ThePerfectEscape

[iwillnevertrulyknow]

That Didn't Go As Planned 9/18/13

     Well today the guy I spoke of decided to tell me how he really feels. I asked him for a hug this morning and it turned into I don't care about him and my words have no meaning behind them. I was furious after he said that to me. I didn't know how to respond. I thought he was having a bad morning. Well we got into a HUGE argument. He says that my reasoning for why I care about him will suck and I won't tell him because I have no reasoning for why I care about him. I really do care about him but, you can't expect someone to tell you why they care for you after you went and told them their reasoning is bad and that there is no meaning or feeling behind their words. At this point I was done talking. HE then comes to school for one class then leaves afterward. He texts me while I'm at work and asks to talk about it and I had no clue what I was talking about because I didn't know where any of that came from. So I told him how I felt about what he said to me. But I did not under any circumstances want to talk about it. I am going to let this roll over or at least wait until I am level headed to talk about it. So after work I stopped talking to him so I could clear my head. And now he has sent me a video of "Every Rose has its Thorn". I'm so done.

[iwillnevertrulyknow]

Changing The Problem 9/17/13

     From now on I pledge to myself that I will be accepting of others. No matter what they say to me. I am not terrible to people but the little things bother me that people do and I want it gone. It would make the rest of my life so much easier. School, home life, relationships.. That is why I want the change. Not to impress someone not because someone wants me to but for my own happiness and comfort. It would make going through the day easier because I wouldn't have to plan around the way I am feeling because of something someone does. I realize that they do not realize it is bothering me so I am not going to let it because there is no need to let it bother  me.

[iwillnevertrulyknow]

What To Do 9/17/13

     It is very difficult to function lately. I have someone that I am finally comfortable with and I feel like he finally understands how I feel about him. Just when I believe he knows he says something that questions everything about me and how I feel toward people so I don't know how to handle it. He claims I don't care but I really do. When I tell him I don't want to ask about his problems because he says he trusts no one then it is really difficult to continue on with how I feel about him and caring for how he feels. Because he claims he does not like to bother people with his "dumb shit" and I want to listen to it but I feel if I ask he will tell me something rude and I will feel bad for trying. If he really wants to evaluate someone then he should evaluate himself because he has more issues then the person behind this computer typing this. I have a release and he does not, He puts up a front like he doesn't care and he has nothing wrong with him. I think the opposite. He needs someone to listen to how he feels but I can't bring myself to ask because I can't deal with how he turns it around to be one of my problems. He finds anything else that's wrong so the subject is not on him. I don't understand and I really don't know how to handle it.

[iwillnevertrulyknow]

Waiting 8/5/2013

     Recently me and this guu have been talking. When we started talking he was in a relationship and so we were just friends that is all. But then him and his girlfriend broke up and so things started looking up. He has told me he likes me. He hasnt moved on from that. I really liked him. But now since I have been waiting a while this whole thing has gotten tiring. I do not know whether I should continue or not. I do not want to wait around forever when I have better opprotunities come along. I don't k now how to explain the way I feel about him anymore. I also don't want to be mean by telling him this. I really need help.

[iwillnevertrulyknow]

The "Weight Problem" 7/13/2013

I see this subject come up a lot and that is the weight problem. I honestly have no opinion on the subject for other people. I don't go out in public and think "He/she is too skinny" or "He/she needs to lose weight". Because it is not my business. If a person is happy in their skin then leave them alone and do not tell them what you think of their body size. If they wanted your opinion they would ask. I believe the only point that you should be concerned with another persons weight is when it is to the point where it is unhealthy and they should get help. Other than that it doesn't matter what size in jeans you are or whether your thighs touch or not it is the fact that you love what you see in the mirror regardless. I will admit that there are times when I do not love what I see but, I think to myself I'm the only one that can change myself so if I don't love it I'm the only one to blame. But then I start to think how I can make that change and how to make progress toward my goal. So if you look at other people and see a weight problem. Look at your own reflection and maybe realize that you look down on other peoples size because you aren't comfortable in your own skin.

[iwillnevertrulyknow]

Breathing is Key 7/10/2013

At this moment in time, when I come out of this situation I feel as if it is going to show the person I am. The way I handle this will show my true character. I need a moment to breathe and I can't. I need to get these people to think and talk. I want to help but it seems impossible. Trying is the key. When you try it shows you care but sometimes it isnt enough. I wish I knew what enough was but I'm sure I will figure it out when all is said and done. I just need to know. I just need to find out and breathe.