Shitty Melliot AUs

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Fast food AU Jason goes up in the drive thru and goes “will you marry me?” as Maya is handing over his food

- 🌮

maya: jason it's 1:34am. why are you ordering. why are you proposing. I'm at work.

[shitty-melliot-aus]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63092182

[stardella]

Anyway the best m/f friendship dynamic is and always will be

Pure of heart, dumb of ass

Lesbian

[spicy-cannoli]

[shitty-watt-aus]

Farrah and Clark

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Fast food AU Jason goes up in the drive thru and goes “will you marry me?” as Maya is handing over his food

- 🌮

maya: jason it's 1:34am. why are you ordering. why are you proposing. I'm at work.

[shitty-melliot-aus]

adamandi au where its completely the same but they all have a southern accent

THIS IS SO REAL

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Rudolph the Red Nose reindeer but it’s a pyre scene and Ambrose is glowing red so he’s Rudolph and the fog means it’s a foggy Christmas night and then Vincent on the pyre thing is the sleigh and Adrian and Preston are the other reindeer

Merry Christmas!!

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Adamandi but it is the bee movie.

The Marmorius society are the pollen jocks

Barry and Adam is Vincent and Quincy

That scene where adam is in the bee hospital because he stung a fat man is the equivalent to the pyre scene

intriguing.

confession ive never watched the bee movie before

[shitty-melliot-aus]

taopp au that takes place entirely on twitter. Rowan is trying to get the king banned instead of killing him

maya's fake death is just her deleting her account and making a new one

[shitty-melliot-aus]

adamandi au where everything is the same but beatrix is given access to kendrick lamar’s entire discography. because i think she’d like that

JWHDBLKHBWLDHBHWBDDHJBSHBDW

[shitty-melliot-aus]

The fast food AU equivalent of "Sound Body Sound Mind" would be Ambrose, Preston, and Adrian collaborating to help each other get more customers by going into the parking lot of the combination pizza hut and taco bell and having a cook-out and telling people to go to their places instead.

And Vincent comes out and he's like hey can you stop that that's loitering and ur blocking the parks and they just break out into song

Also it wouldn't do anything to help them get customers so it's just ridiculous

— Fast Food anon #1 (🍕)

oh ABSOLUTELY

as a former fast food worker (burger king) i can confirm that my manager endorsed shit like this in the other stores parking lots (real)

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Never fear, the only post from fast food anon two as of now has been the previous one. Every post before that was fast food anon one.

- Fast food anon #2 (🌮)

okay good to know! this is the funniest possible way this blog could have gone guys

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Greetings. There is, in fact, two fast food au anons.

Ambrose use to work at Taco Bell before Quincy did, which is what gives Vincent and Ambrose their past romantical connection. He was fired for being too manly and always destroying the hard shell tacos.

The Burger King Foot Lettuce incident? Preston Monterey.

Vincent, to win the prize, contaminates all of the other fast food chains in order to spread diseases and the ratings for the fast food chains to go down, effectively closing them.

TWO OF YOU??????? okay which ones were you so i can tag them as different anons

anyways YES absolutely. vincent WOULD contaminate the stores wouldnt he

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Hey. It's me. The fast food AU anon. We have both put our gorgeous heads together and come up with the rest.

Portia - Wendy's

Beatrix - Mcdonald's (Maybe Roswell is thr boss of Mcdonald's.)

Preston - Burger King

Ambrose - White Castle

Adrian - Bojangles

Vincent and Quincy - Combination pizza hut and taco bell. Perhaps a very highschool love story.

A slice of pizza is dropped on thr ground they both reach for it ans touch hands but only for a moment....

Vincent works the pizza hut parts of the place Quincy is on the Taco Bell side.

We apologize.

cursed. i love it.

also: quincent. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ8ViYIeH04

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Also, fast food anon again. INCREDIBLE CHANGE. Imagine them all rushing to be fastest and like fucking everything up

AHAHAHA YES

one of them at some point just starts giving out empty burger buns to have it done and out in seconds flat

[shitty-melliot-aus]

Adamandi modern AU but they're all working at different fast food chains and competing for some kind of fadt food prize. Maybe best sanitation rating. Portia is at Wendy's. That's all we got

okay so!!! if i may change this a tad.

fast food chains, if theyre the same change, compete with other stores in the area to have the best serving times. so, using wendys as an example, and

hang on i gotta google smth

using newport, vermont as an example, bc it's a large new england city, let's assume thee's multiple wendys. 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. they could be competing against the 5 newport stores to get the fastest times - how fast a customer gets their order, from order to delivery.

so, consider: the fast food competition they're in is for the fastest time in their store.

[shitty-melliot-aus]

adamandi but Ambrose is wearing a big bird costume. this is never acknowledged in the script whatsoever

interesting.

[shitty-melliot-aus]

dumb triple crossover modern au im sending both here and the headcanons blog because i’m the yapperrrrrr

for ghost story:

józef and hao used to go to the same high school and had a summer job together as teenagers, and then began dating, but hao ran away from home after a bad fight with his parents and an argument with józef (he was raised in an abusive home). his parents called the police on him, and because of a mix of survival instincts, fight response and undiagnosed intermittent explosive disorder, he ends up getting into a physical fight with the cops and getting jailed. he was roughly twenty-five by this point.

while hao is away, józef marries and has joey (robin using józef and joey being father/son format; fork found in kitchen) and his wife is a stay-at-home mom. he works at some nature reserve park place he and hao used to go to while they were younger (they carved their names into a tree there) for a while, before it shut down. he then began to work at the local coffee shop that again, he and hao used to always go to (he never liked the coffee there, or the tea, it was too sweet for his liking, but hao always liked it.) hao finds him there and józef comes out to his wife as gay, she comes out as aroace, but they don’t have the profits for a divorce so they’re technically married, but józef finally works up the courage to talk to hao again, and then hao becomes step father of the year or something to joey. (he doesn’t like joey at first because he both didn’t meet him until it was christmas and he came down to celebrate and he was disrespectful to józef in his eyes.)

joey and anthony have the same lives as they do in canon, with those little tweaks. joey is an ex-hamilfan and he defended thomas jefferson miku binder when it came out. his old tumblr posts still haunt him.

(very similar premise to the soulmate au, i know)

for adamandi:

due to past controversy with the phaethon after someone who narrowly survived percely queensley’s murders spoke out, ardess stopped doing the phaethon to maintain their reputation. the entire incident was covered up.

vincent is a visual arts minor as well as a bio major (i don’t know why i included this i just think about this a lot)

portia doesn’t like vincent but she doesn’t do anything but be unsettled by him — she can’t really do anything because they’re her girlfriend’s friend and friend’s boyfriend. he always thought he was weird and ‘seemed like he would kill someone’ as well as thinking he was creepy because of his body language and such, and upon confessing these concerns to beatrix (she wanted to tell quincy, but she didn’t want to upset them), beatrix told her plainly that vincent is autistic but he probably would kill somebody. (in a half-joking manner of course.) she also thinks vincent is weird for the fact he’s a stoner, but cant say anything because beatrix is also a stoner, and she knows it’s her stereotyping him — she’s quite aware of this stuff, but sometimes she catches the undertones of what she says a bit too late. she knows her not liking him isn’t really justified, but he gives her the creeps. it makes her feel quite guilty.

portia hung around cliques (like. think of chavs, or whatever y’all have in america, but in some dreary new england college) to try and fit in, but she would by no means take part in any of the bullying and stuff. after she was outed she was kicked out of her social circle.

transfem portia, that’s all i’ll say.

they/them quincy.

ambrose and portia went to the same high school and they vaguely know each other.

for taopp:

american-ised them, oh no. /j

instead of being the king’s children, rowan and maya are instead the children of a politician. jason is a security guard instead of a knight, rowan got disowned, louis is a secretary instead of a baronet and maddox is just a regular person. they met maya via rowan.

maddox is an ex-convict. they were arrested for helping rowan with one of his “plans” to run away from his dad and shit, as rowan was a minor at the time (seventeen) and they were twenty-one.

magic still exists, YAY.

jason is a trans guy, louis is the token cis guy, rowan is agender, maya is transmasc and demibigender, and obviously maddox is nonbinary.

louis struggles with eating disorders (as a replacement for the famine in canon). with rowan this behaviour was encouraged, with jason he was helped to recover.

rowan’s mom committed suicide after finding out his dad cheated on her with maya’s mom and had been since before maya was born. rowan (rightfully) blames his dad for this.

how they all connect:

rowan and maya’s father is a senator and friends with ambrose’s father. maya tried to be respectful to ambrose before he transitioned, but they never had common interest. after he transitioned, she realised she was genderqueer herself, but she never came out. she was nicer to ambrose because of it. he never liked her. rowan never liked ambrose in general.

maddox and beatrix went to the same high school and dated for a bit. they ended on good terms and are still friends.

vincent and joey are tumblr mutuals. they end up meeting after the Group (beatrix, portia, quincy, vincent) go to watch isttvg in the cinema and he recognises joey while exiting the cinema.

portia knows maya via beatrix, she thinks that she’s nice.

portia and anthony follow each other on instagram. she wants to talk to him, but she’s not the best at talking to people online, so she just likes and comments on all his posts and hopes he gets the message “hi i think you’re cool”.

jason, louis and quincy are regulars at the coffee shop hao is also a regular at and józef works at. louis has attempted to talk to hao before, seeing him as a lonely old man, and was promptly told to fuck off. józef is the equivalent of a kind barista who always gives the regulars he knows extra stuff and talks to them a lot.

YOOOOOOO???? you went into my brain with adamandi (i say like we havent been discussing them all day) this is so silly

[shitty-melliot-aus]

adamandi but all the other melliot musicals are in fact musicals. melliot is canon to this au.

@melliotwrites