J. Markowski

Employee of the Year 2023 M ❤️

[j-markowski]

what is your current friendliness level and can it increase

I like to believe I'm really friendly!! It can absolutely increase if you get to know me. 😁👍 We can be the dreamiest dream team ever!

[j-markowski]

ok heres a better quesiton . why are you white

I... was born that way?

[j-markowski]

hey girl are you a horse. because you frighten me . why are you tall and having knuckles

What?

[j-markowski]

Dear Fancypants,

Let's get the obvious out of the way: your pants are really fancy! And the fanciness is not limited to your pants. Your name should just be "Fancy" because everything of yours is so high-tech and polished!! ✨ You're super mysterious yet humorous, you're very quick to throw out the perfect comeback.

We didn't quite get off to the best start (I still think your shop is super cool!), but I enjoyed your company today, even if only for a little while.

Thanks for the ride back home! You should really open an Uber business sometime. If you liked coffee, I would absolutely be open to grabbing some! 😁

Enjoy being Employee of the Week!!

[j-markowski]

Alright, here goes nothing. I've got quite a few people helping me with this whole file situation. Here's to the (hopefully) very last stuck-iversary of my fiancée!

[j-markowski]

Alright, spent an hour trying to get past some weird defense mechanism thing that was set up? But I've got into the files! There's a lot to unpack, so I'll probably have to be here all night!! LOL 😂🤣

[j-markowski]

A lot of these files are part of some big AI software project she was working on, so I'm not finding anything that's super helpful.

Just a bunch of "progress" logs over the course of about a year.

[j-markowski]

Alright, here goes nothing. I've got quite a few people helping me with this whole file situation. Here's to the (hopefully) very last stuck-iversary of my fiancée!

[j-markowski]

Alright, spent an hour trying to get past some weird defense mechanism thing that was set up? But I've got into the files! There's a lot to unpack, so I'll probably have to be here all night!! LOL 😂🤣

[j-markowski]

Alright, here goes nothing. I've got quite a few people helping me with this whole file situation. Here's to the (hopefully) very last stuck-iversary of my fiancée!

[j-markowski]

Huh, Lance seemed really down when I brought him his Monday cold brew. I thought he seemed fine yesterday. His office door was also closed and the shade was down, which it never is. Does anyone know what could have happened? I'm really worried. 🤔😓

[devotedlystrangewizard]

i think everyone should program at least once just so you realise just how fucking stupid computers are. because theyre so fucking stupid. a computer wants to be told what to do and exactly that and if you make one typo or forget one detail it starts crying uncontrollably

[j-markowski]

don't call me kiddo n like a son.... i am literally not even young enough to be your kid >:(

Oh. I'm really sorry, Lance. I just wanted to be someone you could feel comfortable talking to. You don't have to be my son, but I'll still love and care about you like one. It's my responsibility, after all. As your boss.

I'm sorry if you're mad at me. :-(

[j-markowski]

Is your fiance like alive or are you holding onto the love you had for a dead fiance?

I believe in my heart she's still alive. If she were dead, her body would have been found and most likely given to me since her whole family is overseas in France.

Even though she's in a different place as of right now (stuck inside laptop somehow), it's still her. I'm going to attempt to dig around some old files from 2022 to see what she was working on and see if that would help fix this whole issue.

[j-markowski]

Oh, and if any one of you knows a thing or two about computers and can help me bypass a password lock on "encrypted" files (which I have just learned that's what they are called), that would be greatly appreciated. I believe the best person for this job would be Gregory, but I'm not sure where the kid is.

[ask-nancy]

YOU SHOULD ASK MY SISTER SHE'S GREAT AT CODING!!!!! i'll do anything i can to help too!!!!!!!

[j-markowski]

Your sister is the uh. Hackerman, I presume?

[ask-nancy]

yeah! she's got a unique way of talking but she's one of the smartest people i know!

[j-markowski]

I see!! Thanks so much for your help, Nancy! You're the best ;-)

[j-markowski]

Is your fiance like alive or are you holding onto the love you had for a dead fiance?

I believe in my heart she's still alive. If she were dead, her body would have been found and most likely given to me since her whole family is overseas in France.

Even though she's in a different place as of right now (stuck inside laptop somehow), it's still her. I'm going to attempt to dig around some old files from 2022 to see what she was working on and see if that would help fix this whole issue.

[j-markowski]

Oh, and if any one of you knows a thing or two about computers and can help me bypass a password lock on "encrypted" files (which I have just learned that's what they are called), that would be greatly appreciated. I believe the best person for this job would be Gregory, but I'm not sure where the kid is.

[ask-nancy]

YOU SHOULD ASK MY SISTER SHE'S GREAT AT CODING!!!!! i'll do anything i can to help too!!!!!!!

[j-markowski]

Your sister is the uh. Hackerman, I presume?

[l-valentine-placeholder]

SIIIGH okay look gang. gang. i've been seeing there are some, knowledge gaps here. SO. if YOU have a QUESTION about sex/sexuality, human biology, gender, human culture, idioms/slang, whatever the frick, YOU can ask ME and get your facts checked okay? okay love you guys

[plagalmouse]

what is sex. and what does it have to do with "smash or pass."

[l-valentine-placeholder]

communications have been all over the place but LONGASS PARAGRAPHS BELOW, THIS OUGHTA DO IT? -

sex(noun) (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse. generally referred to as fucking, i think most people know that word given fuck and its deriviatives are also very commonly used as a curse/swear/for emphasis. like, fuck... its a word to say :P

humans can reproduce and have a baby via sex in specific circumstances, but in general it's done recreationally with zero intent for children as basically. it feels great. sex is usually done between 2 people but it can be a group thing. the crux of it is that humans have sexual organs (genitals) , some kinda crotch zone. it varies a lot person to person what exactly it looks like down there but in generalizing terms, there's either a penis (protrusion) or vagina (...the opposite) and sometimes some kinda mix. they are SENSITIVE and generally if they're stimulated the right way it feels great so most humans like doing it sometimes to destress or for fun. a human sexually stimulating themself alone is referred to as masturbating, for some reason its not generally referred to as sex if there isn't a partner.

generally human bodies are also affected by their unique hormones, which, can often like- help the body feel like it wants/needs to have sex, which can be described as being aroused. It's pretty automatic and can just happen at random but also if they're around someone they like or just generally in a situation some part of the stupid brain goes like "oooo hot, nice, i like that". arousal can be pretty distracting to humans if/when it hits and it's harder to think straight until it either recedes naturally, or, is, well, dealt with via sexual stimulation. the average amount a human feels the desire for sex is referred to as their sex drive or libido, and it varies vastly depending on the human. generally it's not really relevant in social interactions at all and is merely one explanation for occasional unusual/agitated behavior in humans.

biological bodies are complex. we deal with it. :P again, the vast majority of the time, being aware of sex nonsense is completely irrelevant to interacting w humans it's mostly private. culturally, in general sexual stimulation and such is regarded as....ugh, opinions are all over the place but the overall consensus is that it's very private and very very intimate and an adult topic. being more open about it like me is more unusual as it's professionally frowned upon lol. consent and understanding between all parties of what they're willing to/want to do with each other is important as hell, but unfortunately it's not very....lots of ppl don't really talk things over n clearly verify consent first like they oughta. kids are generally only taught about sex formally and very briefly at school, and anything involving engaging in sexual activity with minors is massively detested- for many reasons, but the imo main deal is that kids are a vulnerable population. for when teens choose to have sex w eachother, it's generally looked down upon but begrudgingly accepted as a stupid thing some teens do. also accidental pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections are problems that crop up from irresponsible sex (there are a lot of things in the world that can mess up human bodies) "smash or pass" is a kinda slang term asking if you'd theoretically be willing to fuck somebody (smash, it's also sometimes used as slang for having sex) or not (pass). it's mostly an adult party game kinda thing that isn't taken too seriously

[j-markowski]

Hey, Captain Underpants? I don't know if this is allowed.

[j-markowski]

Is your fiance like alive or are you holding onto the love you had for a dead fiance?

I believe in my heart she's still alive. If she were dead, her body would have been found and most likely given to me since her whole family is overseas in France.

Even though she's in a different place as of right now (stuck inside laptop somehow), it's still her. I'm going to attempt to dig around some old files from 2022 to see what she was working on and see if that would help fix this whole issue.

[j-markowski]

Oh, and if any one of you knows a thing or two about computers and can help me bypass a password lock on "encrypted" files (which I have just learned that's what they are called), that would be greatly appreciated. I believe the best person for this job would be Gregory, but I'm not sure where the kid is.

[j-markowski]

Dear Licorice,

You are a kind and gentle, yet brave and fierce soul. You're extremely charming, and you have a hidden talent for lighting up any room you step foot in.

I have great respect for your bravery and leadership; you step up in moments of fear and chaos and keep everyone in check.

I am aware that many of our peers have taken a disliking to you. I am still experiencing back pains from the experience, but I believe you did the right thing in ensuring that all of us got to see another day together.

Thank you for providing a place to stay, food to eat, and providing yourself as a good friend to everyone here. If anyone deserves Employee of the Week, it's you.

Enjoy being Employee of the Week!!

@wheatfan2468

[prince-of-the-moon]

>:) GIFT ART EQUALITY!!

you rememberr! you drew me TWICE in the dream and i only drew you ONCE but now i drew you AGAIN so ther eyou have it yay yiippee

it's nice. that was very nice of you.

[j-markowski]

Lance, this is awesome!! 😁👍

Keep up the good work, kiddo.

[j-markowski]

Is your fiance like alive or are you holding onto the love you had for a dead fiance?

I believe in my heart she's still alive. If she were dead, her body would have been found and most likely given to me since her whole family is overseas in France.

Even though she's in a different place as of right now (stuck inside laptop somehow), it's still her. I'm going to attempt to dig around some old files from 2022 to see what she was working on and see if that would help fix this whole issue.