jambiwind

i'm tori, i reblog cosplay/writing/video games (final fantasy/elder scrolls)/wrestling/body positivity/intersectional feminism/non-binary/bisexuality/anxiety & depression/unnaturally colored hair/shitposts & stuff

[jambiwind]

every day without him feels…defective

[jambiwind]

patiently searching for my way back to you

[jambiwind]

i hate this

[jambiwind]

i will always love you

[jambiwind]

even if i was perfect

if i somehow did everything right

if i became everything everyone expected me to be

if i behaved normal and politely

if i left behind all my own dreams to help others fulfill all of theirs

even if i could force the last drop of blood from my own heart, calcified and trembling

it still wouldn’t be enough, would it?

they’d sigh down at me, “what? you couldn’t handle the pressure? too difficult for you? afraid to commit?”

and i will weep in protest, “the well went dry, and i went with it”

[jambiwind]

6 months in a one bedroom apartment where i only have to go to work and no one goes out of their way to be mean to me >>>>>>>>>

i truly believe it would heal me. i’d likely stop thinking about passively dying. i could finally catch up. it wouldn’t matter if people were still cruel to me; it’d be so easy to believe in myself

the kicker? i’m 32 and live in 2025 america. it’ll never happen.

[jambiwind]

and y’all know the kicker? <objectively,> i’m not asking for too much. i don’t want magical solutions. i want to get enough cleaning done so i can play f u c k i n g mario kart with my boyfriend 🫠

[jambiwind]

i’m so scared dude. i just want to make a better life for myself. if i can’t make enough progress here, and i’ve had a year now to do so, then,

i don’t even want to type out the question

failing is not an option

how many days in a row can the average person spend in a fog, experiencing little to no quality of life, before declaring defeat?

[jambiwind]

i wanted to write something about how i’ve been feeling so i can try to dump this terrible energy somehow

but even if i could, i think

i think i don’t want to

i don’t want to tell anyone anymore

i don’t want to struggle to explain myself like always

i don’t want to be misunderstood or assigned guilt or questioned or taught or belittled or, at worst, ignored completely

i know i’m weird and i know that means alienation. it’s just simply the way it is

but i cannot spend another second begging to be believed

i wonder, at the end of the day, do they feel better about themselves? do they sleep more comfortably after getting me to shut the fuck up?

[jambiwind]

damn if y’all had been this obsessed with *every little fucking thing i do* when i was a kid, maybe i would’ve grown up making healthier life choices and feeling like an individual who is genuinely deserving of love ha ha haHAHAHAHAHAHA

[jambiwind]

could someone please be as kind to me as i am for them? could someone please, casually, appreciate me without a “but- [criticism]”? could someone please remind me how easy it is to be nice to me?

don’t worry. i got it. it’s added to my list. i can take care of it. i’ll handle it. i’m here for you. i remembered. i noticed. i took initiative. i thought about it for you before-hand. i’ll make you something to eat. there’s ibuprofen on the nightstand. no i don’t want you to pay me back. i’m plenty happy knowing it’s one less thing you have to stress about.

the pail has leaks / & even if / you pour all your water / into it / you’ll end up with / nothing left to drink

the well has gone dry / & i with it

[bogleech]

Who made this edit, it's the most valid one

[pseudophan]

when your stomach is really mad at you and you're not sure which one of your fourteen unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it

[valicelavidad]

somehow my app bugged and cut the last nine words off so I thought op was a cow or something

[pseudophan]

[vexwerewolf]

While it's important to recognise that depictions of mental health and mental illness in video games are often dogshit, and a "sanity meter" flattens understanding of the impossibly complex issues of mental health into a single metric

We also have to acknowledge that sometimes you do just encounter shit that causes your sanity meter to decrease

[sloppjockey]

ffatigue. gouache painting on paper, 2020

[carnage-cathedral]

my partner said something that kinda rocked my world

[thelovingend-deactivated2025073]