Illumina x artisan reader [My Divine Lotus]
Why would you ignore him?
That is for the lack of better word, unless Illumina wants to use âdisregardâ, but then again it might be too harsh when he uses such devastating word to mention his beloved. Yet he just canât shake that thought off his mind. As much as Illumina wants to reassure himself that you wonât do something so discourteous like that, he just canât help himself. You are ignoring him, he isnât seeing things or being paranoid
When it was under other circumstances, you would always reach out for him first. He doesnât need your prayers to be aware of when you are yearning for him, just his name alone is enough for him to drop anything troubles his presence to be by your side. None of his followers have the grace to have such privilege like you, to be able to summon a deity just through a whisper under your breath. Of course, Illumina can just appear near you as he pleases, yet his pride doesnât allow him to act so rashly like that. He needs an excuse, so he can rely on it to be by your side. He even mesmerizes the certain time when you usually call out for him. Even when youâre just talking to yourself with the thoughts of him in your mind, Illumina still knows it and appears right away to give you a piece of his mind without missing a beat. But now? You havenât reach out to him for days
Illumina has to rumble through his memory to see if you are mad at him or what. Sure, sometimes he still does things behind your back â specifically those times he bothered your friends because they were too close to you to his liking, or just went ahead and took care of your foes when they were invading your peace â but it is all for your sake. Besides, he has stopped doing the first said thing because of how upset you were with him. Illumina is positive that he has not crossed any mortal with close association with you out of spite this whole time being. Then what is it that you are bothered about? You canât just forget about him because of your works, right? There is no way you will commit such cruel act
And to make it worse, you have taken off the charm he has given you. It makes it almost impossible for him to sense your presence, as he usually relies on that amulet carved by his own feather and magic to be aware when danger is lurking near you. Of course, he also uses that to keep tab on you. Illumina does that so he can keep you safe. Why did you even take it off, which you have never done before? If someone tries to take the charm away from you with force, he will be aware of it right away to punish that fool. But he knows that you have taken it off by yourself, leaving it in your bedroom for a long while without coming back to pick it up again
The almighty Illumina is confused. Where is it that you have stayed if not your own room for your slumber? He has made a guess that you might be inside your workshop with a ton of commissions around here and there. Your skill is one of the things that amazed him after all, but that isnât the point at the moment. He tries to figure out the reason why you are ignoring him, even taking off the thing that is supposed to allow him to keep tabs on what or where are you running off to. But he canât put his finger on any logical explanation at all
He is aware of his limited understanding regarding mortalâs mind. Even when he has spent so much time by your side, he still feels that he canât see the world under your eyes properly. He reassures himself, Illumina wonât let those ugly emotions get the best of him, there is just no way. But even when his emotions are rather different from yours â as he deems them as his weakness and they barely matters much to him when he isnât with you â that pit in his unbeaten heart is getting more and more intense like a ship sinking down into the black water hopelessly. He doesnât understand that feeling of his, he has never experienced it before after all. Illumina canât bring the name of this newly discovered emotion at all, he just knows that it isnât a positive response based on what he has been feeling currently
Irritated isnât the right word, and neither is sorrow. This feeling is a mixed of everything he can possibly think of. Yet it comes from his love from you. How can it be possible? Illumina isnât out of his mind, right? Yet under his name that he takes pride of, he feels pathetic to even think that he is desperate to see you again, to hear you call out for him like you used to. He canât believe he feels hurt just because you are ignoring him. He is a deity, one of the SFOTH, the almighty Lord that brings terror to those who defy his ordersâ and yet he canât stop making a fool of himself like this
Emotions are the puzzle that Illumina struggles with solving, especially without you by his side to explain it. How ironic, the god himself fails to answer his own heart. When he is around you, his heart seems to be at ease. It feels like home when he holds you close to him, breathe in your scent and trace his hand against your skin. Illumina can let the tension be lifted away from his shoulders when he is with you. It is love, as you have told him. He canât believe how much he has yearned for you and your love
But then the question that he tries to bury just comes in his mind: Is there any chance that you have grown exhausted from loving him?
The thought makes Illumina freeze on sight. If that isnât the case, then he has no better theory to cling to himself, and that definitely causes him more distress than one can manage to imagine. He shouldnât be insecure because of such trivial matters, no? Yet here he is, walking back and forth in his domain with a darkened expression resembles a pained stubborn animal that refuses to lower its pride. He canât bring himself to imagine that you have changed your feelings, he mentally cannot do that. If you want to distance yourself from him, then is there an explanation? Or you just simply do so? He feels hurt to think that you are keeping him in the dark with doubts. Days of silence passed by, he didnât even present himself to his followerâs prayer directly by himself anymore, his mind is too occupied to maintain that composure with his usual calm yet intimidating demeanor
If he keeps all this worries to himself, Illumina is positive that he might as well goes crazy like his brother who he shall not speak of that vexatious name due to how many times he has physically winced just because of the simple mention of that bastard. He is torn between keeping his ego and continue to wait patiently as he should, or just discard his own pride to seek the answer for himself. Itâs such a lowly move, in his opinion. But it involves you. And if he canât get the actual answer anytime soon, may Ghostwalker just come over and take him through the deepest pit of Hell. In the end, Illumina finally makes up his mind with a shaky sigh filled with determination
On the other hand, letâs talk about you, o great artisan. The evidences of your talents are praised by the most crotchety customers ever, even the god who proposed to you as his lover has to be in awe of your creation. The fruit of your skilled hand is soaked with your passion, amazes every patrons of yours due to the fine taste you have with art. To you, every single piece of your crafts holds a different meaning to the reason it comes to reality in the first place. You use them to express your thoughts, your feelings and your rawest form of your ideas. You have all the rights to be proud of yourself because of your precious accomplishments
Lately, you have been rooting inside your workshop with no time to rest. Countless sketches being dumped into the fire while the sound of materials being forged into one piece have certainly created an ambience in your mind. You seem to forget the concept of time, as you keep working like a horse through days and nights without allowing yourself any moment of relaxation. Aside from the hyper focus you have on the subject in front of your eyes, the vision of your muse is all you can think of. Oh how you have missed him, but you know that you canât let him know about this just yet. This has to be perfect, you canât let your muse down with this
âLetâs just pray that he will like this..,â you mindlessly mumble to yourself
You swear that your heart almost leaps out of your chest the moment you hear that nonchalant voice that you have missed oh so much. Illumina will never drop that hobby of scaring you out of nowhere with his unannounced visit, wonât he? Thankfully you still have your action in control before you can even drop anything because of how he has startled you. If you have to start all over again, you swear that your heart almost might actually pass out right there without a warning. With a deep breath, you slowly turn around to face your beloved muse. At the same time, you use yourself to cover the things you are doing earlier
Half-lidded empty white eyes meet yours. Illumina has stayed behind you for who knows how long with a frown. You are well aware that it doesnât seem like he is in a good mood, the tension between the two of you is thick. The air around you has never felt so suffocating despite the ongoing fire in the furnace that is always there until now. It takes you a swift moment to close your jaw as you gulp down nothing, figuring what is the best thing to respond to your muse in this very moment. He is definitely unhappy, that is for sure. Now that you have realized it, how long has you been inside the workshop again? Based on his reaction alone, you know exactly the reason why he is upset, and you also know that you screwed up pretty much there
âWhy the long face,â he hums sarcastically, âIs my presence cause you such pressure?â
Now you can definitely be more than certain on the fact he is bothered. And you have contributed greatly to that annoyance that looms over his presence. Just great, is it not?
âNo, my beloved, itâs not like that. Iâm just surprised of your sudden visit. You donât usuallyâŠwell, do it without a reason- since you are pretty catch up with your dutyâ
âOh? Then pray tell, why is it that I must be given a reason to see what are you doing without me knowing?â
You are hesitant about answering this question of his. That excuse you used is definitely a weak one, because you know too well that Illumina will drop everything in a heartbeat to respond to your slightest mention of needing him. Taking off the protection charm so that he canât be aware of your actions is quite the bold move, but you have no choice, it can risk your plan. You wonât deny the fact that it must have worried him sick though, you would react the same if you were to be in his position. He has that right to do so. Before you can gather your thoughts into a coherent sentence to answer him, Illumina cuts you off almost immediately
âAre you too caught up with your works? Or are you simply not want to see me? As much as I can read your mind if you allow me, I canât investigate your emotions myselfâ
You want to facepalm yourself. As much as the sight of Illumina getting so worked up like this is definitely amusing, you do realize that your actions of not contacting him like you usually do is a direct slap to how he dotting over you that much. At least with the charm he gifted you, he can be less worried about your safety. And what did you do? Take it off and leave it at home to bury yourself under your works. You even stunned to check the date just to realize that almost three weeks have passed, in another word, you have ignored him for almost a month. Making him misunderstood your behavior is not what you are looking forward to, but here it goes. If only you have keep your eyes on the calendar
When you call out his name, Illumina seems to have mixed reactions with it. A part of him is pleased when hearing his name coming from your mouth like a slight plead, however, another force inside him causes him to tense up at it. That voice telling him that you are done with him keeps pestering his mind like a disease. Illumina shoos it away, yet he just canât help himself. He crosses his arms together, waiting for you to talk to him with that typical unamused expression
âMy divine, rest assured that I donât mean to make you worried,â you coo, trying to be considerate as you walk towards him, âIâm sorry. My fault, I know. Iâm just a bit too busy latelyâ
Mutual understanding is an important factor in a sustainable relationship. But itâs you who toss him aside first even when you mean well at first, so you donât really have a saying about him being unreasonable. As the matter of facts, he has more than just a reason to be upset. When you are standing there right in front of him, he canât help but clicking his tongue in mild disaccord
âToo busy with something more important than my presence?â
You freeze there for a moment, not knowing how to word it without giving your true intentions away. It is clear to him that you are hiding something away from him, and Illumina is concerned about it. You always tell him whatâs on your mind, but now? You keep a secret from him. Illumina shakes his head as he looks down at your lack of response
âI just want to know why you have been avoiding me recently. You even put aside the charm I gifted you, then spend days without a mention of me on your tongue,â he bitterly huffs, âI tried to think of what have I done to upset you this whole time, yet I have failed to understand what have I done wrong. If you have anything you want to say to me, I suggest you to do it now truthfullyâ
Illumina is mentally cursing himself for sounding so foolish. He still canât bring himself to believe that he has became this pathetic due go the lack of affection, he resents that idea with all he can afford to keep. His hand is clutching into fist behind his back as he tries to calm himself down, keeping up that aloof attitude in front of you. If only he expresses how he truly feels in the moment, you will know he has been dealing with that damned feeling inside his chest without you
But then again, he canât really keep that ugly feeling contained by himself for foo long, not when you are right in front of his eyes. As much as he feels so humiliated at the moment, he knows that at least you might spare him a reconsideration. He is willing to throw his dignity aside to have this conversation with you, even when he doesnât want to appear as âweakâ in front of you. Yet he still wants to try. And you know it well, as his expression slightly changes to a slight concerned look. Calling the change subtle is an understatement, yet you have stayed with him long enough to notice the smallest change in his behavior without a sweat. Itâs something that he finds both amusing and questionable, knowing how much you pay your upmost attention to him
âI wish for you to tell me what is on your mind,â Illumina steps closer to you, towering you with his height, yet you feel no actual threats coming from him, âIf there is something bothers you, in which it involves my behavior, I wish for you to not keep it from me. Tell me, let me hear you. To put up with me isnât an easy task, but I still wish for you to let me explain if you are truly upset at meâ
You quickly shake your head as your hands hole onto his for reassurance. Itâs actually a bit comical regarding the current situation on how you are just explaining yourself because you make your SFOTH deity of a beloved agitated too much. You soon figuring out that there is no point hiding anything from him now if you want him to be at ease, so you acknowledge your defeat
âNo, itâs not like that. Illumina, my love, you misunderstand my intentions. Iâm not upset with you, not at all,â you sigh slightly, âItâs justâŠthis, hereâ
Signaling your head to the item on the table, you step aside, guide his hand to face the thing that has managed to drown you in this uptight schedule of work that you have forced yourself to do with one month before the deadline reaches. And to Illuminaâs surprise, the thing in front of his eyes isâŠa crafted lotus? That surprised expression manages to replace that nonchalant look on his face
âThis isâŠâ Illumina holds his breath when his fingers ghost against the delicate yet firm petal of the lotus. A white lotus, with the purple pattern that is delicately hand-painted, emitting a gentle aura like moonlight. The piece of art is held by a moon-like stand supporting it by the sliver chain, which makes it looks like it is floating in the air. The petals are cold, but also pleasant to the touch. Like glass, but also resembles the gentle breeze of spring, the texture definitely leaves him questioning if this is crafted by dreams or not, itâs too surreal
If he looks more careful, he can even see a small figure of him sitting on the top of the stand with his eye close, and you are beside him as well. The statues are complexed to the point that he has to look twice to recognize the little details of it in your style. The beauteous creation of his favorite flower, crafted by your hands fully, just for him. As always, have you ever failed to amaze him with your miracle?
âWell, for you,â you admit, âFor your spawnday, to be specific. It was meant to be a surprise for you, butâŠyeah, now you know, my dearâ
The almighty deity himself is rather stunned while you explain the mechanism of said craft. Originally, you wanted to make a censer â a perfume burner, to be more specific â for him. But then you start to think it might be too basic for your lover. It kinda explains the countless scrapped ideas you had before until you thought of something insane: Why not making a censer styled so it could be a lantern as well? Your imagination is definitely unmatched with, yet you manage to accomplish the task perfectly by yourself. You even want to take thing to the next level by making a miniature statue of him and you, which you definitely have to open your eyes widely so you wonât screw the whole things up
Illumina is in awe for quite a long time. And the fact that he has doubted your love before, he canât believe the audacity he has to even think about that. A part of him is guilty for internally accusing you just like that, and you can tell. You quickly dismiss that guilt in his heart with your hand placed on his while he is still admiring your work
âAnd for the record, Iâm sorry for keeping this from you. Shouldnât have worried you at the start,â you smile slightly as you look up at him, âI just thought that with your protection charm being so effective, it might ruin the surpriseâ
You still remember that slight scoff on his face when you say it. It makes you smile, but at least that is quite the positive response you get from him. Although you canât really keep this a surprise until his birthday anymore, but yeah, you can come up with something additional to go with his gift. But this time, maybe donât worry about surprises and just cutting him off contact like that, figure out something else instead
âI assume that you already know my answer, no? It isâŠetherealâ
Hearing that brings a smile to your face. He doesnât seem to be too much in distress as before now, instead that all knowing smile with a hint of pride has returned to his face. Of course, he is pleased with the gift you have prepared him
âThank you, for thisâ
However, he still needs to keep his demeanor as he glances over to you. He moves his hand slightly, the charm has appeared in the palm of his hand within a blink as he helps you to put it on again
âBut next time, donât make me worry for you like that. Just keep the charm on, at least I can still sense your presence quietlyâ
âDid you miss me that much?â
There it is, that look of unamused judgement of your lover that you have missed so much whenever you say something preposterous to him. You wonât deny, it does humor you at how he has put up with your choice of words by that reaction. If he even has irises, you know that he will be rolling his eyes visually before turning away from you
âKeep silent, lest thou desire me to walk aroint back into mine domain presently without looking backâ
âOh câmon, not the old words! My love, my heart, Iâm sorry!â
Note: Miss me? I think I did well with the competition, although I was 2 years late than other participants but it went well!ïŒïŒŸâïŒNow I just have to wait over the week to get my results, hopefully I make it(*ÂŽăŒïœ*)
Note 2: Damn my only âfriendâ ditch me, Iâm alone again
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