let me be that i am @jay-fairchild - Tumblr Blog

just shouting this out to the void

if anyone who was in the city x rp would like to talk about that experience, hit me up. it was truly one of the most...unique rp experiences i’ve ever had and myself and some others would like to talk about it. shoot me an email [email protected]

#smut rp #rp #tumblr rp #roleplay #rpg #city x #city x rp

#ooc #psst hi

Um no jay, you aren't leaving alright you are everything good about this town and you can't, you don't have permission

Sorry Anon. It’s been a good summer.

hughvaljean

#bye city x #it's been real #p

Royals || Princess Mimi + Prince Jay

Jay was leaving tomorrow. It was kind of surrealist, in a way. He thought when he moved here he'd stay for longer than a summer, but he was feeling seriously burnt out on all of it. The social obligations, the uninspiring work, all of it. There were a few things he was going to miss, though--well, people. At the top of that particular list was Miss Madeline Sinclair, the first girl who'd ever kicked him out of bed, the first girl he could call his "best friend," and someone who, through all the rough days and nights in City X--had been there for him. This is why he had waited so long to say goodbye to her, he didn't want to. He didn't like the idea of going somewhere and not having Mimi to count on, and he hated the idea of Mimi not having him around either. But it was time. He swallowed hard before knocking on the door to her and Ryan's apartment--the second time he'd done so this week. He let himself in after the second knock an looked around expectantly. "Mimi?" he called lightly.

Mimi was feeling kind of like she was in a funk. She was trying hard to be happy, and positive, and for the most part she wasn't feeling super down, but she hated her job, she kind of felt like everyone close to her was abandoning her, and it was just starting to get hard for her not to feel a little lost. What she needed to do was just get her job exchange, that'd probably fix the mood she'd been in - and spending all weekend taking care of her sick rabbit probably didn't help any of it. Sighing to herself as she sprawled herself out on her couch, she picked up the book she'd been trying to read for the last two months, and placed her cup of tea on the coffee table, determined to just have a low key night. That seemed like it was going to be interrupted when the door opened, and she caught glimpse of Jay. "Oh! Hey!" She smiled warmly, placing her book back down and standing up so she could give Jay a hug. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever! What's going on?"

Jay hugged Mimi back, her bright smile warming the cuckolds of his heart. Honestly it was such a skill she had--her smile was probably the leading cause of global warming or something. "Hiya, Mims," he said lightly before sitting back down next to her. "Nothing really, just was missing you is all and figured I'd come visit." God, he didn't want to tell her. Not yet. It was going to kill him. "How are things? You and Matthew? How's thumper? Whatcha reading?" Wow, a million questions at once--Jay's nerves were showing, but he had no idea how to stop him. He just wanted to deflect as long as he possibly could.

Mimi narrowed her eyes a little bit at Jay as he spouted off thirty questions all in one go. "Uh - you okay?" She asked, eyebrow perking up halfway up her forehead before she settled back into the couch. "Things are okay. I need a new job, but I need to stop complaining about it and just like, go get a bunch of EC's. You know?" She shook her head, smiling. "Matty and I are good, I think. Yeah, we've been dating for a month now, time flies right! Um - Thumper's good! Do you want to see him? He's all better now, I promise." She forced herself to stop and take a breath, because she pretty much said that all in one go. "Oh, I was trying to read Emma, by Jane Austen, but I'm having a really hard time finishing it." Studying her friend, she licked her lips, then bit down on her bottom one. "You sure you're okay? What's going on with you? Fill me in on all the details of Jay. Oh! Do you want some tea?"

Jay shook his head and tried to smile. "Fine, I'm… fine." He also settled back into the couch as she did, explaining the trials and tribulations of her life. Jay drooped his head to one shoulder, god damn she was charming, and she had such a positive outlook on things. Jay liked to think he was an optimist, but the last few months he hadn't really been. But she was, always, looking on the bright side of things. Shit he admired her for it. "Time does fly," he said, thinking back to the night he'd moved in nearly four months ago. "I'd love to see him! Gosh he's cute." Made him think of his own pet. At least he'd get to take Diane back to the city with him, that was something at least. "Ah, Jane Austen. She's pretty good. Not my favorite but I appreciate her a lot. Only natural you'd be into her," he smiled easily, starting to calm down genuinely now. "I'd love some tea, yeah, thanks." It was probably the last time in a while he'd get to have tea with her, so hell yeah Jay was going to take advantage of it. "What's going on with me… not a lot… laying low. Y'know. Taking it easy." God, he really, really didn't want to do this.

Mimi smiled as Jay seemed to relax, hopping up just as she'd settled in so she could go grab Thumper from his cage, and hand him to Jay. "Thumper, this is Uncle Jay", she cooed. "Don't worry, he's really friendly, he basically loves everyone." Humming to herself, she bounced into the kitchen, pouring Jay a cup of Earl Grey because she was pretty certain that was his favourite, before bouncing back into the living room, setting the cup on the table beside her own. "Yeah, Pride and Prejudice is probably my favourite novel of all time, so I'm trying to read her other stuff, but yeah, not as good as I expected." She shrugged, settling back into the couch, and lifting up her slippered feet so she could plop them in Jay's lap. "Yeah, seriously, I haven't seen you around in a really, really long time. I miss hanging out with you." It kind of dawned on her right then and there that she really did miss him. Especially when she'd gotten so used to seeing him every day when they lived together.

Jay grabbed the furball and scratched it neatly between the ears, laughing lightly at the introduction. "You have good taste," Jay said as Mimi sat the cup of tea in front of him, "Both in tea and in literature. Bravo. Emma gets better, though. But P&P is definitely her best." He leaned over to grab the mug and sip on it inquisitively as the dancer dropped her legs in his lap. "It has been forever," he agreed in a low tone, "I miss.." he corrected himself, "I'm going to miss hanging out with you, too." She really was not making this any easier on him but he figured he had to get around to it sometime.

Mimi laughed at Jay's praise, shaking her head lightly. "Well tea parties are kind of my speciality. Sad that we never got to have one with Maggie, though", she stuck her tongue out at him, though her good nature melted away pretty quickly at his next few words. "Wait - going to miss? What do you mean, going to miss?" She squeaked, somewhat frantically, sitting up quickly. Grabbing Thumper from Jay's grasp so that she had something to focus on, Mimi squeezed her bunny a little harder than she actually meant to. That was just a poor choice of wording, it had to be. Ryan had texted her something about Jay leaving, but she thought Ryan was just being passive aggressive about Alessa leaving, or something.

Jay rolled his eyes into a laugh. "Yeah, what a tragedy," he said jokingly, even though he couldn't bring himself to hate Maggie, still. But none of that really mattered now because, yep, moment of truth time. "I… I'm gonna go home. Tomorrow. I'm sorry I waited until now to tell you, I just," he looked down, "I just didn't know what to say. Or how to do this." He blinked back any semblance of a tear. "I don't want to, but I…" he swallowed, hard, "I have to." He looked up at Mimi solemnly after a few moments, "I''m sorry I haven't been a better friend to you."

Mimi kind of felt like her heart was breaking, and she didn't even really know what to say. At least Jay had the decency to come and tell her in person, but still, she felt like literally everyone was leaving her, and it was kind of starting to take a toll. Mimi burst into tears, cradling Thumper into her chest, though she loosened her grip.

Jay wanted to pretty much die as soon as Mimi burst into tears, but hadn't expected anything less. He knew this was gonna be hard, and it was. "It's all right," he cooed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her towards his chest so she could cry. He kissed her head once before setting his chin on her head. "Mimi I'm not abandoning you, I want you to know that. I want to stay, I do," he comforted, "I want to hang out with you and be there for you as much as possible but I just… I gotta go. I'm not built for this place… I'm sorry..."

Mimi sighed, curling up into Jay for what would be the last time, trying not to squish Thumper in the process. "Yeah. I know." She sniffed. "It just sucks. I'm really going to miss you." She sighed, frowning. "You've been the best best friend a girl can ask for, okay? Don't ever think that you weren't." She licked her lips, still crying, but trying to stop herself from actually sobbing. "So ... what are you going to do when you go back home? More acting?"

Jay had to laugh. "I'm gonna miss you too. Like, a lot," an embarrassing amount really. She'd been sort of an anchor for him and he expected she didn't even know how much she'd done for him the past few months. "Thanks, I…" his eyes dropped, "I really try, y'know. You're an amazing friend too. You're caring and optimistic and really, honestly…" he sighed deeply, "You're like, one of the best people I've ever met. You're a light. Every time you come into a room, or every time I see you, it's like everything gets brighter, somehow." Truer words were honestly never spoken. "You can always call me, too. If you get an outside call, or something. Hit me up." He merely shrugged when she asked him what he was gonna do. "Finish school, maybe. I want to make films. But I do kind of miss the stage. We'll see where the wind blows me, y'know," he sighed, "I'll find Alessa, too. And Holden. And if ever you break out of City X yourself," he sighed, "I'll be waiting for you."

Mimi nodded, appreciating Jay's words, and kind of wanting to be able to say something equally as beautiful and articulate back, but she couldn't really figure out a way to put what she was feeling into words - probably for the first time in her life - so she just stayed silent. It wasn't goodbye forever, obviously, it was just goodbye for now. She honestly couldn't see herself living in the city forever, so hey, maybe she would try to reconnect with everyone once she'd gotten out of the city herself. The prospect of finding Jay outside the city kind of made her feel a bit better. Just a little bit. "You were the first friend I ever had." She stated softly. Well, that wasn't her Nanny, but her Nanny was kind of paid to like her, so it kind of wasn't the same.

Jay crossed his eyebrows. The first friend--the first? Jay's breath caught in his throat for half a second. Jay had had friends, he'd had some close ones and some not-so-close ones, but he'd always kind of had something. It made this all the more difficult for him to leave her. "I'm always here for you. Phone call. That's it," he didn't really know what else to say, "Our bracelets say best friends forever. And that--I'm gonna stay true to that." And shit, here came some tears of his own. But they were quiet tears. He didn't know what else to say, then, so he just held her instead. They always somehow fit like puzzle pieces.

Mimi made a noise that was supposed to come out like a laugh, but was kind of muffle by tears and sounded really foreign to her. "Me too." She nodded, rubbing his leg with her free hand in an attempt to comfort him, but also herself. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

Jay merely muffled his face into Mimi's hair. She always smelled so good. "I will, Princess." I'll try.

#para: royals #mimisinclair

The Last Time || Ryan + Jay

Ryan had not been having a good month. Circumstances mostly beyond his control were driving him to spend more and more time alone, lost in his head and his vices. Drinking had gone from killing his demons to being needed just to get by. It was hard to go out - even metaphorically on the dash - these days. Somehow the comfortable peace he'd found when he first got here was gone. There was no more excitement, no more looking forward to anything, it was all just braced for the next catastrophe or who was gonna verbally try and take some punches at him today. He was unsure of where he stood with anyone anymore 'cause words had proved to be just that and things he'd stopped bracing himself for kept happening. Pausing slightly from where he was staring at his fridge like something would actually look appetizing if he tried long enough, he cocked his head. Was that his door? Had he left it open? Shutting the fridge, he straightened, Cas' name on his lips before another voice spoke out his. Jay? Despite himself, his heart jumped, a slight smile tugging on his lips before he wiped it away. Probably just had a question or something. "Jay?" It was so weird to cut it off there. That second syllable was still second nature to slip out, but he swallowed it and just turned the corner, shooting him a curious look. "Hey. Can I get you something?"

Jay had to fight not to just burst into tears right then and there. It was kind of pathetic that Ryan had that kind of power over him, still. It had been something like two weeks since they'd broken up yet Jay still felt as strongly for him as he did the night they met. "I..." he started to say, but this was wrong. Telling him like this, when they were so far apart. "Ryan..." he exhaled before walking up towards the other, his fingers slipping into Ryan's, and head falling to land on Ryan's shoulder helplessly. "I'm sorry," he said lightly.

Ryan froze. Something was wrong. Something was different. Jay wasn't looking at him like he did the week or two after they broke up. He was /really/ looking at Ryan. Part of him didn't even want to know what Jay'd come to say. He just wanted to stop time right here, right now with Jay's hand in his and head against his shoulder. His eyes shut, free arm moving to circle his back in a subconscious plea for the other not to move. Ryan no longer cared who thought what. Jay'd made him feel things that he hasn't felt since. He was /alive/ around Jay in a way he couldn't manage to do for himself. Gently he brushed a kiss against Jay's head, hesitating for a moment. If he asked what he was sorry for, everything could crumple at his feet, but if he didn't ask - how long could they really stand here like this? "Whatever's going on Jaybird, it'll be alright. Cmon. You want some tea, or a drink? We can go and sit on the couch. It's more comfortable and you can talk there. M'here for you, you know that."

Jay was happy and satisfied just with the fact that Ryan didn't pull away. The kiss on top of his head both thrilled and killed him simultaneously. And then he called him that--Jaybird--and it was like it was all okay. But how long could it last? Even if Ryan and Jay got together again, the rest of the city would just sabotage the relationship again. "I have to leave," he said lightly, "I'm leaving City X." His grip around Ryan's hand tightened, as if to beg him not to retreat. He didn't want to sit, he didn't want to be comfortable--he just wanted this.

Jay: eep i gotta go i'll reply when i get back adieu!

Ryan forgot how to breathe. Holden's departure had hurt, Alessa's still hadn't sunk in yet, and now this. Jay was leaving? "What?" Dumb. He knew what, but the word still slipped out. Ryan figured it was better than the 'no' that was close behind. His gaze dropped down to where Jay's hand had tightened around his own and this was /Jay/. The only person in the world who'd seen every side of Ryan and stuck by him. The first person that'd said I love you to him and meant it. How was he losing all that again? "I don't know what to say. I mean, I get it. I can't say I haven't been thinking about it. But - fuck." His eyes were burning and that was bad. He'd sworn he wasn't going to cry over this man anymore. "I'm going to miss you." More than he did now. Ryan tightened his grip on the other. "How soon?" Would it make it worse? Spending time together knowing it was limited? Ryan just didn't want things to end on the note they'd been on. He didn't want his last memories of Jay to be painful. "Promise me you'll look up Holden? And take Alessa out on a Broadway date?" He paused. "Where /are/ you going? After here." Ryan very firmly didn't think about the half-made plans they'd talked about during better days.

Jay looked up finally after a minute, exploring Ryan's face. Every nook and cranny of it, he still adored, still wanted to see. "Friday," he said lightly, "I got a plane ticket. I'm packing up my stuff. I'm going home--to New York." He looked back down at Ryan's hand in his. "I haven't been home, haven't settled in so long. I thought I could do it here. Settle down, that is. But this isn't that kinda place, y'know." He looked back up, "I will look up both of them. Knowing the both of them, they're probably together already, and it won't be hard to find 'em. Hopefully." He looked up at Ryan and brought a hand to his face. "I'm going to miss you too, I don't..." he spoke softly, "I don't want to leave. But I can't stay here, I can't... do anything I want, y'know." He brought a hand hesitantly to Ryan's cheek, still afraid he was going to pull away. "Ryan... I..." I still love you. Come with me. I don't want to leave you.

Ryan bit his lip at the notice. Friday. That was... so not enough time. He understood it. Known all along Jay'd just needed that push to send him back home and he was grateful for the town for being that. Jay'd needed to go home all along. Ryan'd just - always pictured himself at Jay's side when he did. He nodded a little, attempting a smile at the quip about Holden and Alessa but didn't look up until there was a hand on his face. The touch made trying to hide his tears pointless, and it was just worse 'cause he knew. Knew Jay couldn't stay no matter how badly Ryan wanted it. "I know. M'not asking you to stay. Just - don't change your number, ok?" Ryan closed the slight distance between them, resting his forehead against Jay's and letting his eyes close again. "And tell me we'll meet again, please." And promise it'd feel just like this when they did.

Jay wanted to die a little bit when Ryan started crying. That was enough to let him know that Ryan was feeling the same way. Without hesitating, Jay pushed his head forward and kissed him. One hand went up to drag through his hair and fuck--he'd missed this so much. And he was gonna miss this. This was all he wanted. Jay didn't understand why other people couldn't just live and let live, why they all had to go and say their relationship was shit when they didn't even know the half of it. Jay knew he'd fucked up with Isaac, but Isaac didn't make him feel like this. Not even close. His lips pressed against Ryan's and he tasted him and felt the all familiar scratch of his facial hair against him and he hoped it was enough. Hoped it could tell Ryan how much the past few weeks without him had killed him, how he was scared to move on without him, how he didn't want to do this alone. But also how he cared enough about Ryan to respect whatever he wanted to do. Finally he pulled away after a few minutes, looking down and biting his lip. "We'll see each other again. I promise." That was a promise he'd keep, to hell and back.

Ryan would have thought he'd have gasped in surprise at the kiss - but he didn't. He just relaxed. Let himself be entirely in this moment and this moment only, colored only slightly by past memories. The hand in his hair would have made him smile if he wasn't busy trying to say everything he couldn't outloud with his mouth. I love you. Don't forget. Wait for me. The kiss ended too soon, and this was all too horribly reminiscent of the last time he'd kissed Ryan near his door. But this time ... this time faintly smelled like hope. Like the idea that they could both get their shit together and make it work didn't seem so far fetched. And that made it a little easier. So now it was Ryan's hand, gently moving to trace over Jay's face. "Thank you," he said quietly, "For all of it. The good and the bad. I'm not gonna lie and say there weren't some things I would have changed, but still. I don't regret any of it. And I'm excited for you. As much as I don't want to watch you walk out that door. It's bittersweet. 'Cause you're gonna be a wholly different person in a couple months. Alive, again. The way you were when we first got together." Ryan brushed his lips over his forehead, "And thank you for telling me face to face, and not in a letter or text or not at all."

Jay 's eyes rose again and was overjoyed to see what looked like the beginning of a smile. The corner of Jay's own lips rose lightly. "Thank you, too, you..." he licked his lips, the remnants of Ryan's making them feel warm. Ryan's words warmed his chest as well. He was excited to feel like a person again, himself, for sure. And be back in the city, where he belonged, honestly. He'd been running away from it for long enough. "You could.... you could come with me," Jay said under his breath, though it was more wishful thinking than anything.

Ryan watched Jay slowly start to light up again and had to actually smile now. He'd missed that. His hand stilled at the offer, dropping off his cheek as he searched his face trying to see if he was serious. "I want to," he admitted quietly, "I really want to. But I think I'd hurt more than I'd help if I tagged along now. You gotta do this for you. But I'll find you. I mean it probably sounds stupid, 'cause two months or whatever, but I don't believe we're done yet. So hopefully I'll make my way to New York one of these days and find you happy. Single preferably, but happy - no matter what that looks like, alright?"

Jay nodded. He feel like he'd be happier if Ryan went with him but he could understand. He had to figure out how to be again, alone, without the sex, without other people. He had to try, at least. "It doesn't sound stupid to me," Jay said, because he 100% felt the exact same way. He smiled again, brightly, his full broadway smile when Ryan suggested the idea that maybe he'd go to the city. "You're always welcome to wherever I am. Always." He lowered his hands down so that one was across Ryan's heart, feeling it beat for a second before kissing him again, softly. "Fuck," he laughed lightly, "I don't wanna go."

Ryan couldn't help but smile back. Jay almost seemed relieved. Ryan kinda was himself. Things that had felt so bad between them now seemed to have completely disappeared. Figures. His eyes softened slightly as Jay reminded him he always had a place where Jay was. "Thank you." Flushing slightly at the hand over his heart - only Jay did that- he tenderly kissed back. "Then dont go. Its only Tuesday. Stay with me tonight. You can go back to packing tomorrow. " Ryan didnt really think he'd even consider it but it was worth the try. He missed Jay being in his bed, missed being able to let his guard down and actually sleep. "We could finally get around to watching lord of the rings?" He teasingly tempted.

Jay blinked back the tears. They were some kind of combination of happiness that they were okay, that Ryan still wanted him the way Jay wanted Ryan, but also the sadness that was paired with the fact that he was undeniably leaving. But Ryan was right--it was only Tuesday. "Okay. I'd like that, yes," he smiled at the other heartily, "Thank you." Mostly Jay just wanted to hold Ryan again. And if he got a chance to do that before he left--then it's an opportunity he was not going to miss taking.