sometimes i just think about how i spent 2 years destroying my own sense of self and my confidence just so an insecure ass boy would still love me and it fucks me up cause i realize how much it fucked me up in the long run like i’m literally constantly worried about what other ppl think about every single tiny little thing i do because i’m i terrified of making anyone angry or hate me even when it just over me being myself or doing things to make myself happy. my happiness suffered for years and now i still can’t let myself be unapologetically happy about my choices or my life. i feel like i gotta defend every single action or even thought i have to other ppl for them to accept me and i still do things all the time so my bf won’t get mad even though i don’t think he would like i start getting uncomfortable when i talk about my friends who are guys and hanging out with them cause i’m so scared he’s gonna get mad at me like my ex did even though he doesn’t act like that. i’m just so scared all the time.
