why do my eyelids always feel heavy? why does nothing i do ever feel real? sometimes i wish the world had a "pause" button and never hit "play" just to spare me the time sometimes i feel like i'm at the "game over" screen stuck at the choice of "give up, try again" nowhere to run, a kid with no life endlessly tired, i hear my bones creak sometimes i feel like i just shouldn't try an imperfect child, so small and so weak tiny and small, their sweet little sibling always so cute, just a crude wooden doll i'm more than just that, i'm human like you but you laugh and you laugh like you don't care at all eyes ocean blue lead to ivory tears that she'll never shed 'cause she's scared of the pain dipped in iodine words and a blanket of smiling teeth never to tell them the ache in her brain she's tired, she's hurt, she's scared you don't care but what's there to care for, if she isn't real? i'm more than a toy or a porcelain doll my mouth is stitched shut, i never dare speak of things that i want or of things i've been through just don't be a burden, be little and weak a plaything to toy with, that's all you will be of iodine words and sharp gnashing teeth