and my options, and am finally giving myself permission to stop trying to understand the motivations of those who accused me, and instead focus on the positive aspects of being part of this community. 

Finally, I want to say that I strongly believe in open communication. I wasn’t given the chance to respond to the accusations when it mattered the most. Still, I am, and always have been, genuinely happy to talk. To anyone who’s reading this and would like to chat, whether you know about this situation or not: My DMs are open. 

I'm so very grateful to the people who've listened to me, created new safe spaces for and with me, and cared while I did my best to navigate this situation. I'm grateful, too, to those friends who cracked jokes about this mess long before I was ready to. Thank you for being the brightest part of my fandom experience. Your friendship, as well as the incredible stories I’ve gotten to read in this fandom, will stay with me, and continue to shine brighter than anyone could diminish. 

[bluecoffeebeanz]

Bella’s bedroom still goes hard to this day ✌️

[aqua-regia009]

Jakub Schikaneder (Czech, 1855-1924)

[short666bread]

nighttime routine in an au where the marauder’s map has pinch zoom

[thy-lovelylionheart]

“I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you,” is one of the rawest lines in all of fiction and it pierces me like a blade every time I hear it

[galadriel1010]

Any travel advice site will tell you to travel like a local, but honestly you should local like a traveller. Go out with wide eyes and curiosity. Visit museums and parks and art galleries, try out the overpriced but highly rated restaurants that only tourists visit, take photos and video, stop to read those heritage information signs, treat yourself to an ice cream on a hot day. Don't let tourists be the only ones who take joy in your home.

[augustpoem]

I replied to your message in my head several days ago did you not get it

[seal-of-unknown]

me, begging, tears in my eyes: please. please just tell me what the book is about. the plot. please

a book annotation on the cover, unfazed: A Subversive Masterpiece. A Deep And Touching Story. The New York Times Bestseller. Go Fuck Yourself

[drarry-reccage]

The Good Guys by Frayach (27K, E)

Tags: Prisoner Draco Malfoy, Dubious Ethics, Interrogation, Morally Grey Characters, Wartime

Malfoy was still smiling at him rather unnervingly, so Harry took his sweet time pulling the metal chair away from the wall, sitting down, and arranging his robes and the folders on his lap. He noticed with satisfaction as Malfoy shifted in his seat, obviously disconcerted by Harry’s freakishly unhurried movements. It was one of the many things he’d learned from Jennings. An interrogator’s body language and demeanour were absolutely essential to the successful disposition of a case. The whole aim was to set the detainee on edge, remove any degree of predictability or hint of routine from his life. He must never know, from one minute to the next, how you will respond. He must never be allowed to feel in control, and he must never be allowed to feel safe. Unless, of course, it’s a preliminary to tearing that sense of safety away . . . Harry crossed his legs, closed the file in his lap, and stared wordlessly at the man in the metal cage before him.

(rec by @mallstars)

[appleslightning]

[perhapsarat]

My kids and what’s in their bags!

[slyssnakes]

It's a fitting punishment... To want something so much—to hold it in your arms—and know beyond a doubt you will never deserve it.

[drarry-reccage]

the most he's ever said by @fastbrother (16k, E)

Tags: Character Study, Down and Out Draco Malfoy, Decades Long Situationship, Angst with a Happy Ending They’re quiet during the six-floor walk-up. Potter’s heavy steps echo down the curved escalier as he joins Draco on the narrow landing. A clink of keys, a drawn-out squeak, and they’re inside. Potter doesn’t comment on the size of Draco’s room, nor the rest; the bed, propped up by books and crammed between a sink full of empty bottles and the door, the water-damaged wall, the potion vials on the floor. In fact, he doesn’t seem to take in anything at all, his eyes glossy and fixed somewhere beyond the walls of Draco’s room.

Draco finds a half-full bottle of wine under the bed, and pours Potter a glass. Potter accepts it, a heavy air of preoccupation hanging over him. They spend another couple of minutes in that viscous silence, side by side on Draco’s lumpy bed, then Potter stands up.

Draco’s heart is pounding. Harry sets his empty glass on the stack of newspapers Draco uses to cover the window when it gets too hot. He lingers for a while with his back turned, as if pondering some important decision. Draco wonders if he’ll leave, then, just like that.

He doesn’t. He turns. The room is so small, he’s in front of Draco in one step. (rec by @mallstars)

[conceptofjoy]

big fan of characters who have it all under control when theyre put in situations but no idea how to be like a regular guy doing regular stuff when all is said and done.

[drarry-reccage]

All I Want for Kwithmath by @mintawasalreadytaken (9k, Explicit)

Tags: Extremely Dubious Consent, Heavy BDSM, Mind Break, Ring Gag, Gimp Suit, Christmas Presents

It's a wonder, on his part, at the usefulness of finding a person so utterly trainable. Harry thinks he's middling at best, where Draco is in awe. He's a natural. Who would have thunk? It's easy to mistake the look for love. It's easy because Harry is good at finding what he is looking for, even if he's wrong about it. Especially when he's wrong about it.

(rec by @garagepaperback)

[lycanthrology]

[attempting to flirt] if i was stuck in a timeloop id desperately explain my situation to you every single reset

[arbitraryexistence]

Ever since reading my first time loop-based book as a preteen, I’ve had a Secret Time Loop Code Word. It’s been the same word all these years. I’ve never written it down anywhere or told anyone what it is, just kept it tucked away in my brain. That way, if someone I know ever confided in me that they were stuck in a time loop, I would have a way to confirm it: I would tell them the time loop code word and instruct them to find and talk to me again on the next loop. Of course, if it’s a time loop, I wouldn’t remember telling them the code word. But they’d remember it. So if someone ever came to me and said “I’m stuck in a time loop, and the time loop code word is [X],” and it was indeed the word I’ve secretly held onto for most of my life, I would know that we had had this conversation in a previous loop and that they were telling the truth.

Will this ever be useful? Almost certainly not. But hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a completely absurd contingency plan. In case of time loops.

[landsccape]