Jacket's Journal

Hey there, welcome to my private journal. Don't worry if you've found this - it'll be a log of my life whenever I feel like posting. I'm a nobody - check out my blog if you like, or pass by. Thanks for reading.

[ojibwa]

[jacketsventblog]

drop my throat onto a table edge until my windpipe gives way, i don't care.

fuckin girl troubles man.

i just wanna listen to music in peace.

[jacketsventblog]

i'm becoming a slut to fill the void in my heart and being with dopamine and useless sex. i am going to be fuckmeat to get chemicals in my brain and i feel disgusted but i need it so bad

[jacketsventblog]

i really do think i love her, so, so much, but i don't know if she would ever feel the same way. she's in need of fixing and i want to help but is she willing to fix herself? i don't think she does

but i want her to

and i want her to understand just how much i feel for her. my feelings are very reserved and private, she knows so much about me, i'm so vulnerable to her. i've only felt this way once before.

and it was the greatest mistake of my life.

[jacketsventblog]

i don't have much to live for

[jacketsventblog]

i need therapy i need help i need drugs

i have none i have nothing i have noone

[jacketsventblog]

you don't deserve to live and i hope you die and realize everything you did and i want it to be slow so you have time to regret

[jacketsventblog]

want to die

[jacketsventblog]

i... think i'm finally over my ex. i don't think we should talk again. i'll miss her for certain, but it's for the best. she never believed i loved her but now i'm wondering if she ever loved me.

[jacketsventblog]

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU RUINED EVERYTHING FUCK YOU

[jacketsventblog]

january was fucking horrible

[jacketsventblog]

still really wanting to die which sucks tbh. just want this era of my life to be over now so i can move on to better things. regretting past decisions and wishing i'd acted sooner. fuck my life

[jacketsventblog]

really, really wanting to die right now. life’s got me down and i think i’ve had enough of everything

[jacketsventblog]

she cheated on me and managed to get away with it.

she knew i was enough of a pushover for me to not say anything while she went off and fell in love with another girl.

and she had the balls to act like the victim of the situation.

i haven’t cried in a long while and i’m considering if i want to. shit is pretty bad right now and life’s really got me down.

[jacketsventblog]

fucked up

[jacketsventblog]

i want to hold somebody’s hand and be able to bask in someone’s warmth

i miss having someone close who i can know and trust

i want to trust and love and make love

[jacketsventblog]

the most eventful yet important year of my life has come to pass and i stayed true to myself above all my relationship was fun but managed to get toxic. not fun in the end and overall better for us to break up. i don't know if she would agree but she needed to recover, i wasn't helping her my friends stayed true to me through thick and thin, and i've discovered my friends who would truly do anything for me. the people i'm nicest to are the people i hold the closest. but i want to abandon it all in 2017. i'm sick of this facade, this mask i've left on so everyone knows me as the funny, laid-back guy who cracks jokes and never gets offended. there's people like my sister who tell me to grow a spine. people like the one i tricked who talk bad about me behind my back, people who think i won't stand up for myself because i want to keep the mask. for the past year i wanted to break and become how i've grown and truly become what i want to be, i wanted to leave everything behind and just be me all i wanted to do was change i wanted to breathe smoke