excuse me but this happened

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@iwasbornafraid-blog
excuse me but this happened
everyone falling in love with simon is the most realistic part of shadowhunters
Awkward Valentine's Day/Date Starters
āSoā¦I canāt afford Netflix, but we can Redbox and chill if you want?ā
āRoses were sold out everywhere, so I got you a bucket of chicken instead.ā
āThe date was great! Well ⦠until we got to his apartment where his dog kept trying to hump me.ā
āEvery year I tell you the same thing; I donāt like white chocolate!!ā
āNot only did he take me to McDonalds for Valentineās, he used coupons to pay for it.ā
āAll the stores were sold out of condomsā¦ā
āI think there was something wrong with the food because I donāt feel so good.ā
āWe need to cut this date short because Iām going to shit myself.ā
āPLEASE tell me your credit card did NOT just get declined.ā
āWhat do you mean youāre in labor, the babyās not due for another month and these tickets werenāt cheap!!ā
āDid you get any of those rose petals stuck between your ass cheeks?ā
āAre you okay?! I swear I didnāt mean to pop the cork into your face!ā
āHe not only showed up to our date wasted, but broke a $200 bottle of champagne over his head.ā
āSo not exactly the surprise you were hoping for, but weāre having a baby.ā
āThere werenāt any nuts in those chocolates were there?ā
āI think Iād rather have been home alone with a pint of ice cream than to have come out on this date with you tonight.ā
āIām sorry my overwhelming libido put you in the hospital.ā
āIām sorry, I canāt help it; Iām lactose intolerant.ā
āI canāt drink any champagne because ⦠I might be pregnant.ā
āHe asked if he could ālick my pussyā and I told him I didnāt have a cat.ā
āQuick, call 911; the stoveās on fire.ā
āWait, if you donāt have a car, how are you taking me out then?ā
āI donāt think drizzling chocolate on the bed was a very good idea ⦠ā
āIād kiss you but there were red onions in my dish ⦠ā
āEither Iāve got food poisoning or the babyās coming.ā
āI wanted to propose to you tonight but I think our waitress ⦠kinda stole the ring.ā
āI know spending Valentineās in the hospital isnāt very romantic, but I canāt tell you how happy I am that you stayed.ā
āSo, um, I donāt think we can have sex tonight. I just got my period.ā
āIf youāre going to fart in my car, at least give me a warning next time.ā
āMy/Your dress totally ripped up the back and now my/your ass is hanging out.ā
āWe werenāt even ten minutes into our date before he pulled his dick out and started jerking it under the table!!ā
āI donāt mean to be rude, but did you brush your teeth with garlic or something?! The smell is overwhelming.ā
āNot only was he/she late to our Skype date, but I could see his/her side guy/chick in his/her bed in the background!ā
āWell, being handcuffed and arrested certainly made the date exciting.ā
āNo, weāre going to have to cancel our reservations, I canāt find a sitter.ā
āEven though I peed myself in the middle of our date, we still had a good time.ā
āWell, I had bought you a really nice Valentineās gift, but one of the kids thought itād be funny to flush it down the toilet.ā
āIām the master of the microwave.ā
āOh. Um, they must have mixed up our plates. That ring isnāt for you.ā
āI was so nervous for the date, I forgot to put deodorant on. That might be why they havenāt called me in a few days.ā
āIf youāre expecting an engagement ring tonight, then Iāve got bad news for you.ā
āHe tied me to the bed, told me to call him daddy, and next thing I know, heās face down between my legs, snoring.ā
He felt a little guilty, given he was pretty certain if Alec saw it was him he wouldnāt want to keep dancing as he was pretty sure Alec was so not a fan of him (He called Simon an IT after all). But as Alec leaned back into Simon he decided there was no harm in dancing till the end of the song and then leaving before he turned around and could hit him. Maybe it would help him get over his growing crushā¦. or make it worth. Worth it either way.
Alec relaxed into the other as they danced, feeling like himself for the first time in his life. Except, he finally made the mistake of turning to face the person he was dancing with, and he froze the moment he saw it was Simon. It wasnāt because it was Simon it wasā¦because it was Simon, which meant he could tell everyone Alec had been here, which was the last thing he wanted.Ā āSimon. I- What are you doing here?ā
"I uh... dancing," he said sheepishly. He supposed it had been too much to hope for that he could just slip away unnoticed.
Emrys slid his hand up Simon's shirt, humming softly. 'Mhm...love you baby.'
Simon smiled in content āLove you too Em.ā
@eyes-blazing
āYou are going to be with me for a long time..You deserve to be with someone who knows this.ā
Simon smiled brightly āYouāre so good to me.ā
āJust being honest.ā
āYeah⦠Doesnāt make you being good to me less appreciated,ā he said kissing him āNot everyone would bother finding out these sorts of things.ā
Emrys shrugged and nuzzled into Simon.
āDonāt play it off like itās nothing Babe, you donāt give yourself enough credit.ā
āI know how much your heritage means to you and It bothers me that you have to give that up.ā Emrys let his hand slide over Simons ribs.Ā āSo if I have to convert wellā¦so be it.ā
"Man just when I think I can't possibly love you anymore," he said with a small smile kissing Emrys softly.
Magnus: Finally Alexander are you ready for our first da-
Alec: This is Madzie..... she's our child now
Magnus:
Alec: :)
Magnus: *sighs* Raphael! Simon! Take care of your sister while we're gone
Send in sexy pictures of your Muse to my submit box, and see how my muse reacts..
Send "ļ¼ļ¼ āļ¼ ļ¼" for my muse to accidentally walk in on yours masturbating
#vampire humor
iwasbornafraid liked your post āPermanent starter call for Hodgeā
āComing to laugh at a one handed man?ā
āI uh.... Laughing at people for things like a missing isnāt really my wheelhouse.ā
Explain to me why you told Victor Aldertree that Iām responsible for a vampire den in Flatbush?
Do you have any idea what the Clave does to vampires who violate the Accords?