I have been gone a very, very long time. This blog used to be a place of creativity and freedom for my writings about Riverdale - Sweet Pea specifically. I know a lot of you have enjoy the few stories I have produced about our walking office building Serpent and that’s absolutely incredible to me.
However, you’d notice that things have changed. Some of you are aware that for a while I disappeared, the reason being that I got into a relationship that in the beginning, was wondrous and loving. I was living my own love story I guess. But as we all know, many of them crash and burn - and crash and burn mine did.
The person I thought I knew turned out to be abusive and cruel, and we broke up pretty quickly. Although I wasn’t in the relationship for long, and I could recognise what was happening - it still messed with me pretty badly. In fact, I still have body issues now, I’m trying to relearn how to love myself and my body - but it’s hard.
I lost my creative drive, and disappeared completely despite in my post-break up haste, promising new content and stories. I’d like to think that it was my best intentions to go back to the norm, but I couldn’t do that.
Months past of me going to work and back home, indulging in reading and binge watching TV shows - ready to delve back into the Riverdale fiction world. Until I met a new man.
We hit it off. He was sarcastic, funny, he had a fatalistic and self deprecating sense of humour that won me over instantly. Between dropping coins in every buskers case on our walks, and being so beautifully sweet at dinner and when we went to movies, I fell for him pretty hard. I held off on anything physical for months, still terrified of my own insecurities and I was worried we may not be on the same page regarding what we wanted. But, eventually everything fell into place like it was supposed to and I admitted that I didn’t want anyone else. Neither did he - to my relief.
We agreed we wanted to be together and started a monogamous relationship and I was happy, elated really. Until unexpectedly 3 months into our relationship he dropped the bombshell that he had been seeing other people the entire time we were together. To say I was utterly, unbelievably crushed is an understatement.
But, all things happen for a reason. Not even a week after I had been left reeling from the heart breaking truth, I was diagnosed with some serious medical issues that I’m still facing today and probably will be facing for a very long time into the future.
So, I’m healing - both physically, mentally and emotionally from so many different things that I have no creative drive left to give. Maybe one day, but not now. I’m sorry for that. Bullet In A Bonfire is far too triggering to continue, I’ve been battling Tumblr who deleted chapter 11 of Heart Beat Drives You Mad - of which the master copy I no longer have and will probably never see again.
I don’t know what this blog will be, maybe it will rot a natural digital death and lurk in the shadows of what once was a place of happiness, maybe it will be revived when I finally find myself again. I don’t know where it lies, but do know I haven’t forgotten and I truly appreciate all of you.
P.S - I’m considering a career in creative writing.
S x
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