James Hesky's Blog

Host of "At Their Worst", writer for "Sports Balls" and "Which One Is Worse?". Sometimes comedian. 

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"Mom, I'm not having fun at camp anymore. Can you come pick me up?"

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Got the new Tim Duncans. #sneakerhead

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Happy too-cold-not-to-wear-a-jacket-out-but-still-100-degrees-in-the-subway-station season!

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Sam Clovis funded the construction of Carcosa.

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Y'all into nightmares?

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The stage is bigger than it looks. (at The Grand Opera House, Wilmington DE)

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I don't think that's what you're supposed to call trans women. (at Penn Station New York City)

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I don't think that's what you're supposed to call trans women. (at Penn Station New York City)

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"Okay. Yes. You're right. I shouldn't have farted. But in my defense, I had no idea you were holding a lighter. How did you even use thing with your hooves? Nevermind, let's just leave before--Awfuck. Someone's already here with a camera. Turn around so they can't see our faces." #californiawildfires #fartjokes #horses

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Hope y'all are having a #blessed day like I am!

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If you look at pictures if our 31st president, you never see his feet. Now we know why. (at Manhattan in New York)

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C'mon guys, not right now. I just got up. #instagood #instafamous #paparazzi #tmz #celeblife (at New York metropolitan area)

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John Kelly: Well that was degrading and embarrassing. Trump: You knew what you signed up for.

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Really excited to start this new phase of my life as a professional social media influencer. It makes me feel so good that I need a cigarette. And not just any cigarette, but a #Marlboro Ultra Light. The only cigarette that's actually good for you. #ad #marlborocountry #phillipmorris #cancerisamyth (at Richmond, Virginia)

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I know it's been a hard day for the #Astros already, but apparently Albert Pujols' 2005 #NLCS home run ball finally landed in a field about an hour ago.

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Dos and Don’ts when making an Old Fashioned.

Do:  Use a good rye whiskey

Don’t: Have three of them.

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Monsanto Surprises John Madden With A Real Turducken

DETROIT, MI--A representative from agricultural giant Monsanto presented NFL coaching and broadcasting legend John Madden with a live turducken.  The genetic mix of a turkey, duck, and chicken will prevent the hall of famer from having to purchase three separate birds for his traditional Thanksgiving afront to God and everything that is holy.  “Wow, I don’t know what to say,” Madden said. “I mean, these guys just show up and BOOM! There’s a real turducken!”  The beast, which has three sets of breasts, legs and thighs, moves around like a dying spider and communicates with a noise similar to a child screaming, is the result of ten years of work in a secret lab 400 feet beneath an unlisted cornfield in Iowa.  Monsanto scientists involved in the project also informed Madden that the turducken has the capacity to love, has an immense fear of death, and should be covered with foil when baking.