I'm Bold.... Adjacent

  "I've seen every horror movie ever made, and the funny best friend who gets left behind? Dead man." [Indie Simon Lewis from The Mortal Instruments/Shadowhunters series. Multi-verse, Multi-ship, Oc friendly. Mun is 18+]  

[latinareyes]

excuse me but this happened

[fetchthebolts]

everyone falling in love with simon is the most realistic part of shadowhunters

[the-bark-is-worse]

Awkward Valentine's Day/Date Starters

“So…I can’t afford Netflix, but we can Redbox and chill if you want?”

“Roses were sold out everywhere, so I got you a bucket of chicken instead.”

“The date was great! Well … until we got to his apartment where his dog kept trying to hump me.”

“Every year I tell you the same thing; I don’t like white chocolate!!”

“Not only did he take me to McDonalds for Valentine’s, he used coupons to pay for it.”

“All the stores were sold out of condoms…”

“I think there was something wrong with the food because I don’t feel so good.”

“We need to cut this date short because I’m going to shit myself.”

“PLEASE tell me your credit card did NOT just get declined.”

“What do you mean you’re in labor, the baby’s not due for another month and these tickets weren’t cheap!!”

“Did you get any of those rose petals stuck between your ass cheeks?”

“Are you okay?! I swear I didn’t mean to pop the cork into your face!”

“He not only showed up to our date wasted, but broke a $200 bottle of champagne over his head.”

“So not exactly the surprise you were hoping for, but we’re having a baby.”

“There weren’t any nuts in those chocolates were there?”

“I think I’d rather have been home alone with a pint of ice cream than to have come out on this date with you tonight.”

“I’m sorry my overwhelming libido put you in the hospital.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it; I’m lactose intolerant.”

“I can’t drink any champagne because … I might be pregnant.”

“He asked if he could ‘lick my pussy’ and I told him I didn’t have a cat.”

“Quick, call 911; the stove’s on fire.”

“Wait, if you don’t have a car, how are you taking me out then?”

“I don’t think drizzling chocolate on the bed was a very good idea … ”

“I’d kiss you but there were red onions in my dish … ”

“Either I’ve got food poisoning or the baby’s coming.”

“I wanted to propose to you tonight but I think our waitress … kinda stole the ring.”

“I know spending Valentine’s in the hospital isn’t very romantic, but I can’t tell you how happy I am that you stayed.”

“So, um, I don’t think we can have sex tonight. I just got my period.”

“If you’re going to fart in my car, at least give me a warning next time.”

“My/Your dress totally ripped up the back and now my/your ass is hanging out.”

“We weren’t even ten minutes into our date before he pulled his dick out and started jerking it under the table!!”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but did you brush your teeth with garlic or something?! The smell is overwhelming.”

“Not only was he/she late to our Skype date, but I could see his/her side guy/chick in his/her bed in the background!”

“Well, being handcuffed and arrested certainly made the date exciting.”

“No, we’re going to have to cancel our reservations, I can’t find a sitter.”

“Even though I peed myself in the middle of our date, we still had a good time.”

“Well, I had bought you a really nice Valentine’s gift, but one of the kids thought it’d be funny to flush it down the toilet.”

“I’m the master of the microwave.”

“Oh. Um, they must have mixed up our plates. That ring isn’t for you.”

“I was so nervous for the date, I forgot to put deodorant on. That might be why they haven’t called me in a few days.”

“If you’re expecting an engagement ring tonight, then I’ve got bad news for you.”

“He tied me to the bed, told me to call him daddy, and next thing I know, he’s face down between my legs, snoring.”

[lonelyheartedboys]

He felt a little guilty, given he was pretty certain if Alec saw it was him he wouldn’t want to keep dancing as he was pretty sure Alec was so not a fan of him (He called Simon an IT after all). But as Alec leaned back into Simon he decided there was no harm in dancing till the end of the song and then leaving before he turned around and could hit him. Maybe it would help him get over his growing crush…. or make it worth. Worth it either way.

Alec relaxed into the other as they danced, feeling like himself for the first time in his life. Except, he finally made the mistake of turning to face the person he was dancing with, and he froze the moment he saw it was Simon. It wasn’t because it was Simon it was…because it was Simon, which meant he could tell everyone Alec had been here, which was the last thing he wanted. “Simon. I- What are you doing here?”

[iwasbornafraid-blog]

"I uh... dancing," he said sheepishly. He supposed it had been too much to hope for that he could just slip away unnoticed.

[iwasbornafraid-blog]

Emrys slid his hand up Simon's shirt, humming softly. 'Mhm...love you baby.'

Simon smiled in content “Love you too Em.”

@eyes-blazing

[eyes-blazing]

‘You are going to be with me for a long time..You deserve to be with someone who knows this.’

[iwasbornafraid-blog]

Simon smiled brightly “You’re so good to me.”

[eyes-blazing]

‘Just being honest.’

[iwasbornafraid-blog]

“Yeah… Doesn’t make you being good to me less appreciated,” he said kissing him “Not everyone would bother finding out these sorts of things.”

[eyes-blazing]

Emrys shrugged and nuzzled into Simon.

[iwasbornafraid-blog]

“Don’t play it off like it’s nothing Babe, you don’t give yourself enough credit.”

[eyes-blazing]

‘I know how much your heritage means to you and It bothers me that you have to give that up.’ Emrys let his hand slide over Simons ribs. ‘So if I have to convert well…so be it.’

[iwasbornafraid-blog]

"Man just when I think I can't possibly love you anymore," he said with a small smile kissing Emrys softly.

[smilefortheliving]

[iwasbornafraid-blog]

Magnus: Finally Alexander are you ready for our first da-

Alec: This is Madzie..... she's our child now

Magnus:

Alec: :)

Magnus: *sighs* Raphael! Simon! Take care of your sister while we're gone

[thelovelyarchangeljophiel-deact]

Send in sexy pictures of your Muse to my submit box, and see how my muse reacts..

[magnusizzy]

[rp-meme-slut]

Send "（＠◇＠）" for my muse to accidentally walk in on yours masturbating

[angelliott]

#vampire humor

[umbraevenatores]

iwasbornafraid liked your post “Permanent starter call for Hodge”

“Coming to laugh at a one handed man?”

[iwasbornafraid-blog]

“I uh.... Laughing at people for things like a missing isn’t really my wheelhouse.”

[incorretshadowhuntrsquotes]

[rozanovs]

[shadowhuntersdoitwell]

[ambersriley]

Explain to me why you told Victor Aldertree that I’m responsible for a vampire den in Flatbush?

[tylerposey]

Do you have any idea what the Clave does to vampires who violate the Accords?