Well, I do

Jamie Voss Community Vet Heart pack Alpha

[jamie-voss-blog]

xxpeterlopez‌:

Peter let out a snort of his own, something quite undignified. “Technically, I’m an Alpha because I staged a coop and kicked the old Diamond Alpha out. But… it was because I thought I could offer better for them. I don’t really know much about the history of this place before I got here, how the pack split into packs, but…” He let out a soft sigh, shoulders lifting in a bit of a shrug. “I love them. Each and every one of them. We’re snobby, I get that. We come across as full of ourselves, we are, really. But they’re good people. My people. They wouldn’t have a problem with a few extra people around the house, kids or otherwise. If they do, they can go take the bunks up at the welcome center.” Head shaking a bit, he offered a bit of a strangled chuckle. “Besides, a few more well dressed kids around the reservation wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

He tried to pretend that the man’s kind words didn’t effect him in that moment, cause a lump in his throat. He had to swallow hard to force it back, blink a few times. That was the dream. Whether he was here or on a beach somewhere. To raise kids of his own, to teach them how to be good people, to hope and worry about them as they grew and became their own people. “Thanks.” He finally managed to get out, sounding a little more watery than he would have liked, but it came out anyway.

However, he felt his face flare with a bit of heat as he quickly cleared his throat. “I don’t even really know how the good doctor really feels about me, let alone kids.” Reaching up, he quickly straightened his tie. It wasn’t entirely true, he had a pretty good idea of how Kolya felt about him, but he wouldn’t put words in the man’s mouth. “That would be the dream, though, wouldn’t it? White picket fence, two point five kids and probably too many pets.”

Details. Honestly. Peter still voluntarily decided to stage a coop and take on all that responsibility and leadership himself, so no person in this whole place would be shocked to hear he wanted a child or seven. But still, something in Jamie warmed, as it always did when he heard someone else talk about their pack the way he did his. He might not fully understand the way the other packs saw and moved about in the world but he respected each of the leaders for doing what they thought was best for their people. And the throwback line had a soft smile tugging on his lips as he momentarily thought about the initial packs. None of them had known what the fuck they were doing, really. It was honestly kind of a miracle they’d mostly all lasted as long as they had - and made some sort of almost functioning society at that.

Shaking the past off, he refocused on Peter’s words, head tilting slightly as he got a little defensive but Jamie’d never doubted that they were good people. Maybe not to everyone, but at the very least, to each other. And that's really what they all needed, wasn't it? Families. Pack lines didn’t mean family lines for Jamie - he had too much history with too many - but he could understand how it would for some of the others. “That’s really what it all boils down to.” Jamie said finally. “You loving them. Them loving you. The rest…works itself out. But you’re not wrong. We could always use some more well-dressed kids.” Kids who might have to be told a few times that they were worth the time and effort to wear those clothes. And yeah. Fuck it. Jamie was getting a kid. At least one.

“Of course.” Jamie said easily, aware that his words had struck something but not wanting to draw anymore attention to it then Peter may have wanted. Besides, what fun was being the person people came to with their crushes if you couldn’t use that knowledge every now and again to tease? Jamie couldn’t recall ever seeing a blush on Peter before. This was awesome. His eyebrow rose slightly as he began to fuss before admitting he wasn’t sure how the doc felt about him, let alone children, and hmm. “Seems a conversation or two needs to be had.” Jamie mused before his mood unexpectedly crashed back down. “It was. Once upon a time.” Jamie said softly, a shadow passing over his face, before shrugging. “I don’t know what my dream is now. But…yeah, sorry. I hope it all works out for you. Doc and fence and all. My fingers are crossed and I’ll check in now and again very subtly to get the newest updates. And to set up play dates.” Oooo. Maybe they could invite the doc to one, see how he was with the children, and if he could handle the sight of Peter+children. He was a genius. They’d just…have to wait until the dust settled a bit and it’d be safe for the humans to come back.

[jamie-voss-blog]

xxpeterlopez‌:

The truth of the matter, there were so many layers to the complications between himself and the good doctor that it almost wasn’t fair to speak about him like Peter was some stary-eyed, lovesick puppy. That’s exactly what he was, but it was all wrapped up in the understanding that, in spite of whatever feelings might be there, it wasn’t something they could openly pursue, or hell, probably even talk about with wandering eyes and ears all around them. Jamie was someone Peter was sure he could, if nothing else, trust with his feelings. The man was a heart in more than one sense, and hearing that the man was happy for his feelings, if nothing else, brought a momentary smile to his face, fond and foolish, before it faded away again. 

Peter was a bit surprised to learn about his own chat with Dr. Wright, but he couldn’t disagree with the thought. The woman and Kolya were probably both looking for ways to blame themselves for all of this, and that stung, the thought. It wasn’t their fault. They hadn’t done this, and they likely would have tried to stop it in any way they could. Hell, Peter could even imagine one or both of them taking the shot for the kid if it came down to it. Swallowing, he nodded his head. 

Sighing, Peter offered a small shrug of his shoulders. “We can float the idea with the teachers. Ask them to offer up the housing. If the kids want to come to the pack houses, at the very least ours, my door is open for them. For better or worse, every kid deserves some kind of family, and this is the one I have.” Eyes once more scanned the crowd, found a few of his own, his found family. He offered a dry, almost completely helpless little chuckle at the offer. “For now, I think the good doctor and I just need to let time work. As for the kids…” He cast a sideways glance toward Jamie, an eyebrow lifting. “Would you believe me if I told you I’ve always wanted to be a father? I know it doesn’t fit my general… aesthetic, lets say, but… I love kids.”

There was the smallest of fortunes granted as at least Jamie was making eye contact at the moment the small smile made itself known before sliding off. Any moment that they could grab onto lately seemed precious, however fleeting. Jamie’d have to meddle more during their pack-wide events and see if he could orchestra some special alone time for them or something. But that’d be another’s day challenge to tackle. Tonight, it was what to do with the kids that were left and honestly, Jamie got a little speechless at Peter’s offer. The Diamonds were notoriously picky about who they let into their pack and to think he’d accept any child who wanted to wander in? His eyes might have gotten a little misty. It was more than he hoped to offer from any of the other packs and increased the slight hope that maybe he’d misjudged them all. It was def going to be on the agenda for tomorrow, as well.

But a small snort of something almost resembling laughter slipped out at Peter’s latest “confession” and Jamie had to give a slightly smug nod. “I would believe that and say I already knew. Wanna know why?” Amusement felt a bit out of place here but also like an inflatable raft keeping him from sinking into complete despair. “You’re an Alpha. We voluntarily signed up for this gig. Of course we wanna be dads. We guide and protect and love and watch our pack discover who they are, make mistakes, learn from them, and ultimately develop into amazing wolves who look to pass that on to the next generation. The skills and desire is already there.” But this time, he reached out first, gently clapping onto Peter’s shoulder. “But for what it’s worth, I think you’ll be a damn good father.”

And now his gaze turned a little playful. “What does the good doc think about kids?” He asked quietly. “Not a bad ally to have in the whole child-rearing experience.” He didn’t exactly see Peter taking an injured child to Cas but who knew? Maybe children would mellow them out.

[jamie-voss-blog]

xxpeterlopez‌:

It was comforting, the hug. It wasn’t something he could say he didn’t enjoy. He liked the warm feeling in his chest, the way it eased just a little bit of the pain and the guilt that had taken up residence there. He knew that it would come back full force, but it was nice that for just a moment, it seemed to pull back as the two Alphas shared a moment of comfort between them. He needed to find Britt, to find the rest of his pack. He needed to be there for the others. Be needed to be strong for them. It was nice that, for a moment, he could be weak with someone else. 

Jamie’s words hit Peter in a way that he wasn’t expecting, and he let out a soft growl at the thought. It would be simple, he realized, for the humans to stage something, make it look like a wolf attacking the humans, make it seem like they were trying to rise up and start a war. And the two biggest target in the situation were also the ones that were likely the only ones who could protect them if something happened. It struck him in that moment that he needed to make an early morning stop to the medical center, to check in. 

Almost too quietly, Peter spoke up. “I’d do anything to protect him– them–” Sighing, he shook his head, “Who am I kidding. Him. I know what it looks like, what it seems like, but he’s something special, Jamie.” His eyes moved again to the medical center off in the distance, an imposing shadow from here. “Maybe they aren’t completely innocent in all of this, but they care. They wouldn’t have let this happen if they could have stopped it, I’d be willing to bet my life on that. The value of that can’t be discredited. Maybe I’ll bring it up when we meet tomorrow. Surely Cas and Keiran can see the value in allies, if nothing else.” 

His mind was turning, though. Ideas, ways to help them protect themselves. It wasn’t a bad idea. His house was full of bright minds. Surely they would have ideas. And he could make sure none of his own would lay a hand on the doctors. “Whatever happens…. This– something this senseless… We aren’t going to let it happen again. We have room in our house to take in some of the kids from the center, surely the other pack houses do, too. Maybe that’s a good first step.”

Yeah, Jamie wasn’t foolish enough to think that his words were anywhere near what Peter wanted to hear, but also he knew that they had to be said regardless. If he wanted to unleash hell on the wolves - either for sport or misguided notions that it was for Human Protection - it’s exactly what he would do. But he hadn’t expected the other to open up and confirm the rumors Jamie had heard in passing. Personally, he didn’t care beyond just being stoked someone could find some happiness even in this hell. He remembered what it felt like to have someone special in his life, to have his heart do things without his permission, for the world to suddenly be ripe with possibility and joy — he wouldn’t begrudge anyone that, regardless of species.

“I’m not going to judge you, Peter.” Jamie swore quietly. “I believe you. And I’m happy that you were able to find someone despite…all this.” He didn’t envy them, though, that was for sure. Talk about complicated. But that’d be a problem for another night. Tonight was just ensuring that they’d both get another night. “And you don’t have to sell me on it. I had a talk with Dr. Wright at the bonfire that would lead me to believe you to be correct on all that. I know this is the last thing she would have wanted and is likely finding a way to blame herself for it as we speak. So, if you are vouching that the other Doc is the same then - ok. I believe you.”

Considering Cas couldn’t see Peter as an ally - Jamie wasn’t exactly going to hold his breath for that argument. But they could likely convince Keiran and between the three packs, figure out a way to aid the scientists. And it wasn’t impossible for Cas to find some benefit for him or his pack in protecting them so…maybe they would be united, briefly. It was a heartening thought. But right, back to business. “No. It won’t happen again.” Jamie agreed, shoulders rolling back as he drew himself to his full height before feeling a flash of surprise again. They were willing to take in some of the kids? “Yeah. I had that thought too, but I worry that the humans won’t give the children up and trying to make them would just harm and scare the children. I haven’t thought of a decent plan yet.” Ideally, Jamie wanted all the kids to be placed with wolves to ensure they were being protected properly but maybe he could settle for that plan happening in chunks. “And hey, whatever you need - just ask. With the kids, with your man, with anything - whatever I or my pack can do - we’re here.”  

[jamie-voss-blog]

xxpeterlopez‌:

Peter offered a nod of his head. It was much better to let the Heart Alpha approach Cas than it would be for Peter to approach him personally, and he knew that. Despite the fact that it would be completely peaceful an approach, there was enough bad blood between the pair of them that it could very easily lead to a fight. This wasn’t about petty pack rivalries or bitter feelings, it was bigger than all of that. He would find Keiran himself to extend the invitation, it was the least he could do. “We’re leaders, all four of us. It would help to get everyone on the same page, even if we all want to deal with it in our own ways.” And God, Peter didn’t want this to turn into an ‘us vs. them’ situation, but the tension he felt in the air, he knew that was the direction they were going.

Some kind of startled chuckle left him, almost half-way between a laugh and a sob, as he shook his head. Jamie wasn’t exactly wrong. Questioning his beliefs had never been something Peter had thought about, but this, right here, was enough to make him start. He could almost feel his grandmother rolling around in her grave at the thought, but he had a feeling that even she wouldn’t see the sense in this, wouldn’t see some higher purpose from the Lord for the death of one of the most innocent children he’d ever met. “Maybe so. There are better places to put our devotion.” As he said it, his eyes scanned the crowd, the gathering wolves, some of them his own. 

Peter almost couldn’t help it when, at the man’s words, he moved in and wrapped the Heart Alpha in a true hug. He wouldn’t exactly call himself a big hugger, not normally, but Jamie… he looked like he needed one, and Peter would be lying if he said he didn’t need one, too.

The other man’s question gave him pause, though, and he let out a sigh as he pulled back from the hug, head shaking a bit. “I’m wondering the same thing. Maybe dissuading them from retaliation is the wrong route.” Eyes moved away from the man for a moment, back toward the medical center and the guard storehouse, barely visible in the distance. “My only concern is retaliation against the wrong person. The guards don’t care, they guards would love to put each and every one of us into the ground. But…” He paused, and for a moment, he offered Jamie a pointed look. “You know as well as I do that there are going to be wolves that take their anger out on any human they see, and I don’t want us making enemies out of the people who make an effort to make this place more bearable. I’m sure you know as well as I do exactly who I’m talking about.”

It would certainly be helpful to get all four packs on the same page, but if that were possible…there wouldn’t be four packs. Jamie just didn’t see much hope for a unified front but maybe that was just the sorrow speaking. They weren’t really in the right frame of mind to be making massive decisions that would affect all the wolves so Jamie was hoping a night of blowing off steam would somehow … help that. Because Peter had a point as he looked around. They were devoted to their kind, their packs, this place - they didn’t have any other choice. Jamie needed to pick himself up, stitch up the hurt, and refocus.

But maybe it could wait another minute.

The last thing he had been expecting was Peter to move closer and wrap around him but he melted almost instantly into the embrace with a soft sigh. His arms came up to securely hold Peter right back, intending to give as much strength and comfort as he was getting before reluctantly letting the other pull back. Both his eyebrows lifted at the shared thought but…honestly, was peace the right choice? It broke his heart every time he looked at the kids and knew they’d likely never see a mountain, or a beach, or be able to run free and wild, so what was the point of continuing to support the status quo? Why contribute to raising wolves in captivity? Maybe it was time to take a stand, give it their all, and at least go down for having tried to give the young wolves a shot at living life as they were meant to.

The concern Peter gave wasn’t the one Jamie had assumed it would be, but maybe it should have been. He was quiet for a moment as he processed that thought. Sure, the current docs weren’t bad, but there’d been others before them that were. Did they have a right to ask each wolf under them to stand down, regardless of what they might have suffered and survived? “We’re not their only danger.” Jamie said finally. “It’d only take one guard to take one of ‘em out, pin it on us, and create their own fire to spread through the guards. You may want to … pass that along, as necessary. But - yeah. I don’t know how much we’ll able to protect the innocent ones. Maybe you can find a way to help them protect themselves. The best I can do is promise you it won’t be any of mine. Beyond that - I have little influence. I’m sorry.” 

[jamie-voss-blog]

xxpeterlopez‌:

Peter didn’t think of himself as a bleeding heart. He wasn’t going to cry at a sad movie or get doe eyes when someone did something cute. He wasn’t fit to be sensitive, despite having many sensitivities of his own. His outward projection of shallow feelings wasn’t exactly wrong, because he felt things in the moment, and he had learned a long time ago to let things go. This, though. He wasn’t quite sure that this was something he would be able to simply let go. He couldn’t open up his hands and blow this into the wind, it was one of the few things in his life that was going to fester and boil just under the surface.

There were people here who Peter respected, despite their overtly human nature. Hell, it was barely even a secret that he had the hots for one of the human nerds. But for once in his life, he was starting to see humans as not just misguided and foolish with a hint of overt danger, but as enemies. And it frightened him.

Jamie’s hand on his shoulder was something that grounded him for a moment and helped him to push back the feelings that overwhelmed him. He didn’t want to cry, not because he didn’t feel upset, but because there were plenty of red eyes and sniffles going around this vigil. He wanted to be a rock for the people who relied on him, most especially for the younger members of his own pack. And the man’s words even soothed some of that ache, allowed the spark that scared him to bloom for a moment in his chest as his jaw hardened. “We should all meet. Casmir, Keiran, the two of us. This is a matter for all of us.” And he would like, genuinely, to hear differing opinions on the matter. Even if Peter’s general feelings on the matter were peaceful and complacent, this was bigger than himself and different than each of them individually, and he had to take that into account.

Head shaking a bit, Peter managed a huff of air that might have been a laugh. “Not much of a moment. I used to be a firmly religious man, you know. Abuela raised us to fear the big man in the sky, to never question him. Now I’m starting to wonder if I even believe in him anymore. What kind of God, whether he should be feared or not, would let this happen?” Peter wasn’t unaware that other people also had feelings, though, and after a pause, he reached up, rested a hand against Jamie’s cheek. “Do you need anything?”

One of the qualities Jamie was most proud of was his ability to take people as they were. If a Diamond wanted to cry or a Spade needed a hug, he wasn’t going to waste time or threaten self-esteem by expressing shock or chiding them for falling outside of their usual projected self. He just gave them whatever they were looking for and continued on his way. So, seeing Peter kneeling or shaken didn’t surprise him but his offer to meet with Casmir did. Everyone knew of the bad blood between the packs and the last thing he wanted was to further set that tension aflame especially with the need to fight so rampant among the wolves but he gave a small nod anyway. “I’ll talk to Cas. See what I can do. If you see Kerian before I do, feel free to extend the invite to him. We can meet tomorrow after dinner in the library. We’re less likely to be disturbed there.” This felt so disturbingly robotic but the words were out almost before Jamie even thought them.

Peter seemed to be suffering the same affliction as Jamie couldn’t recall if he’d ever shared something so personal so easily before but he was careful to not outwardly react, selfishly grateful for the distraction. “I didn’t know.” Jamie quipped, almost-reflexively, before falling quiet and trying to picture what that would have been like. He’d heard about churches and religions from his friends, even accepted an invitation here and there to partake in various religious rituals with them but he never experienced any big spiritual moment from them. “Not a God that deserves our attention or devotion.” Jamie pointed out before flinching slightly. He was usually better at suffocating the bitterness that boiled under the helpfulness but Peter seemed to pick up on it, the light touch and unexpected question truly rendering Jamie speechless for a moment.

“You’re the first to ask me that.” Jamie responded, buying some time as he genuinely thought about it. His habit would be to say no, shrug off hands attempting to help, solider on himself but sometimes helping others was the only way to help yourself and he should be better at recognizing that. For now, he just leaned slightly into the touch, suddenly desperately needing the small affections before shrugging. “I honestly don’t know.” Jamie confessed quietly. “I don’t feel like I have the time yet to figure out what I need, not when everyone else is so open with theirs. But thank you for asking.” This - this was enough. The light touch, the meeting tomorrow, it felt like Jamie wasn’t quite as alone as alpha sometimes felt, and that some of the weight bearing down on his shoulders had been shared. “He was just a kid, Peter.” Jamie whispered. “How can I dissuade my wolves from retaliation when it’s all I can think about?”

[jamie-voss-blog]

@casimiralvarez

Normally, Jamie lived for crowds and was at his most comfortable with a small group around him but when shit hit the fan and he needed a place to fall apart - there were only two people in this whole place he trusted with that Jamie. It was difficult for him to shed the alpha mantle with anyone in his pack as he put so much pressure on himself to be the helper, the one with the answers, the grounding force fo the pack — definitely not the one who needed to punch something so badly he was nearly vibrating with it. It was a shameful thing, his rage, but Cas and Milo had been there through the ugliest phrase of it and never once judged, condemned, or punished him for it. In fact, in his darkest moments, he catches himself worrying that he’s living a lie - literally being a wolf in sheep’s clothing - and then wonders what life would have been like if he’d chosen the Spade way of life. Some days the visions come easy, sometimes they don’t.

But this was one vision he never wanted to see.

Slowly, he approached the Spade Alpha who was staring up at the treehouse like it carried the secret that would make this all less terrible if he just stared hard enough at it. There was every likelihood that startling him would earn a fist to the stomach but Jamie was far enough gone to welcome the possibility. He was trying so hard to keep a gentle demeanor, to be solid and let whoever needed to hug onto him or cry in his shoulder or wail - but cracks appeared fast and multiplied as he got closer to his own secret safe space. Exhaling out - fair more shakily than he meant to - he did what he could to signal his presence before shifting just a bit closer to let their shoulders brush. Words were mostly useless here. Cas didn’t give a fuck about sorry’s or the injustice of it all, no - he’d be on a mission to get blood for blood but….how? Jamie wasn’t opposed to a fight but he’d prefer to do it with a strategy, a defense for the children and those not wanting to fight, and a clearer head.

But that was a talk for later. Right now, he just stood as close as Cas would allow, staring up at the same wood, and trying desperately to not think about the child who would never climb the tree again. “We need an alpha meeting.” Jamie said quietly. “Tomorrow if you can, but just let me know.” The words seemed harsh in the quiet around them. Disrespectful, almost, but a leader didn’t get to stop being a leader until he was behind locked doors. “I’m sorry.” He said softly. “If I can do anything…you know where I am.” It wasn’t an empty promise. Jamie always had and always would do whatever he could for Cas but the words felt awkward and flat anyway. Maybe because he was a walking talking shell of himself - his brain pointed out oh-so-helpfully but he didn’t move just yet. Couldn’t. Needed a few more minutes to be someone who hurt.

[jamie-voss-blog]

xxpeterlopez‌:

Peter didn’t know this boy. Not really. He was sure that he had seen him at various points around the reservation, probably had a chat or two with him about absolutely nothing, but if asked, he wouldn’t have known enough to tell anyone the boy’s name, let alone any thing about him. He was just another poor, sad boy who had lost his parents, would likely grow up to join up with the Heart pack or the Club pack. Mild-mannered, maybe, or soft. Peter was sure that if he were more aggressive, or more suited for his own pack, he would have known more. 

And that made him feel sick.

It was a startling realization, knowing that he knew next to nothing about this poor child who had been discarded like he was nothing, like he was trash, by some trigger happy young guard. He couldn’t imagine how the other children up at the welcome center were taking the news. Had Clarence been a friend of theirs? Was he a central part of their lives? Was he quiet and kept to himself? The more that Peter thought, the more that he realized he hated how little he knew about the poor boy. 

The vigil was something he had left to his pups to help with. He was far more content to hide away in his shop for the morning, all other projects set aside as he worked on a new piece. Similar to the twisted wire flowers he’d made before, but this time he had found a reference photo for an orchid, had found the right pigment to create a purple paint. He hadn’t put the thing down until it was finished, and then had immediately gone to the twisted tree. It was still so early, few people stood around as the sun dipped behind the trees, with candles, muttering quietly.

Peter found a spot near the base of the tree and sat, dug a little hole and dropped the beautiful, twisted piece into it. Eyes closed as his head rested against the base of the tree. “God…” He didn’t quite realize he was speaking aloud, but continued softly, “… I don’t know if you’re there, anymore. Dunno if you ever were. Abuela used to tell me that you were the solution to all problems.” He swallowed, hard, and his eyes squeezed more tightly closed, fighting back a wave of emotion that he didn’t quite want to experience. “What problem did this solve?” The last question, he wasn’t quite sure if it was part of the half-assed prayer or simply a question into the void. He was surprised when he opened his eyes to see a shadow above him, but didn’t offer anything besides a shrug of his shoulders. And asked, again, “What problem did this solve?” but this time, his voice cracked slightly at the end.

One of the things they never tell you about the great leaders is that one of their essential abilities was detachment. Jamie’d spent nearly a decade working on his rage and finding ways to cope with and mitigate it but one small body was about to derail all of it. Given that Jamie’d delivered or helped deliver just about every kid in Blackbriar, he’d developed a feeling of responsibility for them. He usually stopped by the orphanage on his way home for work, lingered long enough for story time, to tuck the youngest in, or maybe make a special snack. Mostly, he was just there to sit on the floor and listen. He wanted each pup to feel heard, appreciated, cared for, so he loved the clamoring over who got to tell him about their day first and patiently waited until the last story had been told before he began to shepherd them off to bed. Sometimes, when he had a particularly docile animal, he’d bring it by the school after lunch time to talk to them about the animal and the importance of caring for them.

Clarence was friendly, helpful, oddly self-reliant for his seven years, and had deserved so much better than this. Jamie was kicking himself for not having taken the child into the Heart pack once his mother died but he was still such a mess then himself and he’d really believed Clarence would be better off with other children to grow up with. He’d thought stopping by and giving what he could of time and supplies would be enough but he’d been wrong. So incredibly deadly wrong.

He’d felt his control slipping and excused himself to the restroom for a moment. Most probably thought he was crying in here, but he was desperately trying to wrestle some form of detachment to come and take over before he started shifting. Inhale. Exhale. Another day, another dead wolf. After nearly ten years, Jamie should be used to this but it’d never been like this before. Not with a child shot up with enough tranquilizer to kill him several times over. What the fuck had they been thinking? Clarence wasn’t the type to mouth off, or push the rules, or - none of this made sense. Had the guards really dehumanized them to the point that it was now sport to go after their young? How - how could anyone look at a child who for all intents and purposes looked and sounded purely human and slaughter them?

Who were actually the monsters here?

His mirror shattered all around him as his fist met it - the unfortunate casualty of being the only breakable thing in his immediate vicinity. It didn’t fix anything, per se, but as the physical pain momentarily overrode the emotional - he no longer felt like he was on the edge of shifting. He could hear concerned voices from the other side of the door and knew if they wanted to, they could easily shoulder their way in, but a gruff, “I’m fine” bought him a little more time.

In fact, by the time he exited the bathroom - his hair was combed, his beard trimmed, hand was wrapped and the mask of Alpha was firmly on. Stiffly, he pulled on the clothes he only wore for funerals and vigils and then fell into his part. He checked on Mariol and Lulu, he double-checked that their pack contributions were almost done or on their way, and offered hugs and empty words of comfort to anyone who asked.

Eventually, he made his way down to the clearing and only thought a few times as he walked if Clarence would be the only body they’d bury today. After all, they were all standing in nearly the same spot that led to his death, weren’t they? Did the guards dare shoot them all? Jamie almost wished they would try, because he was tired of watching his family get picked off one by one in a coward’s war. In fact, it was because his gaze was scanning the nearby wall for guards and not where he was going that he walked rather rudely into Peter’s prayer.

Awkward.

Jamie wasn’t sure if it’d be better to just go anywhere else but he’d frozen, not wanting to make noise and interrupt, and moving would do that but before he could decide one way or another, Peter was sitting up and asking a question he had no answer to. Instead, he just closed a little more of the distance between them and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Tragedy is never a solution.” Jamie countered quietly. Very quietly. “It’s kerosene.” Blinking once before turning his gaze to the slowly gathering wolves, he just gave the shoulder under his fingers a light squeeze. “Not tonight, but tomorrow, we should meet. Talk. Figure out if there’s anyway to contain the fire, or if we just let it burn out.” Jamie didn’t know if any of them were going to escape without burns but he dropped his hand and tried to give a small smile. “Thanks for coming. Sorry for interrupting your moment. I - I was a little lost in my own head. Can I - do you need anything?”

[jamie-voss-blog]

danikawwolf‌:

Jamie was very sweet towards her, and she couldn’t help but smile a little goofily in his direction. She wasn’t used to be treated so nicely by members of the other packs, let alone the Alphas. She wasn’t even sure if her own Alpha liked her or not. She was too ‘human’ for most of them to stomach. Just as she thought about her what people could stomach, her own stomach flipped at the sight of the food. Usually, preparing the food she found herself not eating so much or fancying the food she prepared. She mostly ate leftovers in the kitchen, late at night as she cleaned up so it was nice to have food prepared for her for a change.

“You’ve never done that?” she asked, though she was not entirely shocked. Danika had always had a sweet tooth and liked to experiment with different flavours, seeing which combinations mixed well and which should be left alone. She had tested Melted marshmallow over strawberries back when she had been living among the humans, and they had become her favourite midnight snack. “Only 90% of the time? If I’m doing something wrong, just let me know, I change mix up my menu a bit” she said, almost frowning a little. She didn’t have much to work with, and if she didn’t have Kolya’s help, it would be even less. “Of course, we can have them for dessert!”

She grinned, though still slightly embarrassed that her stomach had grumbled so loudly. She had missed lunch that day and barely touched her breakfast, so she supposed she had no-one but herself to blame. She was surprised she hadn’t start salivating in front of him. She couldn’t help but laugh genuinely and loudly, slapping her hand over her mouth as he called her sous chefs ‘suzy chefs’. “They’re actually called sous chef, you were very close though” she giggled as she calmed down, “I may start calling them that though” she winked, reaching over and adding a bit more salad to the plate he held for her.

“It looks good to me” she nodded, leading the way a little bit, glad when he followed her close behind. She took a seat on the log and looked up at him, blinking, before patting the space next to her. Usually she found it hard to socialise, especially with wolves she had barely spoken with before, but he made her feel comfortable. “It’s totally cool if you eat with me”.

Was that a normal thing people did? Jamie hadn’t even realized marshmallows could be melted so he was clearly behind the times but then, being here for as long as he had granted him some kind of pass, didn’t it? Though, apparently not because his mouth was already getting him into trouble. “Oi. No. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant the other ten percent of the time, we’re doing things like this and sharing the cooking duties. I really meant no offense. I’m sorry.” Fuuuck. He was the walking definition of can dress ‘em up but not take ‘em out.

She seemed to take it in stride, though, just adding more salad to her plate after correcting him about ‘sous’ vs ‘suzy’ chefs. At least, he was in the right ballpark? “So, clearly I never spent much time in the kitchen. Or any kitchens.” Jamie admitted wryly with a shrug but at least he was an appreciative eater. That counted for something, right? “Suzy chefs does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” Tickled, he followed her until he was given permission to sit and did so with a happy sigh.

The food smelled delicious, the lake was gorgeous and so far, the night was a complete success. Jamie liked this part of it, too, the bit where he kept finding himself in unexpected but lovely conversations. “Have you always been interested in working with food?” Jamie asked before cutting off a piece of meat and pausing. “Also, I’m very nosy even when I’m not…in a celebratory mood so apologies, but feel free to just smack me or ignore the question and I’ll get the hint and let it go.” He was just relentlessly curious - why the kitchen? Did she like it? Who taught her to cook? What was her favorite meal? Which one did she hate making the most? The avenues they could go down were seemingly endless.

[alessiakcne-deactivated20190820]

♡ THE HEARTS ; a moodboard

(◕‿◕✿) (1/?)

[jamie-voss-blog]

atlasxrowle‌:

Keep reading

Atlas’ kisses for Jamie were exactly how he’d imagined the man would kiss. They were slow, open, warm, and inviting - making it actually physically impossible to just kiss him once. And god, who would want to? Tension Jamie didn’t even realize he’d been holding was rapidly melting under the gentle touches and lingering kisses as he knew that Atlas was one of the few that could support his weight when the leadership crown got heavy. It was okay to let go a little here, to be a little less sure, a little less responsible - and a lot more vulnerable. His tongue brushed along Atlas’ reiterating all the things he couldn’t say enough - I appreciate you, Thank you, I am so grateful you exist, I need you.

Smiles came easy here, and even more frequently as the beach, the other wolves, all of it faded away until all he was conscious of was every point they were touching and doubly so all the places they were not. Atlas was gentle but directive with his touches, guiding Jamie where he wanted him, and Jamie was absolute putty under his fingers. His eyes searched Atlas’ for a moment but the touch along his nape had his eyes closing and he was taking his beta’s word for it as he whispered his reassurance. That was all Jamie needed to hear and Atlas already knew it, legs coming up in time with Jamie pressing forward, sealing them from hip to chest.

One of his hands moved to grip a bare thigh, like somehow that would secure Atlas more firmly against him while the other moved over a hip and up the skin of his side, simply reveling in the luxury of being able to touch as much as he wanted while their mouths settled into a rhythm that was uniquely theirs. It was everything he’d hoped it’d be. The water was cool around them, lapping quietly and stealing their noises before they could be heard, Atlas was a warm solid presence all around him - as steady here as he was by Jamie’s side - and every nerve and bit of his skin felt electrified and buzzing.

Admittedly, he’d been half-hard since he’d hit the water but he was rapidly stiffening as he gently rolled against Atlas, whimpering slightly into the kiss at the tease of a feel that was. The water between them made it easier to slide together but it dampened the sensation in the most maddening way. His mouth left Atlas’ only to fulfill the need to nip and kiss the skin along his jaw, neck, and shoulder. A very large part of him wanted to bite down, to bruise and mark but Atlas wasn’t his to do such things to and he kept the administrations as light as he could. But there would likely be a mark or two come sunrise and he nearly felt his wolf preen at that. And now that his mouth was free, slight brain functioning came back, and he pulled back just enough to slide the hand on his side to his chest, thumbing over a nipple before dipping down to get his mouth on the other briefly - very briefly - a tease one might say before he was kissing back up his neck and towards his ear. “What do you want tonight, liebling?” he breathed. “Or maybe the question should be - how much do you want to fall apart tonight?” 

[jamie-voss-blog]

Do you ever wish you could retire from being an Alpha?

No. Never.

[jamie-voss-blog]

☠ ◊

Send ☠ for a death headcanon.

Given that Jamie was straddling two worlds while feeling like he didn’t belong in either, he has no idea what, if anything, is going to happen to him when he dies. He likes to consider the possibility of reincarnation and getting a better hand at life but mostly, he just thinks he’s going to rot under Blackbriar even long after the prison ceases to exist, thus, truly never getting the escape or freedom he secretly desires. 

Send ◊ for a headcanon of the mun’s choice.

Jamie’s terrified of storms. He hates the unpredictability and the complete lack of control he has over them. He doesn’t remember the time lightening set their house ablaze and nearly killed two-year-old him but he knows without a doubt that it’s possible and there’s little he can do to prevent it. 

[jamie-voss-blog]

brittsinha‌:

The large man whisked her up into his arms and Britt let out a shrill giggle, wrapping her arms around his neck even tighter. Though they seemed to be unlikely friends to anyone looking in, Britt was a sucker for flattery and Jamie always knew just the right words to say to elicit a gentle blush and faux shy giggle. “Oh honey, you flatter me!” Britt leaned her head against his strong chest, letting her ego get the stroking it deserved. In all honesty, Britt could stay here, wrapped in strong, complimentary arms for the rest of her extended life if she had the choice.

“I’m not gonna lie, I did not think this thing would be any sort of fun and yet, here we are! In the firelight, bellies full, even minimal guard activity!” She leaned in, noting the familiar scent of alcohol lingering on the man’s breath. Britt lowered her voice, or at least she thought she did. When she was drunk, she never could tell a whisper from a shout. “Looks like most of us even found a way to make it a real party, hmmmm?” She winked, another round of giggles erupting from her lips.

“Not to worry, eventually we’ll find some way to throw this place the gala is deserves! But in the meantime, this isn’t half bad.” Her eyes widened and she stared straight into Jamie’s soul. “Don’t tell anyone I said that,” she demanded as if her very life depended on it.

Britt’s giggle made him start too but she was secure in his arms, despite the amount of alcohol in his veins. “Me? Flatter anyone? Psh.” Maybe he was a bit silver-tongued but he liked doing what he could to help people feel better about themselves. And it was so nice, to have her warm weight pressing along his chest and arms. It was a standing cuddle and he was never one to turn down cuddles.

But his face did somehow get even more joyful as she admitted she was having some amount of fun given the food and lack of shitty guard interference. Success!!! He’d made a Diamond admit they were having fun. This was the best night eeeever. But he wisely kept his mouth shut until her contagious giggles started up again. “Guilty.” He said shamelessly, shrugging a little as the chuckles faded into a wide grin. Though the idea of a gala made his stomach go a little tight because that sounded an awful lot like fancy clothes and lots of them and already his skin was starting to itch just thinking about it.

Except … wait, was that?

Both of his eyebrows flew up as he made a gleeful sound but Britt was quick to stare and threaten him into silence but it was there! He’d heard it! “Best night ever.” He exclaimed quietly before pressing a kiss to the nearest part of her he could reach. “But fine. Your secret is safe with me. Now, do you want to remain here or shall I be a chair and a chariot and cart you off to somewhere … more exciting?”

[jamie-voss-blog]

What do you like about being the Alpha of the Heart Pack?

Everything. Literally, everything. The responsibility, the opportunities to really change things, to protect, to love...to set a hopefully good example for the future generations. It’s ridiculous to say but this appears to have been my calling in life and I was the last one in the world who would have thought it. There’s nothing about it I would change and I love all of it.

[jamie-voss-blog]

Least liked wolf?

I’m not going to dislike someone here. We might not see eye to eye or get along personality-wise, but none of us asked for this and we’re doing the best we can with the tools we got. For some, that makes them act out in ways that maybe others will judge but I can’t. If any wolf here needs help or attention or an ear - I’ll be that guy. We’re all family despite pack divisions. 

[jamie-voss-blog]

△

Send △ for a sex headcanon.

Jamie’s normally a very selfless lover. He takes pride in focusing more on his partner’s pleasure than his own unless he’s just come from a fight. Then it’s no holds barred and he doesn’t give much of a fuck beyond quieting the rushing in his own veins. He usually feels terrible about it afterwards though.

[jamie-voss-blog]

❧

Send ❧ for a food headcanon.

Jamie’s got a very large sweet tooth. It doesn’t matter if it’s drink, fruit, baked goods, or breakfast options- he just likes the sweetness and will always pick it over more sensible options. With the noted exception of anything with coconut. He is wildly allergic as he found out during an ill-fated celebratory piña colada.