musings of a ragamuffin

i am on the journey. you will find me on the trail.

[jasondominy]

Atlanta Pride Parade 2018. Proud to march with Salesforce for my friends and family in the LBGTQ community. Love wins. Equality for ALL.

[jasondominy]

Meating Street BBQ in Roswell is legit, y’all. Nice people, great barbecue. Brisket was perfect, as were ribs. @meatingstbbq

[jasondominy]

My Top 11 Albums of 2017.

1.    Jeremy Enigk "Ghosts." This album blew me away in a million ways. It came out of nowhere, and is one of the most beautiful pieces of music I’ve ever heard collectively. There is nothing I could think of that would make this album better, it’s a real masterpiece. 

2.    Beck “Colors.” Wow, the Beck I love is back. After a bunch of slower albums, he’s back with a sugary pop album that is a perfect driving record. So many great songs on here, I love it. 

3.    Macklemore, “Gemini.” Another great driving album, I continue to love his look at the world, his sheer honesty and struggle, and the fun songs on here are a treat. 

4.    Lo Tom, “Lo Tom.” Another album that took me by surprise (along with album #11 on here), this album features some of my favorite people playing together. After Bazan’s album was in my top 5 last year, this one came out, and it’s so stinking good from top to bottom. 

5.    MUTEMATH, “Play Dead.” I will say that I believe this will be the last great Mutemath album. Why? Because this is the last one that original members Darren King (drummer) and Roy Mitchell Cardenas (so many instruments) played on. The new Mutemath only retains one original member, the lead singer, and that’s sad. They were so good with the chemistry they had. 

6.    Run the Jewels, “Run the Jewels 3” Covering lots of issues, this one is a good head-bobber for Atlanta traffic, and they rap with an ease back and forth that is incredible. 

7.    PLS PLS, “Jet Black.” Here’s an Atlanta band that is incredibly underrated. This whole album is very good. 

8.    Sufjan Stevens, “Carrie and Lowell Live.” Live version of one of my top 3 albums from last year. 

9.    Big Boi, “Boomiverse.” Big Boi. Need I say more? 

10. Derek Webb, “Fingers Crossed.” The album I was expecting from the open wounds of a divorce and the healing of the wounds and the desire for hope in the midst. This album is incredibly painful to listen to on lots of levels, but it’s necessary. 

11. Lee Bozeman, “The Majesty of the Flesh” What the what?? Another album I didn’t see coming, this time from former Luxury frontman Lee Bozeman. I’ve always been a Luxury fan, they played a show at my Athens coffee shop, and this album proves he’s still got the stuff. Love this album. 

[jasondominy]

Stay In Your Lane

When I first got my MINI Cooper “Wallace”, I hadn’t had a car that small before. Upon my first drive on the interstate, I was overwhelmed and my nerves ragged from being so small surrounded by so many large vehicles. Being dwarfed by tractor trailers sent my nerves into a frenzy, and I would put both hands on the wheel sternly, eyes straight ahead, and just drive. I mentioned how I felt being so small in the MINI to another MINI owner, and they confirmed my feelings, and shared with me how they, too, had felt the same way at first. But they also gave me some incredible advice that has carried me for many years, not just related to driving a smaller car, but related to life in general. 

“Don’t worry about what all the other cars or trucks are doing, just stay in your lane.” “Stay in your lane.” I had a conversation with a friend who runs a couple of barbecue restaurants today, Bryan Furman of B’s Cracklin’ Barbecue, and he said the same thing. He said he doesn’t worry about what everyone else is doing, or why they’re doing it, he stays in his lane. And that’s some of the best business advice you can get. Stay in your lane. Don’t worry about what your competitors are doing, you are your competitor. You do whatever it is that you do to the very best of your ability, and you will have no competition. 

The leaders I know and respect the most, people like Jeni Britton Bauer of Jeni’s Ice Creams, Kat Cole of FOCUS Brands, Ben Chestnut of Mailchimp, and Marc Benioff of Salesforce have a strong focus on their own vision and what they’re doing without worrying about what their competitors are doing. Jeni’s Ice Creams doesn’t make healthy ice cream (although they do have sorbets), and they don’t want to, they want to make amazing ice cream for people who just want really good ice cream as a treat. Mailchimp wants to make products that help make companies more successful, whether through email or marketing automations. Salesforce is dedicated to being the best CRM provider, and supporting that product with a full menu of products that compliment and support that CRM experience. 

You work hard to be the best version of YOU you can be. Learn from your mistakes. Grow from those experiences. Keep learning new things. And stay in your lane. Don’t worry about what the cars next to you are doing, how fast they’re going, or how they’re driving. You focus on your car, and stay absolutely focused on getting to the destination and goal you’ve established for yourself. Cheers!

[jasondominy]

The Constant of Change.

The only constant in life is change, and I’m certainly not immune to that. In the past few months, April and I have experienced a ton of change, and one of the biggest changes was her doctors recommendations that she quit her teaching position, because her health would no longer allow her to be around kids all day. For those that don’t know, she has a rare autoimmune disease called Sjogren’s Syndrome, which is a sister to Lupus. It’s for this that she’s undergoing chemo currently, so between the chemo, her autoimmune disease and her rare kidney disease, she needed to stop working. This was no easy decision, teaching and working with kids is her passion, it’s what she went to school for, and it’s driven her for most of her life, and to be told she’d have to stop was (and remains) incredibly hard.

There was only one decision, and that was for her to quit and file for disability as her doctors advised. So, that’s what she did and I support her 100%, because right now her health is the most important thing. I never thought about how that would affect us, because honestly, money wasn’t a driver or what was important. Suddenly, we found ourselves behind on everything, and I realized I needed to do what I needed to do to step up and take care of our business. It was time for me to leverage all the experience I’ve learned and earned over the past 10 years for a larger position. Salesforce was moving me to their corporate social media team, off the Pardot Marketing Team, which I was excited about, but at the end of the day, I have got to take care of my family and my wife, and I’ve been offered a Director of Social Media position at an Atlanta-based marketing agency that I’ve been a fan of for years. That means I’ll be leaving Salesforce and the company I’ve proudly called home at Pardot.

This wasn’t a decision I took lightly, again, I was looking forward to joining the Salesforce Social Media Team and working with Asma Stephens, that in itself was a point of pride for me, as you all know how much respect and love for Salesforce I have. When I took the role, I didn’t know much about Salesforce or Marc Benioff, but since my time there I have absolutely grown to love what Marc Benioff and the Salesforce team has built there, and I have been honored to be a part of this company, which is doing amazing things and leading the charge on so many social issues that are important to me. The people I worked alongside on the Pardot Marketing Team are incredibly smart, inspiring, and great at what they do. My old boss Laura taught me tons about content marketing, and for that I’m grateful. While there, I also organized a BBQ group, was a part of a craft coffee and craft beer group, and helped organize a group that further championed equality around the office. These are all things I am incredibly proud of, and will take with me.

The Salesforce Atlanta Hub is amazing, and full of incredible people I’ve grown close to. But it’s time for me to move on and better take care of my business. There isn’t a company in the world that is doing the things Salesforce is, and I’d work for them again in a heartbeat, but it’s time to do something new, to create something, that’s what I’m going to get to do with people I have long admired and respected, and at an award-winning agency. The owners are Appalachian State grads (which is where April went), and they’re incredibly smart guys. I want to publicly thank my coworkers and team at Salesforce and Pardot. It’s been incredibly magical, and an honor. I’ve said it before, but there wasn’t a day that I didn’t step out of that elevator on the 33rd floor and see that Salesforce logo and not well up with pride. But it’s time for me to create that experience somewhere else, and I have no doubt I will, they already have an incredible team, office, and culture.

This new position is a culmination of everything I’ve worked for since starting in social media when it started, doing it as marketing for a small coffee roaster in Charlotte. Every night I spend time checking up on trends, algorithm and platform changes, and tips/tricks. I’ve taken webinar after webinar, read post after post, and invested in my career outside of my normal work hours. I’ve been passionate about it for every company I’ve done it for, whether agency-side or brand-side. As much as I’ve tried to speak about social media at conferences or television channels, I’ve also tried to listen and learn. This discipline changes everyday, and is a moving target, and I enjoy the challenges. All in all, this is my time, it’s what I’ve worked for, and it’s my time to step up and do something very speciaI. I’m excited to join this team, and here’s to the journey and my next chapter, which starts the 24th at Nebo Agency.

[jasondominy]

you are normal.

Dear friends who are:

Black, or other races not white: You are normal.

LGBTQ: You are normal.

Handicapped or Disabled: You are normal.

Mentally Retarded: You are normal.

Autistic: You are normal. 

Deaf or Blind: You are normal. 

Childless: You are normal. 

Single: You are normal. 

I am sorry that we live in a world where “normal” means you are white, married to the opposite sex, with two kids, a dog, and a picket fence around your home, and anything different isn’t normal. April and I know this all too well in how we’ve been made to feel because we don’t have kids, both from the church and from other people, and I want you to know that’s not right. It isn’t right to treat people other than amazing beings simply because of something that they were born into. Underneath our epidermis runs blood that causes a heart to beat, and with that heart we will choose to love all of those around us regardless of any of the things listed above. Love without condition daily. Repeat. 

[jasondominy]

all dogs go to heaven.

11 years ago, April and I sat in a courtroom, where we were supposed to move one step closer to adopting Madison, the beautiful 2.5 year old girl we were fostering to adopt through the county. We had told the DFACS we only wanted to take a child that was adoptable, because I knew April couldn’t emotionally foster, and they said that was fine. So, we took Madison into our home, and for a year, we loved her like she was our own, putting 100% into giving her the best life we could for her. We gave her as much love as a person can take, and we held nothing back. We attended court proceeding after court proceeding as the court worked to end the father’s parental rights, giving us full rights as her new parents. Yet we never knew what would soon happen that would crash us into the ground.

Sitting in that courtroom that day, just rows behind Madison’s birth father, we waited for our portion, and it came. The birth father’s attorney noted to the judge that he had met the judge’s minimum requirements for getting her back, and despite him still testing positive for drug usage, despite him still not having employment and a way to take care of her the court ordered us to return her back into his care. We’d be given one hour to go home and gather her things, and the social worker would stop by her daycare to pick her up. We would not get to say goodbye to her, we would never see her again, and we didn’t, still haven’t. In every way we lost our only child that day, and it is a death that still haunts us to this day.

I think of little Madison on most days, and for many years was gripped with guilt and pain over what I know she went back into. I knew we did all we could do, fighting all the way to the governor’s office, but we didn’t win, we did the best we could. It destroyed us, and still does. We felt a giant hole in our hearts, a void, and a sense of utter helplessness and numbness. And that is how I feel right at this moment. A sense of disbelief. Feelings of anger. Nauseousness. Stomach pains. Every time I think of Jaye, our beautiful Yorkie now gone from us, I think of how we would jump up on the couch and snuggle right next to my leg as I sat. I think about how he would light up when I got home, and how he would lick my face as long as I would let him. I think about how much he meant to April, and how much healing he brought to her as she fights two incurable, rare chronic diseases. How he would snuggle up to her after her chemo treatments because he did know. 

I don’t know how we had a perfect dog on Tuesday, and here I am, lying on a bed crying my eyes out talking about his passing. I think of the seizures he faced and seeing his fight to walk and not know why he couldn’t. A shell of his former self just a few days ago, I don’t understand it and I don’t want to, I just want him back. We will get another Yorkie, but I don’t want another Yorkie, I want Jaye and his mannerisms. How he would perk up and run to the car at a full sprint when I asked, “Do you wanna go for a ride?” How we would run to April when she walked in the door. How he would spin around for treats. Sure, you can train a dog, but it won’t be Jaye. But I can’t have Jaye, and that’s not fair. As I’ve learned a million times before, life isn’t fair, and for April and I, it’s been really not fair. I know many know this feeling of loss, I’ve lost many friends this year to cancer, and those folks have people who have felt these same things. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. It won’t make Jaye come back, and he won’t run to greet me when I get back home to Atlanta, instead we’ll be greeted with memories of him everywhere, and we’ll have to deal with it once again. 

A day ago I would have told you this would be the worst Christmas ever, and the fact that I’m writing this on Christmas Eve would back that up, but my friend Patrick put together a GoFundMe that will allow us to pay back April’s parents for the vet bills we incurred treating him and having to put him down, and help us find another Yorkie that won’t and can’t replace Jaye, but can help us move towards healing and moving forward, because right now I can’t get past the fact I can’t believe he’s gone, and frankly don’t want to, although I know I need to. So thank you to Patrick and all who’ve donated, the fact that we won’t have the debt of those bills over us and won’t have to think about it every time we pay them back helps a ton. And more than the financial hand, it’s the feeling of love we have felt from our friends through it when we need it the most. I’d give anything right now to have him back, but I can’t, he’s not suffering any more, so we need to move on for him, and I’m sure at some point, we will. 

I’ve said it before, that while I don’t know I think about God right now, I sure hope there’s a heaven, a place for all my friends and family who left us too soon and need a reward, and today is no different, because they say “all dogs go to heaven,” and I sure hope that’s right, because Jaye deserves all the very best for all he gave to us everyday, nothing but unlimited love. And I guess that’s the void I feel right now. 

[jasondominy]

It’s The End of 2016, And I Feel...

Fine, surprisingly. Now, I know what you’re thinking, if you’ve followed me on Facebook, you know it’s been an awfully tough year for April and I. And it has been. I will not list every bad thing that happened, but I’ll sum it up with massive health stuff for me, April, and my immediate family. My father-in-law was just diagnosed with a form of Parkinson’s Disease, my mother-in-law has POTS, my wife has two rare and chronic diseases, I’ve had heart issues, my sister has had all kinds of issues, and flies back and forth to her doctor in NY. April and I both have battled depression. I’ve lost so many friends this year, it breaks my heart. I got a new car, within a week, someone backed into me at a stop sign, yes, backed into me. We’ve had so many setbacks, it’s just been tough. At the end of the year, my wife is trying to figure out how to work with all she has going on, her doctors have told her she shouldn't be working, and she’s just had her fourth chemo infusion of 8. She’s tired, nauseous, her stomach is giving her issues, and she hurts all over. And that sums up how this year has been.

But that doesn't change one thing, and that’s that we both have so much to be thankful for. I got a new job at Salesforce, and I know it doesn’t sound like a dream job, it is. I had wanted to work for Pardot since I left coffee, and I am finally doing it. At the time, I had another offer for a Director role with someone I think the world of, and the decision was so incredibly tough, but Salesforce felt right for me at the time in regards to how I could take care of April with benefits. I love working for Salesforce, and I’ve already gotten to do some pretty amazing things. Lately I’ve had lots of people (including other managers) come up to me or message me about how much they like my work, and that makes me feel very good. I walk around the office, and people say hello to me by name, and I feel so good about being there. Honestly, it’s one of the only good things that happened to me in 2016, and allowed me to make two trips to San Francisco, now my favorite city not Atlanta. I also got to see my all-time favorite band play 10 feet away from me at a FREE concert my company put on. Incredible.

Second, I got the car of my dreams. Sure, it’s just a car, but to me, it’s the culmination of a little boy’s dreams, drawings, and matchbox car collection. From the time I was small, I learned to draw the Porsche crest, with the horse in the middle, I learned how to properly say “Stuttgart,” and it was one of the only things that my Dad and I had in common. My Dad served in the Army, and was stationed in Germany, and came back with a love for the car, although he certainly never owned one or got to drive one. I had the posters all over my walls, from the white 911 Slantnose to the silver 959. I never thought I’d ever own one, but when it was time to replace my MINI after 200k miles and 12+ years, I went looking under $25k for something fun that April and I would get a lot of enjoyment out of and that was dependable, and I was surprised at how many Boxsters there were in that price range. 

So, that’s what I got. A 2010 Boxster, not the turbo S, but the base model, and I’m absolutely enamored with this car. Sure, I miss my MINI, Wallace, but this car is something special, and there have been several times I glanced at the Porsche crest on the steering wheel and cried. I’ve come so far, and I wish I could take my Dad out in it. This Thanksgiving, I took my Mom out in it, and she and put our hands in the air as if on a roller coaster, and with the smile on my Mom’s face, it was a moment I will never forget. 

Third, we firmed up our friendship base. Our friend list around Atlanta has dwindled to a more manageable number, and we count less than two handfuls as close friends, but those people have been rocks to us. We’ve definitely focused on quality over quantity, and it’s been hard and good at the same time. There have definitely been times that I’ve felt so incredibly lonely. But the friends we’ve had that have dug in with us have been amazing, and we are so thankful for them. 

Fourth, I’ve become a lot more aware of social issues, and as such, desired to dig deeper into working on helping as I can. April and I have had the opportunity to add many other things to our volunteering efforts outside of Blood:Water Mission and The Giving Kitchen. This has renewed our love for all people, and given us even more purpose in the midst of our own struggles. Also, The Table. While it’s on hiatus at the moment, starting and doing these dinners has been so incredibly important to us. It’s allowed us to create a safe and open place for incredible and special conversations around religion, race, and sexual orientation and gender identity. The conversations I’ve been a part of because of this dinner have changed my life, challenged me and my thoughts, and caused me to love better. 

Fifth, we moved. After six and a half years, we moved to Brookhaven, and couldn’t be happier. We love the location, our place already feels cozy and comfortable, and although it’s a little small for us and all our things, right now it works well for us. We’ve already had quite a few of the events we do, and it’s been fine, although again, smaller than we’re used to and sometimes need. We’ve had to scale back and some of the things we do, but most everything else is awesome. We love the pool, our neighbors are super-nice, and our walking trail/creek area behind our place is a very good place to unwind. 

Sixth, we adopted Jaye the Yorkie. I can’t put into words how much this dog has meant to April and I, and how much it’s changed April’s life. While a registered service dog, he is in every way to April. They are inseparable, and he has been incredible in helping her deal with so many health problems this year. He is absolutely perfect for us, and both our parents LOVE him. He’s the kid we finally got, and I love that dog to death. As I write this he’s lying right next to my hip. 

Lastly, I’ve been reminded over and over that no matter what happens one thing that never changes is April and I having each other to walk alongside each other through all of these things. There have been many days when the Derek Webb song “I Hate Everything But You” was the song of the day for both of us. That girl is my hero, my rock, and seeing her smile through chemo after chemo, surgery after surgery, just after she’s been balled up on the bed crying her eyes out because of the pain, she shows me what real hope and love looks like everyday. Just having her and celebrating our 14th year of marriage made 2016 worth living. 

I am optimistic for 2017. I have big goals and big dreams, and I won’t stop until I see them come true. I hope you and yours have the very best Christmas, and the very best New Year. Thank you for reading this, and for your support. I really appreciate it. 

[jasondominy]

I tried a clothing subscription box. How was it?

Recently, I came across an ad on my Facebook timeline that read “$210 worth of clothes for $60,” it was an introductory offer from Five Four Club, a new men’s clothing subscription box. 13 of my friends “liked” the page, so I thought I would check it out, and I thought $60 didn’t seem like much of an investment if I decided I didn’t like it. I did their style survey, which seemed like it met me to a ‘t”, hoodie and jeans, tennis shoes, what I once considered just a “classic look”, now I understand it’s the “early 40′s look.” 

($300 value of clothes (minus one pair of sunglasses I already gave away.)

I eagerly awaited the first box, and when it came, I opened it up. One navy blue sweater, a pair of sunglasses, and a pair of black jeans. “That’s supposed to be $210 worth,” I asked myself? I thought I’d give them an email asking them about it, and thankfully they utilize a great chat function from their page. Without long, I was told that I’d not gotten the full box, but they’d send the remainder of what I was supposed to get in my next box if I stayed a subscriber.

So, I waited for the second box. That box came in today, and I thought I’d share what I got. In this box, which was to have a value of $190, what I was due in the other box and the new box, was a navy hoodie, two plaid shirts, another pair of sunglasses, and a 5 pack pair of socks. Sure didn’t seem like $190, but here is where the challenges lie with this box, and many like it. I looked online, and the black jeans I got, the ones I’ll donate to Goodwill because they’re not my style? They have a “regular price” value of $78, although you can buy them for $30 from their website, which seems to be far closer to the actual value of the jeans. That five pack of socks? Shows a “regular price” of $60 for five pairs, they’re giving them away for free with orders of more than $75. That navy blue sweater shows a “regular price” of $60, and a members price of $20, which again, seems more in line with the product’s value. I mostly get my clothes from Gap or Old Navy, and these clothes are very similar in quality to those clothes. 

In that vein, although they are using their “regular prices” to create the value of the item, the actual price shows that they’re making pretty good margins off each box, and you’re getting base clothes and accessories for about $20 a piece, although I should mention the box price of $60/month also includes the shipping. I found that for my style and taste, this box (although I’d set it up to match my style) only sent me a few things I’d wear, and several things I didn’t need or wouldn’t wear. There are others who this might be great for, those less picky, and those who just where whatever, but it didn’t work for me. And I also didn’t care that when I chatted with them tonight, and asked their support gal why they sent me two pair of sunglasses back to back in Winter. was told, “It can be sunny and bright all year long” and “Snow is quite reflective.” 

So, it wasn’t for me, maybe it’s for you, but I thought I’d show you what it looks like. Cheers!

[jasondominy]

It’s Complicated.

I have a friend who is serving our military, just sent over to Afghanistan, where he’s fighting for the safety and rights and freedoms of folks there and here in America, and I appreciate his service and support for our country. He was a staunch supporter for Donald Trump, who himself hates Muslims and doesn’t want them here in our country. Donald Trump also wants to reverse the rights and ability for those in the LGBT community to marry, as heterosexuals have had. Someone fighting for your rights, voted for someone who wants to take someone else’s rights away. Also, he’s fighting to protect the lives of Muslims in the Middle East, while voting for Donald Trump, who wants to keep Muslims out of America. 

One of my best friends from the Christian college I attended, voted for Donald Trump because of his stance on abortion, and the general stance of the Republican Party (of whom Trump is very little like), although I know my friend to be a very loving husband and father, he’s always been a faithful friend to me, a man of utter integrity and honesty, and here he is, voting for a man of very little integrity, someone who has spoken and acted out in so many ways that are contrary to his Christian beliefs, and yet here we are, Donald Trump was elected our new President by the Electoral College. This election has been incredibly complicated. 

I don’t understand how it happened, but I do, this idea of electing a reality star with no political experience, someone with no real leadership abilities, and someone with such a horrible track record in business. Why? Because people were sick and tired of the status quo, tired of the same old politics, wanting the real “change” in their eyes that Obama promised, and many, not all, wanting someone who would fight for their rights to keep America the way it was 50-75 years ago. I don’t agree, but can understand how they’d be disenfranchised, fed up with a broken government, and a healthcare overhaul that has been good for many, especially with pre-existing conditions, and horrible for other friends of mine who have seen massive price increases since it went into effect. Many who voted for him looked past all of the negative things for the hope of something positive, more positive than it’s been over the last 12 years. 

This is a very complicated election, and it has been very hard to separate things that are so closely connected, because folks felt like their choices were limited. And I do get that, I felt that way myself. The reality is, that here we are. Now, where is that? Well, we’re here, in a nation that has given us so many freedoms and rights, so many things to be thankful for, and that can’t and won’t change. We may have to work harder against some things and people who wish to take America back 50 years, but as Americans we’re fighters. What cannot happen is that we cannot make human rights and equality political issues, because they’re not, they are human issues. Human rights don’t care if you’re a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, or Green Party, they care that you as a human have the same freedoms and access to happiness in this life as everyone else. That women should not only have the right to vote, but get paid the same as their male counterparts doing the same work. That people of color aren’t treated differently in restaurants, boardrooms, or convenience stores, and shouldn’t have to worry about being shot in traffic stops. That my friends in the LGBTQ world have the same rights for healthcare, filing taxes with their spouses that those of us heterosexuals have. 

We will move on, and no, it probably won’t be as bad as you thought it would be. It probably won’t be as good as you thought it will be. It will probably end up somewhere in the middle, where Obama ended up. Whatever happens in Washington only affects your happiness if you let it, and I refuse to give them that power, even more power than they already have. I will seek out ways to help my Muslim, black, disabled, and LGBTQ friends more. I will continue to lift up and support women getting the respect and dignity they deserve. I will not change my stance on how I feel about our President, but I will make sure that how I handle it is filled with grace, love, patience, support for others, and a deep understanding for this complex world we’re living in. I’m going to try to harness that passionate anger I have right now into something positive and tangible. Well, at least I’m gonna try my hardest. It’s complicated. 

[jasondominy]

because it is.

Today, I finished up the last remaining details I needed to be ready for Dreamforce next week in San Francisco. There was a heap of work to prepare for me being gone all week, for promoting out the event on lots of channels, with lots of focuses, with lots of messaging. I tried to get as much done as I could in advance in preparation for the big event, knowing I'm going to be running non-stop trying to cover the event as best I can over an area that spans blocks and blocks and sees more than 170k people. I got behind with the flu last week, and April's hospital stay, but I busted my tail this week and got it all caught up and done. I know it sounds narcissistic, but I'm actually proud of myself. I'm proud of how far I've come this year, I'm proud of what I've learned, and what I still don't know but am learning everyday. It's been one Hell of a year, and I mean that literally. Why so you ask?

Well, I started a new job at an amazing company at the beginning of the year, and just as I was starting was whisked away to San Francisco for a week where I was able to see just how big Salesforce is, and what kind of company it really is, which made me very happy. And while I had a lot to learn (still do), I've had a great team to do it with, and great leaders to learn from and help sharpen me. And I've needed it. My A.D.D. has been harder to deal with this year for some reason, meaning I've been great (I think) at being creative and coming up with good ideas, but not always amazing at executing the fine details. So, I've had to learn better ways to work on that this year. I continue to, and while it's frustrating, I think it will make me better. I've had a lot to learn in a short amount of time, and I think I've done the best I could. 

Just after getting back and getting settled in, April had another kidney surgery, and shortly after that, was put on chemo treatments. The first one was bad, the second was much worse. It was incredibly painful to come home to your wife doubled over crying, vomiting, and depressed. The fact that she'd been laid off from her job of 5 years, and not able to find another teaching gig made it even worse, and it made it very hard for April overall, and that's in addition to the challenges of her rare kidney disease, autoimmune disease, and chronic pain. It was (and has been) very tough, both for her, and for a husband who couldn't fix it. 

We were in a car accident that left us both in a great deal of pain, pain I still face everyday in my neck and shoulder, and am about ready to see another doctor about. We went to many chiropractors, doctors, and physical therapists, and while April saw some relief, my damage was much worse, and again, I'm still having issues with it everyday. We then decided to move, to be closer to both Emory (where April's doctors and chemo treatments are), other hospitals, and our jobs after living in Smyrna the past 6.5 years. Let's just say it wasn't a smooth transition, and was actually a pain in the butt in a lot of ways. We're settled in here, and it feels like home, but it hasn't been easy. 

I mentioned we both got the flu last week, and April had Strep and Sepsis tacked onto it, and spent 3 days in the hospital. And there was one more thing. A month ago, one of our dear friends told us of a neighbor who was hosting a young gal who had just had a baby, and wanted to give the baby up for adoption. The birthmother wanted nothing to do with the infant, and did nothing to connect with her whatsoever. Our friend told her neighbor about us, and a plan was made for the neighbors to take custody of the child, and in a short time, give us custody of the baby through a private adoption. We were told there was a short waiting period of when the mother had given up parental rights, and then a waiting period after that because the mother tested positive for drugs. 

At the beginning of the final week, with a weekend looming over us that we'd be going to pick her up, a girl we'd named Grace Madison Dominy, we went to work getting ready. Prepping for an adoption is a very hard thing, in many ways. One, there is always a chance it could fall through, so you don't know what to prepare and when, but you still need to be preparing, and you can't really tell anyone, because it could fall through, but you still need to tell a few folks to ask for advice and help, and it's really hard. So, we made plans, and starting figuring out how we were going to make it happen. We started checking on my work benefits, and calling local daycare providers, and looking for baby doctors, and figuring out what we were going to do to turn our guest room into a nursery, and tried to figure out how and when we'd tell everyone, knowing so many of our friends have wanted this for us forever. 

And then Tuesday of that week, last Tuesday, we got a call that the birthmother had taken the child and ran off. The birthfather tried to lure her back with money, which she probably wanted for drugs, and then we'd heard the birthfather had robbed our friends neighbor (who had custody of the little girl), and that he wasn't helping. And then the neighbor had a heart attack and was put in the hospital. And it all fell through. And last Saturday came and went, and we wept a bit, and we laid low around the house, and I guess we've mostly did that since then. It was to be everything we'd wished for for so long, especially April, and it was so close to us, with 3 days to go, was taken away. I've been in a fog since then, it certainly didn't help that we also had the flu and were in the hospital, and I was working hard to stay current with my work (which I did, but couldn't really get ahead.) 

April had jumped into full-on "mother" mode, she told me what kind of formula infants ate, and for how long, and what kinds of things to look for, and things I didn't even know she knew. She allowed herself to get invested fully, something that after two previous failed private adoptions (where the mother changed her mind), and a failed foster-to-adopt (where the court put her back in the home of her birthfather because he met the minimum requirements to get her back), she'd avoided for so long. And me, coming home again knowing I couldn't fix it, and knowing I, too, was disappointed, it's been tough. And did I mention I've been working to prepare for this large conference, and learning so much still, and trying to overcome my A.D.D., and trying to take care of April through all of her stuff the best way I can, to treat her as well as she treats me and everyone around her despite all the things I wrote above. 

So, I am proud of where I'm at. Because I've not given up, and have no plans to. These things have made us stronger, and we have Jaye, and he's awesome, and our friends and family, and I've got a great job, and April does, and sometimes that just has to be enough. Because it is.

[jasondominy]

Pregnancies, Macklemore, and Being Topless.

She reads the pregnancy test, the strip lights up with “Pregnant.” To be sure, she takes another kit out of the box, and checks again later in the day. “Pregnant,” it reads. But deep down, she already knew, because no one knows a woman’s body better than herself, and she knew something was happening. Happy and nervous, she tells her husband, who yells in excitement, for this is what they were hoping for, what they’d been waiting for. “What’s the game plan?” he asks his wife. She replies, “We’ll wait a few weeks to make sure, to make sure things are going as planned, and then we’ll tell everyone.” The husband agrees to the plan, and so for the next few weeks, until after their next check-up, mums the word on the news.

A few weeks is a long time when you have something that important, that weighty, that incredible to share. Every friend you hang out with, grab coffee with, and dinner with, you’re on the edge of telling them, when you remember the plan. You work your hardest to make sure you don’t let it out, sticking to the plan, and knowing that you just wish you could tell the world, but you can’t. Because, what if the baby isn’t healthy? What if there is another issue? What if the test was wrong? The “what ifs” cloud your mind, and so you wait, with this news hanging just above your head, and at the tip of your lips. You just want to be open and get it out.

There is a special time around our house that takes place when I’m home alone, and it’s hot outside. That’s when I get to take my shirt off and walk around shirtless and free. Yes, I’m a guy, and no, I don’t have crazy extra arms or anything weird, it’s just, it’s just that I have incredibly low self-image feelings from being slightly overweight (or at least that’s what the BMI Chart tells me.) I have what they’re calling a “dad bod” these days, and yet I’m not a Dad. Hey, I like food, I love barbecue and craft beer. If I didn’t love food so much, eh, who am I kidding, I’m normal, most of my friends love food. I so much identify with the new Macklemore song “Let’s Eat” when he raps-                                                               “But looking down at my stomach

I'mma go to the beach, but I'm not taking my shirt off in public

My girl shaped like a bottle of Coke

Me? I'm shaped like a bottle of nope.”

But when I’m at home alone, and I walk around with my shirt off and I don’t feel judged, or self-conscious, I feel free. I mean, it feels amazing. Because I just want to be me, and not be judged.

I have a friend, heck, I have a handful of friends, who are gay, but still in the closet about it, because they haven’t felt like they could share it yet. They live every day with that important and personal news hanging just above their heads, just at the tip of their tongues, but they stick to the plan, the one to put it off until they can no longer do so. Their days are filled with guilt, shame, and disappointment that they’re not what others what them to be, their families, their friends. Some of them are Christians, and come from very strong Christian homes, and worry what their families would say. Some worry about how it would impact their jobs, their careers, and their professions. One friend’s parents are music leaders at their evangelical Christian church in a small town, and the news would send shockwaves through their church and community. 

But all of these folks have one thing in common: They just want to be themselves, to be open and honest with those around them without judgment or shame. But sadly, that’s precisely what would happen if they came out. That feeling of freedom I have when walking around the house shirtless? The same. Being able to share with others who you really are, and what you’re really dealing with? The same freedom. Not having to hold your tongue and keeping those thoughts and feelings above your head, but being able to put them out into the world? The same. I recently had a friend open up about his life as a Christian gay man, and how he’s spent his whole life trying to “pray the gay away,” and how he’s tried everything he could do to fight it before giving in to the fact that it’s just who he is. He now walks in the freedom of just being, and he’s preparing to tell the world, and I celebrate this with him.

Every day, our LGBT friends desire and seek out the freedom to just be, to just be themselves, to bask in the power and freedom of just being who they are and were born to be without fear of shame or condemnation from those who don’t understand them. I know, because I was once a condemner, and I know those actions from those who don’t understand hurt and destroy. The rate of suicide attempts is 4 times greater for LGBT youth, and 2 times greater for questioning youth than those of straight youth. Think about that. For my Conservative Christian friends who say they are “pro-life,” how can you think this is ok? How can you not value ALL life, and understand this is a serious problem? Because of religion, we’ve created caste societies that exist to this day, whereby people battle depression, shame, self-mutilation, and suicide, and yet you say it’s a choice? For most that are still in the closet, this is pain and punishment, this isn’t the life they’d have chosen, and yet there they are.

So, my challenge to you is this: How can you help someone just be? How can you help someone bask in the freedom that comes when condemnation is replaced by love? How can you give someone the freedom to be open and honest without shame or hatred? How can you help someone else be able to share their whole lives with all, important news that they’ve fought so hard to keep private because they had to, because of the plan? To my Conservative Christian friends, think of the freedom you feel as a Christian, because “Jesus died on a cross for your sins.” Now think about giving that freedom to someone else instead of shame, even if you don’t agree with him or her. You are not called to change someone else; you are called to love someone else. Love truly wins. (Also, we are not pregnant. Many of you know of my wife’s health issues battling endometriosis (which led to a full hysterectomy), renal tubular acidosis and Sjogren’s Syndrome. The story was fictitious.)

[jasondominy]

Five Questions with Judith Winfrey of PeachDish

It’s time for another Five Questions, and this week I’m highlighting local entrepreneur and farmer Judith Winfrey, of PeachDish and Love is Love Farm. I recently had a great conversation with her about sustainable poultry, and how we can support local farmers even better, and balance it with all the other things that affect it. I was blown away by her great attitude and honest answers to something very important to her. If you don’t know, PeachDish is a meal subscription service that not only utilizes lots of local produce and fruits, but also connects with great local chefs to help put together meals. Some of my favorite chefs have been a part, and continue to help make PeachDish different (and in my opinion, better) than it’s competitors. Enjoy her five questions, and try the service for yourself!

1)  What do you see as the biggest challenge farmers face today?

Farmers face so many challenges.  Some are "part of the gig" like weather, pests and disease.  Some are emerging challenges like the trademarking of seeds and global warming.  Some are unique to small farmers, and some, like fluctuating commodity markets are unique to larger farmers.  I think the one challenge that all farmers face is sustained financial solvency and prosperity.  It's crazy to me.  Farmers work incredibly hard not just to provide us with a product that is literally vital to our bodies, but many are also stewarding the earth and conserving critical natural resources, yet people want cheap food.  We should have cheap health care.  We should have cheap utilities.  Farmers deserve financial security.

2) What album can you not stop listening to right now?

I'm in love with Gregory Porter's voice.  I can't stop listening to his album Liquid Spirit.  He just played the Atlanta Jazz Festival the past Memorial Day.  It was so moving.  I had tears streaming down my face the whole show.

3) What's your favorite go-to meal at home these days?

Well...PeachDish provides my go to meals every week (obvs).  But in the summer, tomato sandwiches on La Calavera carrot spelt bread with Duke's Mayonnaise and a dash of Magic Unicorn salt is a regular meal.

4) What's your favorite ATL festival?

Probably the Atlanta Jazz Festival.  I love that it's free.  It's in the park.  The music is on point and the city comes together to enjoy.  I've seen so many amazing acts through the years ...Herbie Hancock, Horace Silver, Max Roach, Pharaoh Sanders, Liz Wright...

5) Favorite vegetable, and how do you prefer it? 

This is a tough one.  Technically speaking a lot of the summer "vegetables" are fruits (tomatoes, eggplant, cucumbers, peppers, okra).  I do really love okra.  Since we're talking vegetables, I'll have to go with mustard greens.  I love all greens, but most especially mustard greens.  I love their funky spiciness.  I relish them anywhere from raw to cooked-to-death southern style.

Follow Judith on Twitter at https://twitter.com/PeachDishATL, and connect with PeachDish on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/PeachDish

Check out all the other Five Questions blogposts!

Chef David Sweeney

Allison Young Wilcosky

Jael Rattigan of French Broad Chocolate Lounge

Melanie Crissey

Chef Steven Satterfield of Miller Union

Kimmy Coburn of The Homestead Atlanta

Kyle Tibbs Jones of The Bitter Southerner

Chuck Bryant of “Stuff You Should Know”

Sarah Buchanan of Kula Project

Chef Chris Hall of Local Three

Aaron Chewning

Tim Gaddis, of Many Fold Farm

Justin Fox, of Fox Brothers BBQ

Dan Haseltine, of Jars of Clay and Blood:Water Mission

Chef Asha Gomez of Spice to Table

Jen Hidinger of STAPLEHOUSE and The Giving Kitchen

Chef Hugh Acheson, of Empire State South

James Martin, of lots of things

Julian Goglia, of The Pinewood

Erin Zwigart, of Georgia Crafted

Chef Homaro Cantu of MOTO in Chicago

Laura Scholz

Kyle Brooks, aka BlackCatTips

Emily Myers of Emily G’s Jams

Jeni Britton Bauer of Jeni’s Ice Creams

Jonathan Baker of Monday Night Brewing

[jasondominy]

Here’s the key to win my business.

Last week, a warning light came up on my Boxster, “Check Right Dipped Beam.” A quick Google search told me it was either a loose connection, or a headlight out. I attempted to check the light myself, but quickly realized the Boxster wasn’t a MINI, and the headlight assembly is hidden behind some panels. I thought, “Yeah, I should call a shop about this.”I did a quick search, and located a very well recommended shop not far away in Marietta, Rocco’s European Garage, and called and made an appointment for my lunch break on Friday.

The gentleman greeted me, grabbed my key and said it wouldn’t be too long. April and I sat, made ourselves comfortable. We started talking, and before we knew it, he signaled to me he was finished, less than 15 minutes later. He said, “Yep, we got you taken care of!” I said, what’s the balance, and he responded, “Nothing, these halogen bulbs don’t cost us much, happy to help. Let us know when you need anything else.” And with that, he earned my business. I don’t think you need to offer free things to earn business, I think you need to show that you value someone’s business, and with that small gesture, he showed me just that. He probably thought, “this bulb is $15. Future repairs could be in the hundreds and over time, thousands.” That $15 was an investment, and it will pay off for Rocco’s. 

Another great example of how a business earns my business is my local Discount Tire, here in Smyrna. My rep Chris always takes great care of me, they repair any holes or screws in my tires at no charge, they rotate my tires, and they always do it with a smile, not begrudgingly. I’ve bought three sets of tires, and two sets of wheels from Chris, because he earned my business, and I won’t buy from anyone else. Because I feel like my business is valued, and I feel like they care as a company. It’s really that simple, companies, it is. 

[jasondominy]

I Failed. Sort of.

Dejected. Disappointed. Discouraged. Sick to my stomach. That’s how I felt walking away from taking my Pardot Specialist Certification exam. I’d just taken the exam, and after putting my best foot forward, staring at the screen as it said, “FAIL.” No, surely I read it wrong, I looked again. Nope, it was clear as day. I’d failed my exam. Not only had I attended the product classes last week, but I’d studied at home almost every day, completing modules, watching videos, and reading overviews. I spent all night Saturday, and almost all day Sunday studying. I downloaded tip sheets, took example tests, and just before taking the test I took another 124 question test about the material. Scored a perfect 100. Not only did I feel ready, but I was excited to take it.

But I failed. As I drove home, alone with my thoughts, I just couldn’t believe it, I mean, I’d put so much into those 60 questions. But I was blindsided by a lot of questions that were either too tricky for me with my limited knowledge, or things I didn’t know or hadn’t covered. Some things I just honestly had no clue about. Despite all the ones I knew I didn’t know, or wasn’t sure about, I thought for sure I’d at least met the minimum to pass. But I didn’t. I failed. I let myself down. But what didn’t happen? Well, I didn’t waste $200 for the exam. I didn’t waste my time prepping for it, studying night after night. Why? Because I learned so much. I now have a much better grasp on how the marketing automation platform works, and know much better about how to write about it. Does it help with the heaviness in my chest? No, it doesn’t.

I believe unless you’ve felt that feeling in your chest from failure, you can’t truly feel the exuberance of joy from succeeding. I believe that you never fail if you try, and only really fail when you don’t try. I believe that the learning is in the process, not the end result. And I believe that my failures make me human and remind me to stay humble. I plan to take the exam again, when I save the money to do it, but until then I’ll take the things I’ve learned, and I’ll use to help me write better content about Pardot.

[jasondominy]

Introducing “The Table.”

Recently, while watching an episode of “Undercover Boss” that featured Hamburger Mary’s (a burger chain owned by two gay twins), I heard a server explain that he’d been kicked out his home because he came out. It immediately made me think about the fact that so many people feel the way they do about homosexuals because they don’t understand them. I don’t understand drag queens, I don’t understand many of the things related to the things people in the LGBT community face, but that doesn’t mean it’s scary or that it’s wrong, it just means I don’t understand it. Last week this quote came to me as a response to this whole transgender bathroom issue: “You don't have to understand, to love. Love first, work to understand.” 

That leads us to “The Table.” In many ways, I feel like so much of what I’ve done has led up to and set the foundation for this, from the Community+Dinners, to beer shares, to #2Dto3D lunches and coffee. Conversations around race, sexual orientation and religion on social media hardly ever change anyone’s mind, and only rarely gets us thinking we might be wrong about our stance. Once a month, I’m going to invite people from different religions, different races and sexual orientations for dinner, to share a meal around the same table. It will be a night filled with conversations, understanding, and growth. I’ll prepare some questions we can share our thoughts on from our unique perspectives. My thoughts and concerns for those in the homosexual community happened when I found out I had a family member who was gay, and saw the pain and suffering he dealt with because of it. When I started trying to understand, using empathy, it broke my heart, and I committed to doing everything I could to become an advocate for my brothers and sisters in the LGBT community. I want to stand for ALL human rights, not just the rights for some. And we have to understand how racism still sets us back, and makes people like Donald Trump so popular. 

So, I invite you to “The Table.” If you’d like to attend a future event, shoot me an email to [email protected]. The Facebook event page is here- https://www.facebook.com/events/1636409263352274/. Let’s gather around The Table and understand each other better one conversation at a time. 

[jasondominy]

A Simple Truth You Need To Know

I’ve had this blogpost rolling around in my head for a while, with limited time to spew it out digitally, but I have the time, and I know it’s needed so, here we go. Here is something that, until you come to terms with, and become ok with, will cause you tons of anguish, frustration and disappointment. It seems like such a simple thing, but if it were, we’d not have near the problems we do with relating, communicating, and connecting deeper with people we’re meant to, people we’re meant to go deeper with, to take deeper roots with. And here it is: You don’t have to be friends with everyone, and you won’t. And you have to be okay with that. 

What do I mean? Well, it’s simple, I think we spend far too much time trying to please people and build friendships with people we’re just not meant to. I can think of quite a few folks I’ve worked to become friends with in the past few years that I was really only made to be acquaintances with. We had things in common, sure, but they weren’t and didn’t want to rooted into my life. Why? Well, it could be any number of reasons. They could disagree with me on something important to them. Maybe they didn’t like how I did something they thought I should have done differently. Maybe we just didn’t have enough in common for them. Whatever the reason, if we were really meant to be “friends”, we would be. Why? 

Because they’d accept me for how I am, the good and the bad. They wouldn’t judge me, or try and make me into something else. They’d tell me if I hurt their feelings, they’d lovingly tell me if I was out of line, and they’d speak positivity in my life, not negativity. They wouldn't speak about these things to other people behind my back, they’d bring those things to me. It doesn’t mean we don’t help each other grow. It doesn’t mean we don’t privately call each other out when we need it. If we were friends, that’s exactly what would and should happen. When that doesn’t happen, it’s a good sign. It’s a sign that perhaps that’s not the depth of relationship you should invest in. And I don’t mean in one situation, I mean a pattern of how the relationship works or looks like daily, weekly, monthly. 

And you know what, that’s totally fine. Because let me assure you, the people of your tribe ARE out there. There are people that will get you, people that will genuinely care, and people that want and need to be rooted into your life. One thing that I’ve noticed in the past few years, that when I’ve lost relationships, or what I thought were friendships just flattened out and we just went out ways, those holes in my life have always been filled by people who DO want to rooted into my life. Folks that have and do support April and I, who don’t judge us, who go to bat for us and for people that take us as we are, as we take them as they are. 

Because that’s what it’s all about. It’s about people coming together in their incompleteness, their insecurities, their inadequacies, their failures and their brokenness. It’s about having people that you know are rooting you on, people who have your back, and people who you can count on. It’s about having people that just “get” you, and people who you just get. And that won’t be everyone. And that’s ok. It has to be ok. And you have to be ok with that. Again, don’t worry, because your tribe and who those people are, will show up in your life, sometimes when you least expect it. 

Tonight I spent it with a dear couple that have become close friends of ours, and the beauty of our relationship is that there have been times when we’ve vehemently disagreed on things, times when we couldn’t relate, and times when we weren’t together that often, but I never forgot (and they made sure I knew) that they were still there for us and we were still close friends. Some of my favorite friends are ones that I’ve strongly disagreed with on all kinds of issues, and yet it didn’t affect or change our friendship. It also didn’t change my respect or love for them (as long as they didn’t show disrespect to me.) If anything, it made me love them more and harder. That’s true friendship, and not something acquaintances will or can offer. 

Hope this challenges you as it’s challenged me. Protect your time and heart. Grow deeper with those you’re meant to. Find your tribe. Love harder. Forgive faster.