Safe House

Welcome to my 'Safe House'. Enjoy my post or chat whenever you like. Instagram: jgenizleon08

[jadamleon8]

Hello Tumblr,

I almost never post in here and asking for help. My uncle was taken from ICE a few weeks ago when he was at an appointment for marriage, and we are working on getting him back. Any amount donated is appreciated for him and the fam.

Thanks!

https://gofund.me/47fcea5b8

[hadesisqueer]

One of my relatives passed away today and I'm having a really shitty day overall. Can you guys show me memes or send me jokes or literally anything

[jadamleon8]

I am sorry for your loss. I hope they are in a better place now. Here is a wonderful song you might like by the scotts.

https://youtu.be/th4Czv1j3F8?si=J_nCTQFVHWWjiv8t

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi. I’m an INFJ female (21). I recently went out with a friend and her other friend and felt completely out of place. I didn’t have fun at all, but told them that I did because I was afraid that it would hurt their feelings or ostracize me further. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in a friend setting in my life. They were asking me questions that I didn’t have the answers to, because I’d never given thought to them before. They were talking so fast that I could barely catch what they were saying, so I just smiled and laughed the whole time. When it was my turn to speak, there was awkward silence, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I felt frozen in shame.

I feel incredibly emotionally and mentally stunted, as I grew up homeschooled and isolated and suspect myself to have autism.

My question is, how do I become content with who I am, instead of wishing that I were like other women with more experience in life?

I tend to beat myself up for failing in the social realm, and it dampens my self-esteem greatly. I could improve my social skills, which I have been, but at the rate that I’m going I’ll never be able to “catch up” to all of the other people with years of experience around their belt. I feel alone. I feel stupid. I feel like I looked like an idiot to them. I don’t want to hang out with them again, and to be honest, I just want to be left alone to my books and interests. I am afraid of isolating myself though, as that turns me into a crazy nut.

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To recap: The problem is that you were sheltered and didn't get enough socializing experience to feel confident about socializing? Is the most logical solution to keep sheltering yourself, to keep depriving yourself of socializing experience? I think not.

When you're a kid, you don't have much, if any, control over your life. You're not responsible for the decisions that adults imposed upon you. However, now you're free to make decisions for yourself. If you choose to continue along the path those adults set for you, what's going to happen? You'll keep being that "stupid" kid forevermore. That's not what you want, is it? Choosing safety over growth (i.e. being held back by fear) over and over again is how people get stuck in a rut and eventually end up loathing themselves.

Do you think it's a good idea to make a big decision about the trajectory of your life based on one bad experience? Do you expect that life should never be difficult, that you should never have to experience failure, that you should never have to suffer ever? Do you think you can go through life only defining yourself by good experiences and disowning the bad ones? If so, you're not being realistic. Life is full of pleasure, fun, joy, and beauty... but also challenges, difficulties, problems, and PAIN. Every experience, good and bad, is valuable for becoming the person you're meant to be.

While it may be true that being sheltered hasn't adequately prepared you for meeting life's challenges, it is all the more reason to actively push yourself to break out of your childhood programming. Your ego development was held back through no fault of your own but now it is your responsibility to address the problem. You owe it to yourself, if you truly care about your well-being and your future.

It's imperative to learn better coping strategies rather than hiding away. If you don't know how or where to start, that's what therapy is for. There are so many ways to work on yourself; if one way doesn't feel right, all you have to do is try another way. There's no reason to turn one bad experience into a life-altering catastrophe.

It's not the end of the world to not know what to say. It's not the end of the world to get judged by people. It's not the end of the world to feel ill-equipped. You only feel that these things are the end of the world because of ego, because you are still stuck in the mindset of a child who is cowering before the "powerful" adults. You're the adult now. You get to decide how to respond to low self-esteem, toxic shame, and the opinions of others. You can keep being the passive victim, or you can stand up and take the lead over your own life.

Children see the world in terms of who has the authority and power to reward and punish, so they operate mainly on fear. Is there no other way to be in this world? Are you going to treat everyone you meet as a threatening "parent" out to criticize and punish you? I get that it's hard to behave as an equal to others when you feel "behind". However, there are two things you haven't understood yet:

(1) "Ahead" or "behind" are relative terms. Relative terms are not absolute but you are treating them as such, which is illogical. Let's say two people are running a 500m race. Person A starts at 0m while Person B starts at 50m. Obviously, Person B is going to be ahead the whole time with such a big advantage. But is it then reasonable to turn around and yell and scream at Person A for being a failure? Is it their fault for not having a head start? That's not a fair judgment, is it? You're being similarly unfair to yourself. Being unfair to oneself is what perpetuates low self-esteem and toxic shame.

(2) Everyone is an individual and has their own path to take in life. Life can be unfair because some people have more privilege and access to opportunity in society. But life is also fair in that we each have our own unique set of challenges to deal with. The challenges other people do or don't have to deal with have no relevance to you. The only thing that's relevant to you is facing up to your own set of challenges and discovering your own unique path to personal growth.

Adolescents see the world in terms of who is "better" or worse", so they operate on insecurity, envy, jealousy, and conformity. Is there no other way to be in this world? If that's not how you want to live your life, then the onus is on you to set your beliefs and values straight, to move beyond that immature mindset.

Only when you embrace your independence and individuality will you be capable of thinking for yourself and accepting that your story is different from others... and eventually realizing that's a GOOD thing. This world would be a terribly boring place if everyone was the same. And human existence would be rather meaningless if life was only about being a pale imitation of other people.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello MBTi Notes. I’ve long been reflecting on something that I haven’t seen addressed with the depth it deserves, and I was wondering if you might be able to offer your insight.

As an INTP, I’ve often noticed that we are frequently framed — both in fiction and in real life — as dull, naïve, or socially unimpressive. Even when portrayed positively, INTPs are usually cast as eccentric nerds, side characters, or comic relief. There’s rarely any emphasis on traits like charisma, leadership, or vision — qualities that other types seem to be readily granted, even in speculative representations.

This seems to mirror my own lived experience, and that of many INTPs I’ve spoken to. Despite having strong inner convictions and a deep need to understand and influence the world, when I try to speak or assert ideas, it often lands flat. I notice that my arguments, no matter how thought-out, don't create impact — or worse, they get brushed aside. There’s a sense of being seen as slow, abstract, or disconnected.

Meanwhile, other types, even when less precise, tend to command more immediate respect or engagement.

Why does this pattern exist? Is there something about the INTP function stack (Ti-Ne-Si-Fe) that makes our strengths socially invisible or easily misread? And how might we break free from these limiting frames without betraying the core of who we are?

Thank you for the thoughtful work you do. Your writing has helped me feel less alone somehow

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There is a subset of types who write to me more often than others, usually because they suffer from long running issues related to isolation. I lovingly refer to them as the "stuck in their head" squad, aka, the four Introverted Intuitive (IN) types. These types often find kindred spirits in each other.

IN types share a unique ability to create an interesting inner life for themselves. However, there are two sides to every personality trait. Having an interesting inner life potentially becomes a disadvantage or liability when it leaves one suffering from problems such as:

tunnel vision (INTJ)

separateness (INFJ)

stagnation (INFP)

detachment (INTP)

Although these sound like different problems on the surface, they all stem from the same deeper phenomenon of not being able to reconcile one's inner life with the outer world. Basically, the extraverted functions are underdeveloped. This means it is easy for INs to intentionally or unintentionally cut themselves off from the world, via tertiary loop, and perhaps even lose touch with reality in extreme cases.

I daresay every IN has experienced what it's like to think things are one way only to (shockingly) discover that nothing is what they thought. The INs who haven't had this experience yet are usually young (and privileged) and still blissfully living in their heads.

Although this inner-outer disconnect affects all four types, they are not all equally aware of it, care enough to change it, or feel compelled to seek help/advice about it. Generally speaking, INs in the early stages of tertiary loop are likely to be in denial, whereas those who have grown weary of tertiary loop (and suffering its negative consequences) are more likely to seek change and reach out for help.

However, this doesn't mean that help will work or that change will be smooth for them, mainly because they might still be unaware of what the underlying problem actually is. These cases are usually easy to identify because they struggle with questions along the lines of "how do I change without betraying myself?", indicating their ambivalence about exiting tertiary loop. Basically, they fear developing extraverted functions because they believe doing so would somehow "compromise" their inner world.

When INs become more aware of the inner-outer disconnect, a common reaction is existential loneliness, due to feeling misunderstood (by loved ones), underappreciated (by society), or unable to access social supports (that would help ease their suffering). One of the reasons I keep this blog is to help INs feel less alone by giving them access to minds with similar experiences.

Unfortunately, there exists a disincentive to connecting directly with others. Socializing can feel threatening because it opens up the door to painfully bursting the tertiary loop mental bubble for good. Such a drastic psychological jolt isn't good for mental health and well-being either. Reluctance to experience this pain can lead to living in a contradiction of wanting and not wanting change at the same time.

The more time spent in tertiary loop, the more difficult it is to exit. The fact is there are comforts to be had in tertiary loop because it is a protective defense mechanism. The heavier the reliance on the comforts, the harder it is to give them up. Bad habits are difficult to break once one has grown too accustomed to their "benefits". Because immature/unhealthy INs live in their own little world and are inattentive to the outer world, it is unfortunately all too easy for them to convince themselves that bad habits aren't bad where they live.

As such, getting out of tertiary loop often requires a strong commitment to change and improvement, a feasible plan of action, and determination to persist during difficult or stressful times. Sadly, the longer a person has been in tertiary loop, the less equipped they are to handle the pain of leaving it.

Usually, the reason they got trapped in the first place was because they did not (have opportunity to) learn healthy coping strategies and thus had to resort to tertiary loop. Therefore, the feasible plan of action must include learning new ways to cope with negative feelings and emotions (i.e. improve emotional intelligence).

A conceptual overview of the IN inner-outer disconnect problem and solution:

When Ni is too out of balance with Se, INTJs become too extreme. They will eventually suffer from tunnel vision if they use Fi to continually justify ignoring empirical evidence of failure (Te rejection). To exit Ni-Fi loop, they must give up extreme thinking, but that can leave them stuck in feelings of dullness or mediocrity. If they genuinely want a fulfilling life, they have to learn how to adopt reasonable standards and balance their goal-seeking to address every important aspect of life (Te+Se development).

When Ni is too out of balance with Se, INFJs become unrealistic. They will eventually suffer from separateness if they use Ti to continually rationalize away critical feedback (Fe rejection). To exit Ni-Ti loop, they must temper idealism, but that can leave them feeling empty or jaded. If they genuinely want to feel at peace with the world, they have to learn to adapt their vision to better fit the contexts of day-to-day existence (Fe+Se development).

When Fi is too out of balance with Te, INFPs become solipsistic. They will eventually suffer from stagnation if they use Si to remove all possible interference with their inner status quo (Ne rejection). To exit Fi-Si loop, they must admit that their feelings/values have led them astray, but this can leave them feeling lost or broken. If they genuinely want life to move forward, they have to learn to make use of mistakes and flaws as opportunities for becoming more skilled at life (Ne+Te development).

When Ti is too out of balance with Fe, INTPs become very limited in their perspective. They will eventually suffer from detachment if they use Si to continually dismiss certain ideas as being unworthy of consideration (Ne rejection). To exit Ti-Si loop, they must admit that their understanding of the world is myopic, but this can leave them feeling dejected or apathetic. If they genuinely want to bring their ideas to fruition, they have to learn to enjoy the process of continually testing and improving them, in order to pick up the most skilled methods of communicating them (Ne+Fe development).

I think tertiary Si and inferior Fe issues have been covered pretty well for INTPs, so you can refer to previous posts. Perhaps you haven't fully realized the extent that Si loop has constrained you. You see yourself one way, but others see you completely differently. An unrealistic self-image is a tell-tale sign of inner-outer disconnect.

Part of the disconnect comes from you because Si loop and Fe blindness make you unable to address all the complicating factors that influence successful expression of the self. Part of the disconnect comes from others because they might not be fully equipped to understand you without your help. Both of these problems are within your power to address.

If your knowledge of human psychology is basically limited to Ti+Si thinking, then your understanding of people is lacking, so you don't know how to appeal to them. You are basically doing what most people do, which is appeal to others based on what works for yourself, rather than what works for them. The fact of the matter is most people aren't INTPs, or even INs, so they don't think like you do.

One of the main reasons people learn about personality type is to learn how to bridge individual differences in perception and judgment. In order to communicate with types that are quite different from you, it is sometimes necessary for you to learn to speak some of their language. The more "languages" you learn, the more versatile you can be when socializing with people.

This is unfortunately just something all INs have to deal with because they are a statistical minority. Minorities often have to go the extra mile to make themselves seen and understood by the majority. It also doesn't help matters to be an introvert in a society that values extraversion more.

However, it's important to remember that you have extraverted functions and you can learn to use them effectively. It is mainly a matter of how willing you are to realize your potential. Everyone has their challenges in life, and meeting challenges bravely is the path to growth. An important aspect of type development is about unlocking hidden strengths, but you won't be able to do that if you continue to believe improvement equals "self-betrayal" (i.e. Ne rejection).

Perhaps you mostly notice INTPs who are similar to you in terms of type development stage, since we unconsciously seek reflections of ourselves in the social/media landscape. While it is true that the majority of people struggle with ego development issues (and thus get represented as such in fiction), there are certainly examples to be found of people who are further along in type development, usually older in age. Make a point to look out for them and you might discover valuable inspiration for your own development.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I'm INTJ. I have limited social network. At work or family friends etc I come across many people and I do the needful which is required socially. But deep down, I feel very lonely. I crave for certain connection based on interest, authenticity but that doesn't happen easily.

It is very difficult to find someone with interest like mine. I'm very bore person that way. Though, for sake of socializing, I try to learn something about topics of common interests, it keeps me unsatisfied. There are few groups, social media but it cannot replace human connection

Recently, I started reading quotes from poet Rumi and it is giving me some sort of peace im looking for

I just thought to write in here, is this related to personality or any other thing. What can be solution. Thanks in advance!

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Statistics show that loneliness is a growing epidemic in modern societies. Loneliness can feel like a troubling void inside, and many lonely people fantasize about finding that one special person to fill it. Not only is this a myopic approach to the problem, but to expect one person to fulfill all your social needs is a big burden to place upon their shoulders.

Contrary to popular belief, having similar interests is only one of many possible ways to build a friendship. It's actually not always the most important factor for friendship compatibility, so hyperfocusing on it might be detrimental to your search. Being Ni dom, you are in the minority, so it's understandable to feel out of place or misunderstood. However, keep in mind that a person need not have the exact same interests as you in order to understand you; they only need to be an empathetic person with good social skills.

Loneliness is more complex than finding one special friend. There are many factors that could lead to a person ending up lonely, so you'll have to dig deeper to discover which factors affect you the most. Common factors include:

1) Personal Issues (that usually present as passivity, indifference, ambivalence, laziness): What you basically said is that you expect great relationships to happen while only putting in minimal effort to build them. Would you want to be friends with someone like that, i.e., someone who refuses to invest anything unless they are guaranteed what they want in return? You say you're very lonely and want a better social life, yet your mechanical "dutiful" behavior sends out an unwelcoming vibe. Is it reasonable to expect others to care about you when you can't express any genuine care for them?

The first step of making good friends is learning how to BE a good friend. This could relate to function development in that your expectations aren't realistic (immature Ni) and you haven't yet learned the lesson of "you reap what you sow" (immature Te).

"You reap what you sow" is very fitting when it comes to relationship building (both romantic and platonic). New people are unknown entities. People are complicated and contain multitudes, so you have to spend enough quality time with them in order to learn who they really are and make a sound judgment about long term compatibility. Studies have been done on this and, on average, it takes at least a few months or a couple hundred hours of effort to turn an acquaintance into a good friend.

Too often, people make snap judgments based on a "gut feeling" or the nebulous concept of "chemistry", which leads them to cut off the potential for relationships to grow and develop over time. In most cases, when you're dealing with normal everyday people, the judgment of long term compatibility shouldn't be very easy to make. If you believe it's easy, it could be an indication that you're too superficial or judgmental, which is a form of self-sabotage.

Have you been open and honest with people about wanting more friends? Have you been proactive and assertive in putting out "invitations" to build friendship? Can you honestly say that you've given people enough of a chance? Can you honestly say that you've made every effort to take advantage of opportunities to develop friendships with the people you've known throughout life?

If you've answered "no" to the above, then there's something about you that needs to change. Perhaps there's a blockage inside you. If you're unable to figure out what exactly is preventing you from succeeding in relationships, consider working with a therapist to get to the bottom of it. Willingness to work on oneself is an essential ingredient to getting better at relationships.

2) Poor Social Skills: Some people aren't able to take advantage of friendship opportunities due to not knowing how to socialize. Ideally, people learn to socialize well in childhood and adolescence, but there are many reasons why social development doesn't go as expected. Fortunately, whatever the reason behind poor social skills, it is a solvable problem. Social skills are called "skills" because they can be improved through learning, study, and practice. I have already written about it and recommended books on the resources page.

Introverts tend to sit around waiting for things to happen rather than making things happen. You have to ask yourself how badly you want something. If you want it badly enough, you should have the motivation to do what it takes to get it. "No input, no output" is something healthy Te should understand very well.

Imagine you went to a party, social gathering, or a conference where you only knew a handful of people out of a hundred attendees. What would you do? Most people (and almost all introverts) would stick close to the people they already knew, using the known group to cautiously explore the strangers. Few people would make it their mission to meet each and every new person. Even fewer people could insert themselves into already established social groups and quickly carve out their own space, position, or role. Yet it can be done. Excellent socializers exist and they can make friends everywhere they go, no matter the occasion.

I've known many great socializers and they have certain things in common. Socializing well requires the ability to drum up courage, since you constantly have to face down the possibility of rejection. It requires good conversational skills that allow you to join seamlessly into discussions and express yourself in a way that is both authentic and well-received. It requires resilience and not taking failure personally, so that you can quickly recover and try try again. Most importantly, it requires an attitude of openness, trust, and a willingness to be vulnerable.

Openness means being able to see and take advantage of every good possibility. Great socializers don't put all their eggs in one basket and look for only one person to fulfill all their social needs (which is unreasonable). Rather, they throw open every door in order to get a good look at each person they encounter, which creates a variety of ways to get everyone's social needs met.

Trust means giving people the benefit of the doubt and being relaxed enough to go with the flow. Great socializers don't hold back or try to control social situations (which reveals insecurity). Rather, they really believe in people and try to access the positive aspects in every social situation.

A willingness to be vulnerable means being able to express yourself freely and naturally. Great socializers don't expect people to understand each other right away (which is unrealistic). Rather, they make themselves as approachable and relatable as possible in order to maximize the opportunities for deeper emotional connection. They proactively work to understand and fulfill people's needs in order to encourage reciprocation.

If you find yourself in a pattern of being unable to get past acquaintanceship, then you might need to improve your social skills and nurture the qualities in yourself that make you a more attractive candidate for friendship. It's not about turning yourself into someone you're not but about doing more to enhance and express the positive attributes you already possess, as well as learning how to bring them out in others. Everyone has positive attributes but not everyone knows how to express them and put them to good use. You should be using them to signal to people that you have something meaningful to offer in a friendship.

3) Unfavorable Environment: There is no doubt that some environments are better than others for meeting new friends. For instance, a small town where everyone already knows each other isn't going to present many new opportunities. The workplace isn't always great either, if it's the kind of soulless environment where people only show up to get paid.

When you live in a place without much friendship opportunity, you have to be proactive and either i) create more opportunity or ii) go to where there are more opportunities. For example, if you live in a small town, maybe you need to give people a second or third look to make sure that you haven't misjudged them. Or if you're finding people with similar interests online, the next step would be to meet them in real life, or at least speak rather than just text.

It is very limiting and even small-minded to approach loneliness as merely an individual problem. One reason modern societies suffer more from loneliness is that they've constructed an environment that doesn't foster and even discourages connections between people. For example, living in an individualistic and WEIRD society like the US, people often strive to be independent, live in detached houses, and set up private life to have as little interaction with the public as possible. Then they turn around and wonder why they feel empty or disconnected.

Loneliness can't be completely resolved on the individual level because there are larger factors that influence the trajectory of everyone's lives. When you don't take these larger factors into consideration, whatever solution you find at the individual level is going to feel like a band-aid. People often settle for whatever friendship they can get, but if you really want to shake loneliness for good, you also need a community to belong to. This is what it really means to have a social support network.

Imagine what it would be like if you were in trouble and a whole village of people was willing to come to your aid? This would only be possible if every member of the village took their membership seriously - not just out of "duty" but also out of care. Be a member of something larger than yourself. It means caring about things that don't always directly relate back to you. It means taking responsibility for more than just yourself. It means nurturing a willingness to be of service to more than just your own desires.

Do you know why many soldiers aren't able to reintegrate back into civilian life after going to war? During the war, they were forced to join a very tight-knit community where everyone was responsible for each other's survival. All of their time was spent on service and contribution to a greater goal. Those social bonds were so strong and their sense of purpose was so constantly reinforced that returning to civilian life felt extremely isolating and empty.

The heart of loneliness isn't just about not having close friends, it's equally about not having a strong connection to society. Remedy this by getting more involved in your local community, e.g., through volunteering for organizations that you believe in or joining clubs with interesting activities. No matter where you are, there are always opportunities to get involved as well as worthy causes you could contribute your time and energy to. By making yourself properly useful, you'll be resolving a major cause of loneliness: lack of purpose. What do you believe in? What do you stand for? Instead of this endless search for one special friend, why not make it easier for friends to find you through a meaningful social identity?

[jadamleon8]

It is pretty ridiculous that my grandmother wants to tear my family apart for not getting what she wants or needed the attention. What I initially thought was she being a sweet grandmother and certain family members mistreating her was actually her way of coursing me into believing false narratives with a mix from her past 'sweet' motherland stories that she tries to exert as her way of control while other members won't believe jack shit from her. I brushed this off back in my childhood, but at looking back at as someone in my early twenties. I realize how much she likes to exert control, manipulation and drama whenever things don't go her way.

To think that she would at least try to mend things for the remaining years she has left, she is still willing to play her deck of cards with her grandchildren and children. Though I still love my grandmother and that's pretty much the way she is, I couldn't help but be saddening to realize how absurd it is for me to take so long for the nature of my grandmother to come into fruition, maybe I really need remove my rose-tinted glasses to view her pragmatically.

Though it makes no difference to me with my interactions with her, at the end of the day she is still my grandmother. I will at least be cautious to her intention and will not take shit should she try to make me turn against everyone else.

[jadamleon8]

So I have an idea of a BSD story involving street racing and a gifted syndicate behind the catastrophe.

Here is the synopsis, tell me what you think:

Pairings: Atsulucy

(Some elements are inspired by Need for Speed Rivals.)

"Street racing has become the new epidemic in the city of Yokohama. Racers across the city have started to develop innovative and cunning ways to invade law enforcement to pursue their speedy desires. When the Armed Detective Agency are called into the case, they will soon discover that it is more than kids slamming the accelerator and sliding around corners. It involves one group who decide to take matters into their own hands and break the chains that held them captive.

How will the newly ADA agent Lucy will handle the case? Who are these racers and what is their purpose of causing this destruction? Will the ADA stop them in time before Yokohama becomes a playground of chaos and rubber?"

[jadamleon8]

Special KM Works Viper GT3.

[jadamleon8]

Repressed Feelings

Summary: Lucy can't deny the feelings of Tabby Cat no matter hard she tries. Atsushi knows he's in love with Lucy but he doesn't know to bring it up. Soon the two ability users would reveal their true feelings.

A/N: Hey guys this is my first fic on bongou stray dogs. Hope you enjoy!

Atsushi was sitting on the table when he saw Lucy wiping down the line. Ever since Lucy has started working at the cafe and saving his life a couple of times, Atsushi couldn't help but to feel grateful for her to care about him even when she tries so hard to hide it. He would admire her strong demeanor and her beautiful hair.

But his thoughts were interrupted when Lucy noticed his stare.

"What are you looking at Tabby Cat?"

"N-nothing Lucy..."

She gave him a 'humph' and went back to her wiping.

Lucy glanced at Atsushi for a brief second before she looked away. She always has this fuzzy feeling building up inside her heart everytime Tabby Cat is around. Sure he may be reckless and oblivious but he's not cold and aloof. She always dreamed about her confession to him but she never had the courage to say it. She sighed in sadness and resumed her work.

It was 8:30pm and she was heading back home. She arrived at her apartment took her shoes off and dropped onto her bed. Lucy can't shake the feeling off of Tabby Cat. How he treats her, his smile, his generosity despite his years of abuse. She often daydreams on how they would go on romantic dates and help each other on missions. Lucy realized she was daydreaming and decides to catch some sleep, however that sleep wouldn't come.

It's past 9pm and Lucy has been contemplating for the past thirty minutes on her feelings on Tabby Cat. Despite her haughty exterior she really cares about him and wanted him to a person not a hero boy. The thought of losing Atsushi haunted her mind everytime she sees him beaten up from a mission. There is no denial that Lucy is in love with him, even she herself couldn't deny it either. So starting tomorrow, she would finally have the courage to lift the weight off of her heart and tell him how she really feels.

The next day, Atsushi was sitting at the table in the cafe drinking his tea. Lucy came out of the back room and walk over to where Atsushi was sitting with a cold and sinister look on her face.

"Uh, hey Lucy-"

Lucy grabbed Atsushi wrist and force out of the table taking him to Anne's room.

She takes a good look at Atsushi and noticed the scars on his arms and the dried blood on his face. If only he knew when to take care.

"What did I told you about being careful?"

"Well.. uh.. Lucy I can explain-"

"To hell you can explain, you nearly killed yourself twice just you were careless!!"

Atsushi didn't know what to say, for starters Lucy had a point, she may not have been with him on the mission herself but judging by the marks she can tell he was on the verge of death.

"Lucy don't worry I-I'll be more careful next time."

"Forget about it."

Atsushi was shocked

"W-what?"

"ARE YOU DEAF!? I SAID FORGET ABOUT IT! GO AHEAD, KILL YOURSELF I DON'T CARE!!"

"Lucy I WILL be careful on my mi-"

"Just go."

"Huh?"

Lucy grabs by the collar.

"I SAID just go!"

Atsushi was confused by Lucy's anger towards him but when he saw the tears coming out of her eyes. He realizes that she was worried about his safety on the missions and is afraid of him being gone.

Atsushi gently wipes away the tears from her face with a sad soft smile.

Lucy was very touched by his smile that she almost forgotten why she brought him here in the first place.

Why was he so cute? She would always blush just looking by his adorable face.

"Lucy, I think you are an amazing person."

Lucy stared at him not with shock but awe.

"You always have this angry and threatening exterior but deep inside you show concern for others and have a soft heart that you guard so heavily you won't let anybody take advantage of."

Lucy continued to stare at him with joyful disbelief.

"Which is why... I like you Lucy."

Hearing those four words was all she needed to love him back.

Lucy waste no time yanking his collar and pressing her lips against his.

She released him after a long kiss but kept a close proximity.

"I like you too, Atsushi. You have a great heart and smile.

Don't die on me."

The two resumed their kiss with utter joy and security with knowing that they are never alone.