If you're looking for a fight, I can oblige.

vanguard | colonist sole survivor renegade If I chose to, I could kill everyone in this room and walk out unscathed.

[liara-t-soni]

Shepard,

There seems to have been some kind of disaster in the Bahak system. It’s proximity to Dark Space would suggest a possible link with the Reapers. I will always be by your side to help, if you need it. If things are as critical as they seem, it may be time for me to come and join you aboard the Normandy, provided you still have room for a Prothean Expert, I believe the room behind the medical bay is now occupied however… 

Failing all else, it has been too long since we have spoken properly, Shepard. It would be good to see you again. 

Goddess go with you, 

Liara.

Pressing send, Liara leant on the console and sighed. It would take a few hours for the message to reach the Normandy and for once, she felt like she should sleep. 

[janeshepard-]

Shepard noted the green light on her console in the CIC as she exited the Armory, and as she fully expected whatever message waited for her to contain more than one accusation she opted to read it in her quarters. Being very good at concealing her emotions in general, she still wasn’t in the mood to let as much as an untimely sigh slip.

Right now it felt as though she needed to keep herself together even more tightly than usual for the sake of the entire ship - some of them had clear courses after she went to Earth, like Samara and Tali and Thane, but where would Jack go? Miranda? Kelly, Joker, and Chakwas?

There was still time to figure all of that out, still time to make sure they’d be safe. Maybe she could bargain for them - information about Cerberus in return for none of them being prosecuted. Hell, she’d even agree to spend a while on an operating table so the Alliance could look at her new wiring as long as they left her people alone.

Striding through the door and up to her desk, she found that the message wasn’t some long rant about all the deaths she had caused, but from Liara - with an offer Shepard wished had come months earlier, though she was still glad to recieve it because she did need a Prothean expert. Ilos had just been one world, one among many, and somewhere out there there had to be more clues as to how the Protheans had tried to fight the Reapers. Something - anything - that could help.

Shepard pulled out the chair and sat down, opening up a private comm link with video to the Shadow Broker base. Better to talk to Liara face to face.

[notastylishly]

He placed a hand on her shoulder. “If,” he said with force. “If it comes to that, and it won’t, you can count on me, Shepard.” He gave a crooked smile. “And, y'know, if I end up turning into some creepy turian-husk, you know what to do for me.” He dropped his hand and adjusted his eye piece. “Is that all, Commander?”

[janeshepard-]

It was hard not to smile, although smiles still felt like they didn’t fit her face right - like the muscles there had only been trained to either scowl or express nothing at all. It came slightly more natural these days, though. Maybe it was the synthetic muscles.

“I wouldn’t give you the chance to wake up that way”, Shepard assured her friend, the promise weighing heavily in her mouth, his hand on her even heavier. “Dismissed, Gunnery Officer.”

[ocheeva]

commander jane shepard service no. 5923-AC-2826 date of birth: april 11, 2154

[janeshepard-]

Happy birthday, Shep! Let's not celebrate too hard at the bar, okay? Remember what happened last time.

Thank you, Kasumi.

What... happened last time?

[janeshepard-]

This wasn’t the time to contemplate, though.

“Yeah”, she said, words deep in her throat. “The Reaper artifact they had down there - I got into contact with it. Maybe that helped Harbinger contact me, I’m not sure. I do know that it gave me a vision, a lot like the one from the Prothean beacon or the Cipher. Just… clearer.”

[notastylishly]

Garrus digested Shepard’s info with a slow blink, eyes darting up and down in search of any signs of distress, but he found little other than exhaustion. Talk of vivid visions and the Reaper apocalypse were commonplace now. Perhaps the Council read her warnings as a joke, but Shepard’s crew knew better. Garrus knew better.

He tried to picture Shepard in the facility, unconscious with nothing but the company of indoctrinated humans and a Reaper artifact. He couldn’t fathom what it felt like to have ancient alien tech blind her with a twisted picture book illustrating certain doom. All he knew was that from the outside it looked about as appealing as a bullet in his foot, with convulsing limbs and eyes rolling back..hell, hadn’t the thing lifted her off the ground before? He shook his head and braced his hip against the table next to Shepard, still facing her. Years later and she was still being plagued by one single event. 

“So when I asked ‘something on your mind’, you meant it literally,” he said,though more as a grave statement than a joke. “Do you mean you came into physical contact with it? What did you see?" 

[janeshepard-]

“The Reapers. They’re getting closer.”

She knew she was severely downplaying it but she didn’t have the words to describe it - a swarm of insects, a flight pattern she should be able to disturb by waving her hand through the air, tangled up in that the knowledge that each Reaper could be twice the height of a skyscraper, that it had taken a fleet and a lot of luck to take even one down.

“None of us know what’s going to happen for certain”, she said, shifting so she was fully facing the turian. “But if they got into my mind - if...” 

She found it hard to say, refused to fully acknowledge the possibility of indictrination simply because they couldn’t afford her succumbing to it. “If”, she repeated, “I need someone who knows me to keep a bullet ready. Someone who won’t hesitate.”

[notastylishly]

He shuffled along after the other crewmates but became rooted by Shepard’s gaze, returning it with a blink. “Sure thing,” he said. He turned his head to watch the team exit, then faced Shepard fully and openly, arms uncrossed. “Something on your mind?”

[janeshepard-]

She breathed in slowly, turning to lean her lower back against the table in the middle of the Comm Room while looking up at Garrus. When she was little, a lifetime ago on Mindoir, she’d first learned about nonhuman intelligent life when their two species had gone to war against each other. Turians had been a fearsome, diffuse idea of danger, their alien faces the stuff of nightmares. Shepard never would have expected - honestly, not until Garrus joined her squad to defeat Saren - that of all the people in the galaxy, she’d come to consider a turian her closest friend. She’d been an Alliance marine, had only ever expected to serve her own military until she fell in battle up until the point she became a Spectre (and even then the Alliance hadn’t been willing to let her go) and had never been very good at making friends in general, even among other humans.

For ten years of military service Shepard had learned that that wasn’t always a bad thing; soldiers die, and it’s easier to grieve an officer or a subordinate than it is a friend. Easier to compartmentalise, prioritise, sacrifice when you’re not emotionally invested in other people. She’d destroyed the Bahak system with little hesitation, but would she be able to do the same with the Normandy? Would she leave Mordin to die if it meant she could defeat another Reaper?

This wasn’t the time to contemplate, though.

“Yeah”, she said, words deep in her throat. “The Reaper artifact they had down there - I got into contact with it. Maybe that helped Harbinger contact me, I’m not sure. I do know that it gave me a vision, a lot like the one from the Prothean beacon or the Cipher. Just... clearer.”

[masseffectcaps]

[onlythecode]

Finally, she decided to speak. Clearing her throat, she looked Shepard straight in the glowing, red eyes. “I will not lie to you, Shepard. There were times when I disapproved of your actions,” she admitted. “Some days you were moving along a line which would be unacceptable for me, if I was not bound by the Code to you. Even now I am having hard time accepting some of your decisions.” She made a brief pause, her gaze never leaving her Commander’s face. “However, in spite of all disagreements we might have had, I can see your cause is justified. What you did was not wrong. Not only according to my Code, but apparently measured by other standards.” Only then have her eyes moved from Shepard, observing the squad members again. “I will be here as long as you need me, as long as you desire to stop the Reapers. Even after my promise is fulfilled and my choices and morals are once again only my own,” she finished in a low voice, her gaze settling on Commander again.

[janeshepard-]

“Thank you, Samara”, Shepard said, evenly meeting the gaze of the Justicar whose eyes looked like a frozen winter sky. Shepard felt immense respect for the asari before her, and though she didn’t always understand what it was about her actions that clashed with Samara’s code - in some cases she was perhaps unnecessarily violent, sure, but on the whole she made an effort not to kill anyone who didn’t shoot at or threaten her first. “I’ll be glad to have you with me when we face them.”

She also hoped one of them would perish during the war - she didn’t particularly look forward to having to kill Samara if the asari decided Shepard’s methods were unacceptable once the Reapers were dealt with. But maybe - had that been a promise? As long as you desire to stop the Reapers. The thought of having someone like the Justicar by her side if she became indoctrinated, if she fell into the same darkness that had stolen Saren’s mind, was oddly comforting. If anyone could kill her at that point, it’d be Samara.

But what if that wasn’t enough? Who else would take the shot? Grunt, probably, if he wasn’t too focused on the fights before him, which was likely. Zaeed, too, though he didn’t really get chatty and might not notice in time. Tali... Tali would know, but Shepard didn’t know if she trusted the quarian to pull the trigger in time. Would Jacob? Miranda? Kasumi?

“We’re not parting ways for a while yet, though I don’t blame you if you want to leave ship early. Just keep me informed. In the meantime, I’m going to contact a friend who might be able to help us find something to prove the Reapers’ existence. You’re all dismissed until further notice.”

She stepped away from the door, leaving space for her team to leave, casually observing all of them until her gaze settled.

“Garrus, mind staying behind for a minute?”

[cerberustactician-deactivated20]

Rather than visibly express her skyrocketing stress levels, however, she simply gave a nearly imperceptible eyeroll as she crossed her arms, derisive but still sympathetic to Shepard’s ongoing struggle. “Right. On my desk. Thank you, Commander… and allow me to reiterate that I’m here for whatever you need.”

[janeshepard-]

"Thank you, Miranda - everyone." Shepard forced a smile at Zaeed and Thane through pressed lips. "I appreciate the thought, but I doubt breaking me out will improve anyone's perception of me or any of us. What we need, with the time we have left, is further proof of the Reapers' existence. Anything to make the Alliance shift their focus towards getting ready and protecting Earth. We already know that humanity is targeted, and it stands to reason that's where the main focus of the attack will be - and if we can convince the Alliance, hopefully the Council and the other races will follow suit."

Things were, so far, going better than she'd hoped - Shepard wasn't sure what she had expected in this situation, but considering the direction her day had started in this was definitely a step up. A hot shower and some food and maybe she'd even feel normal again despite the empty patch still swirling on her galaxy map, despite the hundreds of thousands of voices she had permanently silenced in an attempt to keep the galaxy safe.

"I'm not expecting any of you to follow me to Earth, by the way. None of us have spotless pasts, but they're bound to treat me, Joker, and Chakwas a hell of a lot better than any of you. With them, it'd be easy to claim loyalty to their commanding officer. As for the rest of you..." She shrugged. "You're not part of the military and I have no intention of seeing any of you rot in a military prison. So before I turn myself in, I'm going to drop you off on Illium. You can get transport to anywhere from there."

[grunt-rp-blog]

The Krogan caught the eyes of Samara as he glanced around the room looking for some kind of support from the others. They had all come to know Shepard’s strength as he had and for them to just stand there drove him mad. Her calm-like gaze enraged him but at the same time seemed to temper him a bit. Combined with the sudden realization of his actions and ramifications Shepard probably had lined up and he felt a shiver. Though it wasn’t for long. Since renewed thoughts of Shepard’s sudden dismissal again made him rage. His snarl penned his rage as he stood there and paced a bit to try and contain his feelings.

[janeshepard-]

Shepard’s jaw tightened. “The Alliance’s official position is that the Reapers don’t exist. The artifact the team found in the Bahak system should have been used to prove that they do, but now all they have is reports of me going in to a batarian system and three days later eradicating it from existence. That doesn’t exactly look good.”

And no matter what other things had happened - no matter if the Alliance had declared her MIA and elected not to extract her from Cerberus when they found out she was back, no matter if she was facing a court-martial - Shepard was still a soldier and the military had been her everything ever since she was sixteen and sat on her first shuttle, being shipped offworld from Mindoir. Was she tempted to take her ship and hide somewhere in a remote system? Absolutely. But that wouldn’t keep the galaxy from being torn apart.

“We’re on borrowed time. What we need is to convince the Alliance, as well as every other major military force and eventually the Council, that the threat we’re facing is real and imminent. Right now that involves me going to Earth whether I want to or not.”

[onlythecode]

"Shepard," she broke the silence shortly after Lawson spoke. "Now that we are all here, I assume there is something important you intended to inform us about?" 

[janeshepard-]

Shepard only nodded at Miranda, at once impatient and wishing her XO had lingered a little longer because now, her squad assembled and their expectant eyes on her, she didn’t know where to start. She was fairly certain that they respected her abilities to make the proper call in a dire situation, no matter their views on her penchant for applying violence, but none of them had been there with her, seen or heard Kenson, seen or heard the projection of Harbinger. There was every possibility that they’d think she was indoctrinated after interacting with the Reaper artifact.

Well. Too late for second thoughts.

“Yes”, she replied to Samara, putting both hands on the table before her. “As you know, Admiral Hackett asked me to do a favour for him. I went to extract a scientist with info on the Reapers from a batarian prison. Turns out, she and her team had found a Reaper artifact on an asteroid and decided to keep it out in the open while they worked. That artifact also let them know that the Reapers were moving in on the galaxy with the help of a nearby mass relay - one that could connect to sixteen others. They were planning on destroying that relay, but things changed.”

Shepard paused, letting the words sink in, confident she didn’t have to spell out the obvious and unwilling to go into detail on Object Rho - the memory of the beautiful, organic curves and the vision it had burned into her mind made her bones feel as though they didn’t fit right in her body.

“I was kept under sedation for three days. When I came to, the Reaper invasion was hours away and the science team were determined to make it happen. I won’t go into details - suffice it to say, the asteroid was on collision course with the mass relay and Joker came to pick me up with minutes to spare.” She drew a breath, exhaled. “There were nearly three hundred thousand batarians living in that system. When the asteroid collided with the mass relay, the explosion wiped the entire system out. But their sacrifice, by my infliction, saved the lives of billions - the destruction of the Bahak system will keep the Reapers at bay for another few months. That doesn’t mean we can rest. Harbinger contacted me just before the Normandy swung by for pickup, and I have no doubt their retaliation when they come here will be swift and aggressive.”

There was another pause, a moment for Shepard to recollect her thoughts and wonder if she should’ve just sent her report out to the team - though that would potentially result in her answering the same question multiple times.

“I’ve also been informed that the batarians want blood for this, and though it might not be next week or even next month, I’m going to have to go to Earth to answer for my actions.”

There it was; the one thing she’d least wanted to share. Her team was strong, their resolve absolute, and she’d allowed herself to hope, foolishly, that at least some of them would stay on her ship to see this through. She’d seen her team scattered once - her gaze travelled down the scar covering Garrus’ jaw - and now Liara held the politics of the galaxy in her hands, Wrex was trying to keep Tuchanka together, Ashley…

“So there you have it. You can read the report I wrote for Hackett if you want further details - Miranda, I’ll make sure it’s on your desk when we’re done here.” She straightened, calmly meeting the eyes of people she had come to consider friends. “Any questions?”

[somegoddamnusername-blog-blog]

Jack’s voice pulled him out of his reverie. He agreed with her, which, given that she was batshit insane most of the time, would probably worry some people, but Zaeed was confident in himself and his own mind. She was a smart girl, even if she was pretty fucked up. He shifted position, stretching his neck out. “What the hell’s going on, Shepard?” he growled. 

The whole situation was worrying him slightly. He had no doubt that they could take it, but Shepard doing some kind of mission by herself, needing that fast pickup, and the Alliance on board… An explanation had goddamn well better be coming. 

[janeshepard-]

"If I wanted something dead, you'd know", Shepard replied through her teeth, her voice gaining a sharp edge - she was fond of Jack, as she was fond of all her squadmates, but she was neither in the mood to be questioned nor fight at that particular moment. 

Of course, she also wasn't in the mood to be kept waiting, and with a quick glance around the room she activated her omni-tool, opening a new comm link to those few missing. "Get your asses in here", she bit out, deactivating the bright orange glow around her hand before folding her arms with growing irritation.

It was hardly her team's fault that she was in a mood, of course, and Miranda still did a lot of administrative work even if none of it was Cerberus-related - she could be in a call to arrange for resources, for all Shepard knew - but she wanted what had gone on groundside to be out in the open, and to come from her, as soon as possible. 

[grunt-rp-blog]

Finally Grunt entered the Comm Room and looked about at the occupants. He saw Samara and Jack first off. The biotics gave him both a glance but all they did was look back around the room. He gave a little chuckle before choosing to stand by Zaeed instead. The human had proven himself a ferocious man enough to earn Grunt’s respect. He turned his back to a corner and gently padded at his omni-tool, testing the Fortification of his armor a few times before crossing his arms. “Where’s Shepard?”

[janeshepard-]

Having made a diversion to the crew deck bathroom, Shepard caught her own gaze in the reflective surface above the sink. Once-green eyes were now almost completely red, an angry glowing fire matching her fury and frustration over the state of the galaxy.

Perhaps she should get the implants looked at, let the skin on her face heal so she looked whole and human again before going to an Earth that had never been her home despite being a part of her. Perhaps the scars, the skin splitting open, the eerie glow in her eyes would not win her any favours as Alliance Command passed their judgement for what she'd just done. On the other hand, these things reminded Shepard of who she was and what she'd gone through - accepting her own death was still far off, something she needed more time than what the galaxy allowed her to take to work through, but with everything else needing her time and energy and focus it could've been easy to push the thought away. Seeing her own face like this prevented that.

The fact that she probably looked off-putting didn't matter.

With tense shoulders, she got to the elevator and rose through the ship, strode quickly through the Armory to the comm room, which felt tense as she entered. Still missing her XO, Shepard opted to take position at the head of the table, hands on her back as she nodded to the squad members present.

[janeshepard-]

Shepard stood still, staring at the Med Bay door for a moment after it slid shut behind Hackett. 

She hadn't expected a pat on the back - her methods of completing a mission rarely earned her words of praise, and she was perfectly content with that since her results spoke for themselves - but the conversation with Hackett had practically been a verbal one despite the sacrifice she'd elected to make; despite what the Alliance might have to deal with because of her. 

Though it wasn't really because of her, was it? She had just been at the center of a mess someone else had made, dealing with it like so many times before, and all others would see was the blood on her hands, which was certainly there but only a small part of it all. Like so many other things. Like everything.

Sighing slowly while looking through her report, needing to occupy her hands more than anything else, she wondered how long they had left. The Reapers were coming, that was a rock-solid fact, and it was likely she had really pissed Harbinger off. Did Reapers get angry? Doubtful, but either way her disrupting their plans twice in mere months had painted a pretty impressive target on her back, and if they came while she was still on Earth... Could she take the Normandy and hide? Would Hackett still protect her? Again, doubtful, and she wasn't in a position to risk it.

She still had time, though she wasn't entirely certain what to do with that time or how much of it there was. If nothing else she could rid the galaxy of a few more mercs or heretic geth.

First, however, there were a couple of things she had to do.

"EDI", she said while turning the datapad with her report off and moving to leave the Med Bay, "tell my squad to meet me in the comm room."

[janeshepard-]

((hey kids! I updated my about page so everyone can know names/pronouns (and some additional information) - while I work on a starter post for us, I recommend you all do the same. They don't need to contain as much as mine, but please include the basics at least c:))

[janeshepard-]

[janeshepard-]

For three hours she'd been lying still, pretending to be unconscious - had someone been watching her readings they'd probably know that she was well aware of her surroundings, but if someone did they obviously didn't care and Shepard figured that she could open her eyes without too much danger.

The wall before her was concrete, bland and grey. A vague stain of something that'd dripped towards the floor was just at the edge of her vision. Probably blood. Nothing unexpected.

Slowly, she turned over onto her back with too many muscles aching and too much energy being needed for such a simple manoeuvre. Shit. She'd need something to eat before even thinking about getting out. That, and localise the man she'd been with, though she assumed the breathing she heard came from him and, as she slowly looked around, she saw him.

Well, she thought, it'd be a damn good intimidation tactic on most people. He was bruised and bloodied, the handsome face swollen, the dark hair matted. Part of Shepard felt guilty for pulling him into this mess despite knowing that she had no control over the fact. 

She forced the scowl away from her face. "That looks pretty bad."