Everything I can remember.
We broke up in September of 2020.Â
We broke up after our road trip out west. I remember talking about weddings and getting married. We even started to make a guest list on his phone. I wonder if itâs still there, along with every note I left him telling him that I loved him.Â
Anyways, our vacation was great! I loved every minute of it. I didnât think anything was wrong. Until we came back.
I received a DM from a random girl from Troy saying that he was talking to her on tinder.Â
This really threw me off. I truly did not expect it to happen again. When this was happening earlier in the summer he told me it was because people didnât like his Dad and were using him as a way to retaliate. He said once he moved that this wouldnât keep happening, which was true for awhile. I thought we were good. I fully got attached to his family and friends. I loved them. We had made plans to move in together in the fall or summer. Â
This was when everything fell apart. I was heart broken and needed space.Â
I deleted him off Facebook, Insta and snap. I couldnât stand to see pictures of him doing things with his friends and family and me not being apart of it. They honestly just broke my heart more. I was VERY clear about this when I did it. I needed him to show me more committment. I was not ready to add him back until he did so. He said he needed to work on himself and go to therapy to be better. I gave him 6 months to do so.Â
He begged me to add him back on snap for months. I did not want to do this because of the time he went behind my back. He was talking to people on Tinder and taking videos of us having sex without my consent. The person he was talking to told me that he never sent anything. But, Iâve always wondered if there were more woman. I remember him hiding this from me for months. I only found out because I felt like he was acting VERY strange. I looked at his instagram blocked list and started messaging people.Â
She sent me DMs to prove everything she was saying. He claimed that he was never on Tinder and only on FetLife, which automatically uploaded his profile to dating apps. I donât think I believe this now.Â
The thing is, he did and said things to make me believe he wasnât doing all of these things. I remember him showing me that his phone number and email are blocked on Tinder. We sat together and he showed me everything. Currently, he is dating someone named Kirsten. (I joked with my therapist that heâs simply just moving through the alphabet. She didnât find it funny.)Â
I still do not know how he has been on Tinder. I think it is through his Dadâs cell phone number. I remember him helping his Dad set up his phone. He had it in his room for a few hours. It was possible for him to do.Â
He held me on a string up until 10 days he asked this girl to be his girlfriend. He told me that I was all he could think about. I was all he fantasized about. He was tired of pretending with her. He begged to get back together. He begged me for nudes. Once they were sent he switched.Â
He never even broke up with me in person. It was 7 years.Â
He told me in June/July that he tried to attempted to kill himself because Ciara sexually assaulted him in Austinâs basement. He said he got drunk one night and she gave him a blow job. He remembers waking up with shorts at his ankles.Â
I knew he was lying about being admitted to a hospital for attempting. They hold you for a minimum of 72 hours in Michigan. I know because of Ali. He looked me in the face, after telling me where he was and ignorning me for a day, that they let him leave after a night. He cried to me about it.Â
The thing with this is. I realized that he was willing to do anything but be honest with me to get me back. Heâs willing to lie about things I cannot prove. Â
I really hate these lies because A. I feel like heâs lying and B. you feel bad for feeling this way. . C. He includes details that may be true, like the shorts at his ankles? He adds little truths so its easier for him to lie. He was used to me being silent about these things
I was not this time. I told his Mom and friend about the hospital part. I was really worried about him. Usually when people lie about this there is some truth behind it. I did not mention anything about Ciara. I wasnât sure about it but ultimately felt like it was not my decision to say anything. Again, I did not know if it was the truth or not.Â
He later used this against me. He felt like I couldnât be trusted. But, he lived 2 hours away and I barely saw him because he wasnât willing to come down unless his friends invited him down to play games.Â
When this happened, he ultimately blamed me for everything falling apart. He said that not having him on social media was my way of pushing myself out. He said he couldnât trust me with anything anymore. He took advantage of my kindness and used it against me.Â
Anyways, heâs dating this new girl now. I will pray for her.Â
Thereâs obviously so much more to this. I just word vomited to get started. I do plan on adding more later on.Â
Nobody tells you about the shame and guilt they leave you with. I need to work through that this year.Â
Overall, I deserve someone who does not cheat on me and call me crazy when I feel like something is off. I was right about EVERYTHING. He said and did things to make me second guess my intuition. I will never allow this to happen again. Iâm making these posts to let others know that they are not alone. As much as I hate to admit it, I know this situation is not unique to me. I hope this makes some people feel more comfortable.Â
blakekathryn
tangentwithtanner
