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izzy's playlists!
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Today's Document
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@jandmjustice
Help me get caught up on bills.
I have been very ill the last few months, and I have missed a lot of work, and I have fallen behind on bills. If you can help, I would appreciate it. My rent is now late and I have no idea how I will raise the money.
Quick update
Hi everyone. I have exciting news. I got my own apartment about a year and a half back, which is awesome. I have been looking at jobs, and I think I should have one lined up soon. I’ll be able to start hormones. I also realized that my facial hair has darkened, which makes me very dysphoric, but it means that I should be eligible for laser hair removal, which is great because electrolysis hurts like hell.
I’ve also settled on a name: Emily Marie Dedlock. I’m dropping my old name completely: first, middle, and last will all be gone. My dad will never accept me, so I see no reason to keep his name. I’ve never liked my last name anyway.
Things are moving along, and I hope that by the time a year has elapsed, I will finally by able to post a pic of the real me.
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASjpV7CJQOU)
I hope you will check out my youtube channel, where I have posted my picks for the best films of 2016.
Signal boost this– Wear a safety pin to signal solidarity with the groups like Muslim-Americans Trump has threatened to marginalize
Now that America has gone and elected a man who has inspired a wave of racist attacks, the pins have made their way back across the Atlantic. People all over are tweeting their image with the pin and a message of solidarity.
READ MORE
Please be aware that White Supremacists have taken to using safety pins too and may take advantage of people looking for a safe place with them. Please be so careful trusting anyone wearing the pin and trust your guts.
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MY5VRgS2eAo)
I have added a new video to my channel! Please watch and subscribe.
New Name, New Direction
I just came out to a friend of mine from my college years. I was feeling dysphoric and needed someone to talk to, so I told her everything. I told her about my transphobic father and my struggles to keep it together.
Honestly, it helped a lot, and I am glad to know that someone else knows what is going on with me. Now I can talk to someone about what I am going through, and the fact that she supports me fully in my identity helps me feel calmer.
On the transition front, I have now realized that I want to fully medically transition. I let myself believe I was just genderfluid during my questiong process, and I am not sure it is entirely inaccurate. That being said, am female at my core, and I do not wish to live out my life with this body. I want SRS, HRT, and FFS if I feel it is needed. I am not sure about FFS because I do not know what hormones will do to my face.
Also, I now have health insurance from Blue Cross Blue Sheild. This is fortunate, because I looked up their website to find out if I could get my SRS covered, and their rules state that they could. There are lots of stupid rules about living in your true gender for 1 year before, but I can make it through that.
Not only that, I have several possible ideas for income, so I might be able to move into my own place soon.
So, overall, things are looking better. I have a chosen a new name and new middle name. When I transition, I will legally change my name to Emma Renee (last name).
Love to everyone,
Emma
Your gender identity is yours. You get to decide how to describe and understand yourself. Your gender expression is yours. You get to decide how to present yourself.
Your gender identity is yours. You get to decide how to describe and understand yourself. Your gender expression is yours. You get to decide how to present yourself.
10180) My mom keeps making comments about how long my hair is getting and how I need a haircut soon and it makes me uncomfortable.
I agree so much with this. I am closeted and desperately trying to grow my hair out to look more feminine, and the idea of a haircut terrifies me.
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coUwZ1wa_Vw)
Here is my newest video. Please watch and subscribe.
please reblog this if it is okay to anonymously confess something to you.
I’m back! New developments and thoughts.
Okay. Lots of stuff tonight.
First off, I’m thinking of switching my name to Emma instead of Victoria.
Second off, I’m getting more and more sure of my desire to transition.
The reason for this is a couple of incidents a few weeks ago. I’ve been growing my hair out a bit more, and as a result, I’ve been called ma’am by the occasional customer. The first incident involved an old couple, and the guy called me “young lady”. I was grinning as wide as I could.
The second made me feel even more amazing. I was waiting on a guy, and the entire time he was addressing me as ma’am. He never once believed I was male. Keep in mind, I am not out to anyone, nor do I ever presenting as female. Somehow, this guy looked at me and saw her, not him. I know he was paying basically no attention to my physical appearance, but it still made me happy.
Now, if I could only get everyone else to see me as a girl, not just the people who don’t pay attention.
That being said, I’m still scared of many aspects of transition. Bottom surgery is still something I feel weird about. Also, being genderfluid means I’m not consistently a girl, so I don’t always feel like being feminine always, making me very uncertain about my emotional state under hormones.
In fact, a lot of the time I wish I didn’t even have a gender at all, that I could live my life without anyone perceiving me as either. The problem is that being masculine and being seen as male is nearly intolerable most of the time. The only time I feel normal is when I feel feminine or when I am distracted by things like movies or comics or TV shows.
I spend a lot of my time being either dysphoric or just really sad.
Anyway, I guess I should close this out. Have a good night everyone.
All my love,
Emma/Victoria/?
Watch: Poet Melissa Newman-Evans confesses number 9 is “the most terrifying thing to think about yourself.”
I have to reblog this every time I see it.
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duxhsmf02Ak)
Hey everybody. I hope you are well. I have started a youtube channel, and I hope you will share and subscribe. Have a great day!
Reblog if you think being Genderfluid is valid.
I’m gonna write down your url if you reblog and put it in an envelope for my friend who’s going through a tough time and needs some reassuring.
Quick update
Hi everyone. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while.
I just thought I’d record some feelings I have. I bought a new skirt, which was good, but it reminded me how much I wish I could explore my gender openly. It hurts so much not to do it. I feel lonely, scared, and hurt.
It doesn’t help that my dad has been super bigoted about the Syrian refugees lately, and it’s reminded me how unsafe I would be if I came out. I almost told my parents at the breakfast table the other day purely out of anger, but I resisted.
I feel so trapped.
That’s all for now I guess. Sorry I have nothing cheerier.
Love,
Victoria
