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@j-hynes-blog
You lost her. And now she lights up the night-time sky for her new lover cause he recognized her as the moon. And you envy him. She could’ve been your moon, but you were too busy chasing the dimly lit stars.
Zienab Hamdan - Admit it, you messed up. (via aliciaaadani)
Michael Cunningham, Specimen Days
this morning on taxi after rave:)
Don’t judge yourself by your past. You don’t live there anymore.
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I'm baaaaaaaack.
Can Someone Explain Graduation to Me?
"So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. And remember that life's a great balancing act, and will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed." - Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!
Instagram: @joanna_hynes
I wrote about my recent change of collegiate venue in my blog post, Transformation Tuesday. It's a big change, but I expected change. What I didn't expect was to not understand graduation. Theoretically, it makes sense. It's just like graduating high school - closing one chapter and opening a new one, right? Graduating high school was easy. I lost my shit a little bit when my parents dropped me off, but that's to be expected, I think. My roommate cried every time her parents left, every year. I just used up all my tears at once. So, college graduation - no big deal, right? In fact, probably easier since I was always going back and forth, college and home. Finally moving back home would be easier. Wrong. So wrong. I don't understand this post-grad life. I've followed PostGradProblems.com and even enrolled in graduate school to stay a student for as long as possible. Still, I can't seem to grasp the concept. I long for college bars. I long for campus food at my disposal. I long for my friends being within a 10-minute walk. I long for college bar prices. I long for academic advisors who will also invite me out to dinner. I long for chapter meetings with my sorority every week. I ask my friends to update me on things that don't really matter in the real world: How was happy hour? Who's running for president? What Gasparilla party are you going to? Who was our first social with this year? I just can't figure out how to function outside of my beautiful campus. So, I ask - can someone explain graduation to me? Love Always, Joanna
Interview for a Boyfriend
"When I dropped him, I shattered." - Haley Mosley
After the "Rape Poem to End All Rape Poems" went viral, it inspired me to start watching some slam poetry videos on Youtube. My favorites include:
"Boyfriend Interview" (above)
"The Future" (and pretty much everything by Neil Hilborn)
"On Why I Will Always Come Home"
"Ten Responses to the Phrase 'Man Up'"
"An Open Letter to God From An Atheist"
"Five Reasons to Date a Girl with an Eating Disorder" (I also devote this topic to a blog post on its own here)
"To the Woman Hitting on My Boyfriend"
But it was Haley Mosley's quote that titles this post that really resonated with me. I had that quote saved as a blog post alone since I saw this video. That's just beautiful writing.
I've also been reflecting on my past relationships a lot lately. I'm writing a comedy book about all the relationship mishaps that have happened to me, and there have been a lot (rivaling this), but on a more serious note, I've reflected on How to Know When You Deserve Better. So as I venture back into the dating world after a short break, I have the following questions:
Do you dog ear the pages of your books?
Have you read since high school?
How much do you tip your waiters?
How many times have you watched your favorite movie?
You win the nobel prize - quick, in what?
Flannel or a bow tie, pick one. (There's no wrong answer.)
Would you name your son after yourself?
Describe how you would tie dye a shirt. Include colors.
What's the better feeling: finally peeing after a long car ride or peeling the plastic off something new?
How many times have you been in love?
Have many times have you pretended to be in love?
Tell me an instance where you'd be kissing a boy. Yes, you.
Did you notice my eyes are brown?
Did you notice I bite my nails and my lip?
Are you okay with the fact that I'll never scratch your back or be able to open shrink wrap on my own?
Are you okay with the fact that sometimes my lips will be chapped when you kiss me?
Are you okay with eating salad every day for a week and then fast food the next?
Are you okay with our bed also being my desk?
And the characters in my head being the bridal party at our wedding?
Are you okay with having a short blanket so my feet can stick out?
Are you okay with sleeping with me? Just sleeping.
Are you okay with me asking if I'm okay enough?
"I broke up with my boyfriend and then spent the night." Love Always, Joanna
5 Reasons to Date a Girl With an Eating Disorder - Excuse Me?
"I felt the extra weight on me. I saw the rolls of fat on my stomach and the way the excess energy pushed out through the stretch marks on my pudgy thighs. In a moment of clarity that led to more than a decade of pain, I had my first real memory: 'I'm fat.' I was four years old." - YeahOkayWhat on Total Sorority Move I read and reread 5 Reasons to Date a Girl With an Eating Disorder to find the sarcasm that I must have been missing or the call to action at the end that I forgot to read. I found none. This was a serious article written as a serious suggestion for males looking for their next girlfriend. Not only does the author trivialize the disorder, turning serious mental and physical consequences into relationship perks, but he objectifies the women in the process. In fact, they're for sale. "In a world where the 'retail price' on the typical Western woman continues to skyrocket - while their quality continues its precipitous decline - there are some real gems to be found in the bargain bin." This ends the first paragraph, so it was difficult to read on without vomiting. Such instinct grew when I read, "While obesity is, in most cases, also an 'eating disorder,' this list doesn't apply to emotional eaters, food addicts, and fatties with no self control." I will let Megan Maughan go through the list for you:
Not only is this suggestion list sick and immature and insensitive and probably a few other words, it's also sad. If a man, sorry...boy, is in a relationship for any of the above reasons, he is not mature enough to handle a relationship. Furthermore, if a boy is in a relationship with a woman with an eating disorder for any of the above reasons, he's cruel. A woman with a disorder like that needs to be valued and cared for, and instead she's treated like a strategic move. I feel like an eating disorder is something that an outsider can't understand, something that seems extremely insensitive to us as the human race since "According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 25 percent of college-aged women engage in binging and purging as a weight maintenance technique. That's a quarter of us." Total Sorority move released A Graphic Account of Life With an Eating Disorder Like You've Never Heard, and it's haunting. Red Band Society, a new drama on FOX, also touches on the topic, more so in Episode 4: There's No Place Like Homecoming. Meet Emma Chota.
In this episode, Emma goes to Kara's homecoming because the nurse doesn't think she had enough socialization activities growing up, being that she lives in the hospital. So, when she gets to the dance, she understandably feels out of place...Until two girls approach her like she's a celebrity. "We've never seen a size triple zero before in the flesh," one says. The other agrees, "You're a real unicorn - rare and beautiful." "What's your secret?" They press. "Two cardio classes on Wednesday? Tabata bootcamp? Visual eating on Mondays, green juice on Fridays, and no food on Sundays?" When Emma admits to having an eating disorder and living in Ocean Park Hospital, the girls respond in awe: "You're so committed," and "I just don't have the discipline for that." As if body dysmorphia glorification wasn't enough, another character, Leo, later downplays her disorder as a choice. "No one deserves to be pitied," he tells Emma, "You don't understand that because...Well, no one pities you, Emma. You don't have to be in this hospital. You don't have to be here." The show is shining a light on how we dismiss the diagnosis but praise the results. It's the most dangerous equation for people dealing with low self-esteem and body dysmorphia. If you (or someone you know) are struggling with an eating disorder, call (630) 577-1330, email [email protected], or visit the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders website and helpline for more information. Love Always, Joanna
Street Harassment in NYC
JMU Women's Student Caucus
"Harassment is NOT a compliment." - Vanima You had to know this one was coming... I've written before about this awful culture where women need to be fearful of their surroundings, and how frustrating it is. It's so much work to take in everyone's opinions when the only one that should matter is my own. It's just a round-robin of blame the victim: "Don't wear that." "Don't go there." "You asked for it." "Enjoy it." Most of you have seen this video on your Facebook newsfeeds, and if you haven't actually watched it yet, you should. It's less than two minutes long. Here it is.
It should be no surprise that cat-calling is a serious issue in a place like New York City. New York is like the ultimate melting pot of America - all types live there: all races, all lifestyles, and all classes. Plus, it's grossly populated with lots of people flooding the streets.
It's happened to me many times, and I am, in no way, a model. One time stands out in particular because it was prolonged, uncomfortable, and nerve-wracking. I was walking by myself from Penn Station to Port Authority at, like, ten in the morning, which is only a few blocks and a very small window of opportunity.
Not that it matters, but I was wearing jeans, sneakers, a leather jacket and a thick scarf. I was completely covered.
This guy, dressed in a mustard-yellow suit, was walking behind me, and I heard him yell, "Damn," and shake his head like I was teasing him. He walked back and forth, mumbling things that made me feel embarrassed and gross.
Then, he walked up next to me and started talking to me. He told me I was beautiful, and I said thank you. He said he was still out from the night before and asked me to buy him breakfast. He asked where I was headed and what my plans for the day were. I tried to give him one word answers as we walked and walked and walked. He put his arm around me and called me his girlfriend.
Why didn't you tell him to stop? To go away? I didn't want to be a bitch.
Yes, I realize how utterly ridiculous this is, but I'm someone who cares way too much what people think, and I didn't want to seem cold or rude or open myself up to some mean comments (comments like the ones left on the YouTube video). I kept telling myself, "We're in broad daylight. He can't really hurt me."
Then, why did I feel hurt?
I remember reading an article that said non-violent sexual harassment, like groping, can be just as emotionally damaging as violent assaults stemming from the idea that people don't believe it's a real issue. I couldn't find the original article, but here's a good alternative.
All of this is why I was upset at the backlash from this video. They producers did a good thing by capturing the reality of walking through the streets of New York and condensing it to make it watch-able for the general public. Then, because I'm a fool, I looked at the comments, and I was reminded of the victim-blaming we too-often resort to. "Don't wear that."
"Don't go there." One comment actually suggested that the sidewalk is public property and belongs to the men just as much as the women, so if women didn't like it they could stay inside. Oh, right, my apologies for walking on the streets of New York City. Instead, I'll stand in the street while I wait for a cab, and I'm sure that will be safer, and then I'll pay $85 to get me where I need to go, or I'll stand on the subway while people pinch my butt or get too close or wink from across the aisle. "You asked for it."
"Enjoy it" or "You should be grateful"
And what, pray tell, qualifies you to decide, asspounderify?
"It's not really a problem."
Even if there was one person made uncomfortable in a ten-hour span, it's a problem.
Then, there was a race issue...
And the people who just completely missed the point...
I'm sorry to hear that you "respect her wishes" because a man somehow connected to her might come after you and not because you actually respect her.
There were a few men who agreed that this was a problem, and they agreed that the behavior was disgusting. One man actually posed a full, thought-out feminist view, and he was met with an extremely annoyed reply from the rest of his gender: "Here comes the white night," they said, and something about "go back to licking women's asses." Gross. Gross and unnecessary. People keep saying that these responses just show that the video hits a nerve, but I disagree. I think that these responses, sadly, show that nothing's going to change, at least not any time soon. These people ignore the problem at hand and instead turn it on the woman. They talk about her looks instead of the reaction. They talk about her intentions instead of the reaction. They talk about anything but the reaction. I was reminded of Kendall Jones, and after researching her and looking at her hunting pictures, I saw a lot of comments like, "She's not even cute," or "I would never fuck her." Excuse me, but what does her looks have to do with whether or not she should be hunting an animal? When a man does something controversial, would people attack their looks, just because? My guess is no. The actress from the cat-calling video was even threatened, but that doesn't affect these commenters. Luckily, someone gets it, and that someone is Buzzfeed.
Love Always,
Joanna
Transformation Tuesday
"Easy for a good girl to go bad, and once we gone, best believe we've gone forever." - Rihanna, Good Girl Gone Bad
I figured if I was going to post a Transformation Tuesday I'd also include a Throwback Thursday because I like alliterations, and it doesn't matter what day it is. The truth is that I haven't transformed at all; just my location has, and yet, I feel like a whole new person. And not a new person in the rejuvenated sense, unfortunately. During my undergrad, I was a fairly good girl. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed drinking and hooking up, but I didn't wear short skirts and dance on tables. I didn't sleep with everyone I came into contact with. I didn't do drugs. I did go to all my classes, and I arrived early. I did sit in the front row. I did join a sorority and followed all the rules that came with that. Now that I've moved across the country for my graduate program, I'm suddenly the bad girl. People see my eyebrow ring and think I'm a sinner. While reading scripts in class, my professor nominated me to read all the parts that use curse words because she knows I'm comfortable with that, even though I've never cursed in front of her. My friend enlisted me to read the part of her chronically-single-by-choice character because she knew we were similar. A guy in my class casted me as his bro character because he knew I was "meant to play that part." It's crazy. I don't hate these assumptions because they're all true, but I'm not positive what kind of persona I'm putting off to the world either. I used to go to sex shops as an average girls' night. I used to get really drunk with all my friends and have no shame about it. I used to sleep with my guy friends because we were mature enough to know the difference between sex and love. Now people laugh and shake their heads when I talk about sex as if I'm kidding. Now the friends who drink are in the minority. Now I have no guy friends because the two genders are vastly separated. This is not a life I'm used to, and I'm not entirely sure it's a life I want. Change is supposed to be a good thing, and I usually welcome it, but this seems like a step backwards, and it's turning me into a person that I don't quite enjoy being. Love Always, Joanna
Creating a Bucket List
"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I loved just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." - Diane Ackerman I told y'all to go read my friend's blog, Brainstorm About the World. Did you do it? Here's your reminder. She recently wrote about her friend Samm who asks herself, "When else am I going to be able to do this?" And I love that. It's a great way to dive into life and not waste a moment. A question like that takes away your excuses and your reasons for not doing something. Her bucket list, Thirty Things I Want to Do Before I Hit Thirty, is fantastic, and it inspired me to make my own bucket list.
HubPages
Visit Canada with my friends
Organize a home office for myself
Get published
Become a mother
Write a book
Learn another language
Finish my reading list
Go skinny dipping (P)
Get my healthy body back
Graduate from college (P)
Graduate from graduate school
Run a 5K
Visit all 50 states
Say "I Do"
Stand on the rolling ladder of a library
Be interrupted with a kiss, preferably in the rain
Make money while shopping using coupons
Pull off a pair of overalls
Hold off biting my nails long enough to get a manicure
Fly without a plane
Volunteer abroad
I encourage everyone to make a bucket list. It's like an outline for your life. Stay on track and enjoy every opportunity.
Remember a bucket list is a living document. You can edit, replace, add and improve upon every point because if your goals change as you change, that's great.
Love Always,
Joanna
How to Know When You Deserve Better
"Because we never stop silently loving those who we once loved out loud." - Unknown
LABMF
An abuser isn't always a ex-football player with a strong arm and a short temper. An abuser can hold onto your money, telling you he'll be smarter with it. An abuser can ask to have sex, again and again, until you give in even though you don't want to. An abuser can tell you who to hang out with and who not to hang out with. An abuser can tell you what to wear and how to act. The worst thing an abuser can do is make you feel incredibly worthless and incredibly loved at the same time, because that's what makes it hard to leave. An abuser doesn't always know that they're an abuser. My ex had no idea what he was doing to me. He just knew that he loved me so violently, and I loved him back. He never hit me, but I've never felt so ashamed to be me than when I was with him. In Why I Married My Abuser (which I referenced in my blog post: Kristin's Story and Domestic Violence Awareness/Prevention), the woman writes, "No one knows better than a woman who is being abused that it is wrong." This is true. I could feel myself getting sadder and sadder. I could feel myself losing touch with my friends. I could feel myself stress-eating. I could feel myself growing more and more tired because I wouldn't sleep, waiting for his middle-of-the-night calls. I could feel myself obsessing over him in a way that made me hate myself. He was in a constant state of self-deprecation and depression. He needed me to be happy for the two of us, and I tried for so long. I really tried. I spent every waking hour of every day thinking about what made him perfect, what made him worth it, and to me, he was. I told him that every chance I got, and I did not get that in return. I didn't understand what was happening to me. I was never this girl. I was always noncommittal, detached, and flippant. I always cared less in relationships because I didn't like relationships. Suddenly, with him, I was attached. I was needy. I was afraid of what would happen to him if, even for a second, he thought I didn't love him. And, I begged him to love me. He told me he did, but he reserved telling it to me for when other guys showed interest in me or when he claimed I was the only thing he had in life. There was this incredible pressure on me to be his property, and I worked to be of value. I was too consumed in proving my love for him that I failed to love myself. I knew it was an unhealthy relationship, but I was too focused to know that I deserved better. I was working to deserve him. So, how did I get out of this relationship? For someone who couldn't live without me, he sure gave up "the only thing that made him happy" pretty damn easily. I stopped engaging with him. I would answer when he called and answer when he messaged, but I would never call first; I would never ask more questions. It took me months to get over the fact that I had devoted months of my life to a lie. I feel like a fool for putting so much time and energy into this relationship. I do. I know it was wrong and unhealthy, and I wasted my time with it. But I also feel sad that this person who, for whatever period of time, was my whole world didn't feel the same way. That confusion is what keeps women in these relationships far longer than they should. That confusion is what makes it so no one can understand without having lived it. That confusion is something that will affect every relationship I have for the rest of my life. Love Always, Joanna
How to Find the Right MFA Program
"Put your best work first. Some readers are looking for a reason to stop reading from the moment they start your work. Don't give it to them." - Elizabeth McCracken, MFA Application Reader at UT-Austin I started to write about this topic when I was still an applicant, searching for programs far and wide, and basically drowning in information. You can see the beginnings of my struggles in my blog post: It's So Hard to Find the Right MFA Program! And I wrote a measly 5 sentences before I got accepted to my first MFA program and was too excited to be frustrated anymore. Now that I've enrolled in an MFA program, I have a lot more to say on the topic. Here's my advice: 1 - Know What You Want to Study This may seem obvious, but with an MFA, it's difficult. Many topic differ. For example, I applied for a "Professional Writing" program which encompassed multi-genre creative writing and scriptwriting. I also applied for "Creative Writing" programs where I needed to choose between poetry, fiction, and nonfiction. I also applied to "Screenwriting" programs and "Dramatic Writing" programs which are actually different. I also applied to a "Creative Writing and Publishing" program which included book arts classes. So many of the programs are different, so you need to know specifically what you want to do. If there are add-ons, great, like publishing arts, but I wanted to study "writing" so I was unprepared for questions like "poetry or fiction?" I didn't understand why I couldn't do both, because all I wanted to do was write, to learn everything I possibly could about every genre because in the end, learning one genre will definitely help you in another. I applied to all these different programs, spending over $1,000 on application fees, GRE study materials, the exam, and sending my scores, plus gifts for the professors and employers who wrote recommendations for me. I did all this because I wasn't focused enough on what I wanted to do. I was, again, unprepared - not for the work, but for the decisions. I applied to good schools, figuring if I wasn't good enough to get into the programs I really wanted, I should probably find a new field anyway. I was prepared for rejection; in fact, I hoped for it. I hoped I would only get into a few schools because that would make my job of deciding a lot easier. I'm proud to say that I got into some amazing programs, but I'm sad to say that I wasn't happy when I received the news. When I found out I was accepted to three creative writing programs and one screenwriting program, I cried, and they were stress-tears, not tears of happiness. I would now need to actually decide for myself where my life would lead, and I didn't like it. 2 - Look at the Classes When looking at screenwriting programs, specifically, I found a lot of "Screenwriting I," "Screenwriting II," and "Screenwriting III" classes. When I talked to current students (something you should always do), they said it was great because you could write whatever you wanted. I didn't like that. I had only learned screenwriting my senior year of college, and I fell in love with it, but I was still green. I wanted to learn the difference between comedy and drama and how to write fantasy without getting too fantastical. I needed classes and professors to teach me that. Yes, obviously creative freedom was important to me, as it should be to anyone in a creative field, but I doubted that would be taken away from me in a more constructive class setting. When I found the program I'm currently enrolled in, I was drawn to their "Writing for Sketch Comedy" course and "Book Adaptations," "TV Drama," and "TV Sitcom" courses. They were all structured and different and I could really learn different skills. 3 - Research Professors and Staff While most graduate professors aren't on RateMyProfessor.com, sometimes they are because they teach undergraduate classes as well. Still, most programs advertise their professors on their websites because they want to brag about the people who teach there. Definitely look at them. In fact, a lot of application questions ask what professors you want to work with. It's definitely a good idea to look so you know what you're getting. Just like you should research classes, you could take it one step further and ask for some sample syllabi. Not only will this give you an idea of the workload but also the teaching style. The program I'm in, for example, doesn't have full time faculty. The director pulls from working professionals to teach our classes, so the connections we make are real and the advice we get is current. This sounds fantastic, right? I was ecstatic when this was explained to me. However, that also means there's a clause in all of our syllabi basically asking that we not bother our professors with work outside of what's required for class. The working professional professors are busy with their day jobs, and we should just feel honored they're teaching for us. So, in one class where we're required to write Act I of our movie, I can't send in Acts II and III because it wasn't required. So my idea is stunted, wasted. 4 - Location Most graduate school programs - creative, business, psychology, anything - require an internship or some other kind of work experience. Even if you're not required to do one, you should anyway. It's smart and constructive. For this reason, you should look into the location of your school. Look at the opportunities around you and the opportunities for after graduation. Screenwriting, you should be in LA or NY. Creative Writing, near a strong English program at a university. Luckily, I'm from New York, so it made it easy to apply to a lot of great schools while still being cost effective. Still, I somehow ended up in LA. It's important because, with graduate school, you'll usually end up living in that state after graduation because that's where your certifications are, your familiarity lies, and your connections. A lot of jobs are more likely to hire locally because they know the reputation of nearby universities and colleges. 5 - What's the Cost This is so important. All graduate school programs are expensive; there's no way around it. However - unlike medical school, law school, and most business schools - an MFA doesn't guarantee that you'll be able to pay back your loans right away. Make sure the cost is manageable. You also need to consider cost of living wherever you are. While in a screenwriting program I know I need to be in LA or NY, the minimum cost for an apartment is like $1,000 a month, which means I'll need a job which means less time for classes which means probably an extra year of tuition. It's hard. Also, make sure you know what the cost is. Don't use last semester's tuition because tuition goes up basically every year. I remember even as an undergrad always getting letters saying they were increasing tuition. Graduate school is no different. And make sure you find out from the financial aid office or bursar's office or student accounts office, whatever your school wants to call it, the definite amount. While being recruited, one of the professors told me that yearly tuition was $5,000 less than it actually was, so my first bill was a pretty big shock. The anger is still quite real. The moral of the story is - choosing any graduate program is hard, but choosing an MFA program is, sadly, even harder because the programs are so different. You don't know what you're getting like in medical school. You can't just Google "Best MFA Programs" and know what to expect. Everyone's writing is different, so they'll require different things from an MFA program. My advice, most of all, is to know yourself. Know what you want. Then, go after it. Love Always, Joanna
ITS MY BIRTHDAY: Reflections of a Twenty-Something
Stories of a Twenty Something
"You know Disney movies are for kids, right?" - 21 Questions Adult Disney Fans Are Tired of Being Asked So it's my 22nd birthday, and to answer everyone's question, I am not feelin' 22. Since I've officially begun the downward spiral from the beloved 21st birthday, I wanted to reflect on what it means to be a twenty-something since now I'm really one. I've seen a few articles recently about the importance of growing up and ways to do it. "Let go of this," and "you're too old for that," etc. and I decided...no. Just because I'm a twenty-something doesn't mean I can't spend my free time watching Disney movies and eating ice cream with the works for dinner. Yes, I realize I need a job. Yes, I realize I need to stay healthy. Yes, I realize the rent is due, but you know what? Moving into your twenties is like moving to a new country, and I want to avoid the culture shock. So, I'm responding to Thought Catalog's articles - 10 Things You Outgrow by the Time You Turn 24 and 20 Things to Let Go of in Your 20s - with my own: 20 Things to Hold Onto in Your Twenties. Sidenote: I'm not saying these articles are necessarily wrong; I'm saying that we all know what we're supposed to do in our twenties, but sometimes we forget what we're still allowed to do.
BDCLifeInStyle
Facebook So many of my friends are deleting their Facebook for professional reasons or so they can really focus on whatever they're doing, but I will never delete my Facebook. It's a great, easy way to stay connected with all my friends all over the world, and an easy way to fix the professional issue - keep it professional.
Pleasure Reading We have such little time in the day, but pleasure reading is so important. Not only does it keep your brain and imagination active, but it's such a release. Sure, it's tempting to just open Netflix and lay down instead of sitting up and holding a book, but trust me, it's just as relaxing. You don't want to be that person who, when someone asks what your favorite book is, you can only think of the books you pretended to read in High School.
Disney Movies Or, really, any sort of childhood movies and TV. Sometimes you want to relax without having to think. I understand. The Little Mermaid will never get old, and I refuse to apologize for watching it over and over.
Sleeping In It's so glorious. It has emotional and physical benefits. Do it.
Junk Food If you're at an entry-level job, which most of us will be, then you should be busy. If you're not busy, you're not doing it right. Don't feel bad about going through the McDonald's drive thru or having ice cream for dinner once in awhile. Just make sure you balance that with a morning workout whenever you can.
Tinder Or Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel, Christian Mingle, whatever. We're young, and dating is hard. You shouldn't have to apologize for wanting to meet as many people as possible, especially if you move to a new area which so many people do in their twenties.
Alcohol (In Large Quantities) Let's all stop pretending to be adults for a minute and admit the truth: drinking is fun. Sometimes you're just in desperate need of a night of debauchery that you won't remember. Just stay safe, and it's okay to let loose once in awhile.
Your Craft Box I convinced myself I left my crafting with my collegiate sorority chapter, and now that I was in grad school, I wouldn't need it. Wrong. I had so many useful tools in there for DIY projects around my room, and of course, I had to make a cooler. #SororityGirlRelapse
Creativity It's easy to lose track of your creativity, but no matter your professional field, creativity is valued. Make sure you're doing things that keep your creativity alive and well: write, draw, paint, whatever it is.
Shopping Sprees Establishing a great wardrobe now can help you maintain one for years to come if you buy some classic, quality pieces. Plus, retail therapy is totally a thing.
Obsessively Updated Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram Feeds It's the easiest way to stay in touch with old friends! Update like crazy and make sure you Like and Comment your friends' posts too. Even if your schedules make it hard to meet up, there are plenty of ways to stay connected.
Group Texts This also works to stay connected, but beware! I find that when I'm in class or a meeting, I put my phone on Do Not Disturb mode to avoid all my friends getting in a conversation without me and my phone blowing up, but I still love reading them as soon as I can!
Skype Dates We very rarely have a block of free time, and if we do, we'll usually be pleasure reading or watching Disney movies (since you should take everything I say as Bible), but Skype dates can be so cathartic. I Skyped my best friend the other day for four hours and neither of us even noticed time passing like this. It was exactly what I didn't even know I needed.
Confidence Thought Catalog says to give up thinking you know everything. Sure. Cockiness is never okay, no matter your age, but you should keep your confidence. If you're going into an interview, remember, "If they're interviewing you, they already think you can do it." Show them that you're bringing in a fresh eye. If you're meeting a new date, show them what makes you special.
Fantasies Anything from a dream job to a dream date, now's the time to go after what you want more than ever. You're old enough to actually achieve them and young enough that it's not considered "wasting time" to go after what you want.
Pictures I have so many pictures in my room, and I print these pictures with the specific intention of showing them to my children one day when they ask about my college experience. It's a little piece of home.
Control You are in control of your life, believe it or not. Sure, rent might be high and the job market may be competitive and Tinder might be full of douchebags, but you control how you feel and how you react, which is the most important thing.
Fangirling Going crazy for the World Cup? The Stanley Cup? A boyband reunion? DO. IT. UP. You now have the money to afford the jersey and the tickets. That little boy inside you wants to relive Baseball games with dad; let him. Obsessions are the basis for a lot of friendships. Don't shy away from them.
Studying In graduate school or not, you need to always be learning about your field. If you don't want to look through articles or academic journals, there are blogs for everything nowadays. Find one.
Spa Days It might not the best investment to spend $90 on a massage right now, but you can get $1 face masks from Walmart and $6 conditioning treatment for your hair. It'll be a day for you, and when we feel good, we are good.
Love Always, Joanna
Nomination Faux Pas
"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." - William Arthur Ward
Personal Excellence
Challenges are all over Facebook now: The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, the Kiss a Pitbull Challenge, and the Gratitude Challenge. While having a cause is great, and I understand that sometimes we need to be reminded that there's more out there than what we might be directly involved with. But... Why should we be nominated, publicly called out for these things? Specifically the gratitude challenge. Take five minutes at the end of every day to think about something good that happened. Even if nothing necessarily good happened that day, chances are your shitty day took place with a roof over your head and food in your stomach. Guess what? If you have a Facebook, you have something to be grateful for. That means you have access to a computer, internet connection, or a phone, things that come after food and shelter. You have friends on Facebook, as true as they are may be a different discussion, but there's someone who likes your posts and pictures. Here is what I'm grateful for this week: Day One -
Simple recipes.
Starbucks.
Rommates who bring me Starbucks.
Day Two -
My sorority, Alpha Chi Omega.
My cousin, Taylor.
The fact that my Starbucks order only comes as big as a Venti, or I would surely overload.
Update: I know Trenta exists, but luckily, my order doesn't come in a Trenta.
Day Three -
My open and honest mother.
My small but meaningful employment.
Free trials.
Day Four (1)(This was 9/11 #NeverForget) -
The military.
Firefighters.
Police Officers.
Day Four (2)(Apparently, I don't know how to count, so I did Day Four twice) -
Wine.
Beer.
Phones so I can call my mom when I'm having a bad day.
Day Five -
Video chatting software.
The fact that I can afford the things I need.
My friends that gave me legal pads as a grad school gift, because I'm using the hell out of them.
Day Six -
Lilly Pulitzer swag.
Headphones.
Soda.
Day Seven -
Fans (The kind that cool you off, not follow you around. Although I think I would like to have some fans of that kind as well).
Headbands.
Youtube videos.
Love Always,
Joanna