A Book Is Just Art That Can Be Read @j-s-spaulding-blog - Tumblr Blog

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isn’t this what i wanted?

i made a very calculated decision today… that’s a first.

OK, let me take you back a few years to my English class in year 8.

my teacher, Mrs Perkins announced that we will be writing short stories. I immediately lit u; finally all the nonsensical stories trapped in the walls of my brain could be captured under my pen.

the other 20 kids in the class wrote decent stories of about 3 pages.

i wrote a 7 page story.

that’s when i knew that something about this form of art would be important to me in my life.

and now today. at university (battling the most annoying insomnia causing cold ever) i made a decision to not change my course to study English at university.

le gasp.

OK, here was my dilemma.

for months I had been dreaming of studying English literature and creative writing, reading Dracula and Jane Eyre and maybe one day working in a cute little bookshop somewhere in a cobblestone town in Yorkshire.

i thought this was the way to chase my dreams. but i had a revelation just after i got the email from the university’s admissions officer that they had made my transfer from business management to English literature and creative writing.

i should be stoked right? all these years of writing and dreaming of my calm quiet life of books; this should be the best moment ever right?

right?

wrong. as my eyes glazed over the email, a wave of nervous energy washed over me like a heat wave. i froze. no smile burst from my face and no giggling excitement that my dream came true.

i wasn’t happy.

then a whisper came up inside me asking,

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”

it was but was it what i needed? you see, i admit English had been everything i found comfortable but that was the thing: it is comfortable for me.

i spoke to my brother (which is an admirable achievement in itself for me) about this and he was like,

“Nothing in life comes easy. You are preparing for life right now. Spending money to learn something you are already an expert in is a waste of time and money. You wanna do english because this writing is easy and natural for you.”

and he is right.

even though i had been fighting for this for so long, once i got it, it didnt feel special. i hadn’t earned it because its not what i was meant to do.

yes, English and writing are a bug part of my life but this is not how i grow in it. and by no means am i just writing off my dream to please someone else. this is the first time i have made a big calculated decision by myself about my future.

sometimes what we want is not what we need and taking the easy way out is never as satisfying as working and gaining the result.

so, i made the decision to stay with studying Business Management. and i am happy. the question that has been bugging me for almost 5 months is finally answered and i am at peace.

just because i took the time to think and speak to my brother. the one time i willingly text him is the time when i grow up.

i’m happy.

what i need is an opportunity to grow and that wont happen if i stay in my comfort zone.

so as a final thought for you, i want you to remember:

what you want isn’t always what you need. think about everything you do as a piece of a bigger picture instead of something that will satisfy what you want now.

trust me, it will be worth it.

mydarkenedeyes

Justin Wolfe

faegirly-deactivated20260306

the first page...

there is always something daunting about starting something new.

like when you start a new journal and the blank page is daring you to write a word wrong, or when you want to write a new poem but are scared that it wont sound as good as it does in your head.

and to be honest, that fear is ok. i’ve had it all too often.

since this is my first post, i’ll introduce myself…

my name is ife disu. my name means love. i’m nigerian british and just turned 18 years old.

i dont know what else to say to be honest… as i said, firsts in anything is always scary. but i guess, there’s a reason for that: you dont want to make a bad impression.

there is always an unspoken expectation when it comes to doing something new. whether its your first job, first relationship or first exam, there is always something that gives you those worries, something that warns you that if you fail, its all your fault.

it can get really rough when those thoughts come around but, seriously, those nerves are good.

i know you’re thinking, wow you really dont know what you’re talking about. how can nerves be good? but let me explain.

when you’re nervous about something, it shows that you care about doing well in it. if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be concerned about how you do. having fear of doing something new shows that you genuinely want to do as well as you can in it. that’s why loads of people who go on talent shows seem to get super nervous; they care about doing well because their talent is literally part of them.

now, despite me saying nerves are good, this is only the case when you can control them. and not everyone can.

i know people who suffer from anxiety cant necessarily control it and i’m not saying that they are wrong in not trying. some fears are so great that you cant control them. but we should try everything possible to control our fear and nerves so they become a motivator and not a hindrance.

for instance, if you’re scared that the book you’re writing wont be good enough or people wont bother to read it, instead of letting that worry overtake you to the point where you give up, maybe take a small break and remember why you started the project in the first place. i’ve had the same worry once.

i was working on my first major novel and about half way through, i started to doubt everything i was doing. i kept thinking, “this story isn’t even good. i bet no one is going to read this anyway so i might as well just stop.” i let my fear get the better of me for a while and so i didn’t work on it for a good two months.

then i remembered why i started writing: i loved the story. all the characters and the plot lines had been so exciting for me when i was planning it. once i remembered the reason why i started the project, i could convert my fear into motivation by saying, “even if no one else read it, i have learnt so much through this experience.”

this is what we must say to ourselves when we start to feel fear. we shouldn’t be afraid to fail because failure is part of the path to success. and even though failure hurts a lot, its better to learn from the pain than reject the idea of being a success ever.

i once asked a poetess i follow on Instagram about this and she told me,

“Success doesn’t happen overnight. It happens with time.”

this belief has helped me a lot in my journey as a writer and artist.

once you can remember that, enduring the process and overcoming the initial fear gets easier. and one more thing, overcoming the fear is a process in itself. you will have times where you just want to give up and it will be hard but always remember that you can and will be successful if you keep pushing and keep going through the pain and fear.

so to overcome the initial fear, i would say my main tips are:

understand why you have the fear

remember why you started

remember that success is a long and sometimes painful process

keep working and do everything in your power to push through the struggle and keep the end goal in mind always

believe you have the talent and ability to be a success

so that’s my first post. i was worried that its maybe too long or cliche but i think this will be helpful to you.

so yeah, that’s all for now…

until next time x

j-s-spaulding-blog

If you aren't follwing her already, do it!

When dad discovers vr #vr

#vr

I was stumbling in the darkness, but you led me to a road filled with peace and purpose

#jesuseisthereson #showlove

#jesussaves #hiswordistrue

The dog filter will forever be my favorite #dogfilter

#dogfilter

Another pic of this morning g coming home from church #noflter #winter

#winter #noflter

spencers-art

Painted these today!!!

j-s-spaulding-blog

Love this!

kushandwizdom

I’m at that age now where I only want to associate myself with grown people and grown situations. People who play mind games, attention seek, guilt trip or other manipulative things need to stay clear away from me. I don’t care about social or financial statuses, or other irrelevant attributes, I seriously couldn’t give a shit, as long as your mentality is grown, we can vibe.

wordsnquotes

I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don’t feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid’s runaway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are— particularly when it’s difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it’s done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain (I’m not a big one for paying compliments…), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself. For a moment life suddenly feels lighter….

Jonathan Carroll (via wordsnquotes)

Amen. So true

crossconnectmag

Paintings and Installations by Aaron Li-Hill

Li-Hill is a Toronto-based visual artist living in New York City, who employs painting, illustration, stenciling, and sculptural elements within his works. With a background in graffiti and mural painting and a degree in Fine Arts, his works range from smaller multiples to enormous murals that explore industrialization, scientific breakthrough, man versus nature and information saturation. Follow him on Instagram.

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posted by Margaret