J.

Canadian drinker with an acting problem. Started as a '90s film/TV fandom blog. Not very active here anymore. Out in the world. Making movies, making love, making gluten-free vegan sandwiches. Making the world a gayer place, one queer feminist reading of a thing at a time.

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What is one episode of The Handmaid’s Tale that most encapsulates the tone of the show? Never seen it and have almost no notice for an unexpected job thing, I only have time to watch maybe one episode to get the idea of how the show feels. Thank you!!

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I am fangirling SO HARD over Russian Doll right now. Most relatable character I’ve ever seen on TV. It’s just been a really long time since I’ve enjoyed a female-driven show this much and it’s such a pleasure and a relief to see what happens when women actually get to take the reigns on a project and create their own characters, who are so unlikeable and unattractive that they transcend unlikeable-ness to deeply flawed relatability and win my heart.

Recently I had some stress, made some mistakes, ended up in a detox facility with a total emotional breakdown and withdrawal pains like I can’t even describe. I was able to get out of work but nobody knows that I’m here. I’m sneak-watching this show in bed on my phone and it’s such a comfort to hear words coming out of Natasha’s mouth that were coming out of my mouth only a couple days ago. I just. Went. Though this. Right before I started watching without knowing what it’s about, EMS came and I was apparently telling them I was dead. That’s not great, but I don’t feel alone.

Guys, don’t be afraid to call for EMS. I guess as a Canadian it’s easy for me to say that because we don’t foot a bill, but I have been downplaying a serious problem for way too long. I have probably been told I need to go to the hospital at least 30 times in the past year, and I always said “No Way” because I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, take valuable time away from people who might be choking or having heart attacks, or spend my time waiting in the emergency room. You are not exactly in a unique situation and there is probably a place for you that you don’t know about. It’s not your job to know your options, it’s your job to call and to hear what they are. Look at your cycles closely and plan to check yourself in if you need to. Get yourself on a waiting list. Don’t give up calling for a bed if they’re full. Have a go-bag ready for when you find out a spot just opened. Give someone you trust a list of contacts for work and family with whatever story you want them to tell so that they don’t think you’re dead, because your phone will probably be confiscated during intake and you may or may not get it back. It happens fast so that you don’t have time for second thoughts. Withdrawal from any substance that distorts your equilibrium is DANGEROUS to manage alone, your health is the only priority, and once you take things into your own hands, it’s not hard. 

Haven’t finished this series yet, I’m going to get back to it. God bless Natasha. 

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If you’re not a fan of Kent Monkman, we don’t understand eachother.

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I get such a warm, fuzzy feeling when someone likes one of my creamsicle posts from ages ago, because I know that somebody, somehow, somewhere, has just discovered this pairing and they’re sifting through all the hashtags that the internet has to offer… which isn’t a lot, but still more than you’d think. This fandom is like a cockroach. You don’t always see it, but you can’t kill it. 

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This just got 100 notes, which is about 99 more than I expected. Keep on living the dream, friends. My heart is so warmed by the longevity of this film. It’s still my favourite. It hurts, but it’s good.

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Okay listen, my therapist is on vacation for three weeks exactly at the same time as my problematic fave is coming to live with me, so prepare for a lot of hypothetical questions and ranting. You should just block me right now to be honest. This blog is a toxic spin cycle of emotional garbage.

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Been woken up the past two nights by the sound of snow/ice melting. It sounds like someone is playing a cowbell and cracking their knuckles outside my window. I’ve survived a lot of Canadian winters, but this is ridiculous.

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If you want to quit smoking, plan a winter get-away to Northern Ontario and get a strict landlord. Your door will get snowed/frozen shut and you’re not allowed to smoke inside. Worked for me. 

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People are trying to tell me that Americans don’t have ketchup chips or dill pickle chips. Is this true? What kind of chips do Americans have that Canadians don’t? What kinds of chemical additives is the roof of my mouth not being burned by?

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Can’t tell if I’m hearing my new neighbour’s industrial model blender, vacuum cleaner, or vibrator through the wall, but he uses it every night while he’s watching porn and I have got to get some sleep.

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I'm quitting smoking today. It's not even 9AM and I want to punch myself. Wish me luck. If you have any advice, lay it on me.

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We really need to stop asking, "How are you?" That's an unfair and ridiculous question. Just ask, "What's fucked up in your life right now?" People will answer that question honestly.

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I've had a pretty weird year, and I haven't engaged much with any fandom communities in quite a while for a variety of personal reasons. Just woke up in the middle of the night and for some reason decided to log on to AO3 for the first time in a long time and found endless unread comments on old stories in my inbox. I'm honestly crying right now from all the kindness that was waiting for me. I don't even remember writing this stuff. Thank you guys. It really means a lot to me. <3

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Is it wrong to lick a rock salt lamp?

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When Canadians Use Public Washrooms

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There are times that I know I’m only auditioning for a TV show because it’s been on for 10+ years, all the reputable mid-range Canadian actors have already had guest parts, and they’re scraping the bottom of the barrel because the government will stop funding them if they cast Americans. It’s not so bad being second banana all the time. At least I’m a banana…

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They fuckin Krycek'd me and hired an actress who already did a guest part on the show two years ago. My audition must have really sucked!

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There are times that I know I'm only auditioning for a TV show because it's been on for 10+ years, all the reputable mid-range Canadian actors have already had guest parts, and they're scraping the bottom of the barrel because the government will stop funding them if they cast Americans. It's not so bad being second banana all the time. At least I'm a banana...