2021-2023
Moving on from my last post about Locke, I'm going to move on to my post about someone we'll call James.
While i was grieving the breakup of Locke and I and just trying to move on to someone new, I found James on bumble.
We started talking I believe early November 2021. From what i remember there was quite a few red flags that i looked past because i was just trying to have fun and move on with my dreadful life.
James came from money, was and only child, and had a ton of friends, something that i didn't have. He seemed pretty cool and we had a few things in common but not much now that I'm thinking about it. He was obsessed with how he was viewed and the amount of money his parents had, NOT that he had. He was also in recovery so that was another thing that will tie into the story in the end.
When i officially met him it was December 2021 and we went to see a movie. It went well and we planned on seeing each other in January when i was coming back from NYC. I drove 2 and a half hours to see him. from the start i could tell he was hyper sexual but i was trying to look past it because i had only been with one person and i was willing to test the waters finally.
we spent more and more time together. I would drive 2 and a half hours to see him like every week or every other week, made so much effort to see him and spent so much of my money that i had been saving up to live up to the lifestyle he loved.
Over time i think he started developing feelings for me but in hindsight maybe he just like using me for my money and my body, as well as my persona. Its a weird thing to think he was using me for but he loved the fact that i was this art student and had this cool vibe that he would brag about to all of his friends and it felt like sometimes that's all i was to him.
As the year of 2022 went on i grew to have feelings for him as well but i always thought that it was too good to be true that he would like someone like me because i am nothing like what he aspires to have in life. And honestly that first year if he had been with other women i wouldn't have even cared. I was so traumatized and detached from fully feeling from my last relationship, i could've just stopped seeing him and not given a flying fuck. There were signs too that i just looked past.
That July we had planned a trip to NYC together but would be spending the time at our separate friends houses. Not once did he try to see me while we were in the city. I asked and asked and asked and every excuse under the book was pulled out. instant red flag that i should've never looked past. this man didn't care about me at all but i guess i didn't care at the time. pretty terrible to feel unwanted by people constantly.
i never got to meet his parents officially i was never invited on trips, i was never really included in anything in his life.
Fast forward to March 2023, I find out that I am pregnant with his child. I was alone at his apartment after i had gotten my hair done and i was so excited. I remember thinking that i hadn't started my period and i went to grab a test. i was thinking that it was going to be negative but i was wrong. the rush of emotions i felt was crazy. I instantly called my best friend and we both cried together. I didn't know if i should've been happy or sad. but also, how was i going to tell him?
when i did tell him, he instantly wanted nothing to do with it, he didn't even want to look at the positive pregnancy test. from that point on i knew that he wanted me to get an abortion. I never wanted an abortion in my life and always said that i didn't want one ever. basically long story short he would go one to manipulate me into getting an abortion by saying things like "i want you to have my kids in the future, were not ready right now" " i love you so much but if this was like a year from now i would be okay with it" and so on. Mind you this man was 29 years old.
So i went through with the abortion. 2 MONTHS BEFORE i was set to graduate with my bachelors degree. I went through it alone basically. I was writhing in pain in his bed, expelling his child, while he sat in the living room smoking spliffs and ignoring life. I will never forget that. But there i was thinking that i was going to have a future with this man and this was gonna be what saved us.
I knew at the time an abortion was the best thing for me as well because i wasn't ready for a child, and i knew that he would not be there to support. but it still was the hardest thing i ever had to do in my life, it was not an easy decision at all.
Fast forward to august 2023, i notice that James is being weird and he is leaving for his family trip. I asked him to include me, which i should've already been since i was his girlfriend, but you know that means nothing. his trip also fell on my birthday and i wanted to spend that day with him.. this man didn't give a fuck.
I ended up breaking up with him because he was an immature fuck and in hindsight treated me like shit and just used me, but there was still a part of me that wanted that closure and attention. he had been ghosting me after the breakup and it seemed like he honestly didn't give a fuck and was happy it was over.
we ended up meeting back up in october/december/ and january. we hooked up here and there. i kept telling him i didn't wanna see him if he was seeing other people and i had too many emotions invested into him to be lead on so he needed to figure out what the fuck he was doing.
To finish off this story i found out that he had been seeing someone from the time in august he went on his family trip, till the point we had stopped hooking up at the end of january. they had been in a full official relationship and he was cheating on me with her, and then on her with me. He had been doing everything i had begged him to do for those 2 years, for her in those 6 months. crazy work. no hate to her, shes a sweet heart and deserves so much more than he could ever offer her.
Crazy that i let these two fools take space in my life for 9 years, but without that i wouldn't have been lead to meet the love of my life.
