“My hope, is if we add up the one mores it will equal a lifetime and I never have to get to the part where I have to let you go… I’ll remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it will always be, because it was us, and we are magic, forever.” “Somebody Great” is the title of the movie. As I lay down in my bed on the eighteenth day of September, I needed to watch the movie. I did not know why I was feeling so upset and missing him, but then it hit me. The eighteenth. Exactly five months since the breakup. And so, I slowly started the movie, watched it as if I did not know what was going to happen and cry. That is it. Just cry about it until I did not feel like crying anymore. As if the wells had run dry once again. I would be fine, just after the movie.
It was September 7th, in 2016 when D and I became official, again. Yeah, we dated for what? All of two months in 2015? This time was different, though. Things were great. We happily celebrated our anniversary with each month that had come and gone. It truly felt like a lifetime had passed. We had all of the cute firsts. The first hangout where we watched football together, the first date when we went to SkyZone, the first dinner together, everything. I mean, we are each other’s first loves above everything else. And then fast forward to the day that had changed everything. September 24th, 2017. We had found out I was moving seven hours away. That piece of information alone had put a dent in my heart. Long distance relationships hardly ever work, but we were going to. I was sure of it. You love someone you make it work, right? Well, in this case the love was not enough. If it was love that kept people together, we would have a lifetime and more. After the move, things were fine for a while, until they weren’t. The arguing over everything and nothing really took its toll on us. We made it almost a year after I moved, but even with a couple visits, it still wasn’t enough. We tried the “break”, but I didn’t like how it felt. It gave me a weird gut feeling, and I couldn’t do it. We figured that we just needed to work something out, or at least I did. We tried going back to a normal relationship, but a month later on April 18th of 2019 we broke up. That was it. After loving him for over three years in total, everything we had, was gone in the blink of an eye.
My friend, Whit, had told me about this movie she had watched, but she didn’t tell me exactly what happened in it. We were texting and she said this movie was “so great.” After hearing that, obviously I was going to watch it. So late Friday on May 10th, that’s what I found myself doing. This movie hit a different spot in me. One I didn’t know I had. I thought I was okay after the breakup. We were friends still, so it wasn’t like we became total strangers. But it still wasn’t the same. As I started the movie, I remember me instantly start to cry. The movie is about Jenny and Nate’s relationship. They met in college and began dating. They were together for nine years. They thought they were forever, as did I. They broke up because Jenny was moving. She was heartbroken. Their relationship had started getting bad and they were arguing a lot, over everything.
At one point in the movie, she is in a store and a song comes on and it triggers a time when they were together, listening to that song. I had the same situation happen to me. “I’m having a moment like she did in the store with the song” is what I told her. I was just in a store with my aunt, and “Get You” by Daniel Caesar came on. Instantly my mind went to all the mornings I picked him up before we went to school. It brought me joy hearing that song that we shared such good memories with. Then it brings the wave of sadness and gloom, with the knowing that there won’t be any more of those memories made. I had not noticed how many tiny, meaningless at the time, memories we had made together, until we had broken up. It seemed as if there was a way I could associate just about anything to a time we shared.
Towards the end of the movie, Jenny writes a letter to Nate, and in the letter, there is something she writes that speaks to me. “My hope, is if we add up the one mores it will equal a lifetime and I never have to get to the part where I have to let you go… I’ll remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it will always be, because it was us, and we are magic, forever.” I hold onto the “what ifs”. What if we were meant to be, what if we ever get back together, what if we made a mistake. But I realized that there aren’t any mistakes. Everything happens for a reason, whatever that reason may be. This movie has shown me that it’s okay to have bad days. That it’s okay to miss him. That for those 92 minutes, there is still a part of him that’s in my heart.
It was too soon. This movie had related to me way too much. In a weird way, it helped me, made me feel better. “I’m watching it again” “I’m just gonna watch it until it doesn’t make me sad anymore” Is what I texted her. So, that’s what I do. Anytime I find myself thinking about what we had, or us in general, or him at all, I play the movie. I cry and watch it while I eat ice-cream and chocolate. It has become routine. I found what had worked for me. To this day, after months of watching and re-watching it, it heals me little by little. And once I reach the point that I don’t need to watch it anymore, I will know that I have healed completely. As I look back at what we had, and how much we helped each other grow and change, I can’t help but be grateful for the time we were able to share together. From young, teenagers to almost adults, we became very mature after learning together. We learned to communicate, empathize, and above all, love. This experience has impacted me significantly, and I will forever remember it.
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
pixelskylines
snowghoul
baratheonpilled
ellievsbear
discoholicmusic