Chasing Sunsets

Jesus. ❤️ Cafes and museums. Reflections and journals. Books and flowers.

[ja-i-ruh]

🩷🧡

[ja-i-ruh]

What Does It Mean to Fail?

For the past few years, I started gaining confidence in everything that I do. I know that I am excellent in training. I have so much love for it. I truly believe I have a lot of leadership potential in the department, and then.... recently, something shook that confidence.

I was assigned to train a new Line of Business. I had a little background in it, yet it had been 3 years since I last revisited the guidelines. It was a challenge, but I tried my best. Sadly, I wasn't successful in getting certified to train it.

Right after that, I was given another training assignment that was even harder than the first one. I had zero background in this specific department, I was expected to train incoming supervisors, and I had 7 days to prepare. While I do have a background in training supervisors, I knew absolutely nothing about this department's policies. How cruel is that? And imagine, after failing, I was just supposed to move on and prepare for another "new adventure."

I was being so hard on myself. I knew that. I was beating myself up while trying to prepare. I cried a lot, hoping I’d lose weight along the way from all the stress, but I didn't. (Okay, I'm not sure if that's even funny).

I immersed myself in the basics. I got all the help I needed, and I'm so thankful to my friends. But just when I finally felt prepared, a problem came up, I realized I had been reviewing the wrong document, and I only had 7 hours to pivot. I cried some more and kept preparing. To cut a long story short, I finally got certified to train a department that felt SOOOOO impossible for me to get into!

Cruelty or a Miracle?

Is it really cruel, or is it a display of God's power in the most "impossible" situation for me?

I am still in awe. I try to ask all the "whys," and all I can come up with is, it is not me, but God. During my prayer time before both of the certifications I went through, what I uttered was almost a whisper: “God, I am at zero right now. I can’t sleep, and if I ever do sleep, I dream of the training. My energy is so low. I can’t even come up with the right words. Help me. I need your 100%.”

True enough, God is faithful. I got certified, and I start training this Monday!

What Did I Learn?

God is faithful even if we are not. (Romans 3:3-4)

The Lord is my strength. (Psalm 28:7)

All things are possible with God. (Luke 1:37)

When things are according to His plans, they will happen. I know we don't understand it sometimes. Why do I have to fail if I can always succeed? But I know these things happen so I can learn that it is not me, but Him who is in charge of it all. It is He who has great and wonderful plans for me, and it is He—who loves me beyond what anyone else can do—who makes all these things happen.

[ja-i-ruh]

Send hugs here.

[ja-i-ruh]

Lately, I’ve been wanting to be in a quiet space where I can learn, but at the same time, receive kindness. I feel so overwhelmed with everything going on in my life right now. I know this is just a season of stretching, and I keep receiving verses like these:

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." — Isaiah 41:10 ESV

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." — Philippians 4:13 ESV

It feels like such a clear call to fight the good fight of faith and finish the race. And I know that I will do exactly that, no matter how hard this season gets, because I want the will of God in my life. I want Him to be with me always.

Right now, I just need some time. I need a moment where Someone will just hold me quietly. And that is exactly what I am looking forward to.

[ja-i-ruh]

Marriage Declaration (As I wait)

I declare that my future husband is a man after God’s own heart. He loves the Lord with all his soul, mind, and strength, and his steps are ordered by the Divine. (Proverbs 20:7) My future husband is a man of honor, wisdom, and deep faith. He seeks God's guidance above all else, and he is being prepared daily to lead our future family with humility and strength.

I declare that our future marriage will be a reflection of Christ’s love for the church. It will be a safe haven of respect, kindness, and unwavering commitment. (Ephesians 5:25, 1 Corinthians 13:4) My husband will love, cherish, and protect me, just as Christ loves the church. Our relationship will be defined by patience, kindness, and a total absence of selfishness.

I declare that our marriage does not exist just for ourselves, but as a light to the world. We are called together for a holy mission to serve God and love others. (Joshua 24:15) (Mark 16:15) Our marriage is missional. We will be a powerhouse for the kingdom of God, using our home, our resources, and our love to minister to a broken world. Our unity will testify to God's goodness, and together, we will boldly fulfill the specific calling He has placed on our lives.

I declare that God will entrust us with the beautiful ministry of parenthood. Together, we will raise a generation that knows, loves, and serves the Lord.  (Proverbs 22:6) (Psalm 127:3) We speak life, health, and a godly inheritance over our future children. As parents, my husband and I will be a unified team, teaching our children by example. We will raise them in a home filled with the fruit of the Spirit, equipping them to be world-changers for Christ.

I declare that we will be perfectly joined together in mind and spirit, standing firm through every season of life. (Mark 10:9) What God is bringing together, no outside force can tear apart. Our home will be a sanctuary of peace, joy, and laughter. We are better together than we are apart, doubling our impact for His glory.

Lord, I trust Your timing. I thank You that You are already working in the heart of my future husband, prepping him to be a godly leader, a missional partner, and a loving father. Mold me into the woman, wife, and mother I am called to be. I declare that our family will be a beacon of Your light. Amen.

[ja-i-ruh]

Work as my Worship

23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. - Colossians 3:23-24

This is quite a reminder for us to do our work as if it is for God. Sometimes, there are days when we are too tired, or we want to rest, or we want things to change, or we face challenges in the workplace. But the question is: how do we respond in a way that is truly "for the Lord"?

Tough question, right? But it is a call for us that whatever we do, we do it as an outflow of our love for God, and because of that, we will do things differently. When our work comes from this place of love rather than just duty, it changes our motivation. We are no longer working just for human approval or a paycheck, but out of gratitude to Him.

In times when we are too tired, we can always rest. In times when we want things to change, we can communicate. In times when we have challenges, we can always seek a peaceful way to reconcile or resolve them.

Work with purpose, rest with grace, and do it all for the Lord.

[cleoidus]

borrowed gestures. pencil

[ja-i-ruh]

I don’t have a much memory of my mom but I remember always doing this to mama’s shoes. I always want to be like her. I remember even crying about a shoe I want her to buy me. It was the same as her but should be in my size. She would always say yes to these requests. I don’t think she was able to buy it. Not anymore.

[ja-i-ruh]

I was sooooo tired today. I was up since last night with only 30 mins nap. But I am so grateful I fought to be there today. I learned so much. I have seen so much different perspective. I received confirmations upon confirmations. I met new people. Saw some old friends. I get the help that I need. Tired but fulfilled. Grateful for God’s love abounds in many different ways.

[ja-i-ruh]

The Childlike Gaze

And blessed is she who believed that there would be[a] a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.” - Luke 1:45 ESV

I have been contemplating the healing moments of Jesus in the books of Mark and Luke, and one thing remains consistent: their faith made them well.

According to Hebrews 11:1 (ESV), “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Jesus would often say, “Your faith has made you well.” This makes me wonder: if God were to answer our prayers today, would He say the same thing to us? Or have we become people who no longer expect anything because we have waited for so long? While contemplating Jesus' miracles, I found the first verse I shared above. The context of this verse is Elizabeth speaking to Mary during her visit. Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit at that exact moment. It is a powerful reminder to ask ourselves: in our seasons of waiting, are we still expectant of God’s promises, or are we simply giving up?

I realized that it is one thing to give up control, but it is an entirely different thing to give up a dream instilled by God. And so, I hope that, in this season, we do not lose the expectant eyes of a child looking toward a generous Father. For we know that in His time, and in His will, all of it will come to pass.

[ja-i-ruh]

The Art of Losing Myself

"Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it." -Luke 17:33

What does it mean to lose yourself like the Bible says?

In Luke 17:33, "losing yourself" isn't about losing your identity or experiencing a crisis, but is rather a spiritual paradox about surrendering self-centered control to find true life. To "preserve" your life means living with a tight grip, focusing entirely on comfort, ego, fear, and personal ambition which ironically causes you to miss out on a meaningful existence with God. On the other hand, to "lose" your life means willingly dethroning your ego, letting go of the need to control your own destiny, and choosing instead to center your life on God and the service of others. Ultimately, by giving up a small, self-absorbed version of who you are, you stop letting fear run your life and open yourself up to a far richer, deeper, and truer version of who you were genuinely created to be.

Last week taught me a lot about what it actually looks like to lose myself in this way. I am usually a very confident person when it comes to my work; I love what I do, and I know I am good at it. However, I recently received some negative feedback that didn't sit well with me. While some of it wasn't true, some of it genuinely pointed to areas where I needed to grow. Even so, it discouraged me deeply. For days, I caught my mind constantly trying to justify myself, until I suddenly stopped and realized: Oops, I am actually trying to preserve my life right now. I had been desperately trying to prove my competence and protect my reputation. In that moment, I was reminded that a single piece of feedback cannot destroy everything I have worked for, and more importantly, my worth isn't anchored in my performance or in people's opinions. God was gently breaking down the pride I had built up for myself, reintroducing me to the art of losing myself.

That lesson in humility quickly followed me outside of my professional life and into a very vulnerable personal moment. I ran into someone I deeply look up to as a leader, and I was completely without makeup. I had only slept for two hours, I was exhausted, and I was dressed strictly for comfort. Like anyone else, I wanted to make a great, polished impression on this person, so being caught completely off-guard felt uncomfortable. Yet, as the initial embarrassment faded, it reminded me that letting the curated mask drop and allowing the world to see my raw humanity is perfectly okay. After all, I am not someone who wears makeup all the time anyway. I realized I needed to lose the constant urge to manage my image and refuse to remain a prisoner of external validation.

As if those two instances weren't enough, God gave me one more opportunity to let go of my ego in a classroom setting. I had recently taken the initiative to retake a class, wanting to review and ensure I had a rock-solid foundation I needed. However, because I was in that space, people began looking at me as if I were entirely new and inexperienced. My immediate instinct was a weird defensiveness; I felt like I had every right to correct them, flash my credentials, and explain how long I had actually been doing this. But God quietly reminded me that I could just let it go. He sees my history and my walk, and that is more than enough. I didn't need to defend my status, and besides, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being new.

Looking back at all of these moments, it is clear that I have been walking through a profound season of humility before the Lord. I am learning that I don't always need to explain myself, defend my reputation, or manage how others perceive me. I can just let the ego go, step back, and trust Him.

[ja-i-ruh]

I received a touching message from a friend after greeting her “happy mother’s day”. She has no kids but she calls us her kids. We are great friends. We love and correct each other.

Sometimes, I still feel weird to receive such messages but it’s a good reminder of what I have in my life.

[ja-i-ruh]

Happy mother’s day sa mga nanay niyo. 🩷

I miss my mom, but I know she’s enjoying worship and fellowship in Heaven.

[rainie-is-seasonchange]

Victoria and Albert museum.

London, England.

[guzgecesi]

[vexheart]

The fine line between wanting to say so much and knowing that it's better to say nothing.

[ja-i-ruh]

2 “I will go before you     and level the exalted places,[a] I will break in pieces the doors of bronze     and cut through the bars of iron, 3 I will give you the treasures of darkness     and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord,     the God of Israel, who call you by your name. 5 I am the Lord, and there is no other,     besides me there is no God;     I equip you, though you do not know me, 6 that people may know, from the rising of the sun     and from the west, that there is none besides me;     I am the Lord, and there is no other. -Isaiah 45: 2-3 and 5-6

[ja-i-ruh]

The Language of Service

Today, my brother visited me again. We will be staying at our sister's place while she's away. On his travel, it took him five hours from LB to Taguig. The traffic was so heavy.

While he was traveling, I prepared his requested food and bought some of his favorites, like soda and ice cream. I know I should not feed him nothing but sugar, but it is seldom that he actually visits me because he's busy in school and he visits me to review at home. I want to maximize the time I am with him.

Our ages are ten years apart. When I left home after I graduated college, he was only in 4th grade. And so, whenever I can, I want to serve him and be close to him. I want him to know he has a sister who loves him dearly.

When he arrived, I easily spotted the exhaustion in his eyes. He said he was very hungry and tired. Despite that, we enjoyed our food as we shared stories. I thank God for shared moments like this.

My love language is service. I love cooking and doing things for other people. My heart jumps for joy whenever I can serve. I love seeing them smile in return. I will always serve, and that is my worship to God.