I was in love once

AND THEN I FUCKED UP

[iwasinloveonce]

2:47 a.m.

i try to play it cool

but my body tells the truth

before i do

i say i’m fine

i’m not

your name tastes sweet

i bite it back

(not enough)

my hands behave

my heart doesn’t

if you asked me once

just once

i’d fold

i want you

in ways i don’t admit

in the dark

in my head

on my lips

maybe it’s wrong

maybe it’s right

i’ve been undressing you

in my prayers

if this burns

let it

i don’t know

what to do with you

[iwasinloveonce]

It's easy to look death in the eye, it's comfortable. She welcomes you, entices you.

Death seems like the best option.

Why suffer? What's the point?

Life is hard to confront. She looks at you and it's frightening.

I don't like life. She mocks me. Every day, when I get in front of the mirror, life laughs at me.

«Look at you! » She says, «you look terrible, is that a new wrinkle? " And then she laughs, and laughs and laughs.

Death however calls everyday, like she's a lover waiting for me.

«Honey, if only you came to me I could tell you how beautiful you are, I want you... »

Everyday I have to make a choice, either I confront life and don't let her bully me or I listen to the call of death.

Everyday is a battle.

[iwasinloveonce]

I still think of you in the middle of the Night.

[iwasinloveonce]

I still love you

I yearn for your touch. I yearn for your love. I will look for you in life and in death, in heaven and hell.

[iwasinloveonce]

It is very late in the evening and I have to write to you again. My mind is racing. Once again there you are in my head, and yet I can't touch you.

I feel the goosebumps on my back when I recall your hands all over me, your lips on mine, your teeth biting my skin... Your fingers closing firmly but gently on my neck.

I can't help but feel some shame thinking about your tongue while you went down on me, my fingers pulling your dirty blonde hair.

I feel no shame in thinking about me going down on you though. I yearn for your taste daily. I want to plead for you to fuck me again, get on my knees, and tell you to please fuck me again and again.

[iwasinloveonce]

Oh darling, how I miss you...

[iwasinloveonce]

I miss you ❤

[iwasinloveonce]

I saw you in my dreams again...

There you are, wearing your big yellow hoodie with the sleeves rolled up, tattoos showing, backwards baseball hat and that perfectly imperfect smile on your lips.

Of course, your big brown eyes are smiling too. I wish I could drown in them, never leave their warmth. They look like a little piece of the sun was put in them. Everytime you looked into my eyes I felt all the tension, all the stress and the anguish leave my body.

I will never forget your hands either, they were a perfect mix between soft and calloused. I could tell you work with your hands a lot, but still your touch was so soft, so delicate... It made me feel like a precious jewel.

Oh how I miss you darling.

[iwasinloveonce]

I still feel you in every warm breeze, taste you in every sweet pie, hear you in every love song, smell you in every old book.

You are my safe place.

[silent-insanities]

I wanted this to be forever.

[iwasinloveonce]

I wanted us to be forever.

[iwasinloveonce]

I wish I had the courage to call you instead of writing here.

I wish... If I call and you don't respond, I'll be crushed. But if I call and you pick up... What would I say to you? I can't tell you that I miss you, that I think about you every night, every day, every second.

[thehopefulquotes]

“You know you really love someone, When you don’t hate them for breaking your heart.”

— ThePersonalQuotes

[iwasinloveonce]

And how could I ever hate you? You could break my heart a million times and still, I would come back to you...

[missinyouiskillingme]

When you lose someone you love, you never get over it. You just get used to it.

[iwasinloveonce]

And even when you get used to it, the immense feelings of love come creeping back to you, when you listen to certain songs, eating some foods, dreaming, walking, driving... Shit's hard but worth it.

[iwasinloveonce]

Why do I even bother trying to forget you? It goes well one day, two days, and then it all comes back to me, like rain on an autumn day.

I (barely) sleep hugging my pillow, and I dream that I'm hugging you and you don't want to let me go... Ha, I wish that were true. The truth is that you let go of me when I needed you the most. With no explanation. You distanced yourself from me without ever saying why. We fell onto old patterns where we laughed together, touched hands, joked about stupid stuff one day and the next you just weren't the same.

I miss you, with all my heart. It hurts when I think about you.

[iwasinloveonce]

I could feel the whole universe running through my veins when I was with you. I was finally at peace. I've always been a mess, restless, stressed. Never before in my life have I felt at peace. I was like a puzzle waiting to be assembled. But then you came and with one kiss you made me whole, all the pieces were rearranged. The missing piece was back where it belonged.

One kiss and I finally figured out the secrets of the universe, the mysteries I've spent my whole life trying to uncover.

And when you finally held me in your arms I felt as if an angel was touching my soul, bringing me the peace I had been looking for.

Darling, you were my guardian angel and with my recklessness and my sins I made you fly away.

[iwasinloveonce]

I had a dream about you (again)

I woke up this morning with heartache.

Heartache because you were not here. Hearache because you had been there, in my head, again... And then you were gone, again.

In my dream you were mad, I can't even remeber why. But still, you spoke to me softly, patiently.

We were in some kind of library sourrounded with ruins and water. The books were very old and we couldn't even touch them because they would've desintegrated between our fingers. I tried again and again to reach for the books, but you told me off, again and again.

"Stop, please, stop it. You're gonna break them..." You said it so softly, it could have been a whisper.

"Like you broke my heart?" I respond snarkly, as always.

"Stop it, i did NOT break your heart, you did this to yourself." Your warm eyes turn cold for a second. I breathe, it's true, we could have fixed this. But i decided that I was not to be broken up with, not by you, not by anyone else.

And then, in desperation i reached for one of the books, your had darts out to take mine, like you used to... Soft and tender, your eyes look into mine, the warmth is back. And everything is ok.

Then a noise. I wake up. You're not here. Heartache is all that is left.

[missinyouiskillingme]

I used to build dreams about you.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

[iwasinloveonce]

I still dream of your hand touching mine.