janacademia

she/her | ♡♡ 

[janacademia]

a melt into each other type of love

[janacademia]

I'd buy you the blue shark from IKEA to match your blue Santro

to go along with the turtle in the Honda and the whale in the Scorpio

you'd tell me that it's too expensive and that you can't accept it

and I'd say "it's not for you silly, it's for the car obviously"

"ik ik but still that's too expensive"

and I'd say "you've invested a lot (not just money) in fixing her up, it's the least that I can do"

so you'd daily the Santro to college each day, with my shark as your passenger princess

you'd look at it and think of me, maybe each day and tell all your friends, "don't touch that and if u must, be gentle with it, okay?"

you see I'm not the best at expressing my emotions

so with every passing day

I hoped and I prayed that the shark would somehow get my love through to you

days turn into a week possibly 2 and we hadn't met since shark day

I tell myself "he's busy let him be" and I don't reach out because a burden is the last thing I want to be

on a rather blue Wednesday you text "hey, the shark misses you, wanna meet after work?"

an elated sigh and your thoughts take over whatever time is left of my shift

I wear a blue dress, obviously

a little lip gloss and a natural blush covers my cheeks

you pick me up at 6 and I'm just glad you've brought the Santro

I see the shark in the spot I'm supposed to take and scoop her up and place her in my lap as I clip on my seat beat

"so I've missed you too" I seemingly say to the shark while looking at you starry eyed

and you go pink this time

you're wearing a dark blue shirt with formal pants, it's not something you generally wear and

it's probably the first time I've seen you in something that isn't shorts and a tee

we talk about how our days went as I admire how the shirt sits on your body, almost as if it were stitched just for you

you're talking about your exams and something about community service but I get super distracted by how your watch glimmers and dances around your wrist each time you change the gear

we pull around the parking lot of a nice looking place, 'Hungry Shark'

fancy..the kind of place 20 year olds can't usually afford without a parent

"why'd you pick this place?"

"well it has shark in the name.."

"yk I'm a vegetarian right" I said with a smirk

"uhuh, but you love sushi don't you?"

"looks expensive.."

"don't worry about that, it's my treat"

"huh what why?"

"you'll see.."

our hands brush against each other as we walk into the dimly lit place

your touch is electrical almost intentional

as we settle into the table for 2, I noticed there's sweat forming on your forehead

having micro analysed your face a couple 100 times in a couple 100 settings ik that's not normal for you

"is everything alright?"

"should be in sometime.." you mumble

you let me order for the table and I'm biting down on edamame and remember mid bite, "so why is it your treat anyways?"

"always so impatient..."

"mhmh..enough with the suspense already"

"what would you say if I told you tonight was a date?"

"that this is too boujee a place for a first date?"

"come on... I'm serious"

"I am serious, like I'm not even one of those 'just a salad for me' girls"

the waitress interrupts us, she has our sushi

"enjoy your meal"

you exhale out a deep breath and bury your face in your palms

"what's wrong.."

"I just-"

"just?"

you extend both your hands towards me, they're trembling a bit

I'm holding chopsticks in one hand and a dirty tissue in the other, and you place both your hands atop mine, as they are

I quickly leave the chopsticks and wipe the sweat from my hands and present my bare hands to you, palms upward

you hold each of mine in one of yours, so gently as if they'd break if you'd hold me tightly

"we've known each other for a while now.." you start

"and I don't want to be just your friend anymore. I want us to be together. I know our parents are close and things will get complicated and messy if this doesn't work out but I'd really like to try. I don't even know if you feel the same way for me, but please give me a chance"

I go pink, maroon almost.

"I've had a crush on you for 3, almost 4 years now. Nothing would make me happier than us being together" I reply

"what? 4 years seriously?"

"yes. since the first time that we met"

"why didn't you say anything then?"

"I don't know..I knew you weren't looking to date anyone at the time and we were much younger... I didn't't wanna ruin the friendship too"

"in all honesty had this been a couple years down the line this confession would have been coupled with an engagement ring" you add

"down bad huh" I smirk

"oh shut up miss 'I've had a crush on you since you were 16'"

My eyes go angry

"acha baba sorryy"

You pull one of my hands closer to you and plant a kiss on the back of it

I hadn't realised we were still holding hands

"oh so THIS is appropriate now?" I chuckle

"you have no idea how long I've waited to do that"

"I dunno, since you were like 16 maybe?"

you giggle out loud, like you do every time I say something stupid that isn't even intended to make you laugh..

I love how both rows of your teeth are seen when you're laughing, and your entire face lights up. I feel so privileged and lucky that I'm able to make you laugh at all, and it's one of my favourite sounds too.

your left hand continues to hold my right throughout dinner and I'm a little taken aback because you're not that clingy or even okay with PDA

maybe you're doing it because you know how clingy I am or maybe that's your way of silent reassurance

we held hands all the way till the car, and you open the door for me and sit me in, it seems a little funny almost, to be getting such a treatment from YOU

the boy I had always goofed around with

You start the car and even after so many years I am impressed at how you maneuver the car out of the tight parking spot

you take my right hand and place it on the gear

and my stomach jumps every time you place your hand on top of mine to change the gear, I am smiling from ear to ear the whole drive back

when we reach I hug you super tight and plant a kiss on your shoulder, and then I kiss the shark plushie and whisper "thank you"

and you say "yk I don't even let others touch her"

"mhm so I'm the exception huh"

"you know it."

and so begins the saga of our not so little adventure

night's where we'd sleep together, barely touching, the light of your aquarium shining on us gently

I felt so safe as if your arms were wrapped around my heart itself

dates at Marine drive cozzied up together not realising where all the years went by

the drives continued on, always feeling just like the first one

one hand on the shark, other on the gear even as we both got ringed and wrinkled

eventually there was a mini us sleeping in our bed too

for our 25th anniversary you took me out again, bought me a blue dress, wore a dark blue shirt with formal pants and dressed our not so little girl up in blue too

We drove down a familiar road

"I- I had no idea this place was still open" I said

the signboard read 'Hungry Shark'

it looked like it had seen better days, a little worn but still standing

it was both of our second time visiting and her first

I chuckled and said "Babe the food wasn't the best the first time remember"

"I don't actually, a certain girl had me distracted pretty badly the whole evening"

"You guys are too corny" our daughter rolled her eyes

We sat down and you held my hand just like you had the first time and everything came flashing back

how grateful am I to have you, to be loved by you

This time I pulled your hand forward and planted a kiss on it

I don't know why a tear fell from my eye at that moment and you wiped it knowingly "I love you too..I love you too", grip tightening on my hands

you knew now they wouldn't break!

so much time had passed

your hair a little thinner, mine a little greyer

your hands a little rougher, but still just as loving when they held mine

we weren't who we used to be

and yet, in all the ways that mattered

we were exactly the same

how lucky was I, to have a girl

who has your eyes

the same eyes I fell in love with at 16

looking back at me again

how happy I am that I decided to gift you the blue shark from IKEA

not for you, but for the Santro.

[janacademia]

wrote something long-form after so long, show some love <3

Childlike Joy in a Busy City: My Mumbai Journey

I’ve been living in Mumbai since a little over a month now and I’ve been wanting to pen down my thoughts about the city among other things f

[janacademia]

always the lover never the loved

[janacademia]

in a word of binary code you're my 2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and 9

[janacademia]

I love how u look at me- so free of expectations yet so full of admiration

[janacademia]

my happiness is my superpower

[janacademia]

don't we all just want someone we can share our good days and bad days with

[janacademia]

is 'never forget' the same as 'always remember' ?

[janacademia]

"absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "out of sight out of mind"?

[janacademia]

to crave someone's being

[janacademia]

i miss how heartbroken me wrote some of the BEST most soulcrushingly tragic poetic things and quotes

but oh god there is NO feeling like being loved and wanted and feeling safe and vulnerable with that special someone who can make your soul calm by his very presence

[janacademia]

one day imma get a birthday kiss.

[janacademia]

AND I DID!!

i never thought myself to be the type of girl who ever got a bf but it happens when u least expect it to happen and the lover girl in me is beyond blessed

[janacademia]

you're so very brave for giving your heart out to those who couldn't appreciate you but needed it anyways

[janacademia]

I'd do anything to hear him again just for a second :')

[janacademia]

how much love is too much love?

[janacademia]

I come and hug you as if I'm a magnet being starved of your touch

hoping to stick to you for all of time to come