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Nicole Cliffe's story about a grade 7 dance derailed by a dad's commitment to CanCon & The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, for posterity. [Archive link]
the concept of a shane hollander x tim hortons promotional meal. and it’s like one of their stupid bowls no one likes because he vetoed a special edition donut so fucking quick. and he has to do the commercial in english and in french, obviously. and the next time ilya is in canada he’s pissed he has to download the tims app and order the stupid fucking bowl on there because he wants to try it (/get closer to shane in the most mundane ways at any and all costs) but can’t stoop to actually going in and ordering out loud the shane hollander power forward protein bowl or whatever the fuck it is
The Canadian TV show “Heated Rivalry” is winning fans all around the world — including Culture Minister Marc Miller, who calls the show a Ca
Canadian Culture Minister Marc Miller pretty happy with Heated Rivalry.
Who broke the internet?
I'm on a 20+ city book tour for my new novel PICKS AND SHOVELS. Catch me in PITTSBURGH on May 15 at WHITE WHALE BOOKS, and in PDX on Jun 20 at BARNES AND NOBLE with BUNNIE HUANG. More tour dates (London, Manchester) here.
"Who Broke the Internet?" is a new podcast from CBC Understood that I host and co-wrote – it's a four-part series that explains how the enshitternet came about, and, more importantly, what we can do about it. Episode one is out this week:
https://www.cbc.ca/listen/cbc-podcasts/1353-the-naked-emperor/episode/16144078-dont-be-evil
The thesis of the series – and indeed, of my life's work – is that the internet didn't turn to shit because of the "great forces of history," or "network effects," or "returns to scale." Rather, the Great Enshittening is the result of specific policy choices, made in living memory, by named individuals, who were warned at the time that this would happen, and they did it anyway. These wreckers are the largely forgotten authors of our misery, and they mingle with impunity in polite society, never fearing that someone might be sizing them up for a pitchfork.
"Who Broke the Internet?" aims to change that. But the series isn't just about holding these named people accountable for their enshittificatory deeds: it's about understanding the policies that created the enshittocene, so that we can dismantle them and build a new, good internet that is fit for purpose, namely, helping us overcome and survive environmental collapse, oligarchic control, fascism and genocide.
The crux of enshittification theory is this: tech bosses made their products and services so much worse in order to extract more rents from end-users and business customers. The reason they did this is because they could. Over 20+ years, our policymakers created an environment of impunity for enshittifying companies, sitting idly by (or even helping out) as tech companies bought or destroyed their competitors; captured their regulators; neutered tech workers' power; and expanded IP laws to ensure that technology could only ever be used to attack us, but never to defend us.
These four forces – competition, regulation, labor power and interoperability – once acted as constraints, because they punished enshittifying gambits. Make your product worse and users, workers and suppliers would defect to a competitor; or a regulator would fine you or even bring criminal charges; or your irreplaceable workers would down tools and refuse to obey your orders; or another technologist would come up with an alternative client, an ad-blocker, a scraper, or compatible spare parts, plugins or mods that would permanently sever your relationship with whomever you were tormenting.
As these constraints fell away, the environment became enshittogenic: rather than punishing enshittification, it rewarded it. Individual enshittifiers within companies triumphed in their factional struggles with corporate rivals, like the Google revenue czar who vanquished the Search czar, deliberately worsening search results so we'd have to repeatedly search to get the answers we seek, creating more opportunities to show us ads:
https://www.wheresyoured.at/the-men-who-killed-google/
An enshittogenic environment meant that individuals within companies who embraced plans to worsen things to juice profits were promoted, displacing workers and managers who felt an ethical or professional obligation to make good and useful things. Top tech bosses – the C-suite – went from being surrounded by "adult supervision" who checked their worst impulses with dire warnings about competition, government punishments, or worker revolt to being encysted in a casing of enthusiastic enshittifiers who competed to see who could come up with the most outrageously enshittificatory gambits.
"Who Broke the Internet?" covers the collapse of all of these constraints, but its main focus is on IP law – specifically, anticircumvention law, which bans technologists from reverse-engineering and modifying the technologies we own and use (AKA "interoperability" or "adversarial interoperability").
Interoperability is at the center of the enshittification story because interop is an unavoidable characteristic of anything built out of computers. Computers are, above all else, flexible. Formally speaking, our computers are "Turing-complete universal von Neumann machines," which is to say that every one of our computers is capable of running every valid program.
As a Canadian who is very proud to be helping fund our government sponsored yaoi, I also think its my patriotic duty to provide support for all the non Canadians dipping their toe in the heated rivalry fanfic pool. Here's a short list of some Canadianisms to include in your fics:
Booter: a specific term for when you're trudging through the snow and you get a boot full of snow
Beavertail: a fried pastry covered with sugar and Nutella. These shops are very common in Montreal and Ottawa
Bagged milk: now this is a very popular Canadian stereotype, but its actually only a thing in Ontario and Quebec (so it would apply here). Normally the bags are stored in a little pitcher in the fridge.
Drinking age: this varies based on province. The drinking age is 19 everywhere except alberta, manitoba, and quebec
Cannabis: cannabis was completely legalized and regulated in 2018. There are specific shops for it you have to buy from.
Geography: the maritimes refers to a specific collection of provinces on the Atlantic (PEI, nova scotia, and new brunswick). The prairie provinces include manitoba, Saskatchewan, and Alberta (sometimes). We also have the territories up north, which are very sparse in population. Ottawa is right on the border with quebec, cross the river and you're in gatineau.
Metric system: canada is all over the place. Generally we use the metric system for distance (km per hour, meterages), however when you're referring to the height of a person or weight of a person, you use imperial. We use Celsius for temperature except for the ovens, which are Fahrenheit.
Quebec: quebec is lowkey crazy. Because they keep trying to leave the country, they have a lot of different rules and laws from the rest of us. Quebecois French is different from regular French and they're very snobby about it. Shane, being from Ottawa, probably learnt from French immersion (he sounds like it on the show) and it would not be at all impressive to anyone in quebec.
Washroom: basically synonymous with bathroom. Exclusively Canadian term
Bunny hug: this is only used in Saskatchewan, but it refers to hoodies with the front pocket.
Toque: term for a beanie. SHANE WOULD NEVER CALL IT A BEANIE
gay marriage: legal across Canada since 2005!
Food: ketchup chips, all dressed chips, Nanaimo bars, coffee crisp, caramilk. Perogies are very popular in the prairies.
Thanksgiving: ours is in october!
Packaging: every product in canada has things in French and English, so even if most of us don't speak French, we know a lot of French nouns
School: when we talk about high school, we refer to the grades as "grade 3" or "grade 11". We wouldn't use sophomore or junior. This also means that rather than saying you're a tenth grader, you'd say "im in grade 10" or "I'm a grade 10er" (I admit this one is weird)
Hockey: the national pastime. Everyone went to school with a mob of hockey boys that has mullets and talks with the most insane Canadian accent you've ever heard in your life. Even if you don't know anything about hockey, you're rooting for a Canadian team to win the Stanley cup, and you probably skated as part of gym class in elementary school
Shane probably went to a hockey school, or might’ve been billeted out during high school to play on different junior teams.
I could make a whole separate post just about hockey terminology but here's a few
Hat trick: 3 goals in a game. When this happens people from the crowd throw hats on the ice and they get collected for the player to keep.
Gordie Howe Hat Trick: a goal, an assist, and a fight in one game!
Goalies: certified weirdos. Sometimes they talk to their posts. Weirdly a lot of them can juggle. If someone from the opposing team hurts or even touches the goalie, they get beat to hell
Fighting: fighting results in a 5 minute major penalty, but is just a big part of the culture. Refs don't tend to pull people apart right away. It's also a thing where when a fight starts, two players from opposite teams will pair up and put their arms around eachother. The intent is that they prevent eachother from joining the fight but really they just look like they're hugging.
I could probably fill up an entire blog of little things like this and ill probably make additions in the reblogs when I think of them! Please know my inbox is open for Canadian culture consulting if its at all required!! Very excited to read your fics 😈
One of the casting directors for Heated Rivalry is Jenny Lewis, who is Avi Lewis’s sister, Stephen Lewis’s daughter and Naomi Klein’s sister in law! I love that this super Canadian production somehow got even more Canadian. 😁🇨🇦
what I believe in ye olden days, the kids would call a sketch dump. Feat. due South, Saint-Pierre and Republic of Doyle