Javier Diaz

indie OC rp account, etc

[xthepaniccord]

second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

Keaton playfully nudged Javier, “I like your personality. I know you think I’m just making this up, but I can already tell that you’re better than most people I know, and that counts for something.” he was happy to hold his hand as they strolled to the balcony, feeling proud to have Javier by his side and also rather smug about it while he turned his nose up to onlookers. 

Once they were in the balcony, Keaton couldn’t be paid to be away from Javier. He felt himself jump at any chance that he got to be near him or next to him at any capacity. His hands working their ways over various parts of Javier. Holding the back of his neck as the countdown started, and happily holding him closed as they kissed. 

Maybe Javier was really just as good as he seemed. Maybe Keaton could get back to his old groove and believe that what he saw was really what he was in for. And if that was the case, he would be more than happy to embrace Mr. Diaz in all his glory. 

“I love kissing you.” he confessed as he lingered over his lips, “I’m so happy you found me, I want this to work out so badly.”

Keaton’s words electrified Javier.  How did the man manage to saw such beautiful things one minute, and such callous things the next?  He was like a cactus; but either Javier was getting thicker skin, or Keaton’s prickles seemed to be softening into a sweet, fine down.  “I owe my friend a drink.  More than a drink, because she’s the one who found you for me...and I’m glad she did,”  Javier murmured nuzzling along Keaton’s jawline.  

“Let’s go up to my room,” he said suddenly.  “Not to fuck, not unless it’s what we both decide we want, together.  Anything’s possible tonight, hm?  It feels like...like a very magical night.”  And quite frankly, Javier didn’t want to let Keaton go just yet, but neither did he want to sit in some public space with Keaton.  He wanted the man all for himself, like a continuation of the date they didn’t have.  

But he didn’t want Keaton to be confused or upset.  Javier felt he knew Keaton well enough by now to believe that the doctor only understood ‘going up to the room’ to equal ‘fucking’.  It was either fucking or rejection; and there seemed to be no inbetween for such an all-or-nothing man like Keaton O’Leary.  

But Javier tried to convince him of fun alternatives.  “We can get something to eat and talk and get to know each other...fall asleep together...”  Javier made a slightly wincing face, half-smiling.  “Is that too cheesy?  I’m so old-fashioned, I know.”

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second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

Javie was right, given the opportunity, Keaton would kindly claim the insult before it could claim him. Sure he thought he was immature, he had been called so before and sometimes you just had to recognize your flaws. It made him better prepared for when the insults did eventually come for him. 

“it will be perfect. I’ve seen your dick, and your ass, and I’ve kissed your mouth. There’s not much room for error there.” Keaton would gladly put that t the test now, but if the more mature and grown man wanted to wait, then Keaton would bite his tongue and wait it out until he was told not to…if he could. 

“No, I don’t want to start over. I like what I got to know about you. I like that you gave me a second chance, i want to keep that.” he stood up and grabbed Javier’s hand, “does that mean I get to be your new year’s kiss? Because I’m very happy to do that.” 

Javier’s laugh was loud as Keaton blatantly took inventory of him.  “Well there is that one minor matter of personality,”  Javier teased Keaton.  “Dick, ass, and mouth notwithstanding.”  But Javier had shifted and wove Keaton’s fingers with him, guiding him out to the elevators.  A few years ago he might have been a little repulsed by Keaton’s show of shallowness - but now Javier felt that really was all it was: a show.

And underneath that relentless display of superficiality, lay an actual complex person.  Keaton might not believe it was worth others seeing, but Javier was curious.  He knew he’d have to tread very lightly though.  Keaton tried to play himself off as low-key and easy-going, but Javi was learning that was very much not the case.

“I - well, alright,”  Javier said warmly, touched by Keaton’s choice to stick with what they had so far.  Don’t forget the past, but incorporate it into the now.  Javier liked that idea the more he thought about it.  “I think I should start this year on a high, hm?”

Out on the balcony, they did the countdown - there were much less people here, everyone minding their own business.  And Javier minded only Keaton.  He counted down with the rest of the people, then kissed Keaton before they even reached one.

[xthepaniccord]

second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

“you’re right, I’m sorry. My therapist says I do that, I’m so unpleasant, you must think I’m so immature.” he huffed but he couldn’t move or look away, Javier was completely hypnotizing as he continued to move closer–surely aware of the effect that he had on Keaton. 

He couldn’t believe that this man was real. It was a battle for the ages in his mind, was this man a complete an utter set up? Or was he the perfect guy that he had had to kiss a few frogs for? “I’ve never met a guy who wanted to wait for the right moment.” and then the kiss. 

there were women carrying bottles with sparklers attached to them, but none could feel as fiery as the sensation on his lips. And Keaton knew that he was done for. That Javier could ask for the world, and Keaton would gladly give it to him. If Keaton had to suck up his pity part for just one more kiss, then he would soon become a mute. 

“I can’t find anything wrong with you yet, it doesn’t make sense. How do I get you? How did nobody marry you off and kept you locked away forever?” he reached out to hold the back of Javier’s neck, “you don’t have to sleep with me if you don’t want to, I just want to be close to you.” 

“I think a lot of things about you- I have ever since our, er, date.  Immature wasn’t one of them.  Do you think you’re immature?”  Javier asked, but then waved his hand.  “No, don’t answer that if you don’t want to.  I don’t need to know.”  Likely because Javier was starting to suspect he could bring up any negative behavior, and Keaton would likely lay claim to it, eager to put himself down.  

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, but there’s no rush either, hey?”  Javier didn’t want to be unrealistic, build up ‘the moment’ into something too elevated and unreachable for either of them.  But he also didn’t want to fuck for all the wrong reasons; and he was beginning to believe that sex with Keaton needed to be handled carefully, in case Keaton came out of it feeling more self-recriminating than before.

He was pleased that Keaton was responsive though.  “You’re so funny,” he laughed, holding onto Keaton’s wrist, excited by the skin-to-skin contact.  “Like I said, let’s start over.   My name’s Javier...” he took Keaton’s hand and shook it.  

“Would you like to do the countdown with me?  Somewhere less...loud?”  He stood up, pulling Keaton with him.  “There’s a nice balcony a few floors up for the even more exclusive VIPs.  It’s much quieter and more intimate.”

[xthepaniccord]

second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

“I hope you do. I hope I do too. It’s scary to think how many people grow old and alone. I know that you don’t have to marry someone to have someone, but what’s the fun of spending your life next to your partner if they’re not willing to just commit to you legally? What is that going to change? But whatever, let’s not talk about that, it’ll make me sad.” 

He set down his empty glass before resting his hand on his hand as he intently listened to every word that came out of Javier’s mouth. He was clearly so intelligent, so in tune with his friends and so nostalgic about their lives. He couldn’t possibly imagine that this man had a bad bone in his whole body. Javier wasn’t like the other guys, he was willing to bed on it. 

“I don’t think we’re a match.” he said a bit shyly, “not you of course, you did nothing wrong. But I’m not compatible with people. And I’m not making up honestly, I never had friends growing up, and well now I don’t really either. They’re friends of my brother, not really my friends. and as you know, I’m not very good at dates either.” he shrugged, “I’ll try to sleep with you, and you’ll be upset and then I will think you don’t want me. and then you’ll say I’m crazy for thinking that, and then you meet a hot new guy and then run off with him.” 

He waved his hands around the air as though illustrating and endless story. “I’m a terrible ex, I’ll warn you.” though he shouldn’t, and sober Keaton probably wouldn’t. “I get terribly heart broken and needy and upset and it’s a nightmare. Save yourself the trouble.” 

“You’re young, you’ll find someone,”  Javier assured him with a comforting smile.  “If I haven’t given up up, then you shouldn’t either.”  It was just said slightly, spoken in jest.  Keaton didn’t have to abide by any silly rules like that, it was just fun to say.

And then Keaton started laying into himself again.  It wasn’t a small little trickle this time; it was a veritable waterfall of insecurity that flowed from the younger man’s mouth.  Shit - was Keaton drunk?  Javier felt somewhat abashed that all this time they’d spent talking, and Javier had been enjoying himself so much he hadn’t even noticed.  He looked at Keaton a bit closer now, feeling an immediate sort of protectiveness, a need to keep Keaton safe and close by.  

“You’re very good at pushing people away, I’ll give you that,”  Javier said with a quiet smile, head leaning in close enough to Keaton to feel the younger man’s warm breath on his chin.  “I suppose it’s because you’re so unsure why anyone could possibly like you for you.  Keaton...”  Javier stroked the other man’s face, willing him to make eye contact.

“If we sleep together, I don’t want it to be out of some sort of desperation or delusion or idea that it’s all your good for.  If we sleep together, I want it to be because we know and like each other, and we feel good about doing it, together.  Hm?”  A pause, and then Javier leaned a bit closer and gave Keaton a soft kiss.  Caste, but warm.  “We can start again if you like. I know I would like a second chance.”

[xthepaniccord]

second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord: 

“that’s kind of sad. I’m in my 30′s but I hope that if I ever do get married, that my husband will always be hot for me. I want us to just be able to look at each other across the room when we’re 60 years old, and just feel the same passion and just like, get down and dirty.” he laughed, leaning his head back against the couch. 

“Both probably. I mean who isn’t afraid of getting an STD? Everyone should–actually, I read this fascinating article about bug chasers, people who want to catch HIV. Wild, right? Frightening even.” He took another sip from his glass and then almost froze at Javier’s words, odd time to say something like that, “wait are you lying? Are you saying that because I just said that? You said I was mean and insulting. Why would you want to be with me?..oh you meant before. Got it.”

He sighed and just stared at Javier for a moment as he talked, how can this guy be alone? How could everyone not want to climb into his lap and beg for his attention? “They found guys but they didn’t ditch me, I ditched them. You can only be the sixth wheel for so long, especially on New Years. You look really nice tonight by the way. You could get really lucky if you wanted to. ” 

“Well yes, definitely,”  Javier laughed, cheering up as the conversation went on.  “If I get married, I want it to be the whole shebang - love, romance, desire - all of it.  Cheesy, I know.  I suppose that’s not what ‘guys these days’ want either, hm?  ‘Hetero bullshit’ - that’s what one of my old friends called it when we were young.  But hey - we can all get married now.  I might as well hold out on hoping I will.”

He nodded, sobering up slightly at the topic.  “I had...I mean I knew a friend who that happened to.  He was positive, but he met someone who wanted ‘the gift’...ugh it was sad.  My fried was devastated at the idea.  Wrote a short story about it in the end, I think,”  Javier sipped his drink as he got lost in his memory for a while, until Keaton brought him back to the present.  Javier looked at him.

His heart felt like it was pounding harder than the backbeat in the club.  Javier was tempted to just get trashed on the champagne, but he didn’t want to be drunk.  He wanted to keep Keaton talking to him for as long as Keaton would before the younger man inevitably fled once more. “So in theory we both want to be with each other, but something’s stopping us.  What do you think that is?  Not your friends, not my friend either...”

[xthepaniccord]

second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

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“I’m not like a sex addict.” he grabbed the glass and took a sip, “I just don’t really like being alone and I’m also a guy, I’m horny, I can’t help it. If I can’t get a boyfriend then I have to at least get laid somehow.” he shrugged, “guys do it all the time, you know? They have hook ups and prefer that over relationships.  Relationships aren’t really cool anymore.”

Keaton felt like an old man trying to keep up with the kids, but he really thought he ought to give the whole “situationship” thing a shot, everyone else seemed happy with that and Keaton’s MO hadn’t worked so far. “I just wouldn’t want to get an STD you know? How do you know if they’ve really gotten tested? People lie all the time, it’s a huge fear of mine.” 

He yawned before turning to Javier, “what about you? What do you want? I can be your wing man!” he perked up, “give me something to do! Who do you want? Hmm..” he scanned the crowd, “what kind of guys do you like? Older? Like your age? Or youngers? You’re not into twinks, right?” 

Javier listened to Keaton go a mile a minute, chuckling as he added his own thoughts.  “I was in my 20s once, I remember what it was like to just want sex all the time.  Honestly it does change the older you get.  Well - with some guys. Other guys never grow up.  And I suppose I’m not cool then,” Javier decided, clearly unbothered by being considered ‘uncool’ but whatever young gays made these ridiculous rules about dating and relationships.  

“Lying is a huge fear of yours?  Or getting an STD?” he asked.  He sipped his champagne as Keaton asked questions, his gaze skating over the crowd.  “Well honestly, I liked you, Keaton.  I wanted to be with you. But I’m not interested in just hook ups and getting laid.  I prefer boyfriends and relationships.”

He shifted topics for a moment, asking,  “So where are your friends?  Don’t tell me they all found guys and ditched you.  That’s cruel, especially if you all came to Vegas together.”  

[xthepaniccord]

second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

Keaton looked surprised at Javier, “I don’t think you’re dumb…” he wasn’t sure how he was so good at saying all the wrong things, but it seemed like they were speaking two completely different languages. “I…” Keaton felt guilty. He did want sex, he hadn’t gotten laid in months, but he wanted sex with Javier specifically and he didn’t want to leave in the morning. Unfortunately, he didn’t think that was the right answer.

“I’m confused, I’m sorry. You don’t want to date me, so I thought maybe you’d want to hook up, but you don’t want that either.” he let out a breath and he moved to take a sit on the couch, slumping back as he enjoyed the buzz settling in his head. “do you want to talk?” he let out, almost as a consolation price for himself. 

“this is my first New Year’s in Vegas. I’m not having any luck with guys, but I was hoping that I could hire some celebrity to say hi to my friends and I would stop being the loser.” he laughed to himself, “anyway, I heard there’s hookers here? Like high class ones. Are they safe?” 

“You’re the one who walked out on our date, Keaton,”  Javier reminded him.  “After implying that I wanted to use you for gain into that club.  I hope you can understand why that was insulting...”  Maybe Keaton didn’t.  Maybe he was completely baffled; but at least this was Javier’s chance to sort it out between them once and for all.  

Keaton sat, and Javier followed suit, sitting next to him. He made a motion, and brought over a stand with chilled champagne, which the server poured for them.  “Please, have something to drink,” he said, waiting for Keaton to take the glass.  “I’d be happy to talk with you.”

He smiled at more of Keaton’s self-deprecating.  At the mention of sex workers, Javier rolled his eyes.  “Mm, trust mother and father to arrange something like that.  I wouldn’t know, honestly.  But I can ask for you, if you like.”  He smirked slightly at Keaton.  “Still with sex occupying the brain, hm?  Been a while?” he asked, sounding somewhat sympathetic just in case his teasing was right.

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second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

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“Yeah of–what?” Keaton paused, he was sure that Javier was going to kick him out, maybe hurl and insult or two, maybe even say his friends had two minutes to exit, but instead he was met with a calm looking Javier. He looked every bit as hot as before but somehow cooler, probably the fact that he was the VIP head honcho dressed in the cooler clothes and smelling like the best cologne there was. 

“so…” he started, looking around as though trying to see if there was anything that he was missing. “do you want me here? I can go back to my friends…” but he didn’t move, because he was waiting for Javier’s direction. Javier had been plaguing his thoughts for a long time, and meeting him here couldn’t be anything short of faith. But there wasn’t anything he could do, he was entirely at the mercy of the other man. 

“are you alone? I know you don’t want anything to do with me, but I’m alone and well…if you’re alone too…maybe we could get a room or something? after the ball drops of course. And I’ll be out of your hair before you wake up.” 

Once more Javier waited until Keaton’s battery wore down. He was like a toy you wound up, then just watched the poor thing march round and round in circles until it fell flat on its face.  Maybe it was the surprise, or the time between the fiasco date and now, or maybe it was just because Javier hadn’t been able to get Keaton out of his mind, the frustration of the date, the lack of closure, the disappointment of what could have been.

Did Javier believe in fate?  Maybe - this certainly felt like some sort of destiny, seeing Keaton here, in his parent’s hotel, at this club, at this time.  What were the chances?  Javier didn’t for a minute think it was orchestrated, despite the strange coincidence.  He was too caught up in the romance of meeting again after all this time.  Maybe this would be something special...

...and then Keaton had to go offer sex in a hotel room.  

Javier sighed, remembering forcefully what had frustrated him in the first place.  Keaton’s odd urgency to fuck.  And Keaton’s weird assumption that Javier only wanted sex from Keaton and nothing else.

He folded his arms and looked as wry as possible.  “I’m alone, yeah.  And it’s good to see you again.  But if all you’re looking for is some mindless one-night stand some some dumb stud, then allow me to arrange that for you, comped.  But I’d prefer more than that.”

[xthepaniccord]

second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

“huh?” Keaton looked up over to the VIP section were a bunch of people were mingling and showing off, a girl being who was calling him over. Keaton sighed, he really was getting all the girls tonight, but oh well–girls always loved having a gay guy around regardless. “thanks!” Keaton grabbed a few bills of $20 that he hand and entrusting them into Billy’s hand before following over to the VIP section. 

““Hi.” He said to the girl, ready to play along for a little bit until he absolutely had to give up his gay-card. “Thanks for the invi—oh shit.” He said as soon as he spotted Javier, because god forbid that Keaton was struck with any sort of luck. 

He sighed, trying to figure out how to apologize best to prevent some sort of humiliation in front of everyone. “Look, I know what I did was fucked up and I said I was sorry. I didn’t know you’d be here, or…shit, this is probably your parent’s place, huh? I should’ve looked it up. I’m sorry. If I leave, can my friends stay? I’d rather not be known as the guy who cockblocked everyone on New Year’s.” 

Clara took a few steps back, grinning at Javier who had stood up in alarm by now.  “Clara!!” he hissed, but Clara just shrugged and slapped Javier on the back.

“Whatever you did and however you fucked up, now’s your chance to make it up to him!  C’mon you deserve a good fuck with a pretty boy.  Besides--”  Clara’s eye was caught on a stunning woman who just showed up in the club.  “I’ll be too busy ditching you.”  She gave Javier a kiss on the cheek and shoved him towards Keaton before she sailed off.

Javier was too busy looking shocked to be pissed off at Clara.  The thing was, Keaton really did look good.  And in this setting, he looked almost magical, the perfect guy.

“It’s all in the past,”  Javier talked over Keaton, not really believing that Keaton thought he’d actually fucked up anything.  It was likely just his defeatism.  Perhaps he’d convinced himself he generally sucked at all dates, or that his exes royally fucked him up, or that he just wasn’t good enough for any man ever, etc etc.  To say that Javier hadn’t sort of obsessed and overthought what happened that disastrous dinner, would be a massive understatement.

And now here was Keaton, babbling some sort of escape plan and apology and basically just being a mess.

Javier nodded at Keaton’s question.  “You can stay too, if you like.”

[xthepaniccord]

second chances

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

@javierdiaztime

Keaton didn’t know how he had ended up agreeing to a trip to Las Vegas for New Year’s, yet here he was. Some swanky club at a ritzy hotel, there were some celebrity guests, performers, famous DJ’s, and everyone was having the time of their life with an open bar. 

Meanwhile Keaton sat back on the couch nursing his fourth drink. The guy he had talked to earlier was now flirting with the guy he thought he might hook up coming here. Everyone else seemed spoken for–whether officially or not, and besides a girl making eyes at him, there seemed to be nobody else remotely interested in him.

Usually, Keaton was good at making connections. Charming people, making himself be wanted, but the steam was gone tonight, and he really wasn’t sure how to be single for New Year’s, this was his first time in a very long time. 

Refusing to feel sorry for himself, he stood up and left the table, he didn’t need a boyfriend to be the fun one, and he would prove that by buying the most expensive bottle and somehow getting a celebrity to stop by and say hi. 

“excuse me.” he said as he approached one of the promoters, “how much do I pay for a celebrity to come hang out?” 

In truth, Javier would rather be working.  He didn’t really want to be back in Las Vegas for anything other than flying.  He’d done a couple stints of course; but somehow, inevitably, he ended up back in his parent’s hotel.  The one on the strip, a Vegas block from Caesar’s Palace, big and glamourous and oh-so dripping in glitz.  

Javier tried not to be too impressed; but as per usual his parents did go all-out on every expense.  And why not?  With the amount that people paid just for a chance to sit in one of the hotel’s clubs for the night was more than some people made in six months.

And Javier got access to all of it, for free.  He didn’t much care for participating though; he’d learned early on that when people visiting Vegas knew he was that Diaz,  they tended to become extraordinarily chummy for all the wrong reasons.  So Javier did his best to stay out of the business, leave it to his parents despite his father’s wishes to have his oldest son run the business.  Javier thought his younger sister would do a fine job taking over the business; she had that savvy.  Javier was...well.  Javier was the black sheep, the disappointment who just wanted to be a sky jockey.  

He came down with a date (one of his parent’s choosing, so of course his date was a woman.  Fortunately Javi was old friends with Clara - and she was as interested in men as Javier was in women.  So it worked out for everyone).

Right now, they sat in the club, trying to pick out potential dates for each other.

“What about her?”  Javier said, motioning to some international model.

“Too high maintenance,”  Clara said, sipping her champagne.  She tilted her glass in another direction.  “Oooh, what about him?”

Javier looked - and drew a sharp intake of his breath in shock.  “That’s - I know him.  That’s - he’s my disaster from New York.”

“Oh really...” Clara purred, feeling wicked.  She got up and leaned over the railing, looking down from the VIP section as Keaton asked a promoter for celebrity access.  “Billy,” she called down to the promoter.  “Bring him up here.”

Bill the promoter looked at Keaton.  “Looks like it’s your lucky day, pal.  All the celebrities who aren’t on stage hang out up in the VIP.”  He unhooked the red velvet rope and motioned for Keaton to ascend the stairs.  “Go on, if you want.”  Billy did look expectant though, waiting for Keaton to give him a big-ass tip for this.

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Well there it went, all of the excitement, anticipation, and anal bleaching had been for nothing. Javier already hated him and they hadn’t even gotten through a single meal. Keaton had sworn off dating, why he even bothered to remind himself why he did that, was beyond reason, but this was definitely a good reminder of why he was better off alone. 

“I’m sorry.” he pulled out his wallet and set down a $100 bill, “I’m not saying you can’t afford to cover the dinner, I would just like to cover my part as well if that’s okay. You can leave it as tip if you’d prefer that.” he grabbed his napkin and dabbed his mouth clean, “i’m sorry for wasting your time, I’m really just not any good at dating so don’t take it personal.” 

Pushing his chair out, he stood up. “if you ever want to join the club, I won’t stand in your way, so don’t worry about any of that. And thanks for yesterday, it was fun.” he gave a small smile, “have a nice night.” he added before heading out of the restaurant and praying that a taxi would miraculously rush to his aid. 

Javier couldn’t really find it in his heart to stop Keaton.  He’d never felt so humiliated before in his life. It seemed all Keaton cared about was fucking.  Not who Javier was, not revealing who he was to Javier.  Just sex, fucking: the be all and end all, the sole definition of a man lay in the use of their cock.. The usual gay stereotype.  It was depressing to say the least, but perhaps it was for the best.  

Javier did manage to stand up as Keaton did.  “No, I don’t think I will,” he stated as calmly as he could, though his expression was steeped in sadness..  “I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you expected me to be, Keaton.  I suppose all I can be is myself. And  I’m sorry that wasn’t good enough for you.  Good night.”  

He left Keaton’s $100 as the tip, and paid for the meal.

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“stop saying that, stop acting like you kicked my dog or something. You gave a blow job, who hasn’t?” he sighed, “I just don’t really understand why you’re here with me. You gave a blow job to some guy to get into a club, but you won’t sleep with me?” Keaton began to cut up his meat as he tried to do the math in his head, “I don’t think you wanted to go into the club to find someone to settle down with, so why would you go on a date? With me?” 

Keaton had heard before that he was insecure although he liked to think he wasn’t, maybe they were on to something. Sure he was a doctor, and wealthy, and all of that. Yet somehow he ended up thinking that a guy who blew some old senator to get into a party, was his ever after–talk about misplaced judgement. 

He had thought he’d marry Raine, and he had thought that James would ask him to move in, and yet they both actually ran away–physically and metaphorically–and it was impossible for Keaton to believe that it somehow wasn’t related to him. “you can be honest with me, it’s not like we’re in a relationship. If there’s something you need, or want, or I don’t know, maybe you’re into older guys and you need another favor? That’s fine. You can ask me, I’ll see what I can do.” 

“Well it’s a bit more complicated than that,”  Javier said a little stiffly, somewhat insulted by the way Keaton just delineated his entire fucking life into sex acts.  If that was how Keaton saw him and saw this, then perhaps they were looking at the world in two completely different ways.   “He’s not just ‘some guy’.  He’s my father’s friend, I knew him.  You think I don’t know it wasn’t - it wasn’t fucked up?  It was fucked up...”  Javier lost his appetite, thinking about what happened, and he put the fork down.  

And then Keaton had to add insult to injury by calling Javier a liar - again.  “I am being honest with you, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t imply that I’m not and that I’m here with some more devious ulterior motive.  I don’t need, or want, I’m not ‘into older guys’, I don’t need a favour....”  Javier was deflating fast, feeling suddenly tired and old and defeated.  His shoulders slumped, and he looked down at the table.  

“I’m not brainless slut and I’m not a devious liar and I’m not a sneaky golddigger.  Now. Are you done humiliating me?  Or are there some more accusations you’d like to hurl over dinner?”

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

Here it was, Keaton knew it, He was married with kids and now Keaton was a dirty mistress and a homewrecker. He wasn’t even sure how this happened, how did he always managed  to find people who made him the least priority? But as Javier spoke, Keaton was even more surprised. He didn’t want to downplay the offense, but it was significantly less offensive.

“oh well I take my toast back then,” He said with a slight frown, “I guess…” he paused trying to clear his head, he had to be confident and show this guy that he couldn’t just walk all over him. Keaton had way too much control to allow to happen. “so, what’s your angle then?” he turned to look at Javier, “what do you need from me?” 

“From you?”  Javier said, confused for a moment.  He thought about it as he forked at the cobb salad.  “Oh, I see what you’re saying.  Honey - what I did had nothing to do with you.  I had no idea I’d meet anyone at that club who liked me, never mind wanted to be acquainted with me.  Everything that happened subsequently to entering the club, happened with no expectations, or planning.  There was a 50% chance that I never showed up there.”

Javier was looking at Keaton’s face, trying to get a read on it, but all he could see was that perhaps Keaton was reading this not as something stupid on Javier’s part, or desperate, or even to do with Javier’s thoughts and decisions as a person.  Was Javier even a person to Keaton, or just a poorly designed construct?   Did Keaton’s idea of Javier stop so short, envisioning him as some cardboard cutout who materialized out of thin air with no other purpose or motivation in life, other than to hurt Keaton?  This should have been a red flag for Javier, but he doggedly continued talking.

Javier sighed sadly and took a drink of his wine.  “I’m sorry,” he apologized.  “I don’t blame you for being disgusted with me.”

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

“Maybe. I just moved here so I think I need to give it a decent shot first before I think of moving back. Besides, I got a great deal at the hospital so I think it’s worth helping out for some time. “ The plates of food came and Keaton smiled at the delicious smell. “I can’t believe you got the salad and I got the steak, way to make me feel like a gold digger.” he joked.

“oh, that’s a big question.” Keaton didn’t really know how to answer it because he thought he’d be married and that wasn’t something he believed possible anymore, so what was he supposed to dream up? “well I don’t really think that far ahead. I jsut want to be good at my job.” 

“Well, to be fair the salad has like three different types of meat.  Including bacon,”  Javier said with a smile.  “Leaves the night up for a little more flexibility with us, hm?”  Because he wasn’t sure what Keaton was into just yet, except of course the obvious indicated at the club.  Speaking of...

Javier paused and looked at Keaton.  “Before I let this night progress too far - because I’m enjoying myself so much - I wanted to be honest with you, Keaton.  The Senator was my father’s friend, and I recently flew him out of a rather sticky political situation.  Not very interested.  But the reason he gave me his invitation to the men’s club was -  “ Javier looked around, then leaned in.  “Was because he asked me to give him a blow job.”

He flushed, feeling rather foolish now.  “The things some men do for their ambition...” he said, referring to himself of course.  “I’m sorry, it seems very sleazy and in poor taste.  If you’d rather not associate yourself with someone who could do that to get into the club, then get naked with you in a pool that night...then of course I understand.”  He shook his head.  “I’ve been very misbehaved lately.”

[javierdiaztime-blog]

pimherrera:

“The actual me is dead. It’s cute that you remember him, but I don’t.” Pim is so fed up with those expectations. Do they think his memory will be back as easy as turning a switch on? “What I know is that you’re the only person I’m feeling something for. Not my supposed boyfriend, but you. And your first reaction is to tell me the only thing that feels real since I’ve woken up is a lie? I don’t know, I think I know my inner desires better than a guy who didn’t even know I was alive a couple of minutes ago.”

“Well...I...didn’t realize that.  I’m sorry, Pim.  I won’t try to force you back into...who you are, if he’s - if he’s dead.”  Javier’s brow knitted together in horror and fresh grief at the idea.    So his friend was truly dead.  And this new person stood in his wake wearing his face but acting nothing like Pim.

“Pim, what happened between you and Nic?” he asked suddenly, trying to find his footing in this new situation.  “And hold on here just a minute.  I’m glad you’re recognizing a feeling, I’m sure it must be frightening for you right now and I’d like to help any way I can, but you can’t possibly expect me to drop my relationship, and my memory of Pim Herrera just because you’ve decided you want something.  I don’t - by your logic, I don’t know who you are any more.  Let me got to know you more? Please, Pim...”

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

“Do you?” Keaton smiled brightly, taking it as a good sign that maybe this meant Javier wasn’t mad at him? He could just be polite but if Keaton could remind him of why he loved Boston, then maybe he’d be happy with him again. “It must be amazing to get to travel so much. I loved Boston, I can’t imagine anybody could hate it honestly.”

“Oh, hospitality? That’s a good business, right? Especially in Las Vegas. I imagine.” He set his napkin on his lap, “to Senator Collins (idr if that was his name), for unknowingly setting us up.”

“Ever think of moving back?  I’m sure you could travel a lot; you’re rich and you’re a doctor.  Doctors are needed everywhere - why limit yourself?”  Javier was a bit of a dreamer sometimes, and so it always ended up dreaming ideas for people he liked as well.  He was just honestly sure that anyone who was as self-deprecating yet clearly had the means as Keaton, had unlocked potential to do magnificent things. 

So the question was: with his wealth, family connections, good looks, his race and gender - what was holding him back?

Usually it was family.  Living in a parent’s shadow, or some sort of skeleton in the family closet.  Or perhaps Keaton himself just had no goals yet.  Javier reached out and took his hand, looking Keaton in the eye.

“Tell me something about yourself.  Tell me how you’d like to see yourself in...five years.”

It was something of a massive understatement to call his hotelier parents ‘hospitality’, considering their hotels in Vegas were worth billions, but Javier just smiled and let it go.  “It’s a good business,” he said; but it wasn’t his business, so Javier took no credit for it.  He laughed at Keaton’s toast.  “Beautiful.  To the Senator....”  Javier took a drink of his wine, but something niggled at the back of his mind.  The food came though, and Javier was distracted.

[javierdiaztime-blog]

xthepaniccord:

Keaton thought they were having fun doing the playful back and forth until Javier seemed to tense up. Clearly, Keaton had said something wrong and now Javier was asking about where he grew up–how did he even manage to tank a date before the hour mark? 

“No, I grew up in Boston.” He said pulling his hand back and nodding before reaching for his drink. “I have some family along the way though so New York was never very foreign I guess. What about you?” 

Javier was afraid of it escalating too fast.  If it piqued tonight, then where would it go?  Only down.  Maybe Javier was overthinking things.  He probably was.  He felt bad, and like a typical flopping Pisces he was tempted to go back to all that heavy petting - but Javier decided this date was too important to become indecisive.  He’d make it up to Keaton later, Javier promised himself.

“Oh I love Boston.  I’ve been there before for work.  Conferences and things - it’s quite freeing, being a helicopter pilot.  I get to fly so many places...don’t worry I haven’t forgotten taking you on a ride.  Did you like Boston?”

He nodded in approval at the wine before it was poured.  “I grew up in Las Vegas.  My parents own a couple hotels there.  They’re looking to buy a third, for the empire.  Anyway --”  Javier raised a glass.  “What should we toast to?”